OK, why the **** everytime we argue, it turns into CG issue.

[Jonara 0]

Thanks guys for listening. Obviously I'm not gonna leave her after 11 years together but it's just frustrating when she always says "I help you with your greencard! and you wanted to marry because of greencard". It's a by product of being married to a citizen, not some wonderful gift she's giving to me, especially after being together for so long. How the hell am I gonna be a husband and pay for everything if I can't get a greencard and work for my family?

Yeah 11 years of sticking around for a GC is not a valid accusation. She needs a GC101 course and understand the trends as opposed to pinning it all on you. Counseling is good and don't wait very long to go through that. You might start believing her the more she points it out.

[trillium13 84]

You'd think that by now she would have figured out that you didn't just marry her to gain PR status. There are obviously other issues here. She sounds terribly insecure. It's not fair that you should have to keep "proving" yourself after all this time. I'm all for reassuring people when they need it, everyone has some insecurity issues of one kind or another, but this seems extreme. I'd definitely say that at least one of you needs counseling, and most likely both of you together. Have you ever given her reason to feel insecure with your relationship? It sounds like the 2 of you need to learn how to talk to each other without becoming defensive and throwing around accusations.

[BigBubble 1]

I would be really angry!

Especially because I would prefer to live in my country but he wants to stay here so I am the one who is making the sacrifice...

[Candy/SadanNasir 2]

Dear friend

Don't take too heart what a woman say when she's angry. Some people when they are angry they will say anything, not even thinking like there's a tomorrow. Most of the time the stuff the person is saying doesn't make any sense, if a stranger is around they might think of wow how awful you can be, but if it's between the 2 of you try not to take it to heart. I always follow this saying my mom always used to tell " BE CAREFUL YOUR TONGUE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON" Therefore be careful how you use it, sometimes you wish you could take back something that just came out of your mouth but you can't, I always try to follow that, it can be tough even to the point you might get a point or two increased on your BP.

Very good advise!

It is often easy to project our anger especially at those we love the most. Sadness can take many different forms; those who are the most difficult are experiencing the most pain.

[Created 6]

You'd think that by now she would have figured out that you didn't just marry her to gain PR status. There are obviously other issues here. She sounds terribly insecure. It's not fair that you should have to keep "proving" yourself after all this time. I'm all for reassuring people when they need it, everyone has some insecurity issues of one kind or another, but this seems extreme. I'd definitely say that at least one of you needs counseling, and most likely both of you together. Have you ever given her reason to feel insecure with your relationship? It sounds like the 2 of you need to learn how to talk to each other without becoming defensive and throwing around accusations.

Exactly what I was thinking........there's some deep routed insecurities here!

I don't agree with the Poster who said not to listen to everything a woman says in anger. I believe that we speak out of the abundance of the heart - in other words, our emotions and feelings from the heart come out when we open our mouths, that's why sometimes we can't help but say some stuff, even when we purpose not to, especially when we are angry.

If you love her, then spend some time to get this sorted. Communication, Sex or Money, either one will kill a marriage if they aren't right.

[TracyTN 237]

OLD thread revived.

[woki1986 1]

I'm not really qualified to answer this question, as I'm not a counsellor and I've not actually got to the USA yet, but, for what it's worth... Sometimes when people argue they can say things without thinking. It's also very easy to say things, mean things, when there's an arguement. If you're angry or upset you'll often say something to make the other person as upset as you feel...

If your other half has a quick tongue (in other words, is good at coming up with reasons or arguements - of the reasoning kind - as it is, it makes it for them to bombard you with things. For example, my other half has told me that she might say something without meaning it - she's so quick to think and respond to things... Maybe that's the case here?

As others have said, try to tell her about what visa fraud actually is, and that if you were there just for your greencard, you'd not have committed to your ongoing relationship like you have for all this time.

Your love and relationship is first and foremost. The greencard is a byproduct. You would have gone to be with her first of all just to be there with her. (If that makes sense.) You've gone there with love in your heart for the right reason. Keep telling her that.

I really hope that everything works out for you. Please keep us updated.

OLD thread revived.

Ooh.

Whoops. I never look at the original posting date o.O

[Fandango 1,439]

OLD thread revived.

Indeed!

Would be cool tho, for the OP to give an update....