Do the Research... and whatever else!

[MouadsWife 161]

Im wondering if Im the only one who feels a little disappointed in some of the responses that members have been getting on vj. I have been reading vj on a daily basis and have seen people post they're concerns, and questions and those who have denied visas and are heartbroken. We have some people on vj who have been heere for years, some a matter of days and many not experienced in this website and how to gather information and dont know where to begin. I have seen members reply to vj member threads with short crass remarks that have no sympathy for the poster. Statements like "Do better research... etc etc.. we already talked about this subject"... or ppl making remarks becuse the thread has been started in the wrong forum.... and some members being flat out rude. I really dont understand this. I thought vj was here for us. I thought we as members would be here to help each other get through this trying process. So my feeling is that when one person posts something that has been discussed before... 'so what'... lets discuss it again! wth When a member posts something in the wrong place..... just move it where it belongs. wth We all need to remember how stressful this is. How this affects our whole life. So I think we all need to have more empathy and concern for each other. In short... just wondering of some of our members how noticed this. Dont mean any harm by this post... Im just disappointed in some things on vj and wish we could be more understanding of each other.

[Kenza 1]

Well...at least for me, some of these cases are beyond what I have dealt with. I guess for the most part I got the easy way alhamdolillah. I answer to the best of my knowledge or I don't answer at all.

[MouadsWife 161]

Well it seems just the last few days especially I have been reading alot of short comments that did not need to be said. One said "...and this post is here why???" Because someone posted it in the wrong spot. If something is in the wrong place... no biggie... it can be fixed..

[~kiyah~ 14]

Im wondering if Im the only one who feels a little disappointed in some of the responses that members have been getting on vj. I have been reading vj on a daily basis and have seen people post they're concerns, and questions and those who have denied visas and are heartbroken. We have some people on vj who have been heere for years, some a matter of days and many not experienced in this website and how to gather information and dont know where to begin. I have seen members reply to vj member threads with short crass remarks that have no sympathy for the poster. Statements like "Do better research... etc etc.. we already talked about this subject"... or ppl making remarks becuse the thread has been started in the wrong forum.... and some members being flat out rude. I really dont understand this. I thought vj was here for us. I thought we as members would be here to help each other get through this trying process. So my feeling is that when one person posts something that has been discussed before... 'so what'... lets discuss it again! wth When a member posts something in the wrong place..... just move it where it belongs. wth We all need to remember how stressful this is. How this affects our whole life. So I think we all need to have more empathy and concern for each other. In short... just wondering of some of our members how noticed this. Dont mean any harm by this post... Im just disappointed in some things on vj and wish we could be more understanding of each other.

Alhamdulillah sister, I'm right with you on this one!

I responded to a K1 visa denial post today after reading some of the remarks to the OP, as I was reading, I felt everything you are saying. Statements like "This was posted in another thread, please be so kind as to research before starting a new one" and not providing a link to the thread mentioned and remarks like "noobs" literally rubbed me the wrong way.

I have seen this before but usually do not jump in and speak my peace like I did, I usually just provide links to the documented information that may help, etc...but I remembered how I felt when this happened to us, how there just wasn't enough information on VJ or any other web site including the DOS and DHS.

If it weren't for 2 very special VJ members speaking out that visa refusal happened to them as well and sharing their experience and knowledge with me and others facing the same issue, the information that has been documented may not be on this website and other websites in the form it is today. If I can help couples by pointing them to information that may need to help them through the return/denial process, then I've done what I came here to do.

~kiyah~

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Thank you for your post. It is a concern to many of us how some of the comments made to serious concerns and questions are treated like a joke to some members, especially those who have finished their immigration journey or who haven't experienced a lot of problems. VJ is meant to be a helpful and supportive community - and for the most part it is. There are a few, however, who seem to have forgotten what it felt like when they first started this process.

I would like to ask those who feel short-tempered or 'smart alecy' when someone asks an obvious question that has been asked many times before, to try to respond in a helpful way, or not respond at all if all you can do is be critical. The question may be old hat to you, but it is new to the poster. Direct them to where they can find out the information they can use in a courteous manner. Being insulting never helped anyone and it honestly doesn't make you look clever.

Sometimes it is easy to forget what we each experienced at the start of our own visa journeys, how overwhelming the process seemed then, how daunting all the paperwork was - and all at the same time as trying to handle a long distance relationship with the frustrations of separation and all of the emotional ups and downs those entail. If we each try to remember what it felt like when we first started our visa journeys and respond from that place of empathy as well as from our current positions of experience, then Visa Journey will continue to be a helpful and supportive place.

[Teffah 5]

Im wondering if Im the only one who feels a little disappointed in some of the responses that members have been getting on vj. I have been reading vj on a daily basis and have seen people post they're concerns, and questions and those who have denied visas and are heartbroken. We have some people on vj who have been heere for years, some a matter of days and many not experienced in this website and how to gather information and dont know where to begin. I have seen members reply to vj member threads with short crass remarks that have no sympathy for the poster. Statements like "Do better research... etc etc.. we already talked about this subject"... or ppl making remarks becuse the thread has been started in the wrong forum.... and some members being flat out rude. I really dont understand this. I thought vj was here for us. I thought we as members would be here to help each other get through this trying process. So my feeling is that when one person posts something that has been discussed before... 'so what'... lets discuss it again! wth When a member posts something in the wrong place..... just move it where it belongs. wth We all need to remember how stressful this is. How this affects our whole life. So I think we all need to have more empathy and concern for each other. In short... just wondering of some of our members how noticed this. Dont mean any harm by this post... Im just disappointed in some things on vj and wish we could be more understanding of each other.

For this very reason I left another site, becasue I felt completely stupid. I felt this way because of the way the other members answered my questions. Luckily so far so good with VJ. Thanks!

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Thank you for your post. It is a concern to many of us how some of the comments made to serious concerns and questions are treated like a joke to some members, especially those who have finished their immigration journey or who haven't experienced a lot of problems. VJ is meant to be a helpful and supportive community - and for the most part it is. There are a few, however, who seem to have forgotten what it felt like when they first started this process.

I would like to ask those who feel short-tempered or 'smart alecy' when someone asks an obvious question that has been asked many times before, to try to respond in a helpful way, or not respond at all if all you can do is be critical. The question may be old hat to you, but it is new to the poster. Direct them to where they can find out the information they can use in a courteous manner. Being insulting never helped anyone and it honestly doesn't make you look clever.

Sometimes it is easy to forget what we each experienced at the start of our own visa journeys, how overwhelming the process seemed then, how daunting all the paperwork was - and all at the same time as trying to handle a long distance relationship with the frustrations of separation and all of the emotional ups and downs those entail. If we each try to remember what it felt like when we first started our visa journeys and respond from that place of empathy as well as from our current positions of experience, then Visa Journey will continue to be a helpful and supportive place.

[MouadsWife 161]

Thank you for your post. It is a concern to many of us how some of the comments made to serious concerns and questions are treated like a joke to some members, especially those who have finished their immigration journey or who haven't experienced a lot of problems. VJ is meant to be a helpful and supportive community - and for the most part it is. There are a few, however, who seem to have forgotten what it felt like when they first started this process.

I would like to ask those who feel short-tempered or 'smart alecy' when someone asks an obvious question that has been asked many times before, to try to respond in a helpful way, or not respond at all if all you can do is be critical. The question may be old hat to you, but it is new to the poster. Direct them to where they can find out the information they can use in a courteous manner. Being insulting never helped anyone and it honestly doesn't make you look clever.

Sometimes it is easy to forget what we each experienced at the start of our own visa journeys, how overwhelming the process seemed then, how daunting all the paperwork was - and all at the same time as trying to handle a long distance relationship with the frustrations of separation and all of the emotional ups and downs those entail. If we each try to remember what it felt like when we first started our visa journeys and respond from that place of empathy as well as from our current positions of experience, then Visa Journey will continue to be a helpful and supportive place.

Terrific post! Thanks Kathryn and everyone for there thoughts! I agree, vj is a terrific place, for friends, compassion, empathy and help! I would feel completely lost in my process without it! And for all those out there who have provided they're help and support we are all truely grateful!

[Meriem_DZ 37]

I also despise when new comers post questions here on VJ and pour their heart out about a problem they are having and the very first replies they get are "TROLL!" or "Please fill in your timeline!" and nothing else. That makes me so angry. I'm sure occasionally it is a troll, but dang, give someone the benefit of the doubt first before you start screaming troll.

Meriem

[Nothing1234 2]

Agreed. I think at times after being here for a bit...people tend to forget the past and how they felt joining. I was the same, got attacked and left a bit then came back because a few others (Ash and Noura being the pushiest...hehe) asked me to give it another try. It's not easy being a NoOB! J/K

Anyway, I do think its best to be sensative to those (new and older members) that have legitimate questions and concerns about the actual visa process. I do admit that I have limited patience for those that post non-sense and are completly insensative to those around them. (current thread example in MENA region now)

I think the best thing to do if someone feels a member is out of line, you can PM a mod (if its a nasty post or violation of TOS) or try to answer/respond to the question that the OP is asking that was ignored/made light of by another member. That's the beauty of public forums; you can block/ignore and push past those that simply can't get along with others. (or call them out like you did in one of the posts...stating the comments were not called for. )

[Wyld Blu 35]

I also think that some people forget, or don't realize how they come across to others. I had questions regarding producing tax records from last year. Even though I was divorced in the latter part of the year, our tax accountants recommended we file jointly. We did this on their expert advice. When I brought this question to VJ, I was told by more senior members that we cheated on our taxes and made it sound like we were stealing from the government on purpose and there will be huge consequences if we were found out. PLEASE. This was very upsetting to me and because the conversation then became more about how rudely they responded, it took awhile for my original question to be answered.

CONSIDER how you come across to the people you are talking to. Communication is NOT about what you say, but how the other person perceives what you say. You need to give your ideas in a way that the other person can hear and understand you. Otherwise, your idea gets lost in the emotions you are relaying instead.

-Blu-

[nurse1967 287]

There are some posters that are veterans to this site that are so MISERABLE in their own situations that they have fun by saying awful and scary things to newer members just to make themselves feel better. I told my hubby just recently that I am going to refrain from some of these more negative threads because they are just not constructive to anyone who is waiting and going through the process and missing their spouse.

Edited September 3, 2009 by Betsy El Sum

[And_Sam 44]

Im wondering if Im the only one who feels a little disappointed in some of the responses that members have been getting on vj. I have been reading vj on a daily basis and have seen people post they're concerns, and questions and those who have denied visas and are heartbroken. We have some people on vj who have been heere for years, some a matter of days and many not experienced in this website and how to gather information and dont know where to begin. I have seen members reply to vj member threads with short crass remarks that have no sympathy for the poster. Statements like "Do better research... etc etc.. we already talked about this subject"... or ppl making remarks becuse the thread has been started in the wrong forum.... and some members being flat out rude. I really dont understand this. I thought vj was here for us. I thought we as members would be here to help each other get through this trying process. So my feeling is that when one person posts something that has been discussed before... 'so what'... lets discuss it again! wth When a member posts something in the wrong place..... just move it where it belongs. wth We all need to remember how stressful this is. How this affects our whole life. So I think we all need to have more empathy and concern for each other. In short... just wondering of some of our members how noticed this. Dont mean any harm by this post... Im just disappointed in some things on vj and wish we could be more understanding of each other.

I am in agreement with you on this. Sad to say that I have learned to choose and select carefully on what threads I respond to. All it takes is one rude person to make you feel terrible.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Thanks Kathryn for your post. Thanks to the OP who might give some new ppl hope that all of VJ arent impatient aholes by starting this thread.

Some people forget how stressful the process is, some people had it easy or simply dont care. Its hard to ignore them sometimes.

It's all in the delivery....

[love is great 0]

I totally agree, it is very distubing to read a post to someone who is asking for HELP and then they get slammed. It makes my 'heart hurt' when I read those comments.