Wedding idea

[Dan and Ali 3]

So, my fiance and I have been thinking about where we're going to get married and we've been wondering if it would be super weird to have our wedding BEFORE we get legally married. Wow ... in typing that, it even seems weird, lol. But let me explain. The reasoning behind this is pretty simple: both of our families (with the exception of his immediate family - my fiance has dual citizenship) are in Canada and we don't expect many people to be able to be able to take the time off/afford the trip down to the US ... and since we're both living here now, it would be easier to plan a wedding here. My fiance and myself are both spiritual, so essentially our wedding would be the spiritual aspect of marriage that we won't get to experience when we go through the civil ceremony. The timeline would be as follows: Get "married" on a Saturday, entry to the US a couple days later, have civil ceremony ASAP.

So far, we both feel pretty good about this idea but the few people we've told about it seem to be like "Hmm ... that seems kind of weird". Once we explain the alternatives they come around, but there's always that initial reaction of "What?". So ... I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has taken this approach and what your thoughts are on this approach.

Thanks in advance!

[MrsCat 6]

There's nothing wrong with that. I mean depends on how you look at the definition of marriage. If its a union before god and/or the state, then I guess you need to have an officiant there. If you consider marriage to be a public affirmation before friends and family that your souls are joined as one, then you just need each other there and family and friends to share the day with. I like the idea you've come up with.

[trailmix 77]

I like it too and it doesn't seem weird to me at all. It seems really nice that you will be able to share that with your families!

[ashenflowers 5]

It doesn't seem weird, but keep in mind we here are all going through the visa process, so our sense of a 'normal' wedding is blown out the window. 'normal' people will think it's weird, but who cares.

My fiance also has dual citizenship, and originally lived up here, so all our mutual friends live in Canada, with his family scattered around. We're taking the route of doing a renewal of voes some time later (either 6 months later, or a year later, we're not sure), so that our friends/family can join us there. Not for religious reasons, just to be able to share and celebrate, and do the declaring love thing.

I like your idea of doing it in Canada first... I wish I could do it that way (I can't, for a million reasons, but it'd be nice... I say go for it)

[Carlawarla 1]

Sounds lovely! Start planning!

[SapphireDreams 71]

I think it's also a great idea! I wish we could've done it that way as well, but timing and $$ was not on our side.

Just make sure that your fiance/husband doesn't call you his wife when you are crossing the border!

[BermyCat 1]

Phil and I debated doing the same thing but it ended working out better to do a renewal of voes after the US court wedding. I just wanted to mention one thing we ran into. It took some shopping around to find a celebrant that would perfrom a wedding ceremony that isn't legal. Some churches frown on that. I guess they don't want people to have the impression that you've just gotten legally married when you haven't. We did eventually find a pastor that would have done it but we heard a lot of "no"s first.

~ Catherine

[Emancipation 2]

We did it.. we called it a blessing ceremony.. not a wedding.. cause it wasn't a legal official wedding..

it worked well, included everyone back home, and we had a great open house style party before hand... it was a great way to close my life in Canada and then when we arrived in the US, we looked for a JOP.. ]

My friends and family looked at it AS the wedding.. they were careful with the wording and I asked everyone to be sensitive to the fact that it really wasn't a wedding.. esp. because I was freaked out about the border crossing. Everyone was great about it and they all enjoyed the day and the time together.

Our timeline was exactly as you described.. we did it Sun. afternoon, then left Mon for CT, and got married with a JOP on Fri. here in CT.

Edited September 14, 2009 by Emancipation

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I think that would be very nice! If the timing and fiances are going to work out for you, then I don't see a problem with it. Just be cautious when crossing the border like Sapphire said! And having a car load of unopened wedding presents is probably not going to be wise either. You need to be careful not to give the impression that you married before entry. That was actually the first question the officer at the POE asked me when I was moving, "you guys haven't married yet, right?"

[Dan and Ali 3]

Thanks for the replies everyone! It feels good to know that not everyone thinks we're totally out to lunch in doing this, lol. I guess I didn't even consider not calling it a wedding, but rather a blessing ceremony or something. Maybe I'm being selfish or unrealistic but I really just want to do it just like we're getting married, just without the legal portion of it, you know? I guess I can see how it would be hypocritical to do so. Would it be the worst thing in the world to just not tell people that we're not actually legally getting married on that day and just pretend? lol