Engaged with ring! But not sure what to do.

[Aero and Dero 0]

Hi! I'm new here and am at a total loss of what to do. Add to that, I am a total worry wart and I think of all the what if scenarios that freak me out.

My boyfriend and I first met online in 1998, and then met in person on January 3rd, 2001 and started dating. We've been carrying on a cross-border and sometimes long long distance relationship since then and we recently got engaged (with a ring and all!). I eventually moved to Seattle in 2004, and as he lives in Vancouver, it's been a little easier, but 3 hour one-way driving trips is pretty taxing.

But since we've been crossing the border so often, so much, last Christmas, due to the due diligence of one of the CBP officers, we were both detained on our way into the US and he was denied entry into the US because they deemed he had no significant ties to Canada. Given we had a plane to catch (so he could meet my family for the first time), we went back to Vancouver and accumulated as much information as we could and came back. Though they said none of the information we showed them was proof enough of his ties to Canada (house mortgage, payments, bills, tax forms, school forms, medical bills etc...), they let us in anyway given our plane tickets and a return flight.

After that, (given my worrying nature) we stopped traveling together, and whenever I crossed the border alone, I'd get pulled over and made to wait for at least 1.5 hours before they'd process any thing. One time, they pulled me over because I had laundry in my trunk as my boyfriend's mother runs a professional laundromat and I wanted several things professionally cleaned. They stated that I might have his clothes in mine and that's not allowed, to which I responded: "After dating for almost 8 years, I frankly don't know if I have any of his clothes mixed in mine." I'm still baffled as to why /laundry/ is an issue to pull me over, other than it was an excuse. I might note, they didn't actually search my laundry or my car.

I'm a US citizen, born and raised. It's a given that he, as the non-US citizen, was pulled over every time and was denied entry into the country over and over again until June of this year. Basically, none of his paperwork was enough proof that he had ties to Canada (which left me wondering /what/ actually is enough proof? Is our country's supposed security THAT subjective?)

In any case, after that hell of January to June, we have finally settled back into our normal pattern of visiting each other on the weekends.

My question is, we are planning our to start our K-1 application process in the next week. Given all our issues with the border in the past year and their seeming tendency to reject with flimsy reasons, how do I cross the border with my ring? I don't mind paying the taxes if needed, I'm just afraid since our passports are now linked (due to being denied entry together), and our past issues, that they will take the ring as an intent to immigrate and prevent him from visiting me for the next 6 months (or however long the visa process takes). I don't think I can deal with that after having been forcibly separated from him for 3-5 months.

Is this an unreasonable fear? Can I just declare my ring without worries that they will use this as yet another excuse to deny him entry?

Edited September 4, 2009 by spunbutterfly

[Danu 19]

most people don't bother declaring the jewellery they are wearing if they are only going for a visit. Its just if you are bringing to leave in the country that it becomes an issue. Now if you're bringing it down to the US from Canada, you should be ok as long as its cost is under what your duty allowance for the time visited is. You may have to pay taxes on any amount over that (bring a copy of the reciept) or not as the guard sees fit. It shouldn't affect your fiance though, except that now he will be saying hes going to visit his fiance instead of girlfriend which may or may not cause more issues as hes already been denied entry for lack of ties.

[Peachey 10]

There is some kind of waver form I found when I got my ring. Although I came back to Canada, they didn't ask me about it.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I crossed the border several times with a ring on my hand and it never came up. I really don't think the ring itself is going to cause you any issues, however what the ring symbolizes may get you some extra questioning. Now that you are officially engaged, the danger that he may intend to stay in the US on one of his visits is heightened. The problem is that since you were denied entry the one time, your file is now flagged and will often get you questioned a little extra when you cross. Bringing ties is really all you can do, and I don't see how you can really be prepared with more information then you already have. However, once you file for the K-1, make sure you bring evidence that you have filed your petition with you, which can serve as prof that you are aware of immigration laws and that you intend to follow them. I'd make a photocopy of your package and have it with you, along with your K-1 NOA1 when you receive it.

However, I am confused on one point. Do you go to Canada and pick him up then cross with him? Or does he cross alone? I could see how you having him in the car with you may raise some extra eyebrows. My husband (then boyfriend) did this once and were questioned a little more than normal. I'm not really sure why, make it looks like you are picking him up and moving his across?

Edited September 4, 2009 by Hugglebuggles

[Rustbelt 0]

If he's been denied entry once it will likely happen again. We've been very lucky in that my wife has only come close to that once - the border guards are largely quite reasonable here. I suggest that if it happens again that you explain that you do understand that a K1 is required and it will be filed soon. My wife has found that showing knowledge of (and respect for) the immigration rules sometimes helps. Be honest and show that you have a plan for his immigration and that should help.

I can't really comment on your engagement ring . . .

I will tell you a funny (kind of) story about laundry, though. We were both living in Canada and when I moved back to the US for work, we drove down. We drove in separate cars because my wife was going straight back to work (in Canada) the next day, and we were taking enough stuff for me to survive for a couple of months in the two cars (pots, pans, linens, clothes, etc.) So I cross first, and then my wife crosses right after and (as expected) gets pulled over to secondary because she had to get her visa waiver renewed (she's a UK citizen, not Canadian, so has to do this every three months).

The immigration folks gave her the hardest time in the world because in the car she had some bedlinens ("ours") and she also had . . . . wait for it . . . . THREE of my shirts. Oh! The Horror!!!! THREE of my shirts. You'd think she was bringing cocaine into the country.

After two hours she turned up at my new apartment in tears because she really felt like she'd been treated like a criminal.

But, for the record, just like you can't take other people's stuff on an airplane, you also can't take other people's stuff over the border in a car. Dumb, but true.

Short version: ALWAYS be polite, even if they're being an ####; always tell the truth and be prepared for the worst.

[Aero and Dero 0]

However, I am confused on one point. Do you go to Canada and pick him up then cross with him? Or does he cross alone? I could see how you having him in the car with you may raise some extra eyebrows. My husband (then boyfriend) did this once and were questioned a little more than normal. I'm not really sure why, make it looks like you are picking him up and moving his across?

In efforts to maximize our time together, for a while he had a job where he had off Monday and Tuesday, while I had Saturday and Sunday off. So I'd drive up Friday night, spend two days in Canada while he worked, and then we'd drive down together (save gas), and he'd spend two days down in the States and take the bus or train back up.

Mostly, I'm worried they will take being engaged as a sign of intent to immigrate and start denying him entry once more. As unreasonable as it seems, I've learned in the last year the CBP can be as unreasonable as they like and have to give no explanations as to their actions, so wondered if anyone had experience with this, or knew definitively whether or not having a ring and being engaged will cause denial of entry until the visa process is complete.

[Peachey 10]

As long as he brings strong ties to Canada he should be ok. Bringing your NOAs is a plus.

Last time I crossed by myself the border guard at Pearson didn't ask to see anything! But I don't take that for granted. I always bring my proof.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I am surprised that your fiance has trouble with the evidence he does bring. Does he work? Perhaps he can include a letter from his employer stating his regular work hours to help prove he will go back at the end of the weekend.

Regarding the ring, if asked why you are coming to Canada you need to be honest and say you are visiting your fiance. If he is asked, then he needs to say he is visiting his fiancee. Once you get the I-129f petition filed make sure he has a copy of that in his evidence folder. Also make sure he gets a copy of the NOA1 (notice of receipt for the I-129f). This will help show your intention of pursuing the proper immigration route to have him move to the US.

You don't need to declare your ring entering into Canada - you are not staying. Did you get your ring in Canada and are wearing it into the US? I don't know what the customs rules are for the US, but the US cannot stop you from entering your own country and the ring shouldn't make any difference. If you are asked by US customs where you were, you simply state you were visiting with your fiance.

When the time comes for his interview, he must be honest about his experiences at the border. It will have absolutely no bearing upon the success or failure of his interview having been turned back for lacking proof of his ties to Canada - as long as he tells the truth. The length of your relationshp and the multiple times you have proved that you are indeed just visiting will help as well. I really am surprised that you are still having such a hassle. Regardless, have him carry a full copy of the I-129f petition when he visits and it may make things easier.

Good luck to the two of you.

Edited September 4, 2009 by Kathryn41

[Aero and Dero 0]

After two hours she turned up at my new apartment in tears because she really felt like she'd been treated like a criminal.

Talk about criminal treatment! It really sucks.

The first time we were detained together, we spent a total of 8 hours at the border (from 6am, cause we wanted to be able to make it to church that day, until 2:30PM) because they refused to tell us why we were being detained and kept questioning him over and over again. We were not allowed water, food, or restroom breaks. They threatened to send us to an immigration judge or to just hold us for prolonged amount of time. By the time we were 'released', I was a nervous wreck. They've treated me like a criminal each time I was pulled over since, and after the third or fourth time in a row I asked to speak directly to a supervisor. I took down names and badge numbers and he said he'd clear it since it was a mistake and oversight. Since then, I haven't been pulled over and my border crossings are as cursory as they were prior to this incident. I think this, however, illustrates just why I'm pretty paranoid that they'll take the sign of a ring as intent to illegally immigrate for whatever reason.

Short version: ALWAYS be polite, even if they're being an ####; always tell the truth and be prepared for the worst.

There's polite and there's being stepped all over, and by that third or fourth visit where they wouldn't tell me why I was being detained, I stopped wanting to be stepped all over. In my general history with the US-Canadian border, I'm polite. But thanks for the anecdote and advice. ^^v

[Aero and Dero 0]

I am surprised that your fiance has trouble with the evidence he does bring. Does he work? Perhaps he can include a letter from his employer stating his regular work hours to help prove he will go back at the end of the weekend.

Regarding the ring, if asked why you are coming to Canada you need to be honest and say you are visiting your fiance. If he is asked, then he needs to say he is visiting his fiancee. Once you get the I-129f petition filed make sure he has a copy of that in his evidence folder. Also make sure he gets a copy of the NOA1 (notice of receipt for the I-129f). This will help show your intention of pursuing the proper immigration route to have him move to the US.

You don't need to declare your ring entering into Canada - you are not staying. Did you get your ring in Canada and are wearing it into the US? I don't know what the customs rules are for the US, but the US cannot stop you from entering your own country and the ring shouldn't make any difference. If you are asked by US customs where you were, you simply state you were visiting with your fiance.

When the time comes for his interview, he must be honest about his experiences at the border. It will have absolutely no bearing upon the success or failure of his interview having been turned back for lacking proof of his ties to Canada - as long as he tells the truth. The length of your relationshp and the multiple times you have proved that you are indeed just visiting will help as well. I really am surprised that you are still having such a hassle. Regardless, have him carry a full copy of the I-129f petition when he visits and it may make things easier.

Good luck to the two of you.

Thanks so much for the helpful words and advice. The ring was bought in Canada and it's less that I'm afraid they won't let /me/ in, but because our passports are now linked, I'm afraid they won't let him in anymore. ._. Paranoid much? XD Maybe!

We plan on being as honest as possible. This weekend will be dedicated into putting together our first packet to send at the beginning of next week. I'm both excited and nervous, worrying about what may come and how the CBP may react.

ETA: Last year he went back to school rather than work. The border said that proof of being in school means nothing as you could pay tuition and just not go. Likewise, owning a house means nothing, as you could own a house and not live there. Bills, could pay bills, but not live there... etc... It was/is pretty ridiculous. So he went to get a full time job (since part time, according to the Peach Arch/Blaine agents, doesn't count -- cause you could part time work and not actually live there) to do while he went to school full time, and 6 months later, they stopped hassling him. He's still pulled over, but they no longer detain him for 2 hours at a time.

Edited September 4, 2009 by spunbutterfly

[Pinkie1945 0]

This being detained for strange things is the MAIN reason i got my Nexus pass. After i had mine (took about 8 months) i got one for my daughter.

Now I never get stopped.

If i cross with someone else in the car and go through customs they ask me the most BIZARRE questions. One guy even asked me if i was from the Bahamas. I looked up to him and said the Bahamas?! He said oh ya your white.. i guess not and let me go. Rude - i imagine there are white people in the Bahamas.. but still.

Good luck with all of the process - I'm in a similar boat (just starting out). This is a fantastic site filled with great souls. With this site - you are never alone in your journey!

oh.... and congratulations!

[ThePirateStar 0]

As long as he brings strong ties to Canada he should be ok. Bringing your NOAs is a plus.

Though they said none of the information we showed them was proof enough of his ties to Canada (house mortgage, payments, bills, tax forms, school forms, medical bills etc...), they let us in anyway given our plane tickets and a return flight.

Seems to me that they brought adequate amount of proof. Why did they say none of that was proof enough?

It's this sort of thing that drives me mad about POE. Why can't all the officers agree on a specific policy and not leave it so open to interpretation? It shouldn't have to be a gamble whether you should go or not. If you have the proof, then it shouldn't be a problem. The fact that it depends on someone's mood is just silly. If I decided that my bad mood was going to be directed at the people I deal with at work, I'd be out of a job.

/rant off.

[Malrothien 6]

Which crossing are you using? We always use Pac/Highway 15 when we cross. We have always gotten weird questions/accusations from the US CBP when crossing (US citizen/CDN PR driving a BC plated car) to go visit my aunt down south. It's really ridiculous how suspicious they are lately.

Canadian officials have never given us a problem, though. Even when I used to come up to visit from Seattle, with my ring on and everything, no problems.

As far as the ring goes - my ring was bought in Canada and I never once was asked about it. I think you'll be fine in that department.

BTW - we always cross at near peak hours. Maybe try that as opposed to crossing at off-peak hours?

[trailmix 77]

so wondered if anyone had experience with this, or knew definitively whether or not having a ring and being engaged will cause denial of entry until the visa process is complete.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about all your hassles. As to your comment above - no one can give you a definative answer because:

"CBP can be as unreasonable as they like and have to give no explanations as to their actions"

From what I have read, being engaged, or not being engaged, does not seem to have a huge bearing on whether they deny someone entry or not. As someone mentioned, once you file for your K1 you will receive a Notice of Action (basically a receipt) that says you have filed. This should be more good proof that you are trying to do things the right way.

[thongd4me 69]

Hi! I'm new here and am at a total loss of what to do. Add to that, I am a total worry wart and I think of all the what if scenarios that freak me out.

My boyfriend and I first met online in 1998, and then met in person on January 3rd, 2001 and started dating. We've been carrying on a cross-border and sometimes long long distance relationship since then and we recently got engaged (with a ring and all!). I eventually moved to Seattle in 2004, and as he lives in Vancouver, it's been a little easier, but 3 hour one-way driving trips is pretty taxing.

But since we've been crossing the border so often, so much, last Christmas, due to the due diligence of one of the CBP officers, we were both detained on our way into the US and he was denied entry into the US because they deemed he had no significant ties to Canada. Given we had a plane to catch (so he could meet my family for the first time), we went back to Vancouver and accumulated as much information as we could and came back. Though they said none of the information we showed them was proof enough of his ties to Canada (house mortgage, payments, bills, tax forms, school forms, medical bills etc...), they let us in anyway given our plane tickets and a return flight.

After that, (given my worrying nature) we stopped traveling together, and whenever I crossed the border alone, I'd get pulled over and made to wait for at least 1.5 hours before they'd process any thing. One time, they pulled me over because I had laundry in my trunk as my boyfriend's mother runs a professional laundromat and I wanted several things professionally cleaned. They stated that I might have his clothes in mine and that's not allowed, to which I responded: "After dating for almost 8 years, I frankly don't know if I have any of his clothes mixed in mine." I'm still baffled as to why /laundry/ is an issue to pull me over, other than it was an excuse. I might note, they didn't actually search my laundry or my car.

I'm a US citizen, born and raised. It's a given that he, as the non-US citizen, was pulled over every time and was denied entry into the country over and over again until June of this year. Basically, none of his paperwork was enough proof that he had ties to Canada (which left me wondering /what/ actually is enough proof? Is our country's supposed security THAT subjective?)

In any case, after that hell of January to June, we have finally settled back into our normal pattern of visiting each other on the weekends.

My question is, we are planning our to start our K-1 application process in the next week. Given all our issues with the border in the past year and their seeming tendency to reject with flimsy reasons, how do I cross the border with my ring? I don't mind paying the taxes if needed, I'm just afraid since our passports are now linked (due to being denied entry together), and our past issues, that they will take the ring as an intent to immigrate and prevent him from visiting me for the next 6 months (or however long the visa process takes). I don't think I can deal with that after having been forcibly separated from him for 3-5 months.

Is this an unreasonable fear? Can I just declare my ring without worries that they will use this as yet another excuse to deny him entry?

About 4-5 years ago I drove from NY to N. Carolina, then up to Sandusky Ohio and on to Indiana to do some serious roller coaster riding.

On my way home I decided to take what I thought was a straight line, but I didn't know how straight it was going to be.

I drove from Detroit to Windsor Ontario and then across Ontario to Buffalo & then down to NYC.

I didn't have any trouble at the border and at the time didn't even have a passport on me.

It's a shame that people like you who have to cross for a really important reason get harassed on our tax dollars like that.

It also makes me embarrassed when I disembark at Bangkok and all I do is show my round-eyed face and they stamp me with a 1 month tourist visa, no questions asked.

My beloved, on the other hand, would have to get up at 3 in the morning to wait at the long line at the US consulate for a tourist visa if she chose to go that route.

Day by day I see less and less of what makes the US so special or such a great place to live.

There are things about NY City and NY State that I love (entertainment & state parks, green countryside for example),

but there are other things in the quality of life that I find lacking and make me want to live the rest of my life in Thailand.

Best of luck wherever you end up and we'll see who gets to the VJ finish line first.

It will probably be you, because they might be anxious to get your case off their frequent-checking list.

I don't think the average American will sleep any more soundly if they knew their tax dollars were

being spent to prevent you from being together. But what does the average American know anyway? :whistle: :blink: