can someone tell me if I broke an unwritten rule?

[charlie&pam 1]

You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two.

I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.

Yeah, you got it! You have seen the Flower Festival, have you not?

yes I have it was on the first

How did the party in Pangasinan go? Were you able to water down the lechon and calderreta with San Miguel or basi?

it went great!!!! I was still tired from flying in the night before didn't get to sleep till about 4am....They told me people were going to start to show up about 3 but they started to show up at 10 .....lol..... she has a great family 30 people ended up being over 60 (my head was spinning) ......I was doing mano (blessing) to the people I was supposed to ( she was helping me by telling me who) and all her younger brothers and sisters and cousins and even aunts and uncles were doing it to me ....I guess because I was older......I guess a lot of people were shocked when her grandfather got there I went to bless him but he pulled his hand away and gave me a big hug.....she said that her family was shocked .....I was drinking mig light ....her uncles were trying to get me to do a lot of GSM with them but I told Pam when they called me over to bring me to meet someone else (really didn't want to get drunk) but about 11 pm they got some redhorse and that is how we ended the night....Really the whole experience there was a culture shock for me on how they lived but I love how the family is structured and helps each other out all the time!!!!! Also asked dad off to the side if I could have his daughters had and he said of coarse since she has made up her mind and she is a grown girl and there is nothing he can do...lol......it was a great week

[Dakine 26]

You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two.

I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.

Yeah, you got it! You have seen the Flower Festival, have you not?

That's a RARE clear day in Baguio. When I was there you couldn't see the lake from there.

Sad the air polution is so bad there.

Edited September 11, 2009 by Haole

[muñequita linda 0]

You did not break any unwritten rule, bud. I imagine her as having a penchant for acting and that she must very joyous in the inside. Now, she can have nice snacks and go watch a movie or two.

I hope so I feel real bad? Is the pic on you have from the SM mall looking over baguio? I was there a few weeks ago.

Yeah, you got it! You have seen the Flower Festival, have you not?

yes I have it was on the first

How did the party in Pangasinan go? Were you able to water down the lechon and calderreta with San Miguel or basi?

it went great!!!! I was still tired from flying in the night before didn't get to sleep till about 4am....They told me people were going to start to show up about 3 but they started to show up at 10 .....lol..... she has a great family 30 people ended up being over 60 (my head was spinning) ......I was doing mano (blessing) to the people I was supposed to ( she was helping me by telling me who) and all her younger brothers and sisters and cousins and even aunts and uncles were doing it to me ....I guess because I was older......I guess a lot of people were shocked when her grandfather got there I went to bless him but he pulled his hand away and gave me a big hug.....she said that her family was shocked .....I was drinking mig light ....her uncles were trying to get me to do a lot of GSM with them but I told Pam when they called me over to bring me to meet someone else (really didn't want to get drunk) but about 11 pm they got some redhorse and that is how we ended the night....Really the whole experience there was a culture shock for me on how they lived but I love how the family is structured and helps each other out all the time!!!!! Also asked dad off to the side if I could have his daughters had and he said of coarse since she has made up her mind and she is a grown girl and there is nothing he can do...lol......it was a great week

I'm glad to hear everything went well, Charlie. I wish you and your partner good luck!

[GuardianOne 0]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

My fiance doesn't want me to send her money. She's very independent and gets frustrated when I do, even though she appreciates it if she sets aside her pride. I send her money anyways when I feel she's getting low and sometimes she has only 100 peso in her wallet when she was in between jobs and lied to me saying she had enough money, even though I kept track when she said what she spent it on.

I look at it as I am very far away and just want to make sure she's taken care of. She may not mind being low on peso, but there have been times where I send her money and then the car breaks down, or something comes up where she's glad I sent it. I just don't want her to have to be in a situation where she needs money and doesn't have it. I was like this in person too, always making sure she had 500-1000 peso on her when we were separated (Mainly when I was taking scuba diving courses and she would go home, then go eat)

I would just explain to her why you are doing it, and depending on your relationship send it to here if you feel she needs it.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

My wife still tries to minimize how much money I send her.

She keeps barely any Lod on her phone(s) and rarely carries more than a couple hundred pesos.

She used to get upset if I told her to get money from the ATM too often. I just explained to her that being so far away I can't hold her, kiss her or take care of her any other way than to ensure she always has enough money. Then I explained that my daughters & I have so much here that I feel guilty if her & our son don't have much. That's why I had 2 AirCons installed in Mom's house and have provided her with the electronics, DSL & money.

It took time but eventually she calmed down on accepting the money. Now the hard part is getting her to spend some of it something fun.

She still says she's worried that people will think she's taking advantage of me for money. She also hates that a lot of people around her assume that he has money to burn and always come asking her for stuff first.

[-Cinnamon- 0]

she loves you dude!

she just dont want maybe money is the issue and center of your relationship. Just explain to her. . and probably PMS.

God bless us.

xoxo

[SnME 3]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Be FIRM with her. Send her some more and tell her that you will NOT tolerate a 'broke' honey walking around with no money in her pocket...

Explain to her that 'broke' people make crappy choices in life to 'get by' and that you will NOT allow her to live that way any longer...

Keep in mind that she may hurt you the next time you see her if you do this...

Be FIRM.

[ailyn 0]

quote name='charlie&pam' post='3301661' date='Sep 11 2009, 10:08 AM']Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Whattt???? Ok, she dont want it? Give it to me then!

[Gumbolette 58]

Its nice to think that you actually care about your fiancee. Keep in mind. If she is not asking you anything and you are willing to send her--I would call it as "allowance" for a week or two, I don't think there's a problem with that. But when she starts to throw you countless of reasons that imply you to send her money, wake up brother.

This situation happen to me 3 years ago. When I had a good job enough to pay my bills and personal needs however my man wanted me to just focus on our relationship and I had to stop working, He offered me that he'll shoulder my bills and for my personal needs, then I said ok. Now, we are happily married.

It takes open communication and compromises to achieve a harmonious relationship.

I have a suggestion to make, how about just buy her a desktop and get her an internet so you you have an specific date and you know how much you have to send her every month.

Edited September 12, 2009 by LÜvtechwifey

[newlyweds 0]

When i first started talking to my fiance, we've already talked about how society has stereotyped people dating foreigners getting $$ sent.

I think your girl's pride was just challenged, that's all. When my fiance bought me a book online that I needed when I was still preparing for my Nclex exam(this was before we met) I felt so embarrassed. I really did not want him to spend more than he does for phonecalls and he just bought me that book. I appreciated his thoughtfulness but yes, my pride was challenged lol i come from a well-off family and a LOT of times I meet people asking me if he sends money and even have the tenacity to ask how much! lol

Before my fiance left, he also told me he wanted to send me some money every payday, either to spend or save. I kept telling him not to do that because I can just ask my parents for money, and he knows that but much like you, he wants me to have some money to go around.

That's just what it is with money and filipinas i guess. I still feel embarrassed when we talk about money coz much like your fiancee, I never want for anyone to think I'm taking advantage. But, instead, I set my pride aside, and appreciated his thoughtfulness. It's good to have money set aside anyway,plus as a previous post stated, we women can get shirts/clothing for our man lol

so yeah, just tell her to set it aside for rainy days or the sort, or she can have herself pampered as what my fiance would say lol

i do think though she's just overly reacting to the whole thing, there's no need for the temper tantrums lol at least you're quite thoughtful

Edited September 12, 2009 by Michey and Odessa

[loveaboo 0]

I think it's a common nature to men to want to provide for their special ones and to make sure they are well taken care of.

This has also been an issue between me and my fiance. Whenever he senses that I might be short with money, his initial reaction is to send me money. Though I find it really nice and sweet of him to want to make sure that I have enough money, I don't feel so comfortable about it. Money don't grow on trees and I know he has bills to pay also. So everytime he would insist on sending me money, I will always remind him our rule when it comes to finances. That is "What 's mine is mine and what's his is mine" . I should have a say how he spends his money and if I tell him not to send it to me, he should obey it. Lol...

Edited September 12, 2009 by loveaboo

[Loolie 56]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

hmmm...i think if you stop sending money then she'll really get mad...hehehehehe. joke.

you know what you should do...tell her that your sorry and that you'll never gonna send money anymore...then see what will be her reaction...hehehehehe.

[loveaboo 0]

I was trying to edit my previous post to include my answer to the OP's question but it wouldn't allow me.

Anyways, I don't think you broke any unwritten rule. In our culture, it's the man's responsibility to provide. Since you're not married yet, it's up to both of you how comfortable each of you in the idea of you providing for her. With me and my fiance, we're very comfortable with each other already. It's like we're already married without that piece of paper. We discuss everything. He doesn't make decisions without consulting me, especially when it comes to finances and vice versa.

With you and your fiancee, I don't know how open you are with each other. I agree with Luvtechwifey, open communication and willingness to compromise are the key to a good relationship. Honestly, I don't think she's upset because you sent her money. It could be as simple as she's worried that because of you sending her money, you might end up compromising something there (unless money is not an issue at all to you). She shouldn't worry about you thinking that she's using you for money. She should know that you know her better than that.

[tallcoolone 102]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Why would you send her money if she didn't ask for it.

You need to put her on budget and have her account for every Peso you give her.

Then you will know how much money she has, and you can help budget money for her

Don't need much money in PI in order to live good.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Ok......here is the problem.......Yesterday I sent my girl some money because I figured she was running low when I talked to her last night I gave her the money control # and she got all mad because she didn't ask me for any money she said that she feels ashamed and doesn't want me to feel that she is using me????? Did I do something wrong? I don"t know how to react??? I feel bad but at the same time I want to tell her just to take it and be quiet but not rudely!!!! It wasn't even that much just enough that she can get to the cafe each day and for her computer time!!!!! She also said that she budgeted the money I gave her last week so she didn't need it!!!! What did I do that was so wrong?

Be FIRM with her. Send her some more and tell her that you will NOT tolerate a 'broke' honey walking around with no money in her pocket...

Explain to her that 'broke' people make crappy choices in life to 'get by' and that you will NOT allow her to live that way any longer...

Keep in mind that she may hurt you the next time you see her if you do this...

Be FIRM.

It's nice to have something extra in your billfold than having just enough to get by.