Do the Research... and whatever else!

[CnT4ever 1]

I don't remember anyone posting anything negative about your quick adjustment. Nor do I remember anyone posting that they were miserable. I suspect you took this too personal.

I was referring to this post:

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

And I didn't say anyone said anything negative, just that some pointed out it was unusual.

In a way I agree, that's why I think if someone has a good story and a happy ending, that it's good to share the happy stories and not only the bad ones. I was not pointing out any specific person. I'm not taking anything on here personal

[ya falaha! 0]

No, of course not! Remember....you're a biitch and a bad, bad wife?? Not to mention extremely jealous...you hate that ppl have easier marriages than yours and you're bitter!

UR the only nice one around here OP. there its said. ok

Reality sometimes bites, and if you dont have open eyes, it often bites hard and in the butt.. thats why

I'm not nice?

OMG you know me well. I luvs u!

[Nagishkaw 510]

UR the only nice one around here OP. there its said. ok

Reality sometimes bites, and if you dont have open eyes, it often bites hard and in the butt.. thats why

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't remember anyone posting anything negative about your quick adjustment. Nor do I remember anyone posting that they were miserable. I suspect you took this too personal.

I was referring to this post:

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

And I didn't say anyone said anything negative, just that some pointed out it was unusual.

In a way I agree, that's why I think if someone has a good story and a happy ending, that it's good to share the happy stories and not only the bad ones. I was not pointing out any specific person. I'm not taking anything on here personal

Why would stating that your quick and easy adjustment was unusual cause you to say that some of us are miserable? I thought we were merely comparing adjustment timelines. How would you know if we are miserable or not? And doesn't it seem somewhat judgmental to have said that?

[Nagishkaw 510]

The name, quite frankly, says it all.

[morocco4ever 63]

The name, quite frankly, says it all.

[CnT4ever 1]

I don't remember anyone posting anything negative about your quick adjustment. Nor do I remember anyone posting that they were miserable. I suspect you took this too personal.

I was referring to this post:

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

And I didn't say anyone said anything negative, just that some pointed out it was unusual.

In a way I agree, that's why I think if someone has a good story and a happy ending, that it's good to share the happy stories and not only the bad ones. I was not pointing out any specific person. I'm not taking anything on here personal

Why would stating that your quick and easy adjustment was unusual cause you to say that some of us are miserable? I thought we were merely comparing adjustment timelines. How would you know if we are miserable or not? And doesn't it seem somewhat judgmental to have said that?

I didn't write that post. Look at the quote. It was written by Betsy El Sum. I was only referring to it. That is why I posted my happy news. So that it's not all "miserable" posts like she said. Anyway, everyone can think what they want. As for the name, well, a select few know where it came from

[Nagishkaw 510]

Sorry, my bad.

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't remember anyone posting anything negative about your quick adjustment. Nor do I remember anyone posting that they were miserable. I suspect you took this too personal.

I was referring to this post:

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

And I didn't say anyone said anything negative, just that some pointed out it was unusual.

In a way I agree, that's why I think if someone has a good story and a happy ending, that it's good to share the happy stories and not only the bad ones. I was not pointing out any specific person. I'm not taking anything on here personal

Why would stating that your quick and easy adjustment was unusual cause you to say that some of us are miserable? I thought we were merely comparing adjustment timelines. How would you know if we are miserable or not? And doesn't it seem somewhat judgmental to have said that?

I didn't write that post. Look at the quote. It was written by Betsy El Sum. I was only referring to it. That is why I posted my happy news. So that it's not all "miserable" posts like she said. Anyway, everyone can think what they want. As for the name, well, a select few know where it came from

You may not have been the original poster that mentioned some were miserable, but you most certainly did continue it. That is my point.

And for the record, I have never posted anything here to scare anyone. Due to our circumstances, I would be one of the highest suspects for a fraud marriage here. I come here often to tell my story to prove that suspicious marriage can and do work.

[CnT4ever 1]

I don't remember anyone posting anything negative about your quick adjustment. Nor do I remember anyone posting that they were miserable. I suspect you took this too personal.

I was referring to this post:

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

And I didn't say anyone said anything negative, just that some pointed out it was unusual.

In a way I agree, that's why I think if someone has a good story and a happy ending, that it's good to share the happy stories and not only the bad ones. I was not pointing out any specific person. I'm not taking anything on here personal

Why would stating that your quick and easy adjustment was unusual cause you to say that some of us are miserable? I thought we were merely comparing adjustment timelines. How would you know if we are miserable or not? And doesn't it seem somewhat judgmental to have said that?

I didn't write that post. Look at the quote. It was written by Betsy El Sum. I was only referring to it. That is why I posted my happy news. So that it's not all "miserable" posts like she said. Anyway, everyone can think what they want. As for the name, well, a select few know where it came from

You may not have been the original poster that mentioned some were miserable, but you most certainly did continue it. That is my point.

And for the record, I have never posted anything here to scare anyone. Due to our circumstances, I would be one of the highest suspects for a fraud marriage here. I come here often to tell my story to prove that suspicious marriage can and do work.

Why are you being so sensitive? I was not saying anyone is miserable or pointing anyone out. I was not "continuing" the post. I was saying that I wanted to share my good experience so that people like the above poster can read positive things, not just negative (because I do see that we have A LOT of negative posts here). Geez...no wonder people don't want to post positive things. If someone has to explain themsevles for a "happy ending" story, then it's not worth it!

[morocco4ever 63]

I'm sensitive? I merely said that you had an unusual adjustment and you were the one that considered it negatively. And you call me sensitive?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Hubby and I had a quick and easy adjustment. That would seem unusual here, I'm sure, given the overwhelming angst that permeates the board. There is a good deal of drama about relationships here that adds to the already heightened emotionalism of some of the posters. I'm grateful for all the help I received here, and for the sharing, but to be frank, I don't relate to alot of the growing angst and drama. that's probably because so much of that revolves around the premise that it's the ways of MENA Muslim men vs the ways of American non-Muslim women (with some exceptions), and I don't think of myself as in juxaposition to my husband.

I'm an "oldie", and I remember when the scales were tipped more toward helping others, with socializing as an adjunct. Nowadays, there seems to be more socializing with a bit of helping others thrown in, fueling the idea that there are cliques and outsiders. That may be an outgrowth of how this forum, over the years, has not only provided information about the process, but become a hen forum for women to share and debate their relationships, like an open air "Dear Abby".

I'm pretty direct and unvarnished when need be, but other people are afraid that they may offend anyone by having a contrary opinion. They easily enable unstable and immature behavior by refusing not only to tell someone they appear to be unstable or immature. I simply cannot encourage relationships that strike me as unrealistic. Sometimes I wonder what happened to some of the dreamers, like the woman who imported her Muslim husband just before Christmas, then complained that he totally ruined her holiday by not being as excited about all the goings on as she was. I scratch my head at stuff like that, but I don't feel sorry for either of them because, well, they made the choice not to get to know each other better before marriage.

Personally, I'm quite willing to give honest advice about the immigration process, although I'm becoming a little rusty on that front, so I graviate toward social and religious discussions. On the other hand, I'm not a touchy-feely, emotional type of person who needs to be loved by all. I tend not to be someone who calls, emails, IMs, shares stories, seeks advice about personal matters, or posts my plans to virtual others on the board on a daily basis. I've never even posted my husband's name. I don't feel a need for any of that, and I realize that will leave me without a clique or many real life friends from VJ. But, on the other hand, I'm realistic that there are all types in the world, and you can find them all here. A thick skin is a great asset on a public board. Just sayin . . . .

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

This topic comes up from time to time. After being here for a few years I sometimes feel like it's rhetoric. As one old timer pointed out to me in one of my train wreak threads once eventually over time you learn to sort the garbage from the useful information. For example this thread has a lot of garbage in it and that garbage you don't have to take. I do get tired of the wolf pack mentality. Some of the players may change but the game remains the same. It's like this on a lot of public message boards and in chat rooms. If you're totally new to it then it's a learning process. People share their stories and others don't while others lurk. To each their own. Sometimes members will object to your opinion and that's the beauty of living in a free democracy. To have an open public forum is to air ones opinion and have a discussion. The value in that is people get to vent and release social pressures at the same time people learn from each other and those that are in the wrong have the opportunity to see another view point and correct their error. Sometimes people have called me the baddest among them because I'm not afraid to take issue with others and crack heads with the wolf pack mentality calling them on their #######. Other times I was under a misconception because of gossip I was told by other members. If you don't know this already don't believe all the gossip out there either or let yourself be encouraged by others to air said gossip on a public forum. I wasn't the baddest as there were many participants behind the scenes and on the scene exhibiting and encouraging the same behavior but my error was taking too personal an issue and those that didn't like it addressed me and I was able to apologize for my misunderstanding and work it out. We all move on while others who have nothing to do with it but mull it in their memory still take issue and carry the torch from long ago. Maybe they miss me or maybe they are bored seeking to insight some drama. I learned from my lessons on public message boards and don't participate in that anymore as it wasn't for me. I've also learned people shouldn't be hypocrites pointing fingers at other while being guilty of doing the very same thing and thinking they know everything about somebodies life because they post information about their personal lives on a public forum. I find that most people seek support here while others just offer their malice and ill will and general lack of understanding as they seek to suppress others memberships asserting their pecking order or again that wolf pack mentality. It's fun for them and I can see how some would view this as a clique. Many times new members such as myself when I was a newbie are initiated by fire. It comes and goes in cycles. Sometimes there is harmony among membership and sometimes there is a full moon and everyone is howling at it. I've been rather forthcoming about who I am and my visa journey and I know I bring traffic to this site for it. Some times it attracts unwanted attention and other times because this is a public forum people in the public arena are seeking supporting evidence for a bias opinion and using our stories for their own personal benefit in a very public and degrading way without giving us a chance to tell our side of the story, which is just bad journalism. Self preservation and protection is a valid warning that others give to those of us that are posting more personal information, which is a valid concern. But it seems most of the time people let us be and each member has a story to tell and a way to help others going through the process just by sharing that story even if they don't know it. I've learned a lot just in my time here from participating in the group that does participate and made some good friends that without this forum I wouldn't have the opportunity to make. For me I've found the age old pearl of wisdom to be true in that whatever you put into it you're going to get back. One has to be able to discriminate and sometimes utilize their own scrutiny to weed out what they will take from their experience here and give back. If you get knocked around on your first few goes, roll with the punches and come back, because I believe everyone has something valuable to add here and eventually you will find your friends here too. It may take some time but you don't have to do this alone.

[Ihavequestions 419]

A thick skin is a great asset on a public board. Just sayin . . . .

That's the valuable lesson here, the necessity and the value of not taking it all so seriously. I learned that lesson from a surpise PM I received (no names, that would be pointless): "your messages appear to be bordering the line of teroristic teaching, and your tone is very angry and appears to be radicalistic. I only hope and pray you was just having a bad day, because if this is how you are corresponding about your beliefs, then you can kiss your green card and your want to have a good life here in the USA goodbye. Because you know dorn well that Egypt is high up on the watch list." Yeah. That really was quite the eye-opener.

[ya falaha! 0]

As a member of the wolf pack I take offense to the term "crack head" seeing as I don't even smoke hash let alone crack. However, "Flower", you've posted while under the influence of something on several occasions...it's quite obvious.

I like this term "wolf pack"...what would the opposite of that be? "Pansy pack"?

If grown assed women can't take criticism on a message board then how in the hell are they able to get through their day dealing with a grumpy husband, whiny kids, bitchy co-workers, a-hole bosses, and various other jerks you encounter along the way?

Jeezus.