Marriage broken up and wife and kids gone to live in the US

[MissingmyKids76 0]

Hi

I apologise if this is in the wrong forum; I feel like my situation is fairly unique and I'm not sure which visa I need.

I am a UK Citizen. My wife is a US citizen; we met on the internet 5 years ago and she moved to the UK to be with me. We have since had 3 daughters who have dual nationality.

Due to various reasons my wife has now left me; she took the kids on holiday to see their grandmother (her mother) and decided not to come back. Although we have not yet initiated divorce proceedings this does seem fairly likely to happen at some point soon.

It is really killing me not seeing my kids and being unsure when I will see them again. After tearing my hair out for a number of weeks the answer suddenly became clear. Why not move to the US and live near them, so I can still see them regularly and take an active role in their upbringing?

Sadly while the idea seems easy the way to find out what to do does not. I initially wanted to find out if I could emigrate to the US as the father of 3 US citizens, rather than the soon to be ex-husband of one. I spoke to one lawyer who said yes, get a T1 visa. I researched a bit more and this visa seemed entirely irrelevant so I spoke to another. The 2nd lawyer said the T1 was irrelevant and something to do with Canadian citizens or victims of sex trafficking, not relevant to the case at hand at all.

The 2nd lawyer said there were 3 possible ways for me to get a work visa in the US. Get my wife to sponsor me (which would be fraud as we have broken up and would not be living together), get a H-1B visa (which seems tricky as although having been in continuous employment in the UK for the last 15 years, I do not have a degree at all, let alone one in a specialized field), or get a personal sponsor.

I have a friend who lives in Minnesota that has said depending on what the financial implications would be he would be prepared to sponsor me to move out there, and allow me to stay with him for a few months whilst I find a job and accommodation of my own. But I do not know which visa that would be.

If anyone can advise which visa that would be it would be gratefully appreciated. Alternatively if anyone has any other ideas about how I can get a visa to work in the US, bearing in mind the situation I have outlined above, please do let me know.

I just want to see my girls grow up.

Craig

[Malrothien 6]

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. Did you give your wife written permission to take your daughters to the US for an extended stay?

What she has done is bordering on kidnapping.

[doodlebugg 10]

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. Did you give your wife written permission to take your daughters to the US for an extended stay?

What she has done is bordering on kidnapping.

I'm suprised none of the lawyers you spoke with brought this up.

[MissingmyKids76 0]

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. Did you give your wife written permission to take your daughters to the US for an extended stay?

What she has done is bordering on kidnapping.

No I did not; i have actually said that to her and it just gets her back up; I am now trying to use non-emotive words to discuss the situation with her, as while she has indicated if I go to the US she would not block me from seeing them, I do not want to escalate the situation further and be refused access at all.

At the end of the day she is the children's mother, and she is a good one. If I tried to force a custody dispute in court I have little doubt I would lose. Part of the reason she left was... she has run up a lot of debt in my name in the UK and basically I have no further financial abilities. I am actually presently trying to file for bankruptcy as she has maxed out all my credit cards and not even paid any bills for the past 6 months.

She was in charge of the money. I would rather believe she was actually just bad with money as I earn a decent wage, the alternative is that she was putting money into her own accounts, aka stealing from me.

Whatever the reason I am in so much debt (approx $100,000 US not including the mortgage, from nothing 5 years ago) being annoyed at her about it isnt going to get me access to my kids. And the amount of debt I am in precludes me from being able to take her to court anyway, the first 2 cost me enough already.

And that's all I want.

Edited September 16, 2009 by MissingmyKids76

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. Did you give your wife written permission to take your daughters to the US for an extended stay?

What she has done is bordering on kidnapping.

Yup. And international family kidnappings are sadly not that uncommon. I am thinking FBI deals with this on the US side --- who would be the contact on the UK side?

[Malrothien 6]

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. Did you give your wife written permission to take your daughters to the US for an extended stay?

What she has done is bordering on kidnapping.

No I did not; i have actually said that to her and it just gets her back up; I am now trying to use non-emotive words to discuss the situation with her, as while she has indicated if I go to the US she would not block me from seeing them, I do not want to escalate the situation further and be refused access at all.

At the end of the day she is the children's mother, and she is a good one. If I tried to force a custody dispute in court I have little doubt I would lose. Part of the reason she left was... she has run up a lot of debt in my name in the UK and basically I have no further financial abilities. I am actually presently trying to file for bankruptcy as she has maxed out all my credit cards and not even paid any bills for the past 6 months.

She was in charge of the money. I would rather believe she was actually just bad with money as I earn a decent wage, the alternative is that she was putting money into her own accounts, aka stealing from me.

Whatever the reason I am in so much debt (approx $100,000 US not including the mortgage, from nothing 5 years ago) being annoyed at her about it isnt going to get me access to my kids.

And that's all I want.

You would not lose in a custody hearing - her kidnapping them is reason enough to award you custody. Trust me on this one.

Sister Len - most likely Interpol.

[MissingmyKids76 0]

Look I dont want to just paint this with my side of it. I have a bad temper which blew as the debt kept on inching up higher and higher and while I never laid a hand on any my wife I did shout at her. I am in therapy already to try and get it resolved.

It might be 50/50 maybe. I dont know. Im just saying I know why she left; like I know why I dont really want her back.

Hence trying to find a third option of moving over there. I do appreciate your inputs but I want to find a way to go there and be near my kids.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

The only way to move over there for you right now is a work visa (or student visa, but as you are in debt that is out). Just having a sponsor does not get you a visa I am afriad, and your daughters will only be able to sponsor you as a relative once they are adults themselves.

[Ontarkie 14,419]

This is just my thought, but you never really said your marriage was over just that your wife left with the kids for a visit, at least that the story she told you. Then she just decides to stay there she thinks that's the easy way out and you are stuck with the bill. You lost your temper and your getting help for that. Now maybe with her back in the US is there any chance you two can patch it up. One thing for sure is if she's bad with money she shouldn't be in charge of it. Your marriage may be worth another try.

You two need to talk. Her running away with your kids is just that running it wont solve anything. It really does not matter why she left but taking the kids permanently is kidnapping and if your marriage is really over you should speak to the right people to get the kids back. You may never see them again for all you know. Figure things out now and fast or get the authorities involved.

Edited September 17, 2009 by Ontarkie

[MissingmyKids76 0]

The only way to move over there for you right now is a work visa (or student visa, but as you are in debt that is out). Just having a sponsor does not get you a visa I am afriad, and your daughters will only be able to sponsor you as a relative once they are adults themselves.

Not the answer I wanted but at least I know, cheers

[MissingmyKids76 0]

This is just my thought, but you never really said your marriage was over just that your wife left with the kids for a visit, at least that the story she told you. Then she just decides to stay there she thinks that's the easy way out and you are stuck with the bill. You lost your temper and your getting help for that. Now maybe with her back in the US is there any chance you two can patch it up. One thing for sure is if she's bad with money she shouldn't be in charge of it. Your marriage may be worth another try.

You two need to talk. Her running away with your kids is just that running it wont solve anything. It really does not matter why she left but taking the kids permanently is kidnapping and if your marriage is really over you should speak to the right people to get the kids back. You may never see them again for all you know. Figure things out now and fast or get the authorities involved.

I know. We do still talk at least daily but when I ask her whether or not she will come back she just tells me doesnt know.. Ack.. I'll talk to a divorce lawyer to at least see what th proceedings are, its a first step and I dont need to progress it until the time is right and I know I have no chance of getting them back.

Thanks again for all of your inputs.

Craig

[Richard-UK 2]

This is just my thought, but you never really said your marriage was over just that your wife left with the kids for a visit, at least that the story she told you. Then she just decides to stay there she thinks that's the easy way out and you are stuck with the bill. You lost your temper and your getting help for that. Now maybe with her back in the US is there any chance you two can patch it up. One thing for sure is if she's bad with money she shouldn't be in charge of it. Your marriage may be worth another try.

You two need to talk. Her running away with your kids is just that running it wont solve anything. It really does not matter why she left but taking the kids permanently is kidnapping and if your marriage is really over you should speak to the right people to get the kids back. You may never see them again for all you know. Figure things out now and fast or get the authorities involved.

I know. We do still talk at least daily but when I ask her whether or not she will come back she just tells me doesnt know.. Ack.. I'll talk to a divorce lawyer to at least see what th proceedings are, its a first step and I dont need to progress it until the time is right and I know I have no chance of getting them back.

Thanks again for all of your inputs.

Craig

Good morning Craig

Just a thought. I know you say your children have dual nationality, but do they actually have American Passports?

Also be careful of immigration lawyers. A lot of them promise the earth but deliver very little.

Best wishes and I really hope it works out for all of you.

Richard

[Ling Ling 22]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

If you're a UK citizen, you don't need a visa at all to visit for up to 6 months a year (in 3 month increments).

The UK is a Visa Waiver Program participant with the US and several other countries.

You book a flight, show your UK passport, hop on a plane, and Bob's your uncle.

Once you're in the states...you could look for a job, and/or try to patch things up with the Mrs.

If things get patched up, you can then apply for an IR-1 visa.

You'll have to return to the UK to wait for the visa to be processed (3 months to a year...no promises).

There's also the possibility of applying for an Adjustment of Status...kind of a request to stay in the US with your family.

HOWEVER, traveling to the US on a Visa Waiver with the INTENTION to immigrate is considered immigration fraud, and you will most likely be denied an immigrant visa,

and possibly barred from re-entry for 10 years to life.

Hope this helps.

[Ling Ling 22]

You would not lose in a custody hearing - her kidnapping them is reason enough to award you custody. Trust me on this one.

eH, if you look at the statistics...most judges are extremely reluctant to take young children away from their mothers unless the mother comes into the court dressed like a hooker, with her pimp, a needle hanging out of her arm, and inhaling a crack pipe. THEN maybe they'll consider it, but as a rule of thumb, most courts unjustly favour young children to being in the custody of the mother.

I think it's best to have realistic expectations.

Scenario #1. He alleges kidnapping, she alleges spousal abuse. Take 2 steps back because you're now $20K more in debt.

[Ling Ling 22]

If you're a UK citizen, you don't need a visa at all to visit for up to 6 months a year (in 3 month increments).

The UK is a Visa Waiver Program participant with the US and several other countries.

sorry...should've said UP to 3 months at a time. On occasion you might be granted an extension, but from what I know, that's rare.

Essentially, as long as you don't stay in the US for over 180 days in a year, you can come and go as much as you can financially afford to on a visa waiver,

but you can't stay for longer than 90 days in a single visit without an extension, and it is possible that you could be turned away at anytime.