Love in a no man's land-Seattle Times

[Malrothien 6]

No to get away from the debate on the issues with the two people and the denial of entry, but does anyone know how this park works?

It seems weird they'd have a park that's between the two check points that people could go into. I would think that the border check points where right side by side depending on which way you were going.

Maybe things are a bit different in land borders, I'm used to bridges where you drive and the other side is the check point.

I'm going to try and google earth it to see...

Peace Arch is a weird setup. The US checkpoint is about .5 miles south of the Canadian checkpoint. There is park space between the two known as Peace Arch Park. There is actually a party in that area every year - they close the crossing for about 4 hours on a Saturday.

[BermyCat 1]

It is your right to whine, but it is my right to view you as whining pukes over stupid things.

Okay, blast away.

Was that really necessary?

As for was that necessary? Perhaps not, but I see people that come to post that are actually helping people with their journeys. I see others that post to do nothing but complain. Estadia is such a shining example IMO. She does what ever she can to assist others, without a word of her own journey.

Krikit was referring to the pointless name calling. We don't get as much of that in the Canada forum as in other forums. Plus, you're the one talking about the need for adult behavoir.

~ Catherine

Edited September 15, 2009 by BermyCat

[trailmix 77]

I have, on occasion, whined about our plight. But I spent the majority of my time researching, and gathering information. I then used that not only to help our journey, but to assist others that have gone through, or are going through a denial. Others here have spent time researching how to speed up the process as much as is legally and feasibly possible. And then they post here to help others. Those are the ones I have admiration for.

Well, it is your perogative (and Len's) and your right to choose who you have compassion for and I guess the 'whining puke' in this story is not one of the chosen.

There is another part to this story here - a bigger picture - that I guess you are both chosing not to see (or don't care about). That is the unfair treatment of a Canadian at the U.S. border - if we take the story at face value. As mentioned, we don't really know all the details, but this woman's story is not that different from other stories posted here by other Canadians trying to cross the U.S. border (have a look at the topics here for the latest denial of entry).

The general worldwide view of the Canada/U.S. relationship is that we are buddies and that we relate to each other. We have a different relationship with the U.S. than any other country - that is why this story was printed no doubt.

Generally, in this forum, we are Canadians, many cross the border regularly to visit their SO. Therefore perhaps we can identify with this woman more. Certainly those who have been hassled at the border and are fearful of being hassled at the border 'get' this story.

I fail to see how this story, or any other visa journey story 'takes away' from estadia's story.

[Malrothien 6]

I have been told that Canadian's shouldn't complain about the process because we're "lucky" enough to be able to see our spouses whenever we want.

[lgg 2]

Hi...

Whining Puke here.. .

Would much rather be so than so self-righteous and such...

Just sayin'...

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Because I have responsibilities that has to be taken care of despite my desire to be with my husband. It is called "being an adult". Because taking too much time off would result in losing my job, which is called "being an adult". Because in order to sponsor my husband to come to the US I need a job, it's called "being an adult". Because I love my husband, and because of that I will fight every obstacle that comes in my way before I would blow him off because it is inconvenient.

I think that's what she was referring to when she said "unless there are overwhelming circumstances". Plus, we're talking about CanAm relationships here. There aren't as many obstacles compared to the overseas relationships.

It is your right to whine, but it is my right to view you as whining pukes over stupid things.

Okay, blast away.

Was that really necessary?

She mentioned that we can all overcome obstacles. Her SO moved in with his father so that they can spend more time together. I consider this childish. IMO you need to be working towards a future together here in the US. This would include buying a home. Rather than save the money to make a ton of trips, why not save the money to purchase a home? Are they going to end up living with his family upon her arrival. She said that she doesn't understand people who complain that they haven't seen their SO for 6 months or so. Well I don't understand those that complain about the normal processing time of the immigration process.

You know what, that was very rude and unnecessary. It is not my goal to criticize you for how you deal with your relationship and the distance between your husband and yourself, however it appears that it is your goal to criticize mine. I simply suggested I did not understand why someone would go for years without seeing their SO's, and even after reading your post I still do not understand. I didn't suggest that anyone should be making trips every month, or every 2 months, but to wait a year? 2 years? I will never, never understand that. Call be childish if you will, that is fine, but I saw my SO at least every 2 months while we were dating and I feel as though we have a very strand bonded relationship because of the sacrifices we made to be able to see each other on a regular basis. I'm 22 years old, perhaps I have different priorities in my life then others. What is wrong with that? In my opinion, absolutely nothing. I have also never complained about the processing times of immigration. I had my K-1 in 7 months and I've been living in the US since June, why would I complain? That is a completely different issue. On the other hand, I have offered nothing but support for those encountering struggles in the process. I've had it good, I acknowledge that.

I am a childish, whiny, self-righteous puke and proud of it.

[LindaB 0]

Their story was in the Vancouver Province newspaper this morning too. Too bad they didn't know about Visajourney before they decided to get married etc.

[trailmix 77]

I'm 22 years old, perhaps I have different priorities in my life then others. What is wrong with that? In my opinion, absolutely nothing. I have also never complained about the processing times of immigration. I had my K-1 in 7 months and I've been living in the US since June, why would I complain? That is a completely different issue. On the other hand, I have offered nothing but support for those encountering struggles in the process. I've had it good, I acknowledge that.

I am a childish, whiny, self-righteous puke and proud of it.

Well, for what it is worth, I don't think you are.

However, you know, when I read your first post, it came across to me that you were criticizing others (like Danu for instance) and implying that if they REALLY wanted to spend time with their SO they could, regardless of their financial circumstances.

I have said it before - but not everyone who is seeking a visa has the means to visit on a regular basis - that is a fact. Maybe you are willing to eat only kraft dinner for weeks or maybe your SO did not live that far from you (ie: a ticket from Calgary to Seattle is probably a tad cheaper than one from Moncton to Los Angeles). Maybe the person has student loans to pay off, maybe they have a child that needs to be taken care of properly and KD everyday is not an option.

Yet their relationships can still be just as strong, they have a 'different opinion' on how to do their thing - there is nothing wrong with that .

[Hugglebuggles 60]

No, I didn't mean that at all! Some people can go for a year without seeing their SO, and still maintain a strong bond with them and that's great! I, on the other hand, could never do that, and I was just trying to say that I don't understand how someone could wait that long and keep the relationship going. For me, finances have always been an issue, absolutely. But I suppose my lack of "maturity" helped me out. I was willing to max out my credit card, skip classes, call in sick for work, not buy a textbook I needed, just to make a trip. It wasn't smart, or "adult" but it was how I dealt with the circumstances. I don't think I would have had the patience and persistence to wait a year, despite my fiances. I would have begged and borrowed until I could do it, which isn't smart, I realize that. Everyone deals with things differently. It was not my goal to offend anyone! Trust me. We all have our struggles and were all in this together.

Edited September 15, 2009 by Hugglebuggles

[trailmix 77]

No, I didn't mean that at all! Some people can go for a year without seeing their SO, and still maintain a strong bond with them and that's great! I, on the other hand, could never do that, and I was just trying to say that I don't understand how someone could wait that long and keep the relationship going. For me, finances have always been an issue, absolutely. But I suppose my lack of "maturity" helped me out. I was willing to max out my credit card, skip classes, call in sick for work, not buy a textbook I needed, just to make a trip. It wasn't smart, or "adult" but it was how I dealt with the circumstances. I don't think I would have had the patience and persistence to wait a year, despite my fiances. I would have begged and borrowed until I could do it, which isn't smart, I realize that. Everyone deals with things differently. It was not my goal to offend anyone! Trust me. We all have our struggles and were all in this together.

Well I figured you really meant something like that!

Yeah, I think I am pretty 'adult' and I would definately max out a credit card or two as well if need be

[morocco4ever 63]

As for the couple in the article. She has a six month ban. Six months just isn't that long. I think the time is better spent learning the system, and preparing for a life time together.

I agree with a lot of what you've said about being an adult and working to merge two lives together into one and how certain immediate desires need to be put on hold in order to make this happen.

However...

While six months may not seem a lot to everyone here, and certainly it's not a lot to people who have incredibly long distance relationships which DOES make seeing each other frequently difficult... Six months is torture for people who live 2 hours away from each other, and have had a history of being able to see each other every week. When you're used to being held every week, of being able to see the other person laugh, of making them laugh and hearing it, of being able to kiss them and hold hands and do dumb couple things like sit on the couch and watch tv together -- when you're used to doing that /every/ week: six months feels like an unbearably long time.

It's all in circumstance, situation, and what you are used to. I think it's amazing people have gone years without seeing their fiance(e) or spouse. With the situation I'm in, I can't even fathom being that strong and those people /are/ exceptional. I realize how lucky I am by reading some stories here and it makes me incredibly sad to realize not everyone is as fortunate as I am. But, please try not to make a judgment based on your own circumstances about how six months is nothing. It comes off as a little disrespectful and lacks understanding, and aren't we all here to support each other?

Are you saying that a distance of 2 hours is more difficult than one of 15 hours? Not having the opportunity to see someone doesn't somehow feel better if they are further apart. I would consider this just as judgmental as I have been accused of being. All I was suggesting is that someone uses that time constructively rather than wallowing in pity. And to be blatantly honest with you, I think if people are so wrapped up in this process that they don't have the ability to see what the future is bringing them then perhaps they should be checking into their own mental stability.

I realize that what I am saying is going to fall onto deaf ears, but only because people are so desperate to bring their loved ones that they haven't taken the time to see that they should have individualism. How can you have a healthy relationship if you are so dependent on others?

Okay, I'm done.

[Aero and Dero 0]

As for the couple in the article. She has a six month ban. Six months just isn't that long. I think the time is better spent learning the system, and preparing for a life time together.

I agree with a lot of what you've said about being an adult and working to merge two lives together into one and how certain immediate desires need to be put on hold in order to make this happen.

However...

While six months may not seem a lot to everyone here, and certainly it's not a lot to people who have incredibly long distance relationships which DOES make seeing each other frequently difficult... Six months is torture for people who live 2 hours away from each other, and have had a history of being able to see each other every week. When you're used to being held every week, of being able to see the other person laugh, of making them laugh and hearing it, of being able to kiss them and hold hands and do dumb couple things like sit on the couch and watch tv together -- when you're used to doing that /every/ week: six months feels like an unbearably long time.

It's all in circumstance, situation, and what you are used to. I think it's amazing people have gone years without seeing their fiance(e) or spouse. With the situation I'm in, I can't even fathom being that strong and those people /are/ exceptional. I realize how lucky I am by reading some stories here and it makes me incredibly sad to realize not everyone is as fortunate as I am. But, please try not to make a judgment based on your own circumstances about how six months is nothing. It comes off as a little disrespectful and lacks understanding, and aren't we all here to support each other?

Are you saying that a distance of 2 hours is more difficult than one of 15 hours? Not having the opportunity to see someone doesn't somehow feel better if they are further apart. I would consider this just as judgmental as I have been accused of being. All I was suggesting is that someone uses that time constructively rather than wallowing in pity. And to be blatantly honest with you, I think if people are so wrapped up in this process that they don't have the ability to see what the future is bringing them then perhaps they should be checking into their own mental stability.

I realize that what I am saying is going to fall onto deaf ears, but only because people are so desperate to bring their loved ones that they haven't taken the time to see that they should have individualism. How can you have a healthy relationship if you are so dependent on others?

Okay, I'm done.

No, I'm saying you don't have to be spiteful about the time frame. For some people /six months/ is a long time /especially/ when they only live two hours apart and are used to seeing each other every week. I'm not saying one is more difficult than the other, but that they are equally difficult for different reasons and like Malrothien said above, it's pretty crappy for people to think that people who are US-Canadian relationships have no right to complain about the process cause we're "lucky" to be able to see our significant others often.

Edited September 16, 2009 by Aero and Dero

[Marilyn. 340]

I don't really see anybody here wallowing in self pity etc... they are just saying that they like to see their SO on a regular basis and yes us Canadians are lucky because we don't live that far from the US and it makes it somewhat easier to see our SO's more often..

I can't imagine how hard it would be to have our SO's living so far away where you can't see them very often and I feel sad for the people who have to go through that...

[Road 2 Peace Arch 0]

Peace Arch is a weird setup. The US checkpoint is about .5 miles south of the Canadian checkpoint. There is park space between the two known as Peace Arch Park. There is actually a party in that area every year - they close the crossing for about 4 hours on a Saturday.

If you think that's weird, how about Point Roberts How'd you like to go through a border checkpoint each time you wanted to stretch your legs a bit and go to the big city or anywhere else beyond that little sliver of the US? I can just hear it from CBP "you've crossed the border 6 times in 6 months - you're banned!!

[Malrothien 6]

I've never been to Point Roberts, but my coworker crosses over there to buy gas.