Women are the biggest cheats

[Jenn! 918]

Think men are the unfaithful sex? A study shows WOMEN are the biggest cheats - they're just better at lying about it

By Maureen Rice

Last updated at 8:22 AM on 04th September 2009

Are men or women more likely to cheat? While men have always had a worse reputation for being unfaithful, recent studies show that women are catching up fast - but we are a lot more likely to lie about it, and a lot less likely to get caught.

Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men.

The news that Farrah Fawcett had a secret affair for 11 years without telling a soul is a classic example of the way a woman cheats: discreetly, in secret, and while carrying on with the rest of her life as normal.

It has been met with hot denials by Ryan O'Neal, but - and I'm sorry to break it to you this way, Ryan - you'd be the last to know.

According to Dr David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, women are having more affairs than ever - recent studies say the figure is around 20 per cent for men and a bit over 15 per cent for women - but they behave very differently from men when they cheat.

'The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,' he says. 'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.'

That's a lot of women keeping a lot of secrets. One woman I know - let's call her Juliet - has been married to Adrian for ten years, and having an affair with Mark for the past two.

She has told me and her sister - otherwise, she says, she's '100 per cent certain' that nobody else knows.

'I won't allow Mark to call me on my mobile or email me, ever. Mobiles and email leave a trail. I insist we talk on our office landlines, and when we meet for drinks or dinner, we pay with cash.

'We work in the same field, so meeting for lunch doesn't look suspicious. If we meet in the evening, I tell Adrian I'm with my sister, and meet Mark a few miles away, where we won't bump into anyone.'

Does she feel guilty about the affair? 'Not so long as Adrian doesn't find out. You know the 11th commandment: don't get caught.'

Women have always had affairs, but over the past 20 years that number has risen dramatically.

Jobs outside the home - with the ready-made excuse of working late or business travel - financial independence and changing social attitudes mean that modern women simply have more opportunity to meet other men and start affairs.

Mobile phones, internet chat rooms and email also make it easier to fuel intimate encounters.

But while women's lives and sexual behaviour might have changed, their willingness to be honest about it hasn't.

The truth is that we have always lied about our sex lives. British men consistently claim to have had more partners than women - the current average is 13, while women claim to have had only nine.

Plainly, someone is lying here. While men might exaggerate their sexual conquests, the bigger liars are women.

When studies about sexual partners or fidelity use a mixture of face-to-face interviews and anonymous computer questionnaires, men will give the same answers to both, but women will report much higher numbers when the answers are anonymous.

Why do women lie? Because we must, and because we can. In spite of apparent equality and a more sexually open society, we are still more harshly judged for our sex lives than men.

Can you imagine a leading female politician having an affair and her husband standing loyally by her?

Or the reaction to a female CEO having a public affair with her young male assistant?

There is something particularly humiliating for a man about being made a cuckold. So we lie to protect ourselves from the judgments of others, and because sexual 'reputation' still matters more to women, whether we like it or not.

But we also lie naturally and instinctively, as a way to manage and control our relationships, to protect our partners and our families, and to keep our options open.

In fact, we lie so much and for so many reasons that often we don't even think of it as lying at all, but as 'relationship management'.

Women are taught to lie from childhood. Those simple, altruistic lies such as saying we've had a lovely time when we haven't, that someone looks nice when she doesn't, or that we're delighted with a gift we don't really like, are just some of the small ways that lying oils the wheels of our social lives, keeps the peace, and makes other people happy.

Girls will lie to protect someone's feelings or to build a relationship. Honesty, in these circumstances, looks highly overrated, and we quickly learn the value and power of being economical with the truth in relationships.

Many women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control.

It's common, for example, for women to lie to their partners about how much money they have spent - even when they don't need to.

Source

Edited September 4, 2009 by Jenn!

[Jasman0717 9]

No arguements from me on this one

[almaty 19]

hmmmmmmmmmm..brother jim..busting something up

[Joseph & Ana 0]

Either way, its sick. Stop cheating.

[Ban Hammer 13,336]

[LoriLawless 0]

Women are better at most things, so why is this a surprise?

[almaty 19]

*ouch*......

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm even suspicious of my GPS and her smooth talking. Turn right in .5 miles? Yeah, right.

[tmma 467]

Those are some nasty looking spikes on the front...OUCH, but at least it's decorated with a flower.

[dalegg 143]

I'm even suspicious of my GPS and her smooth talking. Turn right in .5 miles? Yeah, right.

[MNCouple 3]

Ok, who let the cat out of the bag. This is all part of our secret "Woman's guide to life"... we need to find out who spilled the beans and lock them in a closet.

[NickD 202]

If this doesn't keep that guy away, seems like the odor of other bodily functions would. Does the gal get diaper rash?

[Not Available 0]

Women are better at most things, so why is this a surprise?

[Jasman0717 9]

Women are better at most things, so why is this a surprise?

definiately something to be proud of

[mawilson 2,133]

Men should be more understanding. If your wife wants to have sex with another guy,

just let her do it - your marriage will be stronger for it!

Life would be so much easier if people could have sex with whomever they wanted without

all the negative labels slapped on them.