The Do's and Don't of how to prepare for your spouse

[Rings 10]

Ok so I get this private message on how to really prepare for your spouse to arrive in America and I think it's a great topic. Now I am not all knowing or anything, but I told this VJer that I would give it my best shot since he thinks it will be helpful to people such as himself. So here goes!

The Do's

1. Make sure your house is clean, no one wants to walk into their new home and freak out over mold.

2. Get a dog, some fish, a pet or something to keep your spouse occupied

3. Make sure you have internet... life sucks without Google especially when you are stuck at home alone

4. It's always a good idea to order some foods from your spouses country and have them delivered to your house.

5. Make sure you have phone cards for long distance calling so your spouse can call home

6. Get a list of their favorite food to eat and keep the house stocked

7. Don't keep your house too hot or too cold (just because you are comfortable in 110 degrees does not mean your spouse will be comfortable)

8. Keep really nice stationary and stamps so your spouse can write home.

9. Take lots of photos and send them to your spouses family often and have them do the same.

10. Rent movies a lot so your spouse has something to do

11. Bring home a pizza with a wide smile when you can

12. Hang photos of your spouses family on the walls in photos frames before they arrive

13. Get a cookbook that shows you how to make meals from your spouses country and cook up!

14. Find a forum with people who have immigrated into your state from your spouses country and set up a get together

15. Get into aa book of the month club so they send you spouse the books they love to read

16. Subscribe to news articles from your spouses country so they can keep up with what's happening at home.

I am sure that people have more ideas, but it's not really always about finding things from your spouses country to do, but it's about learning how to be interested in what your spouse can do here as well. Take your spouse to see the world...drive places and do things. You may be tired from working all day, but they are bored of sitting at home and they need something to interest them. I love my husband and it was worth it to me to take that extra step in making sure he was happy and not lost and lonely. Afterall... his happiness is my happinesss.

As for the don't, I think that is self explainatory but heck I will spit out a few anyway.

1. Don't lovk them in a house with nothing to do (No TV, No Internet, No phone, etc...)

2. Don't work so much that you forget who they are and get home when they are already asleep.

3. Don't love them less or show them disrespect for not being about to work or drive

4. Don't keep them from their family or the outside world

5. Don't forget why you fell in love to begin with.

I hope this post can help people and that others can add to it. Thank you!

[Ted and Marina 0]

Lots of good ones!

I will add some ideas...

A empty closet just for them,

And a few empty drawers.

Maybe a area or room for their hobby.

From another list...I thought these were good

A set of keys

Cell phone just for them

Basket of unopened personal items

Photos on wall of them and family

[Terca 6]

lol I like this topic. I like to daydream how its going to be when we finally live together.

It is very important to have them feel like the house is also their space, i was even thinking that I am going to take pictures of furniture or show him online before making a purchase so that he can be a part of it too.

[baron555 934]

Especially if it is your fiancee coming, let her redecorate the house. This will personalize it for her and help to ease the homesickness.

[Ted and Marina 0]

Yes!

Mine has already made designs and selected a few colors.

Is fine with me, House is hers, yard is mine

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Why do you need all this when you should just lock them in the basement?

[Rings 10]

Hahaha great idea's you guys! Thanks for posting them. I agree that allowing her to decorate will help a lot!

[carvin317 0]

Why do you need all this when you should just lock them in the basement?

now that was funny.

[TBoneTX 45,583]

Also, depending upon where in the world the newcomer is from, and on what animals are in the house, offer clear instructions that "we do not eat our PETS." Si, man.

[Nik+Heather 121]

I like the keys idea. I have to add that to my list. I've already switched over to a family plan and mailed him his SIM card (so that he can call me as soon as he lands ). And I've spent more time cleaning/organizing/donating stuff than I have in the last year put together (or at least it feels that way).

This got me thinking about other things to help set him up for a new living arrangement.

Here's what I've got for immediate comfort:

- Maps/GPS to help get around in the new city

- His own space (Closet, night stand, computer desk, book shelf, bathroom cabinet...etc.) I've tried in many ways to keep things only "half full" around here so that he doesn't feel like he's squeezing into my house, but rather moving a bit late into our house.

And here's what I've got for longer term (esp while waiting for EAD):

- Contacts for a group who play his favorite card game

- Address for the British Food Market in town (for biscuits and bacon and cheese)

- Contacts for other classes - like a rules of the road/driving license preparation.

- Contacts for volunteer opportunities (volunteermatch.org)

- A "Honey do" list with things like - fix the dent I put in the wall while dragging the HUUUGE chair and a half up the stairs by my self, and install under cabinet lighting.

- A variety of plans for things to do together - TV shows on DVD and Hulu to watch as we unwind, and outside activities. Actually, we've been talking a lot about this before he gets here, it's fun.

I also plan to take him shopping for - or assist in building a few book cases. I like reading, and have filled up my own book case, so more furniture is needed to accommodate all the books he's bringing, and all the ones he has yet to buy.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Ah, now that he is here, I have something new for the "immediate comfort" list:

Money. Since it costs every transaction, having some cash right off can make the transferring of his (or her) own money go at a more relaxed pace. I wish I had thought of this at first.

Also, I am still sort of hoping that the GPB gains more value to the Dollar again to benefit us more when he does change his money over.

Or, I guess if I had looked into it more I could have gotten him as an authorized user on my CC etc.

[Lily1 0]

Ah, now that he is here, I have something new for the "immediate comfort" list:

Money. Since it costs every transaction, having some cash right off can make the transferring of his (or her) own money go at a more relaxed pace. I wish I had thought of this at first.

Also, I am still sort of hoping that the GPB gains more value to the Dollar again to benefit us more when he does change his money over.

Or, I guess if I had looked into it more I could have gotten him as an authorized user on my CC etc.

here are the do and don't i thought it would be good

Do: plan things a head the week end for instant depending on your spouse's hobby arrange on a boling event , book store visit, a special dinner a head that way your spouse won't think you are unorganized ,

DO: invite and show him around to your friends and family memebers that way it feels welcome

Do: make a day time plan while you are at work , may be drop them at a book store or the museum ( have some one drop them ) that way they are not just waiting at home till you arrive home

DO: show effort for every thing when trying to teach them arround or new things

Don't :be on the phone with your friend that you have now for hours while your lover is looking at you in a cute way and smiling and wating for you to get off the phone ( especially they don't speak the language you are speaking )

Don't : try to stock information in their brain all in one time

i think that is all i got for now see ya

Edited October 5, 2009 by Lily1

[Rings 10]

Thanks everyone! Your comments are fantastic!