Wrath of Creditors

[Minya's wife 24]

The most important thing is for you to hide your credit cards when he arrives. Also, get a bank account together for AOS, but don't put any of your money in there; just keep it in your regular account and make sure he doesn't know or have access to that account. Good luck with your marriage.

Yes, definitely good advice to start out a marriage...hide your money from your husband and don't let him access. Ever heard of the "...for better for worse, for richer for poorer,...'till death do us part?" Once you marry, you begin to combine your life, which should include finances. USCIS is looking for exactly that at the AOS stage...that you've begun to intermingle your life, and you can bet that they will look even more closely two years down the road at the ROC stage. Suggesting that the OP get an account together but not put money there or utilize it for what its intended "common spending" is suggesting that the OP lie for the purposes of Adjusting Status....which is against the TOS of this site, not to mention really bad advice.

If the OP is really worried that this type of behavior may come up in the future....perhaps a pre-nup is in order. That way she can at least be protected if heaven forbid the relationship ends.

If the future husband has problems managing his finances, perhaps you can look into some sort of classes that teach basic finance to help him understand the importance of money management and credit.

Good luck,

-P

[NgocThuan 0]

The most important thing is for you to hide your credit cards when he arrives. Also, get a bank account together for AOS, but don't put any of your money in there; just keep it in your regular account and make sure he doesn't know or have access to that account. Good luck with your marriage.

Yes, definitely good advice to start out a marriage...hide your money from your husband and don't let him access. Ever heard of the "...for better for worse, for richer for poorer,...'till death do us part?" Once you marry, you begin to combine your life, which should include finances. USCIS is looking for exactly that at the AOS stage...that you've begun to intermingle your life, and you can bet that they will look even more closely two years down the road at the ROC stage. Suggesting that the OP get an account together but not put money there or utilize it for what its intended "common spending" is suggesting that the OP lie for the purposes of Adjusting Status....which is against the TOS of this site, not to mention really bad advice.

If the OP is really worried that this type of behavior may come up in the future....perhaps a pre-nup is in order. That way she can at least be protected if heaven forbid the relationship ends.

If the future husband has problems managing his finances, perhaps you can look into some sort of classes that teach basic finance to help him understand the importance of money management and credit.

Good luck,

-P

First of all, I never suggested a fake account for AOS purposes. It's still a legit joint account but she doesn't have to keep her life savings in there. Just in case he decides to go on a shopping spree, he won't have access to all of her money. Second of all, a pre-nup wouldn't do any good if he were to max out her credit cards and make a major withdrawal from their account. Finally, we're talking about his character here, not that he doesn't know how to manage his finances. His intention is to run up his credit cards and leave the country. So should she not be concerned about his behavior, and is this a better way to start off a marriage. Get real Opie, we aint in Mayberry anymore!

[fordman 0]

Assuming your fiance is talking about unsecured credit, then he would be fine.

Although theoretically a British bank could pursue him here in the states, there is no chance of them actually doing so. The costs involved for trans-atlantic debt collection are way too high.

You don't need to worry too much about yours or his credit score either. FICO (and other) scores in the U.S. are indexed by your social security number. Regardless of how good (or bad) your credit score was when you came to the U.S., you effectively start out with 0 credit.

Reneging on a loan is not a crime in the U.S. or UK, so you don't have to worry about any "moral turpitude".

Having said that... You never know what the future holds. It would seem foolish to unnecessarily screw up ones credit worthiness anywhere.

Good Luck

[Minya's wife 24]

The most important thing is for you to hide your credit cards when he arrives. Also, get a bank account together for AOS, but don't put any of your money in there; just keep it in your regular account and make sure he doesn't know or have access to that account. Good luck with your marriage.

Yes, definitely good advice to start out a marriage...hide your money from your husband and don't let him access. Ever heard of the "...for better for worse, for richer for poorer,...'till death do us part?" Once you marry, you begin to combine your life, which should include finances. USCIS is looking for exactly that at the AOS stage...that you've begun to intermingle your life, and you can bet that they will look even more closely two years down the road at the ROC stage. Suggesting that the OP get an account together but not put money there or utilize it for what its intended "common spending" is suggesting that the OP lie for the purposes of Adjusting Status....which is against the TOS of this site, not to mention really bad advice.

If the OP is really worried that this type of behavior may come up in the future....perhaps a pre-nup is in order. That way she can at least be protected if heaven forbid the relationship ends.

If the future husband has problems managing his finances, perhaps you can look into some sort of classes that teach basic finance to help him understand the importance of money management and credit.

Good luck,

-P

First of all, I never suggested a fake account for AOS purposes. It's still a legit joint account but she doesn't have to keep her life savings in there. Just in case he decides to go on a shopping spree, he won't have access to all of her money. Second of all, a pre-nup wouldn't do any good if he were to max out her credit cards and make a major withdrawal from their account. Finally, we're talking about his character here, not that he doesn't know how to manage his finances. His intention is to run up his credit cards and leave the country. So should she not be concerned about his behavior, and is this a better way to start off a marriage. Get real Opie, we aint in Mayberry anymore!

Insulting me is definitely winning you points, let me tell you.

You suggested that the OP hide all her credit cards from her husband and get a joint account for AOS, but not deposit any money there. You may have meant something else, but that's not how it read. The way you phrased it, sounded like you were suggesting an end-run around a requirement for the AOS. What you're failing to see is that upon marriage, there should and has to be (especially for the AOS of the immigrant) a co-mingling of finances. Putting safe-guards in place will only hinder that process, and is only a 'band-aid' on the larger problem of risky financial behavior. I'm not sure I would term it a character flaw from only this one snippet of information, but it certainly is something that is giving the OP pause. She should absolutely be concerned about his behavior, and it is definitly a bad way to start off a marriage...but suggesting that she do things to protect her finances, without going further and resolving the underlying issue - which is that the OP's fiance is showing signs of not being financially responsible - is not the way to go either.

[thongd4me 69]

To the OP:

Many things have been said by me & others which would suggest that you run for the hills and cut your losses,

but in the final analysis it's only YOU who can decide on that issue, no matter what I or anyone else says.

The bottom line is how well do you know him? From your tone (is it frustration or anger?) you seem to have

some doubts.

I knew my first wife for over 2 years before we married, but in the end I realized I knew

nothing. That's because I was totally in the dark about her family and her relationships with friends and

her approach to people. I'm not talking about scandalous secrets but just in her general philosophy and

how it failed to mesh with mine.

She was very shy and reserved so I thought that was OK, but there were many hints of her anger

management problems before we married. I chose to ignore them. She had controlled her anger

because she wanted me for a green card, no more. My bad, for sure, but the beginning of a marriage

is a time when both are trying to put their best foot forward in the interest of trust & hope.

In the end, I feel that "what you see is what you get." You have to accept your prospective mate with

all the warts & defects, not hoping or expecting you can change him or her. My expectations in my

first marriage were flawed, so that's my half of the blame. I'm sure he has some good attributes,

but only you can be the judge of that. B)

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Let's stop the name calling and the bickering. None of that is helping the OP and is not what VJ is about. Restrict your comments to the OPs situation and don't direct them at each other.

[Nik+Heather 121]

I'd be worried not only about the sort of attitude which allows making this sort of unethical decision DELIBERATELY, but the sort of attitude your fiance has regarding "stuff". Your fiance seems to have this idea that he has a right to go out and just get stuff without having to work for the funds to pay for it.

If you think that this is going to stop when he crosses over, you are FLAT WRONG. The thought that he should be allowed to have whatever he wants without paying for it (no matter the method) is not something that's going to magically vanish when he crosses the border. Today it's "I'm leaving the country, they'll never find me". Tomorrow it will be something new. If you're against it, then you are not headed any where good (as Tbone pointed out).

I certainly hope that this was just a passing fantasy and that he actually has no real intentions to go through with it. It sounds pretty outrageous to me.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Nik+Heather

[NgocThuan 0]

Let's stop the name calling and the bickering. None of that is helping the OP and is not what VJ is about. Restrict your comments to the OPs situation and don't direct them at each other.

You're right, my apologies. Just can't stand the eye rolling icon and the fact that Opie's wife was implying that I would advise someone to commit fraud, which wouldn't happen anyways because they are a legit couple.

[thepizzadude 26]

OK OK OK....

I'm not going to get on my high horse like others have. Alot of people dont see screwing over the credit card companies and banks as stealing because those companies have been stealing from their own customers for years.

False statement, the credit companies dont STEAL anything you agreed to terms and conditions of them giving you access to a credit line...PERIOD. Just because the terms you agreed to are astonomical and they do everything they can to make you pay more doesn't make them thieves. It makes them terrible people but nonetheless not thieves.

This guy on the other hand is going to be a THiEF, no other way to describe it, he agreed now he wants to TAKE their money and NOT pay it back, that is theft.

I thought about doing the same. Using my overdraft to generate some additional savings on top. BUT......

I like how you would try to justify the theft "additional savings" instead of "stolen funds", Good for your moral character.

My mum always told me not to burn bridges. God forbid that anything go wrong here and I have to go back to England. It would be a MESS. So I decided against it.

Very smart woman it seems, lucky you.

Dont do it. I kind of thought of burning my bridges as tempting fate.....

Good Advice

[TBoneTX 45,273]

In the end, I feel that "what you see is what you get." You have to accept your prospective mate with all the warts & defects, not hoping or expecting you can change him or her. My expectations in my first marriage were flawed, so that's my half of the blame. I'm sure he has some good attributes, but only you can be the judge of that.

This to me is the most circumspect advice that has been offered, and I consider it to be very sensible.

[nycgirl 13]

If you two were to ever return to the UK (even perhaps for a brief holiday), I would not at all be surprised if this issue came back to haunt you. Credit companies can become quite vicious when it comes to their money. Especially if your fiance intends to rack up a large sum of money - the more money he spends, the higher chance that the company will attempt to track him down. I would strongly advise him against this. It's not worth the risk.

And why shouldn't they be????

I just LOVE these people who live WAY beyond their means and the complain because the Credit Card company gets aggressive and wants what THE CUSTOMER AGREED to pay them. You people are hilareous!!

[nycgirl 13]

. Alot of people dont see screwing over the credit card companies and banks as stealing because those companies have been stealing from their own customers for years.

hahaha. Entering in to an agreement with a Credit Card Company is voluntary. If you read the small print (as you should on ALL legally binding areements), its very clear as to what's expected from both parties. So where's the theft??

[Ellie-and-David 38]

OK OK OK....

I'm not going to get on my high horse like others have. Alot of people dont see screwing over the credit card companies and banks as stealing because those companies have been stealing from their own customers for years.

False statement, the credit companies dont STEAL anything you agreed to terms and conditions of them giving you access to a credit line...PERIOD. Just because the terms you agreed to are astonomical and they do everything they can to make you pay more doesn't make them thieves. It makes them terrible people but nonetheless not thieves.

This guy on the other hand is going to be a THiEF, no other way to describe it, he agreed now he wants to TAKE their money and NOT pay it back, that is theft.

I thought about doing the same. Using my overdraft to generate some additional savings on top. BUT......

I like how you would try to justify the theft "additional savings" instead of "stolen funds", Good for your moral character.

My mum always told me not to burn bridges. God forbid that anything go wrong here and I have to go back to England. It would be a MESS. So I decided against it.

Very smart woman it seems, lucky you.

Dont do it. I kind of thought of burning my bridges as tempting fate.....

Good Advice

BLA BLA....yes yes...we are all saints here. No one feels screwed over by the companies (who know their charges are wrong...hence prolonged avoidance of litigation in english courts, because they are scared of a precedent that says they take advantage of consumers and said charges should be refunded)

Gosh I love the moral brigade here.

And now my moral standing has been questioned.....I'm off to mug an old lady.

[nycgirl 13]

OK OK OK....

I'm not going to get on my high horse like others have. Alot of people dont see screwing over the credit card companies and banks as stealing because those companies have been stealing from their own customers for years.

False statement, the credit companies dont STEAL anything you agreed to terms and conditions of them giving you access to a credit line...PERIOD. Just because the terms you agreed to are astonomical and they do everything they can to make you pay more doesn't make them thieves. It makes them terrible people but nonetheless not thieves.

This guy on the other hand is going to be a THiEF, no other way to describe it, he agreed now he wants to TAKE their money and NOT pay it back, that is theft.

I thought about doing the same. Using my overdraft to generate some additional savings on top. BUT......

I like how you would try to justify the theft "additional savings" instead of "stolen funds", Good for your moral character.

My mum always told me not to burn bridges. God forbid that anything go wrong here and I have to go back to England. It would be a MESS. So I decided against it.

Very smart woman it seems, lucky you.

Dont do it. I kind of thought of burning my bridges as tempting fate.....

Good Advice

BLA BLA....yes yes...we are all saints here. No one feels screwed over by the companies (who know their charges are wrong...hence prolonged avoidance of litigation in english courts, because they are scared of a precedent that says they take advantage of consumers and said charges should be refunded)

Gosh I love the moral brigade here.

And now my moral standing has been questioned.....I'm off to mug an old lady.

Of course credit card companies take advantage of people!!! Point is.....buyer beware. You don't have to be "taken advantage of" by CC companies, because you don't HAVE TO accept the product they are offering. Credit is a privledge, not a RIGHT. If you can't handle the responsibility and the clearly unfair rates, DO NOT partake. But THAT never occurs to anyone, does it?? Its all....I WANT I WANT I WANT!! And when it comes to paying back WHAT YOU AGREED TO........its all UNFAIR!! UNFAIR!! UNFAIR!! JOKES!

[thepizzadude 26]

OK OK OK....

I'm not going to get on my high horse like others have. Alot of people dont see screwing over the credit card companies and banks as stealing because those companies have been stealing from their own customers for years.

False statement, the credit companies dont STEAL anything you agreed to terms and conditions of them giving you access to a credit line...PERIOD. Just because the terms you agreed to are astonomical and they do everything they can to make you pay more doesn't make them thieves. It makes them terrible people but nonetheless not thieves.

This guy on the other hand is going to be a THiEF, no other way to describe it, he agreed now he wants to TAKE their money and NOT pay it back, that is theft.

I thought about doing the same. Using my overdraft to generate some additional savings on top. BUT......

I like how you would try to justify the theft "additional savings" instead of "stolen funds", Good for your moral character.

My mum always told me not to burn bridges. God forbid that anything go wrong here and I have to go back to England. It would be a MESS. So I decided against it.

Very smart woman it seems, lucky you.

Dont do it. I kind of thought of burning my bridges as tempting fate.....

Good Advice

BLA BLA....yes yes...we are all saints here. No one feels screwed over by the companies (who know their charges are wrong...hence prolonged avoidance of litigation in english courts, because they are scared of a precedent that says they take advantage of consumers and said charges should be refunded)

Gosh I love the moral brigade here.

And now my moral standing has been questioned.....I'm off to mug an old lady.

In case you don't understand, I said "Good for your moral character" because you took the RIGHT path......even though you CONSIDERED the opposite.