Frustrated and confused

[MJay21 1]

We started dating three years ago, and I have been in the United States on K1 visa since June. I married my wife in July. Things have changed with our relationship and my wife has made being here unbearable. We used to have disagreements just like any other couple but now that we are living together I have learned that she is very controlling, has a bad temper, and on a few occassions she even became physical with me.

During our last disagreement she took my passport, birth certificate, social security card, and ID and hid them. When I asked for it back she hit me. I would never hit a woman, so I called the local authorities in hopes that they could help diffuse the situation. Their advice to me was to leave her residence (which I did) and to pres charges, however I still have not gotten my documents from her (she still has them) and I don't want her to go to jail, I just want out of this situation.

I cannot stay in her home, as I fear that things will only get worse. I have been in a hotel since the blow up (my mother sent money for me, but that is running short). We are already married so I understand that I need to start by filing for a divorce, however I have established great connections here and even have a job waiting for me, pending I receive work authorization. She is calling and wants me to go home but when I mentioned that we should try relationship counseling she started swearing at me and said she is not wasting her time with that because we don't need it.

What options do I have? After the divorce is final, do I have to leave the United States? I don't want anything from her not even AOS. I just hope that I have rights to stay here.

Edited September 14, 2009 by MJay21

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Unless there is some other immigration path you could pursue (work visa, etc.), there are only two ways you can stay legally. First, you could remain married to your wife and have her sponsor you for AOS. Second, you could file a petition under VAWA as an abused spouse. If approved, you could then self-petition for AOS. If you decide to go the second route, you're going to need evidence of the abuse to get the VAWA petition approved, and evidence you married in "good faith" to get the AOS petition approved.

There are plenty of people on this forum who have applied under VAWA who can advise you on this. If you press charges for the abuse then the courts will probably issue a restraining order against your wife, and you may be able to get a police officer to escort you to recover your property and documents from her home.

[MJay21 1]

The thought of remaining married wouldn't be so bad if she would attend counseling with me, at least then she is showing an effort to work togther with me for positive change in this relationship. After that point if it doesn't work then at least we tried. She is adamant that she doesn't need counseling. I feel like she doesn't care and is trying to run me out.

[bhajishah 4]

Is your job close to "home" or in another say city far away?????

[tallcoolone 102]

I would press charges, and also file a restraining order.

Try to get a visa via Abused Spouse.

I would also buy a pistol and keep it at your residence for protection.

[Rings 10]

You must have proof on paper in order to file abuse. (ie: police reports, incident reports, photos of bruises, etc...) you cannot claim abuse without valid legally binding proof that it occured or else it is your words against hers. The law will not grant you to stay here on the basis of abuse unless you can prove it in a court of law. I suggest you gather the evidence of it and begin your divorce.

[anitacastillo 0]

I don't believe you can adjust from a K-1 after a divorce. (it doesn't make the marriage seem legit if you cannot stay married the 6 mths necessary to adjust) Adjusting alone, after divorce, is for removing conditions - going for 10 yr GC.

OP - if you can suck it up long enough to get your 2 yr GC, then you can get divorced and work on staying in the US without needing her for immigration purposes. Right now, she is your option to stay legally in the US.

Good Luck!

[Carlawarla 1]

The thought of remaining married wouldn't be so bad if she would attend counseling with me, at least then she is showing an effort to work togther with me for positive change in this relationship. After that point if it doesn't work then at least we tried. She is adamant that she doesn't need counseling. I feel like she doesn't care and is trying to run me out.

Perhaps time apart, and continuing communicating with her, you can both come to an agreement that you need counseling. This is always the best option if you love each other and can try to work things out. She may be adamant now, however she may relent after being apart from you, and then you can move forward with this option, if it's also what you want.

All the best

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

Maybe try to present the counselling possibility differently to her? Ie not "you need counselling for your anger and physical violence!"- instead, say something like "it's difficult for me to adjust to life here, and that caused us both stress. I would like us to go to counselling together.". If you have a god relationship with ehr friends/ family, they might help persuade her also.