Mixed feelings about having civil wedding first

[Carlawarla 1]

You make it sound as if one can't plan something beautiful during the time you're awaiting the K1 I was not married at a court house, but rather by minister friend of our's. We had a SWW (small white wedding). Small mostly because we had close friends and family only. I don't have a huge famliy or tons of freinds or coworkers who I would have invited and neither does my husband. We were able to do a lot of planning while waiting (gawd knows everyone here has time on their hands....)

I don't know how else to put it except somewhat bluntly, don't get married in any way that doesnt make you 100% happy. You have choices to make. I suspect many of us who are now married here will say, the wedding day, no matter how big or small, is small potatoes in comparison to the remainder of your life. Many of us were llike...phew, thank gawd we can get on to the real deal Being married is so much better then the wedding day itself.

Don't get me wrong though, I agonized many a time over whether what we chose was 'special enough' for our guests and good enough to be OUR wedding day. I drove my fiance nuts.

Wonderfully put Udella. Wise words.

[RUSSandRACHEL 3]

Hi there,

We are in exactly the same situation as you. Despite many, many helpful people on VJ advising us to get married in a courthouse or the equivalent and then having a bigger celebrations months later, we just don't want to.

Like you mentioned, we don't want two wedding dates and also we have waited far too long to be married and we want to do it properly, the way that we feel is right for us and for us that can only happen one time, the way that we have always dreamed of. I know that planning a wedding is expensive and many vendors need notice to secure the date for you (and also deposits) but we've decided it is worth the risk.

We filed our I-129F in July and we're planning our wedding for June 27th 2010. We will be getting married under a gazebo next to the beach infront of a beautiful lake in New Jersey and then we have a banqueting hall booked for our evening reception. Everything now, is all booked and while we have explained our prediacament to vendors, most have agreed to change the date in an emergency. Those that won't, we figure it is only a small price to pay. We have also negotiated with all vendors and paid minimal deposits to everyone.

My advice is although be sensible, give yourselves plenty of time and be aware of every eventuality... go ahead and plan the wedding of your dreams. Think positive and make realistic, sensible descisions when paying deposits and securing dates. Although what I'm saying doesn't seem to be the general concensus on here, (and [people have warned me against it) it can be done. I have heard positive stories fom people who have done as we're doing and have never looked back. Good luck!

[thetreble 19]

You make it sound as if one can't plan something beautiful during the time you're awaiting the K1 I was not married at a court house, but rather by minister friend of our's. We had a SWW (small white wedding). Small mostly because we had close friends and family only. I don't have a huge famliy or tons of freinds or coworkers who I would have invited and neither does my husband. We were able to do a lot of planning while waiting (gawd knows everyone here has time on their hands....)

I don't know how else to put it except somewhat bluntly, don't get married in any way that doesnt make you 100% happy. You have choices to make. I suspect many of us who are now married here will say, the wedding day, no matter how big or small, is small potatoes in comparison to the remainder of your life. Many of us were llike...phew, thank gawd we can get on to the real deal Being married is so much better then the wedding day itself.

Don't get me wrong though, I agonized many a time over whether what we chose was 'special enough' for our guests and good enough to be OUR wedding day. I drove my fiance nuts.

Wonderfully put Udella. Wise words.

Agreed! So many people put such emphasis on a wedding day...but to me it's what happens on that first day after it's all over. I couldn't wait to get the wedding over with.

I had a civil ceremony and then a small wedding with my friends and family. It was very great but to be honest with you, I can't even remember most of it two years later so try not to put too much emphasis on it.

My brother in law was recently married for 16 days....this was a woman he was with for 4 years and they had a VERY elaborate, expensive wedding with all the bells and whistles.

Less than two weeks later, my brother in law got a lawyer and in 6 months he can legally be divorced.

So, I guess my life lesson has been..is that...the wedding really isn't a big deal. Do what makes you happy, but know that no matter how small or big or eventful it is, that in a few short months you probably won't be able to remember much about it any way!

[toronto nonie 0]

I totally understand how you are feeling...that was my sentiment as well. I only wanted one wedding, but the fact of the matter is we will probably get our visa in the winter and i didn't want to wait (plus of course there's that whole issue of getting married before the K-1 expires). So we are getting married at city hall as soon as i get my visa and then our ceremony will be in July. Good thing is - two honeymoons!! We are heading to NYC for the weekend after we get married and then in July we are heading to Hawaii to have our 'real' honeymoon!!

[thetreble 19]

Good thing is - two honeymoons!! We are heading to NYC for the weekend after we get married and then in July we are heading to Hawaii to have our 'real' honeymoon!!

Sweeeeet!

[trailmix 77]

My advice is although be sensible, give yourselves plenty of time and be aware of every eventuality... go ahead and plan the wedding of your dreams. Think positive and make realistic, sensible descisions when paying deposits and securing dates. Although what I'm saying doesn't seem to be the general concensus on here, (and [people have warned me against it) it can be done. I have heard positive stories fom people who have done as we're doing and have never looked back. Good luck!

I don't know why many would be warning you against it, sounds like you are very sensible and have made a very sensible plan - good luck to you!

[Aero and Dero 0]

Definitely. I have insane mixed feelings but he doesn't mind as much. I feel there should be only one wedding. But, as always, you have to compromise. I want a summer wedding. Our visa, if it goes 'on schedule' could be approved by March of 2009. Winter/spring in Seattle is just so ugly and depressing and I don't want to remember my wedding anniversary as gloomy and oppressive. At the same time, I don't want to have to wait another 5 months to over a year in planning my perfect summer wedding to be with him. So we're going to do the civil ceremony, and then have our <50 people wedding sometime later that summer, hopefully.

Is it premature to start booking dates for next August? I guess, when it comes to government dealings, anything is premature...

[Peachey 10]

The reason I'm having a "second" wedding is because every single wedding I've been to in my family is FUN and I want to have FUN, even if my Fiance's family won't.

You do what you are comfortable with. It's not the wedding day that makes the marriage, it's the commitment that you are making to each other that makes the marriage.

[Sprailenes 47]

I didn't really care. We had the civil ceremony then a bigger wedding about 8 months later. His parents are traditional and wanted a traditional wedding so they basically paid for most of it and we went along for the ride. It was fun... but I wouldn't have done it if they hadn't insisted. I don't regret it but it's just not me to have a big to do.

Edited September 8, 2009 by Sprailenes