OK, why the **** everytime we argue, it turns into CG issue.

[John9981 9]

Hi guys,

OK...I met my wife during college 11 years ago and dated 9 years before we get married in 07. For some reason, she has this weird idea about me marrying her because of GC. (especially when we argue) It's getting to the point where I'm really thinking about counseling. #######? It's getting worse since I'm about to get my 10 yr GC. Have any of you guys had GC issue come up during argument? I'm grateful that my wife is a citizen and I can live and work in this country but it's not something you can use against me because you have one. Sorry guys, just had to vent somewhere.

[rebeccajo 14]

Moving to the Life in America Forum where the topic is more relevant.

[Jamaican JNR 2]

Hi guys,

OK...I met my wife during college 11 years ago and dated 9 years before we get married in 07. For some reason, she has this weird idea about me marrying her because of GC. (especially when we argue) It's getting to the point where I'm really thinking about counseling. #######? It's getting worse since I'm about to get my 10 yr GC. Have any of you guys had GC issue come up during argument? I'm grateful that my wife is a citizen and I can live and work in this country but it's not something you can use against me because you have one. Sorry guys, just had to vent somewhere.

It is good to vent.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Sounds like she is worried you will leave her....

counseling is recommended.

[Otto 83]

Well, if you got married just for the PR/Green Card, you're one smart cookie - well laid out plan that took 9 years to bear fruit.

Sounds like underlying issues - no real reason why couples should ever really argue. Comes down to communication problems (usually).

Best thing (for me) was Men are from mars, women are from Venus (that'll get a lot of laughs from folks, but it could help you both). just a thought.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Yes, it sounds like she is feeling really insecure about something at the moment.

Get her on VJ and have her do some real research about how greencard fraud really plays out. She'll realise the long term commitment you have made to her definitely does not fit the traditional GC fraud trends.

Time to consider counseling. It seems that both of you need to vent.

[Twisted K 2]

it does sound like some underlying insecurities. i am no counselor, but maybe she has a fear of abandonment. many people, myself included, can have these fears especially if you grew up without any real examples of husband and wife relationships, ie parents divorcing very early on in life. JMHO. i hope it works out for you. i think counseling could really help. she needs reassurance.

Edited August 28, 2009 by kaushalia

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Inappropriate post removed

[baron555 934]

Hi guys,

OK...I met my wife during college 11 years ago and dated 9 years before we get married in 07. For some reason, she has this weird idea about me marrying her because of GC. (especially when we argue) It's getting to the point where I'm really thinking about counseling. #######? It's getting worse since I'm about to get my 10 yr GC. Have any of you guys had GC issue come up during argument? I'm grateful that my wife is a citizen and I can live and work in this country but it's not something you can use against me because you have one. Sorry guys, just had to vent somewhere.

There shouldn't be any arguments (it's healthy to have disagreements). Therein lies the root of your problem.

[movingsoon2 0]

That's terrible. What are you supposed to say on that? I would feel stumped. The length of time that you have been together has a lot to say that you are in it for the relationship.

[John9981 9]

Thanks guys for listening. Obviously I'm not gonna leave her after 11 years together but it's just frustrating when she always says "I help you with your greencard! and you wanted to marry because of greencard". It's a by product of being married to a citizen, not some wonderful gift she's giving to me, especially after being together for so long. How the hell am I gonna be a husband and pay for everything if I can't get a greencard and work for my family?

[Dave and Helena 0]

Maybe you guys need to sit down and talk about it when you're not already arguing. Ask her why she feels you married her for the Green Card. If she goes on a "rant", point out that you dated for 9 years, been married for 2 and that if you only married her for the GC you could have left her right after you got the temporary GC and filed for Removal of Conditions on your own. Then tell her you love her and why you married her. Key is not to be confrontational and make her feel defensive.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" - Dr Stephen Covey

[Old Dominion 26]

There is something else going on in her mind or in your relationship, as she seems to want to be hurtful in her comments. Do you have a pastor to talk with?

[Nikita2Charles 32]

Dear friend

Don't take too heart what a woman say when she's angry. Some people when they are angry they will say anything, not even thinking like there's a tomorrow. Most of the time the stuff the person is saying doesn't make any sense, if a stranger is around they might think of wow how awful you can be, but if it's between the 2 of you try not to take it to heart. I always follow this saying my mom always used to tell " BE CAREFUL YOUR TONGUE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON" Therefore be careful how you use it, sometimes you wish you could take back something that just came out of your mouth but you can't, I always try to follow that, it can be tough even to the point you might get a point or two increased on your BP.

Edited August 29, 2009 by Nikita2Charles

[^KK^ 3]

I"m sorry to hear this. You should seek help.