Do the Research... and whatever else!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think its funny/sad and ironic all at the same time that this thread that was meant to say.."cant we all just be nicer to one another" turned into a pseudo argument with passive agressive comments being thrown around.

[Nagishkaw 510]

It happens.

[SuperDuper! 230]

P.S. - I'm not negative...just honest.

It is possible to be TOO honest, and hurt someone's feelings. Same end result as being negative.

[Olive♥ 2]

I have limited experience on forums but in my experience, it takes really THICK skin. I am usually glad that it's all on a computer cuz if it were face to face....we would need to pay captain ewok alot more "frog skin" ....hey who is captain ewok???????

[brnidokiegurl 0]

The (old) days wow be glad most of u werent here, say a few names i will prob shudder...BUT the minute we got word our papers were being sent back i had nothing but hours and hours and hours of help from a few good people i barley knew at this time. Arguments, wow, but i was right there to in the middle.. its life, (had to get my 2cents in) but there are good people with good help, that will help if approached in a friendly manner, the oldtimers are still here for a reason ya know they dont have to be their life is more complete. At the time the waiting journey does seem like the worse thing, end of the road, hardest thing u have ever done etc etc you wont make it without him etc guess what you do...and its only the beginning let me assure you

[Nothing1234 2]

Nope, I can honestly say that we're smooth sailing right now. Alot of it has to do with the fact that I don't really fight my husband on any issues. The "it's my way or the highway" approach won't work with him. Compromise, as we know it, is something that is not part of his culture either. So I've learned to avoid arguments for things that are not of great importance. Things that really matter, well, we spent alot of time discussing and figuring out what those things were before marriage. This approach works because when something is important enough to me, and he is in disagreement, he remembers all the times I let him have his way and will almost always cave in to my suggestion. What happens in the future is anyone's guess. USCIS may cause us problems, they may not. Not going to worry about it until the time comes. In the mean time, I think I will be appreciating my life a little more, and the fact that I'm happy and we have peace in our home - something that doesn't seem too common place around here

I think you should appreciate life. We all should! Thank god we can come here and share our voices and opinions. That's what this was about, I think....

Just because people have differing adjustment periods does not mean they do not have peace in their homes. I don't fight with my husband I never raise my voice (not at him or others). However, I do voice my opinion because thats my culture. Just because he's learned another way doesn't mean we can't meet somewhere in the middle. However stress comes in other forms for me and for others. I'm not unhappy in my marriage as many are not here. It's not common place at all thats just an assumption and we all know what assuming does, right?

I posted that sometimes I do look back and miss the old days ... but you might not and thats fine. If I took that route of thinking, I would assume that you had a boring past so you couldn't possibly miss it and I had an exciting one so thats why I look back and miss it...right? It's all in how you spin it...I DO NOT assume your past was boring but thats just my point, I don't assume. The folks here that offer the advice have experience and a lot more than me for sure. I just remember being in beginning stages and thinking the same thing of the "old timers" back then..."what do they know, they are miserable and want to make everyone else miserable." But many of them, if I took the time to look back, were right on. I applaud them for taking the time, to tell me how it was for them. It's not easy being open and honest and sharing your emotions/experiences with others.

One more thing...I wish you and your hubby the best and I'm truly thrilled you have no bumps but for those of us who do...we need the hugs Teasing! I wish my humor could come out more in my writing. If you knew me or could hear me talking,....you'd get me better. Email/posts, etc can always take a different tone than what is intended.

To the OP...Lisa was right this thread has taken a nose dive.. The original point of this post (and i think i posted something similar a long time ago about negative attitudes here. ) was for us to be a little more patient with new comers and offer help not be short or negative to them. I for one, do try and will try harder when I'm faced with the choice to assist a newbie!

[sara535 15]

I think the best thing is to keep your own personal stuff off this site and just read and learn from others. You can definitely make some very good (and real) friends on here, no doubt. However, trying to show people your point of view, and have them understand your feelings, is a complete waste of time.

Forgive me as I havent read all the pages of this thread and I'm not going to now becuase its late and I am tired, but I just wanted to say in regards to the above, its totally true but I dont see whats so wrong with that. Its an open internet forum. I wouldnt expect to go to an office meeting of 20 or 40 of my coworkers and try to show them all my point of view and have them understand my feelings just becuase we share the experience of working at the same company and spending time in the office together. There are tons of different people on this site with tons of different lives and experiences and viewpoints and just because we all have immigration/LDR in common is no reason to think everything is going to be agreed with or supported. Having said that, I do think its reasonable to expect that we interact with each other with some degree of respect but again, people are different and to use the same analogy, I sure work with a couple of completely rude and insensitive heels (well, more than a couple if I have to go there, but thats another story)... I always go back to the golden rule thingy my grandma loved to remind me of, treat others as you would like to be treated, and at the end of the day just accept that you really cant do anything about people that are small or hateful or bitchy or rude or whatever else - just try not to let it get under your skin

Edited September 4, 2009 by sara535

[brnidokiegurl 0]

its always wise to pick your battles, if u stop and think some things are just not important enough to argue over and of course just think of our average day compared to theirs often good to put yourself in their place for a while and see how you would feel. BUT then some days i am soooooo glad to go to work ha its life live it and enjoy it

and dealing with issues on here, does anyone actually get so bent out of shape over something someone has said that you dont even know, doesnt know you and you will prob never know. Every person is different, every case is different but forsure every person will have a opinion, its ok not everyone has to agree. The rules and information dont change its the people that come and go

[SuperDuper! 230]

I think the best thing is to keep your own personal stuff off this site and just read and learn from others. However, trying to show people your point of view, and have them understand your feelings, is a complete waste of time.

But not sharing personal experiences seems so cold and sterile. Can't we just share just a little personal news and experience the human condition together? Seems like it will be ok?

[anitacastillo 0]

m wondering what my future will be. Sometimes I think its easier just to ask people straight out than searching for past threads, and I hate to see people criticised and attacked for doing it.

Maybe people get bored with answering the same question over and over.

And although some of the old-timers aren't as nice as you'd like, feel lucky some are here to answer questions with good, experienced info.

Sara - I like your comparison of co-workers working together but having various backgrounds. Doodlebug and I bonded while suffering through AP (this was after my husband was accused of being a criminal on another board because he was on AP and I came back to VJ). I was disappointed to learn she was a republican

[Ayman and Yasmina 0]

PS the ones that contact me by pm I will continue to check up and answer your questions!!! I guess I could waste my time elsewhere..

Asking / answering questions via personal PM's in not exactly accepted here on VJ. Guess it's time to waste your time' elsewhere' .

I didnt read that anywhere...Guess I will waste my time elsewhere!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Alot of people have this message connection (offline) the thing is IF you have this question then maybe it does need discussing for others as well...if two people just continue to work on this prob no one else profits and in some cases others may could have given the answer, not everyone knows everything...dont EVER line your ducks up based on what one person has told you, unless you plan to travel to their pond to live.

[doodlebugg 10]

m wondering what my future will be. Sometimes I think its easier just to ask people straight out than searching for past threads, and I hate to see people criticised and attacked for doing it.

Maybe people get bored with answering the same question over and over.

And although some of the old-timers aren't as nice as you'd like, feel lucky some are here to answer questions with good, experienced info.

Sara - I like your comparison of co-workers working together but having various backgrounds. Doodlebug and I bonded while suffering through AP (this was after my husband was accused of being a criminal on another board because he was on AP and I came back to VJ). I was disappointed to learn she was a republican

Well then you'll be very happy to know that I voted democrat in the last election and changed my official political affiliation to independent.

[childress_london 3]

I look at posting comments like adding salt to food. You can always add more later, but once you've added too much, you've ruined the dish! B)

[~kiyah~ 14]

PS the ones that contact me by pm I will continue to check up and answer your questions!!! I guess I could waste my time elsewhere..

Asking / answering questions via personal PM's in not exactly accepted here on VJ. Guess it's time to waste your time' elsewhere' .

Wow!

I'm not trying to stir the pot, but I really need to understand this statement: "Asking / answering questions via personal PM's in not exactly accepted here on VJ."

I for one have no problem answering private messages that are sent to me. It is always, 100% someone who needs help during the petition/application return process, and many times it is because they don't want to display specific personal information to the masses for obvious reasons. I wouldn't want anyone to feel they could not approach me via PM if they felt the need to, especially with something as sensitive as a petition/application return.

So if this isn't exactly accepted on VJ, then I really need to know some reasoning to back it up. The only reason I am here now is to help others affected by the return process, period and a good portion of that help is through private messages.

~kiyah~