Caturday 9/12/09

[Krikit 1,164]

Merged two Caturday threads. Happy Caturday!

[doodlebugg 10]

Sorry folks but I just have to vent right now. So here we go....my ex and also my son's dad (if you can call him that). Called this morning and asked if he could drop off the child support check. When he came over he had his daughter with him ( apparently she just arrived a week ago from their country - first time to the U.S.) and well of course I was kind to her (it was good to see her since I haven't seen her since she was 9 - she's 17), but my son was really weirded out since he has NEVER met his sister before. So, I was a little ticked he didn't mention this to me on the phone so I could prepare Tariq.

Anyways, he asked if he could take Tariq next weekend and I told him I wasn't sure what our plans were since the Eid is probably gonna fall on Sunday. He asked if he could take him for Saturday and drop him off that night, I said that would be fine. Then I informed him, because I figured it would be something he would want to know, that Tariq started school this week. I said exactly this, "He started school this week." The this fool, this idiot, this every bad word I can't say right now said "Who?" Who? Who? Who the hell does he think I am talking about, My CAT??? Argh....so I calmly said "Your son, Tariq." To which he replied "Oh, okay...what grade is he in now?" OMG! #######? I couldn't believe it! I even said to him,"Are you serious? This is absolutely pathetic! You are completely patatic and sorry!" He knows he is, cause he didn't respond except to ask if it was 2nd grade and I told him again how patatic he is and sad that he doesn't even know what grade his child is in. I told him 3rd grade and he just looked at me like he was stupid!

At this point I was beside myself and I know I shouldn't have have done this, but I couldn't help myself. I tooked at his daughter and told her how sad her dad was. I said he lived 2 miles away and he sees Tariq for MAYBE five minutes a month to drop off child support. I told her since last year he has come to get Tariq ONE time and that was just this past July. ARGH!!!

Anyhow, that's it....that's all I had to get out. I just can't stand him! I did give his daughter a big hugs and told her I would love to get together with her ALONE.

Don't beat yourself up for what you said to his daughter. Sometimes the fire these guys ignite is just too strong to think rationally. I've been there and you just have to let it go and move forward one step at a time and learn whatever lesson it is you need to learn. Whenever I want to say something or do something stupid in reaction to his abhorrable behavior I tell myelf to wait until tomorrow and if I still feel this way then I'll say it but if not then it wasn't worth saying.

All I can share is my experience in the matter and I have to say if you were to change your arrangement and have your child support go through the state instead of him delivering it to you, your life will be so less complicated. I know it's a pain in the butt and there'd be a little while where you wouldn't get anything until they do their administration work but trust me it's worth it. I only just recently started receiving my checks and they are a lot less than what I was getting before since it went to the last recorded agreement but I love not having to chase him down or even deal with him. As a matter of fact he never used to call me ever, I'd do the calling since I wanted the money and now I haven't called him in months and he called me the other day. He wanted to know if I've received the amount in arrears that got taken from his and his wife's account. bahahahaha. He wasn't paying anything so they found out his bank accounts and "retrieved it". Oh victory is sooo sweet. I paused and said, "is there anything else you called me for?", and he said, "no, why", and I responded, "I don't have to deal with you regarding money anymore. I have to go, bye." and hung up. What a nice feeling to know that someone else much stronger and more powerful is having to deal with his bullshit now. Now I could have exploded to him on the phone and said, "####### that's not even ALL you owe me you sick sonofabitch and you just flew you and your crew to go racing for the weekend...etc.etc.etc." but I didn't and I feel good that I didn't. (he has a prostock drag race car that he travels all over the country and in Canada to race and each race cost $$$$)

Doodlebug, thanks for your story. Glad to hear that about your daughter. People make me feel so bad about my son. I know he should sleep in his own room and I know he is a big boy now. He will be 10 on the 29th.

I guess in some ways he is immature too. And let's face it, he's been the only man in my life for almost the last 4 years. We both are having adjustment issues. I am hopeful that Tarek is going to be a wonderful influence in Alex's life. He is a very kind and caring man and that's exactly what my son could use right now. Anyway, I just keep taking deep breaths and telling myself that this too shall pass. Prayers would be much appreciated!!

I hated the fact that people pushed my kids to grow up too soon. It starts with potty training. It was like a stressful race to get them trained by 2 1/2. Oh and the bottle weaning. I was made to feel like such a bad mom 'cause I let them have the bottle until they didn't want it. Then it was letting them in the bed. My ex would get pissed because when they'd go to his house they'd wanna sleep in his bed too. Well I didn't care what anyone thought and I knew that they would stop when they felt emotionally ready. The kids grew up having to go to daycare and then aftercare. I worked fulltime and until recently didn't even work from home at all. They needed that special time, even if it was sleeping. You do what you feel in your heart is right.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Betsy...my two children from my first marriage are almost 12 and 9.5. My husband is visiting Egypt right now and them have planted themselves back in my bed. They have nice comfy pretty rooms of their own but prefer to sleep with my because somehow they magically fall asleep and sleep better. They have been on and off bedroom visitors all of their life until my husband and I married. I actually enjoyed not being jabbed in the face with feet, elbows or being drooled on for a short time. I swore I would never put our youngest in the bed with me but my husband just had to have it. He can do it either way with no problem. I wouldn't eat yourself up over it. Just keep trying with him and know that it can be normal at times especially when there is changes. Mama is his security and I am sure as he gets more used to being in school he will adjust and go back to his room.

Sharifah....I'd probably went off worse than what you did. I pretty much try and avoid all conversations with my children's donor. I just don't have the patience to deal with another child like mind right now.

Bridget...Once my husband said that my son threw up because of salty and sweet being mixed. Some of the things that come out of his mouth amaze me at times.

[M_n_M 1]

happy saturday everyone... While I am not a parent, I am studying psychology. I'd say take things one step at a time to wean him from sleeping with you. I like the idea of him sleeping on the floor in your room for a while, transition to his room and then you could try sitting with him in his room until he falls asleep, and eventually having him sleep by himself. You could also speak to his school psychologist for advice.

About the child support... I'm sorry 100% Al Ahly Fan for what you had to go through, but look at the positive side, you now have a wonderful man, and you are a wonderful mother!

About my day... I'm a bit frustrated cause my hubby has been really stressed lately with work and family, and it's hard being away from him and not being able to offer him a hug of comfort, or just a real meal when he gets home late . Plus he now pushed his trip here back another 2 weeks to October 9th. But this is the final, for sure date. He got his visa back in May, so it's kind of approaching the 5 month mark since he's had his visa. I hope they don't question that much at the point of entry. I wish he would have come sooner, but given his circumstances I understand, just wish I could help. *sigh*

I'm also having major issues concentrating on what I need to get done.

~M

[Melly 2 0]

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

any time I say I really REALLY NEED chocolate that is a code for PMS

[Staashi 371]

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

You know, Melly, MENA has actually become very tame compared to years past. I know that must seem crazy, but this place used to be off the chain when it came to some different topics. We had the Muslim Olympics (as Charles used to call it) at least once a week and people just knew how to tear you apart - it was scary. Now, it's all hug hug, kiss kiss.

[doodlebugg 10]

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

You know, Melly, MENA has actually become very tame compared to years past. I know that must seem crazy, but this place used to be off the chain when it came to some different topics. We had the Muslim Olympics (as Charles used to call it) at least once a week and people just knew how to tear you apart - it was scary. Now, it's all hug hug, kiss kiss.

Well I'm never giving advice anymore that's for sure. From now on I'm eatin' rainbows and poopin' butterflies like that cartoon movie. (i forget the name).

I watched Double Jeapordy today. Ashley Judd is such a good actress. I wish I had her figure!!!!!! Love it when she goes to buy the Armani dress and the shop owner guesses she's a size 4 and she gives her "the look" and says she's a size 2. I don't think I've ever utter the words, "I'm a size 2" in my flippin' life.

[~Jess~ 0]

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Tomorrow I plan on going to church with my grandparents. Then taking them out for lunch. Glad that I still have my grandparents around.

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree. We used to have some real lively debates and arguments around here years ago. Some on this particular forum don't have thick enough skin to be told they're wrong (God forbid) or perhaps that everything is not sunshine and kitties. It's called reality. Life is tough you gotta have some thick skin and a sense of humor to deal with it.

Melly, I don't need pms to be a b1tch...I'm like this all the time.

I agree about the taking breaks. I take breaks from time to time because sometimes the constant need for blind support and outlandish stories get to me.

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

You know, Melly, MENA has actually become very tame compared to years past. I know that must seem crazy, but this place used to be off the chain when it came to some different topics. We had the Muslim Olympics (as Charles used to call it) at least once a week and people just knew how to tear you apart - it was scary. Now, it's all hug hug, kiss kiss.

Edited September 13, 2009 by Astarte

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

I think they should hand out valium to you when you join VJ. lol

Maybe we should start a thread to keep track of who is having pms and when.

Honestly, I think people need to take things a little less personally. And if you find VJ is not the place for you because there are MEAN people here, then by all means, stop reading and posting in the MENA section and stick to the other boards if you need help with the visa stuff.

The people here can only hurt you if you let them. B)

Also, taking a break never hurts. People do it often.

Honest you said EXACTLY what I was thinking. Thx Melly.

[Cipriana 0]

Imho is not wise to live our complete private life here where you can get unsolicited comments (and as we can see some of them agressiveley received based on different personalities and maturity level forcing some to leave the forum), moreover if your partner is also reading this forum so that may cause unnecessary hurts. And you never know when he/she will find you here. But if you focus on your mission it can be very helpful to be here. To let the steam going out is better to arrange privately, and not exposed to the wide public. Question of intelligence. Uff. I said.

[ya falaha! 0]

I believe the maturity level of the ones leaving the forum is more telling. Amanda left because she received comments that she didn't like re: her "short story". The comments were all warning her that perhaps what she posted was hurtful to her husband. How is that immature? I'd say it was responsible advice that Amanda should have considered on her own. Leaving a forum when you don't hear what you like to hear reminds me of when small children quit a game or other activity because they aren't winning.

[Aymsgirl 0]

I don't get on here daily anymore but did the ####### hit the fan or something?