For the record

[R and F 34]

Amal, we all wuv you too mush...

[msheesha 548]

Amal dont let anyone make you feel bad about your choices. Your son is not being physical harmed..and Unless anyone is a licensed professional or has walked 15 miles in your shoes well they have no right to pass judgment on you..

Everyone threw a fit when I wanted to marry my husband it was one war after another and how he will do this and that and he will treat you bad...Weve been married for over two years now and been together for over 5 and we have the happiest marriage in the family that everyone passed judgment on...Everyone has their 2 cents and its ok to comment but please...Dont judge and act hollier then thou on anyone!!!

Amal *hugs*

For those among us who believe only physical abuse is harmful...any non-licensed non-professional can read that's not so.....

Emotional or psychological abuse

Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.

facts to consider

Emotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and/or behavioural problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement, and poor social skills.

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

Children who experience rejection are more likely than accepted children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to have a negative perception of the world around them.

Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can have serious consequences. Children who experience these forms of abuse demonstrate higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even more likely to experience such difficulties.

Children who see or hear their mothers being abused are victims of emotional abuse.

Growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. Male children may learn to model violent behaviour while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships. This contributes to the intergenerational cycle of violence.

Many women in physically abusive relationships feel that the emotional abuse is more severely debilitating than the physical abuse in the relationship.

Repeated verbal abuse such as blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing, yelling and humiliation has long-term negative effects on a woman's self-esteem and contributes to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame.

Threatening to kill or physically harm a female partner, her children, other family members or pets establishes dominance and coercive power on the part of the abuser. The female partner feels extreme terror, vulnerability and powerlessness within the relationship. This type of emotional abuse can make an abused woman feel helpless and isolated.

Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about whereabouts and activities are controlling behaviours which can severely restrict a female partner's independence and freedom. Social and financial isolation may leave her dependent upon the abuser for social contact money and the necessities of life.

Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including severe depression, anxiety, persistent headaches, back and limb problems, and stomach problems.

Women who are psychologically abused but not physically abused are five times more likely to misuse alcohol than women who have not experienced abuse.

Senior abuse is still a new issue and there is still little research in this field on emotional abuse.

We do know that senior emotional abuse and neglect can be personal or systemic and that it occurs in a variety of relationships and settings, including abuse by:

- a partner;

- adult children or other relatives;

- unrelated, formal or informal caregivers; or

- someone in a position of trust.

Seniors who are emotionally abused may experience feelings of extreme inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem, symptoms of depression, fear of failure, powerlessness or hopelessness. These signs may be easily confused with loss of mental capability so that a senior may be labelled as "senile" or "incapable" when in fact she or he may be being emotionally abused.

Abusers may often outwardly display anger and resentment toward the senior in the company of others. They may also display a complete lack of respect or concern for the senior by repeatedly interrupting or publicly humiliating her or him. Not taking into account a senior's wishes concerning decisions about her or his own life is an outward sign of abuse.

detecting emotional abuse

Emotional abuse may be difficult to detect. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following indicators may assist in detecting emotional abuse.

possible indicators of emotional abuse

- depression;

- withdrawal;

- low self-esteem;

- severe anxiety;

- fearfulness;

- failure to thrive in infancy;

- aggression;

- emotional instability;

- sleep disturbances;

- physical complaints with no medical basis;

- inappropriate behaviour for age or development;

- overly passive/compliant;

- suicide attempts or discussion;

- extreme dependence;

- underachievement;

- inability to trust;

- stealing;

- other forms of abuse present or suspected;

- feelings of shame and guilt;

- frequent crying;

- self-blame/self-depreciation;

- overly passive/compliant;

- delay or refusal of medical treatment;

- discomfort or nervousness around caregiver or relative;

- substance abuse; and

- avoidance of eye contact.

Emotional Abuse

Not all abuse is physical. Neglecting your child's needs for emotional support, love and caring is also a form of abuse. Emotional abuse is one of the most pervasive and damaging forms of child abuse. Belittling, ridiculing, name calling, and being disrespectful and unreasonably critical toward your youngster can have serious emotional consequences and long-term repercussions. Like more violent forms of abuse, emotional abuse can impair your child's self-image and self-esteem and interfere with his ability to function well in society. He may have difficulty making friends and relating to peers. In fact, he may avoid participating in activities with other children, and being in situations in which he's required to give and receive affection. Instead, he may be prone to being aggressive and oppositional. He might also develop learning difficulties or hyperactivity or have problems such as bed-wetting or soiling. Or he might act "pseudomature," becoming a caretaker for adults and others far beyond roles appropriate for his age and development.

When this emotional abuse occurs, especially repeatedly over an extended period of time, it can have a lifelong impact, affecting a youngster's happiness, relationships and success. He may become somber, unable to enjoy himself, and prone to self-defeating behaviors. At the extreme, he can become self-destructive, engaging in self-mutilation and even attempting suicide.

As with other types of abuse, emotional abuse is often inflicted by parents who themselves were raised in an environment where they experienced emotional mistreatment by their own mothers and fathers. Being made aware of the way they are treating their children is an important first step for these parents in bringing their abusive behavior to a halt. Often they are not conscious that their behavior is damaging; if they knew what they were doing and were more sensitive to their child's pain, they would probably want to do something to stop it.

Visiting a physician or a clergyman is a good way to start looking for help with emotional abuse. You might be referred to a mental-health professional or to community organizations or churches that offer parenting classes aimed specifically at helping you talk to and problem-solve with your child.

Excerpted from Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12, Bantam 1999

Edited September 4, 2009 by msheesha

[msheesha 548]

Lest anyone attribute crappy behavior of Muslim husbands to Islam...

I wonder if any of your MENA husbands post on any internet forums --- ya know, these American women sure take a lot of shitttt from me! It's gotta be a cultural thing. They must have been raised in America to be doormats. Yup, it's cultural. Wait, did I say cultural? Sorry I didn't mean that...I meant to say some of these American women were exposed to men treating women like #######, so now they let me do it! So, I guess I didn't meant that it's cultural.

[Nothing1234 2]

Just saying....

[amal 4]

Thanks everybody.

The reason this was posted was due to to another member stating their concern for all of the other women here because this member was afraid that if any of u were in similar situations, that you would "dwad" (do what amal does) because I stated my opinion and that I used religion as one of the reasons for my choice. I was hoping that by posting this thread, that it would reiterate that nobody should do anything I do just coz I do it. Everybody needs to do what's best for them in their situation.

msheesha......you're absolutely right in your proof of what abuse is. Thank you for sharing that. Post #18, on the other hand, was a bit unnecessary. But that's just my opinion

[Y's_habibitk 2]

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

how does one emotionally abuse an infant? Does an infant comprehend name calling,for example?

Or do they consider emotional abuse of an infant, say...not bonding with them emotionally,not cuddling them? Im just trying to wrap my head around how you could emotionally abuse someone who doesnt really know what you are saying.

[amal 4]

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

how does one emotionally abuse an infant? Does an infant comprehend name calling,for example?

Or do they consider emotional abuse of an infant, say...not bonding with them emotionally,not cuddling them? Im just trying to wrap my head around how you could emotionally abuse someone who doesnt really know what you are saying.

Yeah not bonding with them/ not answering their cries when they obviously need something/ not giving them food or enough food when they're clearly hungry / basically not meeting the needs of the child would be a form of emotional abuse.......

[Y's_habibitk 2]

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

how does one emotionally abuse an infant? Does an infant comprehend name calling,for example?

Or do they consider emotional abuse of an infant, say...not bonding with them emotionally,not cuddling them? Im just trying to wrap my head around how you could emotionally abuse someone who doesnt really know what you are saying.

Yeah not bonding with them/ not answering their cries when they obviously need something/ not giving them food or enough food when they're clearly hungry / basically not meeting the needs of the child would be a form of emotional abuse.......

ok. that makes sense about the bonding, but withholding food seems like clear physical abuse.

how pitiful

[amal 4]

It's kind of a cross over kind of abuse when it comes to infants. Everything you do/don't do has an effect on their psyche.

[allousa 1]

Seriously, Amal....I thought you were a celebrity all along!! Dang!!!!

[M_n_M 1]

heart you amal.

[sara535 15]

'WWAD' made me LOL

[nunyab 0]

but amal is a nice person and we all like her.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

amal is a lovely person indeed

just my .02 for all my sisters, as always: if you do not want folks commenting and intruding in your personal and private matters; it might be wise not to post them on a public internet forum.

[amal 4]

That's why I'm not angry at that member. I knew when I posted it that there would both positive and negative things said. It doesn't mean that I can't defend myself though