Planning your wedding...

[Sister Fracas 5]

I know this is long and normally I'd shorten it somehow and only give the link, but I've noticed lately that people can't always get the links (i.e. blocked at work.) Anywhooo...enjoy.

Guest Gripes

Pretty much every bride knows she should not, under any circumstances, play a singles dance or put Aunt Florence next to the groom's frat buddies. But no matter how much care couples take in picking a DJ or planning the seating arrangements, wedding guests still encounter plenty of things that get under their skin. Since few would feel comfortable saying anything other than "Your wedding was beautiful!" to the bride's face, we've encouraged them to kvetch to their hearts' content here so you can avoid these nuptial no-nos and throw a wedding that's fun for everyone. Please note: Some names have been changed to protect those guilty of gaffes.

Gripe 1: Choosing sides.

"At many ceremonies, all the bride's friends have to sit on one side of the room and all the groom's friends sit on the other side. That sucks, because sometimes you're friends with both of them -- how do you choose? That moment of indecision is just weird for me. Plus, one side is usually much less crowded and people sit there thinking, 'Gee, the groom doesn't have many friends.' All of this can easily be avoided by just letting guests sit where they want." -- Angie, 35

Gripe 2: The kneel thing.

"I don't like the full-on mass where you have to stand, sit, kneel, and sing for an hour. By the end of my sister's ceremony, I wanted to gouge out my eyes with a hot poker -- we're here to celebrate, not get converted. Unless they're really religious, it's overkill. It's as if they're saying 'Look how married we are.'" -- Anna, 33

Gripe 3: Sound check.

"A close friend of mine hired this awful singer with a really flat soprano voice for the ceremony. I bowed my head and tried to think about something else so that I wouldn't burst out into hysterical laughter. However, when she got to the chorus, I glanced at my date -- big mistake -- and we both totally lost it. I was trying to control my laughter, but tears were pouring down my face. So I did the only respectable thing I could do at that point and pretended to be crying, loudly. The moral of the story is that brides should really check out the musicians they hire in advance." -- Tina, 32

Gripe 4: On the far side.

"I hate when there's a long distance between the ceremony and reception. I went to one wedding where the ceremony and reception were over an hour's drive apart from each other and no transportation was arranged. We kept passing churches on the way to the reception and saying, 'Why didn't they get married there?'" -- Jennifer, 34

Gripe 5: Theatrical weddings.

"The worst was this wedding where the lights dimmed, and then this guy dressed up as something out of Phantom of the Opera came out and performed songs from the musical." -- Joe, 39

Gripe 6: Class act.

"I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful... until the DJ let it rip with 'Baby Got Back.' It must have been the bride's request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her a$$ swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I'm not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin' at your own wedding." -- Colleen, 33

Gripe 7: Camera shy.

"I hate intrusive video cameras, when the guy shoves the mic into your hands and says, 'Do you have anything to say?' What if you don't have anything to say? What if you're camera shy? What if you're drunk? I think it's better if he just tips the mic in your direction so you can grab it if you want to or say 'no thanks' with a smile." -- Brett, 35

Gripe 8: Table matters.

"There's always that one table: The people kind of know each other but not really -- or they're all the extra people who couldn't be seated with people they know due to space constraints. It's always a random mix of cousins, college friends, neighbors, work friends, and distant relatives. The guests always know they're the misfit table, and it's always awkward to sit there trying to make conversation with these people you have no interest in. Lack of thought in the seating plan has one of the most painful, sometimes embarrassing, results for a guest who often wonders, 'Why am I stuck behind a pole at a table with a bunch of strangers?'" -- Megan, 27

Gripe 9: Love mismatch.

"I was at a wedding where the bride had told her single girlfriends that they'd be seated with single guys for a little matchup. But when they got to the reception, the 'singles table' was all women and one single guy. What a shame because the truth is, people go to weddings to meet someone or at least have a little flirt. I think she should have put close to equal numbers of guys and girls at the table!" -- Gina, 34

Gripe 10: Note this.

"I can't stand bands or singers who are way too high on themselves, like they think they are performing at Carnegie Hall. This is a wedding, people! You are wedding singers, not Earth, Wind & Fire!" -- Rebecca, 29

Gripe 11: Singles clubbing.

"I remember one friend's wedding at which the DJ was given names of single female friends to bellow over the microphone to make sure they were participating. The horror!" -- Gina, 37

Gripe 12: Solo horrors.

"I loathe the 'everyone get up and dance with your spouse' portion. More often than not I am sans date -- so I'm either forced to sit alone like a loser and watch everyone dance, or I'm forced to dance with a loser who has been thrust on me by a relative with that look of pity in her eye." -- Cathy, 29

Gripe 13: Timing is everything.

"I can't stand any speech that's longer than four minutes -- especially sentimental ones where a brother talks about not being sure he could ever fill his big bro's shoes." -- Walter, 24

Gripe 14: Raising the bar.

"I hate bartenders who don't know how to make good drinks or, worse yet, bartenders who skimp on the alcohol and give you mixed drinks that are watered down. I'm not sure if they're being cheap or if they just don't want someone to get smashed and say what happened at the bachelor party. Either way, I want my cosmos the way I like them." -- Diny, 33

Gripe 15: Bad timing.

"I hate when you have to wait for hours before you get to eat. One friend's wedding took place at 3:30 and the cocktail hour started at 5:00, with an open bar and hors d'oeuvres. Unfortunately, it was just that -- a cocktail hour. At 6:00, the food was whisked away and the bar started charging. At 8:30, the bride and groom wandered in, and half an hour later dinner was served. We were starving, and by the time we finished dinner, after 10, nobody was in the mood to party." -- Megan, 27

Gripe 16: Slow food movement.

"We went to a wedding where there was a make-your-own pasta station where you got to pick the pasta and the sauce and have it made for you personally. Only problem is, it was way too slow. They could only do two people at a time, which means only two people could eat at a time while the rest of us stood in this enormous line. I would have rather not had the choice and not had to eat in shifts." -- Tammy, 35

Gripe 17: Good, clean fun.

"Messy food -- ribs, lobster, corn on the cob -- can be a nightmare. Someone, usually me, always ends up in the bathroom trying to wash off a big blob of barbecue sauce." -- Judy, 32

Gripe 18: Making the cut.

"I once received a wedding invitation with an extremely early RSVP date: It gave us only ten days to return it. When I asked the bride why, she said, 'Well, I have guest list A, B, and C. Once people from the A group drop out, we'll start inviting group B, and so on.' At least I was in group A, but I still thought that was pretty bad." -- Jennifer, 35

Gripe 19: Cold call.

"If the festivities are outside in a tent, you'd really better be sure it's fairly warm out. One time I was at a wedding that was so cold, everyone had to keep their coats on over their beautiful outfits and huddle around the space heaters." -- Gina, 36

Gripe 20: Great expectations.

"My brother was married on a Friday afternoon and had his rehearsal at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday. That meant that we were all required to take two full days off from work. Time off is limited as is and difficult enough to get without wasting it on an afternoon rehearsal. I feel that consideration for the guests could have been taken into account." -- Terry, 26

Gripe 21: Giving thanks.

"I can't stand it when brides b#tch about who didn't buy them a gift, then fail to thank you for the one you bought them! I expect a handwritten thank-you note within a week of the wedding -- not a brief 'thank you' shoved into a Christmas card months later!" -- Theresa, 28

Gripe 22: Dance-a-thon.

"Too many special dances that people have to watch drive me crazy. Father and bride, mother and groom, and bridal party is fine -- but I attended one wedding where there were so many! Bride and grandfather, groom and grandmother, bride and godfather -- it became excessive. We wanted to dance too!" -- Angie, 25

Gripe 23: The drive-by hi.

"It stinks when the couple doesn't say 'hi' and 'thanks for coming' to you because they're so busy." -- Rosanna, 33

Gripe 24: Obstructed views.

"Centerpieces that are too big are a problem. It's nice to have dinner conversation, and I've been to too many weddings where the centerpieces blocked my view of the other side of the table." -- Valerie, 25

Edited July 13, 2006 by Frances

[Joey559 1]

HAHAHAHA! I'm planning my wedding for Oct. 7th now and I made it very clear to the DJ. NO ONE will be freaking anything on my dance floor. I said if i wanted a strip club DJ and strip club dancing i'd take it to the strip club. I'm not a prude but it's a wedding. Luckily all of my friends and family would rather slow dance to The Rat Pack and Motown and bop around to the 80's.

Good luck to everyone - wedding planning - not fun!

[almaty 19]

wow, that is allot of info sister fraces

[Sister Fracas 5]

wow, that is allot of info sister fraces

I know, I know...you want the Cliff Notes version...

[ladybutterfly 0]

I really enjoyed reading that! It really amused me and I thought to myself thank god, none of that happened at my wedding!

[Sister Fracas 5]

I really enjoyed reading that! It really amused me and I thought to myself thank god, none of that happened at my wedding!

My pet peeve on that list is the HUGE time between ceremony and reception. I went to a wedding last year where the ceremony was at 1:00pm and the reception at 7:00pm. We had to drive an hour and a half to the reception, and then cuz we had nowhere to go and were going to change for the semi-formal reception, we had to drive an hour and a half home..change and drive another hour for the reception. That's a pain too...don't make your guests change clothes...cuz if you have an afternoon ceremony, you sure as heck don't want to wear the reception outfit to church. aaaack.

[keltic 1]

sister frances, you know i have nothing but love for you... and this is not directed at you (just in case you even needed me to tell ya)

some of those things are things that i would like to think most folks would know... and while some of them are legit concerns... some of them kind of blow me away... as if there isnt enough for brides to worry about (esp the brides on this forum)... a few of those gripes make it sound like the wedding is supposed to be centered around the guests! isnt the whole point of the wedding to celebrate the couple getting married? in the manner that THEY want? *shakes head

[Sister Fracas 5]

sister frances, you know i have nothing but love for you... and this is not directed at you (just in case you even needed me to tell ya)

some of those things are things that i would like to think most folks would know... and while some of them are legit concerns... some of them kind of blow me away... as if there isnt enough for brides to worry about (esp the brides on this forum)... a few of those gripes make it sound like the wedding is supposed to be centered around the guests! isnt the whole point of the wedding to celebrate the couple getting married? in the manner that THEY want? *shakes head

I get what you are saying, and yeah some of those like the church ceremony are really not a quibble guests should make toward the couple, but I DO think the couple has a responsibility to their guests as well. I don't think it's fair to just say tough, deal with it, it's my day. For example, if you know you have vegetarians attending and you don't offer them the same quality meal as the meat-eaters (and not just a plate with the meat taken off), then I think that says you don't value them as a guest.

I dunno... that's how I feel about it, like we were the hosts of a party that we wanted all of our guests to feel comfortable at and have a really good time.... no embarassing hook-up seating plan...

Edited July 13, 2006 by Frances

[keltic 1]

sister frances, you know i have nothing but love for you... and this is not directed at you (just in case you even needed me to tell ya)

some of those things are things that i would like to think most folks would know... and while some of them are legit concerns... some of them kind of blow me away... as if there isnt enough for brides to worry about (esp the brides on this forum)... a few of those gripes make it sound like the wedding is supposed to be centered around the guests! isnt the whole point of the wedding to celebrate the couple getting married? in the manner that THEY want? *shakes head

I get what you are saying, and yeah some of those like the church ceremony are really not a quibble guests should make toward the couple, but I DO think the couple has a responsibility to their guests as well. I don't think it's fair to just say tough, deal with it, it's my day. For example, if you know you have vegetarians attending and you don't offer them the same quality meal as the meat-eaters (and not just a plate with the meat taken off), then I think that says you don't value them as a guest.

I dunno... that's how I feel about it, like we were the hosts of a party that we wanted all of our guests to feel comfortable at and have a really good time.... no embarassing hook-up seating plan...

oh, i agree completely with that... and guests should be comfortable and not need to keep their coats on for the entire ceremony, etc...

im just saying some of that stuff is a bit over the top... for example, like you said the church wedding... if it means something to them to have the full on service... then they should have it and not need to apologize to the guests... same with the singer... if the couple wanted someone in particular to sing, or a particular theatrical theme (say they met and fell in love while working on a production of 'phantom of the opera'), who should say otherwise? and if a bride wants to shake her booty, and the groom likes it... let her do it!

[Sister Fracas 5]

im just saying some of that stuff is a bit over the top... for example, like you said the church wedding... if it means something to them to have the full on service... then they should have it and not need to apologize to the guests... same with the singer... if the couple wanted someone in particular to sing, or a particular theatrical theme (say they met and fell in love while working on a production of 'phantom of the opera'), who should say otherwise? and if a bride wants to shake her booty, and the groom likes it... let her do it!

sure....they just shouldn't expect everyone to jump on the their band wagon if it's not their thing... and all of these things won't be a bother for everyone. Like the sitting on particular side of the church...I always forget, sit where there are fewer people, and no one cares or notices... hehe.

[keltic 1]

im just saying some of that stuff is a bit over the top... for example, like you said the church wedding... if it means something to them to have the full on service... then they should have it and not need to apologize to the guests... same with the singer... if the couple wanted someone in particular to sing, or a particular theatrical theme (say they met and fell in love while working on a production of 'phantom of the opera'), who should say otherwise? and if a bride wants to shake her booty, and the groom likes it... let her do it!

sure....they just shouldn't expect everyone to jump on the their band wagon if it's not their thing... and all of these things won't be a bother for everyone. Like the sitting on particular side of the church...I always forget, sit where there are fewer people, and no one cares or notices... hehe.

[luvaLimey 0]

Gripe 3: Sound check.

"A close friend of mine hired this awful singer with a really flat soprano voice for the ceremony. I bowed my head and tried to think about something else so that I wouldn't burst out into hysterical laughter. However, when she got to the chorus, I glanced at my date -- big mistake -- and we both totally lost it. I was trying to control my laughter, but tears were pouring down my face. So I did the only respectable thing I could do at that point and pretended to be crying, loudly. The moral of the story is that brides should really check out the musicians they hire in advance." -- Tina, 32

My Stepmother's neice apparently has this "OMG it's soooo beautiful!!!!" voice that I just can't stand (I don't like the sound of studied voice - way too much verbrato). Anyway, there I was smiling and shaking people's hands and thanking them for coming at my reception (for my first marriage) when I hear from accross the hall this woman singing.

Cue me cringing, and my then-husband looking at me like it was my idea. It wasn't, but then most of what went on at my receptions wasn't my idea anyway. I didn't even get to choose my dress.

This is why we're not having a "wedding" when my fiance and I get hitched... just going to go do a little civil ceremony and we're done.

[kyleers 0]

My gripe was when my friend of 10 years and the best man (who had met one day before) went into the woman's bathroom for a love session... while my mom was in one of the stalls using the restroom.

[mi_illusion_st 0]

I hate it when they don't plan any activities or anything for young children to do at the reception. as for mine I am going to have crayons and alot of computer paper so the kids can draw, and I plan on having "clean" snacks available before the wedding for the children too many parents forget it can seem awfully long until you eat to a 5 year old.

[Sharon 1]

Okay....how about a bride who invites her sister's EX-in-laws to the reception where her sister is going to be with her new husband? And it gets better...sits them just one table away from each other!

MY SISTER.....did it to me.

I was there with my wonderful hubby, and my ex mother-in-law, ex-father-in-law, TWO ex sisters-in-law and ex brother-in-law were staring at our backs all night long.....

Fun times.

Oh yeah, she had asked me how I felt...and I told her I didn't really like the idea cuz it would make me quite uncomfortable.

But unfortunately, and I hate to say it but it's true...I think my sister still went ahead and invited them because they are well off and she knew she would get a nice cash wedding gift.

Screw how her sister felt, ya know?

Edited September 1, 2006 by Sharon