new life not wat she expected

[chizkeyk 0]

hi iam sad to say my wife and i are not going to make it in this marriage iam not mad at her i just want her to be happy and that would be for her to go home to the philippines back with her family the question i have is can she travel home and make it thru immigration with out her green card we have not finished all of the aos stuff yet just did biometrics my udaerstanding is she can leave usa but not return is that right . sorry to bring anyone down from there happiness with this topic

thanks

Green Card is not required on her way OUT of this country. All she need is her passport.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Actually, one doesn't even need a passport to LEAVE the country.

[Gemmie 142]

I admit it!

I'm homesick, I miss my family and friends, I feel isolated because I dont have a job and cant drive at the moment and my husband works long hours (oh yes, look at me sat at home on my own for the next few days, just me and the cat)

My husband couldn't even begin to understand the things I am experiencing at the moment, and he is the 1st one to admit that. All the things the petitioner goes through, the beneficiary goes through too.

On top of that the beneficiary is likely to experience all of the things I have listed above. The petitioner is likely to feel a helplessness that the beneficiary cant understand.

It's all very well telling someone to "suck it up" but I think David cant walk in my shoes and I cant fill his. The only thing keeping me here right now is my love for my husband, my hunger to begin my new life and my attitude towards challenges (I am a stubborn cow), but if all the elements dont meet up and you aren't a strong individual....well put it this way, I can understand why someone would want to go home.

Apparently the first year of marriage is the most difficult for a lot of couples. Then add to this the loneliness and complete isolation you feel when the dust settles....and you have one heck of a battle on your hands.

I have a feeling I might win my battle, but the people who lose the fight have my respect for loving someone enough to put themselves through this process and the transition in the first place.

Jonara: You may feel differently when you actually have experience of the end result of the process. At the moment you are dealing in expectation....and not reality.

Sorry to bring this topic back up, but I completely agree with Ellie.

When I came to the US, I felt guilty for feeling homesick and isolated. I told myself that this is what I wanted for all of those years and there I was, wanting nothing anymore. I just wanted to go home and see my friends, be able to walk down familiar streets, and have my independence back. It's only when I read of other new immigrants negative feelings that I got relief from that. I know that it IS normal to feel that way.

Everyone does react to moving countries differently, and not only that, there are circumstances that affect different people. For example, I'm not alone ALL day as my husband is only gone for 6 hours a day but I'm in the countryside so don't get to just walk to the city centre. It takes an hour train ride for me, and then I have to hope someone can pick me up at the end of the day (when they're able to) and that we have the money for me to do anything while there. Potentially 8 hours in the city by myself with no money? Not so fun after a while.

It's been hard. I don't have any friends over here, so I spend my time on the phone a lot - even that seems frustrating.

I've been here for 3 months now and things are a lot better. The days are moving a lot quicker, so I feel less lonely. I still need to learn how to drive (quickly before the winter comes as there will be too much ice on the roads) and I still need to find something for myself to do. But it's no longer a past-time to sit and think about how much I miss my old life, and how bored I am. I still don't feel independent when I have to whine about being bored and get him to drive me to the mall. He does this for me because he's kind and supportive, but I do think it's easier said than done to just "suck it up" as suggested by a poster here.

I don't just want to complain about it all because I know that I made the decision to move. I came to the US for my husband, because I wanted to be together for real. I'm so glad that we finally have that. But it doesn't mean that it stops the other feelings, the ones you're nit supposed to talk about too much.

[Ginger cat 3]

hi iam sad to say my wife and i are not going to make it in this marriage iam not mad at her i just want her to be happy and that would be for her to go home to the philippines back with her family the question i have is can she travel home and make it thru immigration with out her green card we have not finished all of the aos stuff yet just did biometrics my udaerstanding is she can leave usa but not return is that right . sorry to bring anyone down from there happiness with this topic

thanks

I don't know why it sounds familiar...have i already read that before?

do you think she was thinking that USA was like the tv series she was watching or the movies?

and to be honest since I have been in USA, those super over fake-all-the-same-made-up-and-over-perfect-haircut women just look good on screen, in real, that's just A*W*E*-F*U*L*L

do you want me to comment about the average american peep?

no, you prefer not, I am ,telling you

and yet, believe it or not, I like USA, I haven't felt homesick...but I love more France.

Edited September 10, 2009 by Ginger cat

[bhajishah 4]

Wow , seems as though she found the simple life, wasnt so simple, when she jumped out on that road.NO she has got no friends she can call real. GOt nobody waiting at home!! too bad for her. DOnt worry about it. coz it not worried about you!!!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Actually, one doesn't even need a passport to LEAVE the country.

Most airlines won't give you a boarding pass if you don't have travel documents allowing you to enter the destination country. They don't want to be stuck having to return you to the country of departure. You may not need a passport to leave the US and return to your home country, but you'd need some sort of documentation proving you'll be allowed to enter once you arrive there.

[Jonara 0]

To those who did not take the "suck-it-up" movement really well, please note it shouldn't be construed as my lack of compassion. I have the softest spot for people who are going through those hard times of missing home just like I was many many years ago. However, compassion does not always translate to getting too deep into the ugliness of things. At times the best route is to present how things can be worse and to point out the reality of being an immigrant (anywhere). I do acknowledge though that people are not built the same way. Some are brave and some are always hesitant to push themselves out of loneliness fast and furious.

When my fiance was here last year for 3 months, he started driving about a week after he arrived, running errands, shopping all by himself, driving a good distance to entertain himself while I'm at work yada yada. This is a French man who started learning English only about 1.5 years ago. If he can do this, so can anyone. It's all about determination to move forward. If you're not ready for that, then you're not so take your time. But remember sympathy tokens can run out and that's just fact.

[Gemmie 142]

He must be very grateful that he can drive over there.

The frustration and isolation that I feel is because I can't yet and have to wait for others to come back from their daily lives to take me around.

My ex housemate is Japanese and she came to England with hardly any knowledge of the language. She learned it very quickly, she went to school, she made friends... I'm so proud of her - but the difference is that she was able to get around and do things via public transport and money.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

My ex housemate is Japanese and she came to England with hardly any knowledge of the language. She learned it very quickly, she went to school, she made friends... I'm so proud of her - but the difference is that she was able to get around and do things via public transport and money.

is the public transportation system by you horrendous? why can't you do the same...?

[Gemmie 142]

I'm in the countryside so don't get to just walk to the city centre. It takes an hour train ride for me (if someone can get me to the station), and then I have to hope someone can pick me up at the end of the day (when they're able to) and that we have the money for me to do anything while there. Potentially 8 hours in the city by myself with no money? Not so fun after a while.

I'm surrounded by highways. No buses.

Edited September 11, 2009 by Gemmie

[Jonara 0]

I'm in the countryside so don't get to just walk to the city centre. It takes an hour train ride for me (if someone can get me to the station), and then I have to hope someone can pick me up at the end of the day (when they're able to) and that we have the money for me to do anything while there. Potentially 8 hours in the city by myself with no money? Not so fun after a while.

I'm surrounded by highways. No buses.

Gemmie - try to apply for your driver's license now or get into driver's ed if you don't know how to drive yet. Driving here is such a huge thing in the US unless you live in a big city. This is your ticket to freedom and less loneliness. Is there any issue that hinders you to get a license? Before my fiance visited me, I had asked him to get an international license. I have NO idea if the US even honors I/L but he got one anyway at no cost. Then after he arrived here, I still wasn't sure if he is allowed to drive so I called the police station to find out and they said YES he's allowed. Who knows if that's accurate but yeah he drove right away. It's not to say he didn't miss home ever but his ability to move around helped him assimilate quickly and knock off whatever he's missing in France.

I hope you get the driving situation sorted while the roads are still clear. It gets more depressing being stuck at home in winter. Where are you based now if I may ask?

[Gemmie 142]

I'm currently reading the drivers' manual so that I can get my learners permit. You're right, I really need to learn while the roads are clear. I've also heard though that I have to keep my learners permit for 6 months before I can take the test. I'll have to find out about that.

I'm living in a small town (Middleboro) in MA (an hour outside Boston).

[Jonara 0]

I'm currently reading the drivers' manual so that I can get my learners permit. You're right, I really need to learn while the roads are clear. I've also heard though that I have to keep my learners permit for 6 months before I can take the test. I'll have to find out about that.

I'm living in a small town (Middleboro) in MA (an hour outside Boston).

Oh dear you're towards the Cape. Urgh it's such a long time ago for me but I believe the 6 month learner's permit holder requirement is for minors only. After passing the written test, having a learner's permit allows you to drive (with someone 21+ and a license holder as well). Disregarding that I'm a complete stranger, I would have helped you practice-drive but you're too far! Driving is such a serious necessity here. I hope you get around this at least by spring.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Actually, one doesn't even need a passport to LEAVE the country.

Most airlines won't give you a boarding pass if you don't have travel documents allowing you to enter the destination country. They don't want to be stuck having to return you to the country of departure. You may not need a passport to leave the US and return to your home country, but you'd need some sort of documentation proving you'll be allowed to enter once you arrive there.

I always have to show my passport when leaving the US on an international flight. And I see everyone else showing theirs, too. I wish I flew out of your airport. LAX is not very modern I guess....

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Actually, one doesn't even need a passport to LEAVE the country.

Most airlines won't give you a boarding pass if you don't have travel documents allowing you to enter the destination country. They don't want to be stuck having to return you to the country of departure. You may not need a passport to leave the US and return to your home country, but you'd need some sort of documentation proving you'll be allowed to enter once you arrive there.

I always have to show my passport when leaving the US on an international flight. And I see everyone else showing theirs, too. I wish I flew out of your airport. LAX is not very modern I guess....

LAX is one of the worst airports in the US.