Do the Research... and whatever else!

[sara..... 371]

I recently posted a thread honestly trying to help maybe some other women that are in the same boat as i am. I posted about Investigators from Homeland Security and was questioned about where I really live and that I need to google more information before I post What a great welcome...

Thank You for bringing this subject up. I've thought many a time about posting but knew if I did some of these ladies would rip me another one..

i know its hard to do but what i do is try to ignore the replies that i get offend by and take what is good information, granted it dont always work but if someone is being rude i cant reason with them

just my opinion

sara

thats because you are a patient angel. I dont think I have ever seen you get rude or even impatient with anyone.

u missed my go around with some guy that wanted his wife to wear woolen hijab in summer lol

but i do think he turned out ok in the end i dont remember really who it was it was a long time ago lol

sara

[sussemadel 16]

I know I should be ignoring some things, but when you're honestly trying to help other women you think might have to deal with something you just dealt with. I guess it's like that at work or other situations in the real world too. Makes you wonder what they're like dealing with people outside of the Internet

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I recently posted a thread honestly trying to help maybe some other women that are in the same boat as i am. I posted about Investigators from Homeland Security and was questioned about where I really live and that I need to google more information before I post What a great welcome...

Thank You for bringing this subject up. I've thought many a time about posting but knew if I did some of these ladies would rip me another one..

i know its hard to do but what i do is try to ignore the replies that i get offend by and take what is good information, granted it dont always work but if someone is being rude i cant reason with them

just my opinion

sara

thats because you are a patient angel. I dont think I have ever seen you get rude or even impatient with anyone.

u missed my go around with some guy that wanted his wife to wear woolen hijab in summer lol

but i do think he turned out ok in the end i dont remember really who it was it was a long time ago lol

sara

well, sometimes people do need to be "educated"

[MouadsWife 161]

I cant imagine anything harder in life to go through. Some would say death, but I have been through that with triplets dying, and I actually feel this is 100 times worse.

I'm sorry to turn the tone of the thread, but I have to say that is outrageous. I know we all go through different levels of emotions throughout the process, but I can't see how that statement is anything but extreme hyperbole.

I hope you have a speedy visa process, but don't forget about the challenges that await you both once he is here.

Ok well let me explain... I was pregnant with triplets,... halfway through my pregnancy I lost them by going into preterm labor. It was hard dealing with that, all I wanted was to hold them and have them in my life, and I did not think I would make it through that stage of my life. The fact is they are 'gone'. I have 'no' hope of holding them or touching them. I can look at the sonograms, old babie items all I want and I will never get that chance to be with them. I just have to accept it that they will not be in my life. However, I have a fiance in my life... he'e halfway around the world. I look at his pictures every day, I remember the times we had together while I was there with him. We talk through a glass everyday on msn but cant touch. I see his arms as he moves aroundw hile we talk and all I want to do it touch his skin again and to feel him touching mine again. He's halfway around the world and everyday I mourn not being with him. He's not with me but its "possible' for us to be together. ANd its also for this process of visa to make it 'not' possible to. Its hard looking at someone everyday and wanting just to touch them. My babies are gone... I dont see them everyday... They are a distant memory now, but still a memory. But my fiance is a constant presence in my life that I CANT be with right now no matter how hard I want to... no matter how hard I scream and cry over it. You cant judge what is hard on a person and what is not. You may think its extreme hyperload, but this is how im feeling. And I dont think its extreme hyperload. No one can judge another pain. My mother is famous for saying my feeling or stupid, or snap out of it, or your feelinga are just ridiculous. No one knows what another persons strengths and weaknesses are and what that person can or can not endure. And I "CANT" endure being without him, or away from him. But I "HAD" to endure to loss of my babies 5 years ago. So if that is extreme hyperload... we I guess you can call it what it you think it is.

[LaL 418]

This visa process isn't fun for sure, but comparing it to death in any way is just extreme.

Edited September 3, 2009 by LaL

[MouadsWife 161]

I know we all go through different levels of emotions throughout the process, but I can't see how that statement is anything but extreme hyperbole.

I guess that statement was pretty much why I starting this thread. I think that was extremely insensitive of my feelings. You dont have a clue what I am going through in my life right now.

[MouadsWife 161]

This visa process isn't fun for sure, but comparing it to death in any way is just extreme.

Lose the one thing you love in life, and then compair it and see how it feels. Everyone takes things differently. you cant judge another persons feelings to yours.

If there is ONE thing I am SORRY for at this moment is sharing a part of my life with this thread. I poured out something I NEVER talk about which is my babies. I wont make that mistake again of sharing anything personal.

[Jenn! 918]

hyperbole, not "hyperload"

Ever consider that saying that a long distance relationship is 100x worse than a miscarriage might be considered insensitive?

Let me be the shining example of why you started this thread. I will wear that badge proudly if it means calling people on things like you said.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I guess that statement was pretty much why I starting this thread. I think that was extremely insensitive of my feelings. You dont have a clue what I am going through in my life right now.

I was not going to respond to this thread, but your comment above is infuriating. There are many, many women in this forum who have had difficulty having babies; pothers who have lost them through miscarriage or premature death (or even worse). Equaling the hardship of the immigration process to death is beyond insensitive on your part. you don't have a clue what other people go through. Plus, Jenn is a well known and much loved member of this forum, and has helped many folks in their journeys.

As far as folks getting rude responses; I think it happens most when the poster does not get the response she/he wants; then opens ANOTHER thread, as if that would change the answers. And yes, everyone should both fill in their time lines in order for them to receive much better advise; and but of course we all should do some basic research ---- the VJ guides are an amazing resource.

Yes, we are here to help; but even gods help those who help themselves.

And, if you put your personal life on a platter on an internet public forum; it's open to discussion. So take your own advise and keep those things to yourself.

[MrsAmera 41]

MouadsWife - I understand the point that you were trying to make. I hope that you are able to find peace with your wait and knowing your fiance will be there as soon as the journey is over. If it helps think of both like a journey - your babies will be there waiting at the end of this life and you will be able to hold them, hug them, love them for eternity. Just like your fiance will be there at the end of your visa journey to do the same. *hug*

[Tunisia216 2]

hyperbole, not "hyperload"

Ever consider that saying that a long distance relationship is 100x worse than a miscarriage might be considered insensitive?

Let me be the shining example of why you started this thread. I will wear that badge proudly if it means calling people on things like you said.

Long distance relationships are hard, but don't we all know what we're getting ourselves into when we start down this road? I know I prepared myself for worst case scenario before we even married or filed papers. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst as the saying goes. While we were apart, I just kinda kept chanting to myself, " this too shall pass" and eventually it did.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your children Personally, I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking, but as you have said, we all have different feelings.

I wish you and everyone else a speedy process and hope you are reunited with your loved ones soon.

My original comment on this thread wasn't about any person or comment in particular, it was just more or less sometimes it seems like a real cut throat place on VJ and I remember a time when it wasn't so harsh. I know that most of us are capable of digging around the site, searching, using wiki etc to find the information that we need, however from time to time a person pops up that doesn't have a real handle on the English language, is overwhelmed by the immigration process or maybe just isn't as smart as us... so in those cases, it's not that hard to just give a link to something, offer a quick sentence or just walk away and don't say anything. JMHO

Edited September 3, 2009 by Ash * Habibati

[MouadsWife 161]

you know you people just dont get it! I DIDNT SAY THIS IS HOW EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL...I SAID IT WAS HOW I FELT! I! I! I! I! GET IT????? Its flat out wrong to bash another person for their feeling... I willnot appologize for NOT feeling the same way as you do! No one takes life events the same. No one feels the same. You HAVE NOT IDEA what I have been through in my life and you cant sit around on your throne and say that one person should feel a certain way based on your thoughts on how things SHOULD BE! God created us all differently... and Im sorry if you think my feelings are screwed up on this matter but this is how my heart feels. This is just BS to bash a persons feelings for things like this. At frunerals some ppl cry and show feelings and others do not. Are you going to bash them because they are not displaying their feelings??? Everyone takes life and death in a different way. This whole thing is BS and not responding on it anymore of defending my life, my thoughts and feelings. It was a mistake to share a part of my life of ppl here and should have known better before I did it. But damned if I make the mistake of getting hopefull sometimes that ppl can be human and care whether or not they agree or disagree. You dont have to agree with ppls feelings or thoughts... but you CAN be respectful of them and not bash them. And yes... the cutting coments qualify as that. Im not posting anymore on this... I have to much stress in my life for this #######.

[ya falaha! 0]

After reading much of this thread I gotta say, I sure hope this guy is a knight in shining armor and a good lay cuz comparing being separated to death is outrageous. I've been through it and cripes no man is worth all the heartache, heartbreak, drama and trauma. This husband of yours best be all that, a bag a chips and a puffy taco. If we hear back from you (after he gets here) that he's a total asswipe I'm gonna be pissed!

Edited September 3, 2009 by Astarte

[Chica Yeyé 41]

you know you people just dont get it! I DIDNT SAY THIS IS HOW EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL...I SAID IT WAS HOW I FELT! I! I! I! I! GET IT????? Its flat out wrong to bash another person for their feeling... I willnot appologize for NOT feeling the same way as you do! No one takes life events the same. No one feels the same. You HAVE NOT IDEA what I have been through in my life and you cant sit around on your throne and say that one person should feel a certain way based on your thoughts on how things SHOULD BE! God created us all differently... and Im sorry if you think my feelings are screwed up on this matter but this is how my heart feels. This is just BS to bash a persons feelings for things like this. At frunerals some ppl cry and show feelings and others do not. Are you going to bash them because they are not displaying their feelings??? Everyone takes life and death in a different way. This whole thing is BS and not responding on it anymore of defending my life, my thoughts and feelings. It was a mistake to share a part of my life of ppl here and should have known better before I did it. But damned if I make the mistake of getting hopefull sometimes that ppl can be human and care whether or not they agree or disagree. You dont have to agree with ppls feelings or thoughts... but you CAN be respectful of them and not bash them. And yes... the cutting coments qualify as that. Im not posting anymore on this... I have to much stress in my life for this #######.

Good for you. Just don't expect anyone to be courteous to you if you post like you just did. Don't apologize: I could not care a dime less. But be very, very damn careful when you personally attack someone. Because then you will know what rudeness really looks like.

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

You think this is bad, ya shoulda been around in 2006~~it was a free for all. Thank Ewok for appropriate MOD-eration.

I would have compared it to the wild wild west, complete with lynching and pistol-drawn duals.

Jackie

kumbaya

and that was on the calm days.