It was a Trap

[MrsWhizz 0]

Luiz, I'm really sorry that you came here for support and you are getting a bunch of BS. Supposedly, this forum is about supporting one another...

Rebeccajo...being a West Virginian, I understand that it's still 1960 there and the poor little females just can't possibly defend themselves against those big nasty men and that only men get aggresive. However, it is the year 2006! If you want a world full of gentlemen and women don't start fights, you might want to invent a time machine. This is the real world!!! Exactly what happened to Luiz has happened to a close friend of mine and it took him years to recover. It's not funny when women go around accusing men of violence because they can claim your taglines. In fact, it's sick. To imply that most men are abusers is just smalltown, narrowminded thinking! FYI...I was in an abusive relationship for far too long and lost everything and then some. I have experience in these areas, but I'm not going to carry bitterness in my heart for a man who defends himself against an aggressive woman. He should!

[rebeccajo 14]

Luiz, I'm really sorry that you came here for support and you are getting a bunch of BS. Supposedly, this forum is about supporting one another...

Rebeccajo...being a West Virginian, I understand that it's still 1960 there and the poor little females just can't possibly defend themselves against those big nasty men and that only men get aggresive. However, it is the year 2006! If you want a world full of gentlemen and women don't start fights, you might want to invent a time machine. This is the real world!!! Exactly what happened to Luiz has happened to a close friend of mine and it took him years to recover. It's not funny when women go around accusing men of violence because they can claim your taglines. In fact, it's sick. To imply that most men are abusers is just smalltown, narrowminded thinking! FYI...I was in an abusive relationship for far too long and lost everything and then some. I have experience in these areas, but I'm not going to carry bitterness in my heart for a man who defends himself against an aggressive woman. He should!

I guess I should have kept my mouth shut.

I don't think I implied all men are abusers. I said a man is bigger and can generally overpower a woman.

I said nobody should be pushing anybody.

Oh...it's not 1960 here. Is husband and wife arguing and not hitting, pushing or shoving each other something that only happened then?

As far as 'helping' Luiz, the answer is simple if his timeline is correct. All he has done is file the AOS - there's been no interview yet. If I were him I would attend the interview and rescind my affidavit there. After writing a few letters as suggested earlier.

Edited July 13, 2006 by rebeccajo

[CanadaGirl 0]

I am really sorry this happened to you. I am just going to put the pushing aside because it happened once and you pushed each other. I have been pushed before and I have done my own pushing which I am not saying is OK but I know it can happen to the best of couples. What I feel sorry about is the way she seemed to get you in love and then as soon as she is here without her daughter she decides to pull the controlling, disregarding your feelings #######.

I'm sorry but if you truly love your spouse then you want to be with them in your bed at night, not at a bar with your girlfriends. I am not saying you don't go out with your girlfriends but staying out till 5am without a phone call?? Seems fishy to me. I know from reading the post that there is probably more examples of her bad behaviour but you listed her staying out all night as one so that's what I am commenting on. I have read alot of cases where wives seem like a soul mate and then get to the states and clearly show they just wanted a fee ticket.

I hope the annulment goes through for you and I am sorry for your loss. I know how upset I would be if I got to the states and my husband was a completely different person.

Good luck to you!

[Luiz&Isabela 0]

Luiz, I'm really sorry that you came here for support and you are getting a bunch of BS. Supposedly, this forum is about supporting one another...

Rebeccajo...being a West Virginian, I understand that it's still 1960 there and the poor little females just can't possibly defend themselves against those big nasty men and that only men get aggresive. However, it is the year 2006! If you want a world full of gentlemen and women don't start fights, you might want to invent a time machine. This is the real world!!! Exactly what happened to Luiz has happened to a close friend of mine and it took him years to recover. It's not funny when women go around accusing men of violence because they can claim your taglines. In fact, it's sick. To imply that most men are abusers is just smalltown, narrowminded thinking! FYI...I was in an abusive relationship for far too long and lost everything and then some. I have experience in these areas, but I'm not going to carry bitterness in my heart for a man who defends himself against an aggressive woman. He should!

Thank you for your support

[Peter Miami 0]

Hi CanadaGirl,

I am very impressed by what you wrote specially from a woman perspective and please do not take that in the wrong way. I just love how people get married and want to be out partying without their spouse. I believe this to be wrong. If you want to be partying out every weekend until 3, 4 or 5 AM then ‘DO NOT GET MARRIED”!!! Just stay single and party all the time.

To my critics who are going to start criticing me this does not mean because you get married you need to stay home all the time. Things are not black or white there are other shades of colors.

Luiz, you got a very bad apple get this resolved as soon as possible and move on. There are posters here who gave you very good advice, take them and do it. I wish you luck and things will get better.

Peter Miami

[arwensun1965 0]

I just love how people get married and want to be out partying without their spouse. I believe this to be wrong. If you want to be partying out every weekend until 3, 4 or 5 AM then ‘DO NOT GET MARRIED”!!! Just stay single and party all the time.

To my critics who are going to start criticing me this does not mean because you get married you need to stay home all the time. Things are not black or white there are other shades of colors.

Peter you are absolutely correct in what you are saying , I totally agree with you although I know some people might not.

Janice

[Itsmeitsmeitsree! 0]

Add another one to the "agree with Canadagirl and PeterMiami" column.

[Peggy 1]

I agree also, you dont stay out till 5 am when your married.

Unless your with your spouse

[Billy 0]

I agree also, you dont stay out till 5 am when your married.

Unless your with your spouse

To rebeccajo

All your posts and replies, you are very negative about men. I firmly disagree with you. I was once an abusive victim. I am not an aggressor. I did walked away. My ex-wife cursed me out everyday. Hit me everyday. But still I didn't lay my hands on her. Because the law does not believe me, even though I have done nothing. If I didn't walk away from her. I am sure, I can see my asian ### in jail. So, think very hard next time before blaming men.

[Carol&Marc 0]

Its been a long time since I posted here,but it is truly pitiful when ppl come and announce such personal things on a forum of strangers,if you want some advice why not just PM someone you can trust! instead of spilling it out for everyone to comment on! go watch a damn soap opera,dr.phil,Oprah, My GOD! there is always two sides to a story. go out and do some good in the world instead of saying "OH I'm so sorry" or "Your a JERK" None of us will never know what truly happened between them!

Marc

oh and by the way who cares, read the paper you will see divorces everyday how many of them do you call and sympathize with? NONE!

Marc

[PlatyPius 5]

Actually, you're wrong. There are 3 sides to every relationship story.

His side, her side, and the truth.

Also, the people here may be strangers to you; that doesn't mean it's so for everyone else. What better place, really, than an internet site to talk about your most personal of issues? No one knows who you are. No one will throw it back in your face later (in real life). You don't have to worry about offending anyone involved.

The people who come to sites like this and refuse to reveal their real first name or the city they live in really crack me up. I can almost guarantee you that no one has ever hunted down every Bobbi Sue in Frog Balls Tennesee just to find the one he saw on an internet message board. These same people will, of course, gladly put their social security number on credit applications without a thought, which carries a much higher risk.

Anyway, side rant there.

I just find it funny that people post here about how people shouldn't post personal stuff online, when fully 50%+ of the people here met their fiance(e)s online. Good thing they weren't quite as paranoid/#######/etc, eh?

[Itsmeitsmeitsree! 0]

Its been a long time since I posted here,but it is truly pitiful when ppl come and announce such personal things on a forum of strangers,if you want some advice why not just PM someone you can trust! instead of spilling it out for everyone to comment on! go watch a damn soap opera,dr.phil,Oprah, My GOD! there is always two sides to a story. go out and do some good in the world instead of saying "OH I'm so sorry" or "Your a JERK" None of us will never know what truly happened between them!

Marc

oh and by the way who cares, read the paper you will see divorces everyday how many of them do you call and sympathize with? NONE!

Marc

This is a forum of advice on family immigration issues. When Luiz had this problem, it became not just a personal problem, but an issue of immigration for him. Posting here is a reasonable thing to do, because it's entirely possible someone may have faced a similiar situation and be able to give him good advice with the direction he should go regarding the immigration issues. Giving a few personal details as to what happened between him and his wife makes it easier for him to get the correct advice. Perhaps there isn't anyone he trusts who has been through this before! And maybe someone who "hasn't posted in a long time" actually has something of use to say!

Yes, there are stories in the paper all the time of the heartache of divorce. But very few have anything to do with immigration, the reason Luiz posted in this forum. When I got divorced, I would've been TOTALLY wigged out if some stranger who saw my name in the paper called me to sympathize...get real about that one Marc! Just because we can't SEE the people on VJ doesn't make their problems or their pain less real!

You're right, we don't know all that went on between them. It's true we only know what Luiz said. But we don't need to know everything to try to lend a hand with the immigration issues, just some hightlights. And if the good we go out and do today also involves lending moral support to someone we can't see...SO BE IT!

My good that I'm going out to do today involves giving you, someone who seems to have some issues with anger, my best wishes for a calm and happy day!

[chagalafamilia 0]

I said a man is bigger and can generally overpower a woman.

Rebeccajo:

There is a flaw in that picture of the perfect couple you have in your head where the man is always larger.

I myself weigh more than my husband and I am also almost 3 inches taller than he is. On another note, I can and have had him pinned to the floor before, although in our case it was an enjoyable time for both of us.

Just remember that not every couple comes in that perfect package.

Luiz: Hope that you can get these issues resolved and get on with your life. Good luck.

[Luiz&Isabela 0]

I would like to thanks everybody that responded to my posting, even the ones that didn’t feel sympathized with my problem.

I did posted this problem because I was looking for a direct and fast way to solve the IMMIGRATION problem, like I had been helped before on the visa issue.

I really appreciate lots of people helping me, defending me against the ones that didn't believe on my history. I only hope those peoples that didn't believe on my or didn't sympathize with my situation, don't ever have to be on this situation to expose most intimate problems to "estranger", just to try to have a direct help, not just a answer from a cold professional lawyer.

I had got couple private emails with good advice about IMMIGRATION issue, for those I thank you very much.

For those that think I am wrong, or I should not expose my problems here, the only think I can say is "just thank god you are not on my shoes".

Again thanks everybody

Luiz

PS: Bay the way, Luiz is my real name.

[rebeccajo 14]

Luiz I do hope you get some sort of resolution. As I said before, I really think the most effective thing to do would be to show up when the interview is called and give a statement about your marriage. You might even be divorced by then.

I think your situation perfectly illustrates that raising ones hand against ones spouse can be 'bad' in more ways that what is typically perceived. In this case it created issues with the law.

None of us were there so we really don't know who provoked who. And that's the trouble with domestic stuff. It's always 'he said - she said'.

It appears I struck a nerve with several of you in this thread and if I did I apologize. I've been on the receiving thread of abuse and maybe it's hard for me to keep my perspective. I'd like to think I can think through it clearly but maybe I can't.

I don't have an image in my head of the perfect couple (big man - little woman) nor am I living in the 60's. Those of you who responded with pain to my comments were also abused (so you stated) and perhaps your personal experiences colored your response to my comments.

At any rate, this is a hard hard issue and I am sorry if I brought back bad memories for anyone.

Oh - I am a little woman (5 foot 1 and slim) and all my partners have been much taller than me. Even the ones who weren't had more muscle mass and power than I could hope to muster. Just adding that for whatever it's worth.

Edited July 14, 2006 by rebeccajo