My timeline, would like feedback

[luckytxn 2,265]

Keep it simple

[David-Hien 11]

Hello everyone. Thank you all for your feedback.

You ought to give the detail (where and with whom, especially if family) of what you did during time in VN (2/14-3/3), (8/2-9/5), (10/26-11/9).

I will add more detail for this.

How often was the uncle doing the translating? He was only translating for a week or so.

You ought to call Ngoc's initial wedding dress by its name, ao dai. ....Does this really matter what I call it?

Give detail about the things that you discuss rather than covering it all in a blanket statement (She is always there for me....). Have you discussed what she will do when she arrives in the US (work, homemaker, school)? Does she have ideas about decorating the house? Talk about discussing "husband & wife" types of things. .......Thanks, I will add more and talk about that

Does your son interact with Ngoc? Webchat? E-mail? If so, tell about that.......OK

Have you also created a list of Ngoc's family in the US? Are there many more living in close proximity to where you live? Have you met them? This can cut both ways, but it will be a part of the interview so better to have it all prepared. ....She has only 1 aunt and 1 uncle in the USA. She has cousins from the aunt and uncle, but last year when she had her interview, the CO wasn't interested in cousins.

In your timeline you really need to address why your relationship progressed so quickly, and why you acted so quickly at each stage, because a fast track relationship like that is not customary in VN. If you can't convince the CO that there is a valid reason for the time warp, your CR1 is likely to be denied as well........The relationship progressed quickly because we met, fell in love, and want to be together forever.We are not youngsters......she is in her late 30's, and I am in my late 40's. It is very difficult being apart from each other, the only thing that matters is us being together. If she is unable to come to America, I am willing to move to Vietnam, as long as we can be together.

It might be better if you just didn't talk about the sleeping arrangements at all.........I thought it was always said to tell the truth, and about the sleeping arrangements.....when the lawyer sent in the I-130, he also sent in an affidated. Some of my timeline says the same things the lawyer sent in, so I'm worried if I change what I say, they already have the information when the I-130 was sent in.

The relationship has already been given sham mark, which probably follows you forever.

Relationship with the uncle ---> money and/or services are being transacted........I was at his home in my capacity as a home improvement contractor, meeting informally about doing a small repair in his house. After looking over the situation we sat down for lunch. .....We only talked about doing a small repair......no money exchanged hands...thus meeting informally

Please be careful on what you said an old couple for reason of quick time in engagement. If you are old but this is the first marriage, it is ok. However, if it is the second marriage for both of you, it is not ok according to Vietnamese tradition. An engagement looks odd for an old couple in Vietnam.

If you are American man, your fiance may have to face an interview in English. She should learn English as much as possible. This is the most important factor in your visa application to decide your success.

It meant "an engagement ceremony looks odd for an old couple in Vietnam".

So sorry

Edited September 2, 2009 by Hien

[vietazn 1]

Engagement ceremonies also look odd when the lady has been married before and divorced. So that's a very good reason not to have a huge engagement ceremony.

[ScottThuy 140]

We are not that old 30 & 45 and we have been married before, so we are having a small engagement ceremony at her family home... we felt it would be better than not having one at all...

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

We are not that old 30 & 45 and we have been married before, so we are having a small engagement ceremony at her family home... we felt it would be better than not having one at all...

Agreed.

I also disagree that an engagement ceremony is not important if the couple are older or divorced. The family in Vietnam still wants and expects to be involved in the wedding. The engagement party provides them an opportunity for this, especially if the marriage is going to take place in the US. If the wedding will take place in Vietnam, then the engagement ceremony becomes less important for an older or divorced couple, but you'd still have a big wedding party. No matter how old the couple are, nor how many times they've been divorced, you never leave the family out of the celebrations.

To a young Vietnamese couple, it may seem "odd" for an older couple to have an engagement ceremony. I don't think this is because the engagement ceremony itself is odd, but because older people don't often get married in Vietnam, especially if they've been divorced. Few Vietnamese men would want to marry a divorced woman, especially if she has children. It also probably seems a little weird for a father to greet a middle aged man into his home to celebrate his engagement to his daughter when his daughter doesn't even live there anymore. It's common in cases like this to have the ceremony at a local pagoda, presided over by the Su Phu or Su Thuc.

I have never once heard of a case where a CO looked suspiciously on an older or divorced couple having an engagement ceremony. On the other hand, I've read many cases where a beneficiary in such a couple was asked by the CO if they had an engagement ceremony and party, and asked to see photos. I've also read about cases where an older or divorced couple did NOT have an engagement ceremony - as soon as the CO learned about this they signed the blue slip and handed it to the beneficiary.

[ScottThuy 140]

We are not that old 30 & 45 and we have been married before, so we are having a small engagement ceremony at her family home... we felt it would be better than not having one at all...

Agreed.

I also disagree that an engagement ceremony is not important if the couple are older or divorced. The family in Vietnam still wants and expects to be involved in the wedding. The engagement party provides them an opportunity for this, especially if the marriage is going to take place in the US. If the wedding will take place in Vietnam, then the engagement ceremony becomes less important for an older or divorced couple, but you'd still have a big wedding party. No matter how old the couple are, nor how many times they've been divorced, you never leave the family out of the celebrations.

To a young Vietnamese couple, it may seem "odd" for an older couple to have an engagement ceremony. I don't think this is because the engagement ceremony itself is odd, but because older people don't often get married in Vietnam, especially if they've been divorced. Few Vietnamese men would want to marry a divorced woman, especially if she has children. It also probably seems a little weird for a father to greet a middle aged man into his home to celebrate his engagement to his daughter when his daughter doesn't even live there anymore. It's common in cases like this to have the ceremony at a local pagoda, presided over by the Su Phu or Su Thuc.

I have never once heard of a case where a CO looked suspiciously on an older or divorced couple having an engagement ceremony. On the other hand, I've read many cases where a beneficiary in such a couple was asked by the CO if they had an engagement ceremony and party, and asked to see photos. I've also read about cases where an older or divorced couple did NOT have an engagement ceremony - as soon as the CO learned about this they signed the blue slip and handed it to the beneficiary.

My MIL would not be happy without a Dam Hoi... But she is extatic that we are having one.. so for us that is the most important thing. I can deal with a delay at the consulate alot easier than an unhappy MIL.

[NgocThuan 0]

We are not that old 30 & 45 and we have been married before, so we are having a small engagement ceremony at her family home... we felt it would be better than not having one at all...

Agreed.

I also disagree that an engagement ceremony is not important if the couple are older or divorced. The family in Vietnam still wants and expects to be involved in the wedding. The engagement party provides them an opportunity for this, especially if the marriage is going to take place in the US. If the wedding will take place in Vietnam, then the engagement ceremony becomes less important for an older or divorced couple, but you'd still have a big wedding party. No matter how old the couple are, nor how many times they've been divorced, you never leave the family out of the celebrations.

To a young Vietnamese couple, it may seem "odd" for an older couple to have an engagement ceremony. I don't think this is because the engagement ceremony itself is odd, but because older people don't often get married in Vietnam, especially if they've been divorced. Few Vietnamese men would want to marry a divorced woman, especially if she has children. It also probably seems a little weird for a father to greet a middle aged man into his home to celebrate his engagement to his daughter when his daughter doesn't even live there anymore. It's common in cases like this to have the ceremony at a local pagoda, presided over by the Su Phu or Su Thuc.

I have never once heard of a case where a CO looked suspiciously on an older or divorced couple having an engagement ceremony. On the other hand, I've read many cases where a beneficiary in such a couple was asked by the CO if they had an engagement ceremony and party, and asked to see photos. I've also read about cases where an older or divorced couple did NOT have an engagement ceremony - as soon as the CO learned about this they signed the blue slip and handed it to the beneficiary.

My MIL would not be happy without a Dam Hoi... But she is extatic that we are having one.. so for us that is the most important thing. I can deal with a delay at the consulate alot easier than an unhappy MIL.

You guys are still young Scott, so have the best Dam Hoi ever!

[ScottThuy 140]

You guys are still young Scott, so have the best Dam Hoi ever!

Thanks.. We will give it our best! It will be small, not sure how many people yet and will be at the family house... so not a huge extravigant ordeal... I am actually really looking forward to her mothers cooking!

[Dai. 7]

You guys are still young Scott, so have the best Dam Hoi ever!

Thanks.. We will give it our best! It will be small, not sure how many people yet and will be at the family house... so not a huge extravigant ordeal... I am actually really looking forward to her mothers cooking!

You aren't going to have something big so that her friends and family can join in on the parting since most of them will probably not able to go to the states to attend your wedding?

[luckytxn 2,265]

If the family is anything like my wifes then the mere mention of free food and beer can turn into a huge gathering that spills out into the streets in two days time.

[ScottThuy 140]

You guys are still young Scott, so have the best Dam Hoi ever!

Thanks.. We will give it our best! It will be small, not sure how many people yet and will be at the family house... so not a huge extravigant ordeal... I am actually really looking forward to her mothers cooking!

You aren't going to have something big so that her friends and family can join in on the parting since most of them will probably not able to go to the states to attend your wedding?

We will likely have a wedding ceremony in VN after we get the Visa.. but nothing ghuge.. just friends and family.. not the whole villiage...