To tell or not to tell

[DIARD 1]

I think the thing for me that sticks out is the fact that she may be heading to meet someone with minors in tow. Do you think the children could be in danger? I would probably inform the husband of what is going on imore n relation to the safety issue more than the cheating aspect.

[newlyweds 0]

I think the thing for me that sticks out is the fact that she may be heading to meet someone with minors in tow. Do you think the children could be in danger? I would probably inform the husband of what is going on imore n relation to the safety issue more than the cheating aspect.

i agree, the kids are still minors too.. Tom should just suck it up and accept the fact his wife will never love him. 

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

All bull$hit aside, the relevant facts should be known to all. Deception is the epitome of the absence of integrity.

Let the chips fall where they may should.....

Put up, or shut up? I concur. Like I posted before, tell them what you think you know.

[marklovetina 52]

I think the thing for me that sticks out is the fact that she may be heading to meet someone with minors in tow. Do you think the children could be in danger? I would probably inform the husband of what is going on imore n relation to the safety issue more than the cheating aspect.

but i think the kids are not tom's kids...? kids from fil. guy i think correct me jom if i am wrong hehehe... tnx!!!

[newlyweds 0]

I think the thing for me that sticks out is the fact that she may be heading to meet someone with minors in tow. Do you think the children could be in danger? I would probably inform the husband of what is going on imore n relation to the safety issue more than the cheating aspect.

but i think the kids are not tom's kids...? kids from fil. guy i think correct me jom if i am wrong hehehe... tnx!!!

they were from her previous marriage to a filipino guy.. but still, they're safety will become an issue as she(marie-the cousin) is just going around doing who knows what in CO.. are the kids gonna be safe, where are they living at, and how about their education.. 

[DIARD 1]

I think the thing for me that sticks out is the fact that she may be heading to meet someone with minors in tow. Do you think the children could be in danger? I would probably inform the husband of what is going on imore n relation to the safety issue more than the cheating aspect.

but i think the kids are not tom's kids...? kids from fil. guy i think correct me jom if i am wrong hehehe... tnx!!!

they were from her previous marriage to a filipino guy.. but still, they're safety will become an issue as she(marie-the cousin) is just going around doing who knows what in CO.. are the kids gonna be safe, where are they living at, and how about their education.. 

I realize that the kids are not his but the op seemed to not be sure why her cousin was going in the first place and if the situation was safe. This has been Toms family for the past several years and he has a stake in what happens to them. If he cares enough about his wife and her kids to want the marriage to work out I would think he would care about the safety of his wife and her family. If not the OP should care about the safety of her cousins children I would think.

edited to add: I don't think I made alot a sense in this post.lol I hope it is understandable enough though, Im too tired to try and reword at the moment.

Edited August 29, 2009 by DIARD

[Nik+Heather 121]

Registering a "BUTT OUT" vote.

[Danno 1,228]

I would not waste a lot of breath telling him but I would tell him the "facts" as you know them.

-She was a scammer back home.

-she doesn't love him (he knows that)

- she is heading to Colorado.

Tell him to "put 2 and 2 together" and leave it at that.

He may sincerely be in the dark about her true nature.

Once told, the ball is in his park.

* The big victims here are those little girls. Dragging these girls in and out of different mens homes (she hooks up with on line) is elevating the possibility of molestation by many fold.

Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do about that at this point.

[zqt3344 21]

Not to be rude, but what is it with 50-70 yr old USA men and 20-30 yr old women from Philippines, Hellooooooooooooooo! What do the US citizen men think is going on or going to happen. The are going around with a big sign on their forehead saying " Come scam me and screw me around and rip me off I am stupid as hell"

I realize you are not like your cousin and you are conflicted, and not defending your cousin behavior, but then again if it was not her doing this to Tom then it would have been some other woman from the Philippines doing it to him, I mean this Tom guy is a total sucker.

Sorry you are in such a hard spot, and yes you probably should call and tell Tom what is going on, then that way you cleared your conscious and did the right thing and tried to help the guy, sounds like he is well intentioned but this Tom is truly clueless when it comes to marriage!

Good luck.

I am asking for sensible pieces of advice from the members here:

The characters: ( not real names )

Marie ( my first cousin)

Tom ( Marie's USC husband)

Marie WAS a battered by by her ex-Filipino husband. They have four children. She never worked because she married early and eventually escaped from her miserable married life. She then started to chat online and sad to say, she survived with finacial support from the men she talked to in the internet. In short, her survival depended on men from the remittances from foreigners. Yes, she used them to supprt herself and her two daughters.

Fast forward, she met Tom and he petitioned her for a K1 and K2 visa for her and her 2 daughters. Tom is from Ohio with a 12 year old daughter and a 25 yr old son . He was a widower. The petition was granted and December 2007, she and the 2 girls arrived in Ohio. Tom is 55 years old ( she is 41), a big man, about 300lbs and "unhealthy", takes 24 pills a day. I know for a fact that even while the K1 visa was in the process, she had her Filipino BF and also another man from Europe sending her money. I kept quiet because I thought its her life and I didn't know Tom.

Fast forward again...she is bored with her life in Ohio. Tom is not working and as she told me, she is tired looking at him. Yes, she doesn't love him and he knows this. When my husband and I visited them last year, Tom and my husband had a talk and he told my husband that he knows Marie doesn't love him but he hoped she will in the future.

Now, Marie was so bored with her life in Ohio, she decided to leave ( with Tom's permission) and find work in Chicago. My sister is there and Marie with her two girls stayed with her for weeks. Tom went there recently to visit them. Marie on the other hand tries to make excuses not to work and insisted that she wants to go to Colorado to work. I am not stupid so I know something is going on. She is surrounded by Filipinos and family in Chicago but wants to go to Colorado to work, as she said, she found work in Colorado via the internet. Tom doesn't know about her plan to go to Colorado and he only stayed in Chicago for one day to visit. He is now back in Ohio.

I just talked to my sister this morning and she told me that Marie and her girls are leaving for Colorado today. Days prior, Marie told her that her trip to Colorado was cancelled but suddenly she is on it again. Even my sister smelled something fishy about the plan. In my heart I know, she is probably meeting someone. I already talked to her, told her to stay in Chicago because it is safer for her but she is insistent. I didn't mention about my suspicions.

She is now on her way to Colorado and Tom doesn't know. Ive met Tom and he is a decent man. I want to call him and tell him where his wife is heading and he can decide what to do because I believe it is the right thing to do. Also, the two girls are minors ( 14 and 16 ) and I am concerned of their safety. At the same time, she is family and I don't want to be a home wrecker for being the one who let the cat out of the bag. I don't want to interfere with her decisions because it is her life but my conscience tells me to inform Tom of what is going on because he deserves to know the truth. My husband told me to call and tell Tom.

I really can't decide.

Yes, my cousin is a user, a scammer too. At first, I understood her lifestyle before she came here because she had to survive, but now I don't undestand the behaviour. I know for sure she is unhappy and has not learned to love Tom despite his kindness and goodness but I wish she would just go home to the Philippines instead of doing things behind his back. Tom is a decent man and deserves to be loved unconditionally and I feel it is my obligation to tell him. On the other hand I also don't want to interfere with other people's lives.

If you are in my shoes what will you do? To tell or not to tell?

My sister has decided not to say anything.

You can call my cousin anything, it doesn't matter. As I said she is a user and a scammer , no argument about that. I just want to do the right thing.

Thank you.

[Saska+Tim 7]

maybe drop a hint, like asking how's her trip to colorado going

I will just put "the worm of doubt" and let it do the job.

[Welshcookie 17]

Hellooooooooooooooo!

Tom is 55 years old ( she is 41),

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Not to be rude, but what is it with 50-70 yr old USA men and 20-30 yr old women from Philippines, Hellooooooooooooooo! What do the US citizen men think is going on or going to happen. The are going around with a big sign on their forehead saying " Come scam me and screw me around and rip me off I am stupid as hell"

I think you succeeded anyways.

[Nessa 23]

Not to be rude, but what is it with 50-70 yr old USA men and 20-30 yr old women from Philippines, Hellooooooooooooooo! What do the US citizen men think is going on or going to happen. The are going around with a big sign on their forehead saying " Come scam me and screw me around and rip me off I am stupid as hell"

I think you succeeded anyways.

maybe some women like saggy balls

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Not to be rude, but what is it with 50-70 yr old USA men and 20-30 yr old women from Philippines, Hellooooooooooooooo! What do the US citizen men think is going on or going to happen. The are going around with a big sign on their forehead saying " Come scam me and screw me around and rip me off I am stupid as hell"

I think you succeeded anyways.

maybe some women like saggy balls

better for tea bagging?

[Nessa 23]

eww