Should I be concerned?

[BillandClaire 0]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

I have seen this situation many times since my first trip to the Philippines in 1971. What you have to understand is that she probably has a very strong sense of responsibility for her family. Further she probably has never had any training at budgeting or saving for the next day. If you love her you are going to have to be patient and teach her. I would suggest you send her smaller amounts, maybe weekly as a start.

Some replies indicate that you may be getting scammed and that is more than possible. Many older foreigners are being scammed all over SE Asia. Some even have shirts they wear that say "I Love WU".

Good Luck

[el cordobés 0]

Linda.....

how are going to call this FORUM-NOVELAS..??????? :devil:

I cannot think of a name yet........" LOS Trescientos" ?...no, that was a movie about Sparta

We'll just name it "Tres Cientas Razones Para Sobrevivir"!

[bowgirl 8]

wow! $300 is a lot and asking for more (the fact that you're not yet married) is i think unethical..my husband sends me $200/month but i only spend $50 and save $150 (but he doesn't know, hehehe)..and oh i have a baby and i'm working so i think my situation and hers are different...you should talk to her. make her aware about the issues. goodluck.

[Loolie 56]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

hi,

just wanna ask...what type of girl is your fiancee?

does she has friends who love to hang out and drink?

does like to buy clothes or shoes or whatever girly things?

does she comes from a poor family?

and how old your girl is?

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Linda.....

how are going to call this FORUM-NOVELAS..??????? :devil:

I cannot think of a name yet........" LOS Trescientos" ?...no, that was a movie about Sparta

We'll just name it "Tres Cientas Razones Para Sobrevivir"!

Thanks....I am keeping a running list of Forum-NOVELAS here on our regional group..

and I was running out of names..

[smurfs 0]

thankfully i don’t have to worry about that with my fiancée. i bought her a computer, she went off and got a job with that computer. i never send her money, ever. she makes her own money. she doesn’t ask me for money. she is on her own woman, who can do it herself. she is not with me because i am giving her money. if i end up loosing all my money, she wont leave me because she is not with me because of the money.

it's great if you can help them out, but if you are already giving them money, and its still not enough and they keep asking for more, then you need to ask your self, when will it ever be enough and why is she with me, for my money or for my love. money is the greatest evil. the lack of money or the abundance of money can ruin a relationship.

[adiiann 163]

Well, as a fiance, 300usd is too much for a month. It is because it doesn't mean that she is your fiance, you have the obligation to make living for her. Heck! She have no work and you only help her to survive, she should be better with 300usd.

In my own opinion, I don't think I could spend other's money in order to survive even though it come from my fiance. I mean, I will still find a way to earn my living and not depend on other people. In 4-years of my relationship with my husband (as his fiance before), he sent me 150-200$, 4 times only. All of it went to our communication expenses.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm..... You're not yet married but you already encountering this kind of problem. What really seems bothering is that, your issue is all about "money". And "money" always ruins good intention of relationship.

Better resolve it with her. Talk it with her, and try you're very best to be more logical on her explanations.

[ChuckandRhean 0]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

I REITERATE, STOP RATIONALIZING WHAT SHES BEEN DOING. Scam artists? yes, there are everywhere .easiest yet the hardest way to test /earn ones trust:handling money.

LOL you sounding like him >>>> .

When I was still in PI my husband ( then Fiance ) 500$ a month to covered up all my bills.. Since he asked me to moved in a different appartment coz he was concerned of my safety in my old appartment on that time. But before he decided to make my 500$ a month allowanced we breakdown how much my expensed from monthly rental, water, electric and cable bills, including my every other weeks groceries lol. All in all as I remember.... Those all costs 300$. But he gave me more extra 200$ allowanced for phonecards and for the internet for our daily communication. Sometimes I over exceed of my only 1 month allowanced coz I was also in school on that time. Enough or not enough I have to budget all my expensed to fit on my budget. And if im out of money before 1 month.... It was my problem anymore. Never asked for more.

Try to ask her if what her actual expense.... Helping our parents is already part of our culture... as long you know his not supporting the whole clan. But I think that is too much of accusation if you dont have a proof. If her budget is 300$ a month then she need to budget it... helping or without helping her family with that money she need to mannage that money.

Confront her and see what she gonna say... and explain to her what you thought about it. Maybe she will upset a little coz maybe she'll get imbarass but you will find out if atleast she really care about you..... or just really care about the money.

I seemed like who? hahaha ur entitled to ur own thoughts sweetie.

Filipino women are recognized to have very unique qualities appealing to foreign men. Ask ur husband Ms. Juvy ,then after ul agree with me. Im proud to be a filipina . My fiance (USC)and i profess that were so blessed.Armed with my own blissful relationship with my honey, I infect others.

Confusedone and her fiancee are in the process of getting to know each other in a deeper level. Were here to give him options, present other case scenarios- be it our own experience or seen from others' .We magnify,illumminate (as he requested) the situation he is into leading to something desirable and worthy Or to a nightmare( which I hope not) . We ignite critical thinking as well as plausible emotion. We are encouraging him to probe their relationship ,to figure out where they fall short and make up.Likewise, we are enabling him to discern ways of how they could both work things out concerning money.

Having read all the posts, somehow,Confusedone has multiple options applicable to his case . Be careful to what u wish for. Bless you

Happiness and energy to u Ms. Juvy and hubby

[hara/eric 0]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

ConfuseDone.....

I have gone trough the same and then I recalled an old saying;

Give them a fish and feed them for one day....teach them how to fish and they feed themselves for a lifetime.....

After talking it over, any money i have sent was to be used ONLY and ONLY start and expand a very small bussiness....

While there were some false starts and training and adjustment along the way, now it is self sufficient and very little handouts or acceptance of any handouts....

I am sorry to say but some and I say some....not all.....have problems handling money or budget.....so some training is required.

Best Wishes...

well said! i use to send my fiance ~$150/mo just so she could be comfortable, as she still lived with her parents. she wasnt working, but was looking for a job. so ~8months ago, i sent her the capital to start a Sari-sari store.. costed me $800 smackers... anyway, she's been making a killing since... she nets approximately 40-45 thousand pesos monthly, and will have a 'lil business to leave to her family when she comes here. haven't been sending her any money. and she's already saved up enough money for her medical exam, fees, and plane ticket to the US! now that's teaching to fish!! ;p cheers!

[John&Juvy 36]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

I REITERATE, STOP RATIONALIZING WHAT SHES BEEN DOING. Scam artists? yes, there are everywhere .easiest yet the hardest way to test /earn ones trust:handling money.

LOL you sounding like him >>>> .

When I was still in PI my husband ( then Fiance ) 500$ a month to covered up all my bills.. Since he asked me to moved in a different appartment coz he was concerned of my safety in my old appartment on that time. But before he decided to make my 500$ a month allowanced we breakdown how much my expensed from monthly rental, water, electric and cable bills, including my every other weeks groceries lol. All in all as I remember.... Those all costs 300$. But he gave me more extra 200$ allowanced for phonecards and for the internet for our daily communication. Sometimes I over exceed of my only 1 month allowanced coz I was also in school on that time. Enough or not enough I have to budget all my expensed to fit on my budget. And if im out of money before 1 month.... It was my problem anymore. Never asked for more.

Try to ask her if what her actual expense.... Helping our parents is already part of our culture... as long you know his not supporting the whole clan. But I think that is too much of accusation if you dont have a proof. If her budget is 300$ a month then she need to budget it... helping or without helping her family with that money she need to mannage that money.

Confront her and see what she gonna say... and explain to her what you thought about it. Maybe she will upset a little coz maybe she'll get imbarass but you will find out if atleast she really care about you..... or just really care about the money.

I seemed like who? hahaha ur entitled to ur own thoughts sweetie.

Filipino women are recognized to have very unique qualities appealing to foreign men. Ask ur husband Ms. Juvy ,then after ul agree with me. Im proud to be a filipina . My fiance (USC)and i profess that were so blessed.Armed with my own blissful relationship with my honey, I infect others.

Confusedone and her fiancee are in the process of getting to know each other in a deeper level. Were here to give him options, present other case scenarios- be it our own experience or seen from others' .We magnify,illumminate (as he requested) the situation he is into leading to something desirable and worthy Or to a nightmare( which I hope not) . We ignite critical thinking as well as plausible emotion. We are encouraging him to probe their relationship ,to figure out where they fall short and make up.Likewise, we are enabling him to discern ways of how they could both work things out concerning money.

Having read all the posts, somehow,Confusedone has multiple options applicable to his case . Be careful to what u wish for. Bless you

Happiness and energy to u Ms. Juvy and hubby

Lol I dont know what is the unique qualities of filipina that you are talking about. I believe every different people have a different attitude and have some different point of view in life, you cant really measure it by the same of Race. Well atleast for me. But if you meant by the is those some filipina scammer in our country... It's atleast imbarassing to us but I wont deny that specially I have couple of a friend like them.

But in the situation of the OP.... You are right again, we are posting our opinion here but the opinion the you were giving was a straight forward juding his fiancee by your first post without thinking that you dont really know the whole story of their situation aside of the OP's story if how his fiancee sucked fast those money that he sent. Which is he can confront her and give his fiancee an idea how is his or thier money situation is. I am not quistioning what your first post I was just being an honest if how it sounds like lol.

Good Luck also both you and your fiance.. May you truely meant to be and last forever. And just take it easy Ms Rhean .

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

ConfuseDone.....

I have gone trough the same and then I recalled an old saying;

Give them a fish and feed them for one day....teach them how to fish and they feed themselves for a lifetime.....

After talking it over, any money i have sent was to be used ONLY and ONLY start and expand a very small bussiness....

While there were some false starts and training and adjustment along the way, now it is self sufficient and very little handouts or acceptance of any handouts....

I am sorry to say but some and I say some....not all.....have problems handling money or budget.....so some training is required.

Best Wishes...

well said! i use to send my fiance ~$150/mo just so she could be comfortable, as she still lived with her parents. she wasnt working, but was looking for a job. so ~8months ago, i sent her the capital to start a Sari-sari store.. costed me $800 smackers... anyway, she's been making a killing since... she nets approximately 40-45 thousand pesos monthly, and will have a 'lil business to leave to her family when she comes here. haven't been sending her any money. and she's already saved up enough money for her medical exam, fees, and plane ticket to the US! now that's teaching to fish!! ;p cheers!

There you go....you see there are SUCCESS stories after all (not just mine!!)....

[Robert E Lee 0]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

ConfuseDone.....

I have gone trough the same and then I recalled an old saying;

Give them a fish and feed them for one day....teach them how to fish and they feed themselves for a lifetime.....

After talking it over, any money i have sent was to be used ONLY and ONLY start and expand a very small bussiness....

While there were some false starts and training and adjustment along the way, now it is self sufficient and very little handouts or acceptance of any handouts....

I am sorry to say but some and I say some....not all.....have problems handling money or budget.....so some training is required.

Best Wishes...

well said! i use to send my fiance ~$150/mo just so she could be comfortable, as she still lived with her parents. she wasnt working, but was looking for a job. so ~8months ago, i sent her the capital to start a Sari-sari store.. costed me $800 smackers... anyway, she's been making a killing since... she nets approximately 40-45 thousand pesos monthly, and will have a 'lil business to leave to her family when she comes here. haven't been sending her any money. and she's already saved up enough money for her medical exam, fees, and plane ticket to the US! now that's teaching to fish!! ;p cheers!

There you go....you see there are SUCCESS stories after all (not just mine!!)....

Don't you buy that #######, bubba. $800 capital to net $900 a month? Sounds like a fisherman catchin' an anchovy and tellin' everybody that it's a 50 pound albacore. Well, I'll shut my mouth!

[-B&T- 1]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation?

ConfuseDone.....

I have gone trough the same and then I recalled an old saying;

Give them a fish and feed them for one day....teach them how to fish and they feed themselves for a lifetime.....

After talking it over, any money i have sent was to be used ONLY and ONLY start and expand a very small bussiness....

While there were some false starts and training and adjustment along the way, now it is self sufficient and very little handouts or acceptance of any handouts....

I am sorry to say but some and I say some....not all.....have problems handling money or budget.....so some training is required.

Best Wishes...

well said! i use to send my fiance ~$150/mo just so she could be comfortable, as she still lived with her parents. she wasnt working, but was looking for a job. so ~8months ago, i sent her the capital to start a Sari-sari store.. costed me $800 smackers... anyway, she's been making a killing since... she nets approximately 40-45 thousand pesos monthly, and will have a 'lil business to leave to her family when she comes here. haven't been sending her any money. and she's already saved up enough money for her medical exam, fees, and plane ticket to the US! now that's teaching to fish!! ;p cheers!

There you go....you see there are SUCCESS stories after all (not just mine!!)....

Don't you buy that #######, bubba. $800 capital to net $900 a month? Sounds like a fisherman catchin' an anchovy and tellin' everybody that it's a 50 pound albacore. Well, I'll shut my mouth!

It's impossible to have a net income like that from a sari-sari store I agree. Maybe it's a money lending business?

[GregwedsAngel 0]

This is an issue of choice of partner. Whereas Filipinas get bashed for being dollar suckers, maligning the good nature of the rest. Shouldn't the question be on the choice of partner the US citizen has chosen for himself as well?

To answer the OPs question. YES you should be concerned. While you feel heroic, as many US citizen partners here feel, for helping out yet there isn't really any heroic feeling at all knowing that you made a bad choice of partner. I say this for the fact that you are already questioning should you be concerned. YES you ought to be. Learning to handle money is highly probable BUT behaviorally difficult to achieve.

Choose someone who has the wherewithal to help you in your life together. By this I mean, character and not money.

[Andrelle 1]

This is not a bash anyone thread.. It is a genuine question if missing something in the culture. I am embarrassed to even ask this.

I give my fiancée 300 american dollars for support each month. It is never enough though. I realize 300 a month is not a great deal, but should be enough to live on or am I way off here? It is starting to really hurt our relationship at this point because within 15 days she has gone through the 300 this month, and asking for more even though have asked her to budget money since I am sadly not a rich man. Would someone please illuminate the situation? :crying: :crying:

Well, I think you need to talk to her 'coz it's a big amount of money. You have to explain to her that u don't have a money tree

You have the right to ask.

Good luck!!!

Edited September 20, 2009 by Andrelle