child removal to different country

[polish immigrant 0]

My ex-husband is giving me and my family hard time every time when it comes to visitation our 3-yr-old Son. he does not pay child support (although I have a child support order. he has another smaller child. it is becoming harder and harder for me to live here.

what are the options for me if I would like to leave US? I have sole custody and I am waiting to get a green card thru VAWA.

Thank you in advance for your help

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

My ex-husband is giving me and my family hard time every time when it comes to visitation our 3-yr-old Son. he does not pay child support (although I have a child support order. he has another smaller child. it is becoming harder and harder for me to live here.

what are the options for me if I would like to leave US? I have sole custody and I am waiting to get a green card thru VAWA.

Thank you in advance for your help

If he doesn't pay child support, why are you allowing him to see his son? I'm not sure what state you are in, but many have laws that suspend the drivers license of the parent that is not paying child support regularly. Check into it.

I believe you'd need his consent to take the USC child out of the country. Maybe you guys could make a deal in lieu of child support that you guys move internationally.

My own opinion is that there are lots of PL agencies that can help you in filing paperwork to get paid child support, whether it be through his wage garnishments, or suspending a license.

[justashooter 430]

If he doesn't pay child support, why are you allowing him to see his son? I'm not sure what state you are in, but many have laws that suspend the drivers license of the parent that is not paying child support regularly. Check into it.

I believe you'd need his consent to take the USC child out of the country. Maybe you guys could make a deal in lieu of child support that you guys move internationally.

My own opinion is that there are lots of PL agencies that can help you in filing paperwork to get paid child support, whether it be through his wage garnishments, or suspending a license.

what planet are you from, anyway?

non-payment of support is not cause for restriction of visitation in any state i know of. restriction of visitation for any cause other than physical/sexual/emotional abuse of the child in question is violation of the custody agreement and can land you in jail for contempt of court. restriction for teh mentioned reasons better be supported by court sanction, or you can be jailed for doing so, also.

removal of the child from the school district in which they are enrolled would be contestable and could cause forfeiture of custody. preschool children must remain in the social unit to which they are accustomed or the move is contestable.

if a support order exists under a court having proper jurisdiction the county court is responsible for enforcing it. they will, if you ask. if you have a private agreement then you should petition the county court for an order of support that is enforceable.

[justashooter 430]

My ex-husband is giving me and my family hard time every time when it comes to visitation our 3-yr-old Son. he does not pay child support (although I have a child support order. he has another smaller child. it is becoming harder and harder for me to live here.

what are the options for me if I would like to leave US? I have sole custody and I am waiting to get a green card thru VAWA.

Thank you in advance for your help

the relationship between a child and his/her parents should not be severed unless the child is being physically/sexually/emotionally abused. in these cases the abuse must be documented by the court and supervised visitation will be structured. the well being of the child is at stake.

long story short, in 1996 i divorced a policewoman and gained custody of our 3 children through her abandonment. she hooked up with a policeman who had been a child services worker. his wife obtained an order of support, and my ex suddenly wanted custody of our children (so that i would pay support to her to offset her boyfriend's support obligation). she was living in another school district and working rotating shifts with a guy who was less than credible, so i refused.

over the next year i, his wife, and a 3rd party were harrassed repeatedly, and our homes/cars were vandalised. we were arrested 13 times in total in 5 different jursidiction on the basis of testimony of my ex and her bf. in every case involving me (5 times) they provided false testimony to a policeman about things i did not do, resulting in my arrest on summary charges. in 2 cases i was sentenced to minimal fines on the basis of the testimony of 2 against 1. in 3 cases i was found innocent. in no case did i arrange for our children to testify, they being the only witnesses.

having enough of this trouble, i filed a motion through a attourney in the county court, citing the plethora of cases this couple filed, and obtained a restraining order against them as a result of their "abuse of process" and "malicious prosecution". within a week they both lost their jobs and they weren't able to find policework for almost a year, then in a different county. i also involved a family systems specialist PSYD that was recognised by the county court and obtained his favourable evaluation and support. going through this process was expensive, so i sacrificed to make it happen.

throughout it all i was faithful to the custody visitation requirements, using a video camera, public places with video cameras (convenience stores), etc during custody exchanges. my kids maintained their relationship with their mother, and she eventually ran into hard enough times that she grew up and changed her behaviour. she divorced the dirty cop and has since remarried a nice guy. as soon as she was stable i gradually transferred full custody of the younger 2 children to her and paid support faithfully, despite her inability/unwillingness to do so during the earlier years.

to this day she regards me as an old friend that can be trusted, and the kids respect me for placing their needs above my own. i respect myself. the kids have a restored relationship with their mother, and are as normal as they can be, but still acknowledge my moral high ground in all things. they are all out of school in their own lives or college, and have good relationships with their partners.

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so tell me how difficult it is for you to allow your child to maintain a relationship with his father. it can't be worse than the 30% of what i went through that i have shared with you. you chose to have a child with this guy in America, and now must "man up" and make it work, one way or another. it is imperative that you create a mechanism by which your child can retain his relationship with his father. if you don't, he will be irreversibly damaged, and will hate you for it later, whether you know it or not.

keep the boy in relationship with his father until he is an adult. let him make up his own mind about both of you. never speak negatively about his father. never interfere in their relationship or demand he sacrifice his natural loyalty to his father. you don't know how this will turn out in the long run. if his father remains a jerk the boy will know it soon enough, and have that opinion as an adult and of his own determination. if the man regains his dignity, they could have a wonderful relationship.

your first step in making this work is to speak to a family counselor about the situation, obtain their advise, and stick to it. if you are in VAWA you have county level resources available to you. your local church can also assist. your county court system has seen this kind of thing before and has mechanisms in place to deal with it.

i am not minimising your experience. i'm sure it is tough and seems a thankless ordeal. i'm just telling you that you are not the first person to have this experience, and that some of us have lived through it and come out the other side a better person for the effort. doing the right thing in a difficult situation has made us something special, in our children's eyes and our own.

from a purely legal perspective, the child is American. he should be raised in America.

i post this publicly, as others reading may be influenced by this discussion. it is my responsibility to remind all who consider this kind of circumstance to place the interest of the children above their own. if i could do it, you can do too. if you would like to discuss in more detail privately, PM me anytime.

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

My ex-husband is giving me and my family hard time every time when it comes to visitation our 3-yr-old Son. he does not pay child support (although I have a child support order. he has another smaller child. it is becoming harder and harder for me to live here.

what are the options for me if I would like to leave US? I have sole custody and I am waiting to get a green card thru VAWA.

Thank you in advance for your help

If he doesn't pay child support, why are you allowing him to see his son? I'm not sure what state you are in, but many have laws that suspend the drivers license of the parent that is not paying child support regularly. Check into it.

I believe you'd need his consent to take the USC child out of the country. Maybe you guys could make a deal in lieu of child support that you guys move internationally.

My own opinion is that there are lots of PL agencies that can help you in filing paperwork to get paid child support, whether it be through his wage garnishments, or suspending a license.

if you don't know the answer to this, it might be best for you not to offer advice.

refusing to allow a parent visitation rights based on nonpayment of child support can land that parent in real hot water.