Fiance Received K1 Visa....

[Ak+Tk 0]

i just think you should be grateful he received a visa, i also have moved back and forth from Usa to India in past 2 years. you two have the rest of your lives to spend together. even if the wedding is 2 months away. good luck to both of you

[Minya's wife 24]

I think the OP is not so upset about how long her fiance is taking in coming here after receiving the visa, I think it is what he is proposing to do during that extra time that is giving her pause. That and the fact that this a complete change of plans from what had been previously discussed. (BTW, my then fiance took 4 weeks after the receipt of the visa to come here...he had to give 2 weeks notice at work, went to see his family for a week, and tied up loose-ends for a week before coming here, but it was something we did discuss before hand so it was not an issue.) He should have discussed with you his plans to max out his credit cards before coming to the US. This type of behavior in your loved one would give anyone pause. What if this means he/she will again make unwise spending choices? Its a valid consideration given what the man proposes to do.

IMHO, the OP is right to be upset...what the fiance is planning on doing is wrong, and the OP is just explaining her frustration with not being able to make her man see that. Attacking the OP with comments like "You must be a peach" are really unnecessary.

Perhaps you can talk with him further, and stress your objection to what he's planning on doing. You definitely should tell him that you will not "cover' for him with his and your family....that if asked you will tell them what he's planning on doing. Asking you to not tell your family about what he's planning on doing indicates that he realizes that his greed for material things is not exemplary behavior. Is there a friend or family member who can perhaps also talk to him? Maybe a cousin or uncle?

I hope you get things sorted out soon.

[Old Dominion 26]

Delaying the trip for emotional reasons is one thing. Maxing out credit lines is another. He may not understand this, but he is transferring the burden of debt to your marriage and the two of you will need to reckon with it until everything is paid off. Even if it's to buy gifts for you, it's still going to haunt you both. The UK and US credit systems are linked and he can't escape the system. Anyone intending to use the system to be a thief should not even think of coming to the US -- we don't need more parasites.

[Twisted K 2]

except for the credit card issue, i will happily trade places with you congratulations on the visa!!! two weeks is nothing. try getting denied the visa the first time along with the heartache and hassle only to have to start from scratch.

[D&R 0]

Hey there VJ world...

My fiance got his K1 today. This process has been painful enough, and we haven't seen each other since March 3rd. Originally the plan was that he would pack up and be here within a few days. I mean cmon, he has had the past 6 months to prepare for this move, and it's not even like he is leaving a good job, or a good apartment, or anything that would require a lot of effort. His reason for taking two weeks is shopping. Seriously?! I am devastated and pissed. After 6 months, he wants to shop? Material things mean more to him that being with me... ? (at least thats how i feel right now...) I can't do anything. I don't even want to talk to him. Not to mention that my family doesn't understand why he wants this time, and he wants me to "cover" for him. He's an idiot!

Any advice? Comment?

I'm pretty sure he won't be shopping 9-5 for 2 weeks solid (if he was female... then perhaps ) so maybe there's other things he wants to do before he comes to see you. I think sometimes the people that get to stay in their own country and have their partner come to join them really forget what a MASSIVE change to their life it's going to be... no matter how prepared you are! By the sounds of things, you stressing like this isn't going to make him want to change his mind and get to you any sooner.

[Nik+Heather 121]

More support for the OP here:

I'm in a somewhat similar situation as far as us having the visa, but a POE date much later than two lovebirds might appreciate - Nik has had the visa now for almost 3 months, and he's still not here. This was due to our own planning for the wedding, and him wanting to minimize out of work time, but now we are entering the most frustrating period -- today is his last day at work, and he's going to spend the next month...packing. It's hard, but easier to get through because we planned it that way.

If for some reason the date of Nik's anticipated arrival suddenly changed by 14 days just a couple of days before I thought he would arrive (missing the wedding aside), I would be devastated, frustrated, and crying all day. I don't think it's at all about the actual length of time, but rather the sudden, unexpected shift in plans. Plans that they made together, and he has chosen to change without her input.

Furthermore, I think the shopping plan is a pretty flimsy excuse on the face (I've already commented on the credit issues) of it. 1. The US is much cheaper for shopping - we have much less taxes! 2. The US is much cheaper for shopping - the Pound is still fairly strong against the dollar (not as good as last summer but... still ~$1.65) So the only "reasonable" reason for shopping there instead of here is to get stuff you can't get here, like...uh. Marmite (eew). And I can't imagine that it will take 2 weeks or that it couldn't have been done while waiting for the visa.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Nik+Heather

[raymaga 25]

I think there could come a time when the credit issue will become a problem. If he (or both of you) ever decided you wanted to move back to the UK, those credit issues would come back to haunt you.

Not a good idea to do the maxing out on the credit cards.

The 2-week wait would be a secondary issue for me, even though I didn't move to the U.S. for 6 weeks after I got my visa. My fiance and I had agreed on that time frame long before I actually got my visa because I had things to clear up in Canada before I could leave.

[macd 1]

Wow! Congratulations on your fiance getting his visa! I would give anything to be in your position, having just received the visa and only have a two week wait to be reunited with my fiancee. Chill and be thankful and realize what you two have just accomplished.

I have to agree here. We started applying for my K1 6 months ago - I'd love to be in your shoes, to be reunited with my fiancé permanently in just 2 weeks time. 2 weeks is a very short period of time. Everyone on VJ knows what an actual long time is! Lord knows we all have to wait!

I am the one who is moving to the US, and though I am itching to get over there as fast as possible, I'm not sure I will have everything tied up within 2 weeks of getting my visa. Perhaps he doesn't have to hand in his notice at his job, or anything official like that, but maybe he needs time to mentally prepare? And perhaps he is afraid to share that with you in case you take it personally? (which you shouldn't).

Congratulations on having (almost) completed your visa journey! You are luckier than you think

[macd 1]

Yes, I'd have to echo Old Dominion and mayraga's comments about him maxing out the credit cards. Let's face it - it's never a good idea. Have you asked him what he is buying?

If I were you I'd encourage him to go easy there, as he (both of you really) won't want to be burdened with that debt on him first arriving in the States. Unless he has a job lined up already, it could be a while before he is earning enough to start paying it off...

[Peggy 1]

Be glad he got his Visa...

There are lots of last minute things you have to do before you can fly away to another country.

[M_n_M 1]

For some reason I completely missed out on the maxing out credit cards part---and would like to say I take back asking him to buy things for you (because he's never planning on actually paying for them)...Doing so is a bad idea for the future... you never know what could come up. And i'm wondering, does anyone know if something like that would show up on US credit checks later on? Like when they look up your name and stuff? Could that cause problems for his credit score here, or would it just effect in the UK? I guess knowing this now, I would try and talk to him about your concerns...communicate--don't argue...let him know that you're worried about your future given the credit maxing etc...instead of getting pissed at him for not being here right away.

Again good luck!

[movingsoon2 0]

You are still at a point when you can move on. Just because he has his visa does not mean you have to go through with marriage.

You also have 90 days in the US to decide whether you want to marry him. Once you do marry, you have to accept his behavior on a permanent basis pretty much. Your getting mad is not going to change much. You both have to talk it out on the issues. Tell him that his getting into debt upsets you, see what he says.

Edited August 28, 2009 by movingsoon2

[k.loveh 0]

Be glad he got his Visa...

There are lots of last minute things you have to do before you can fly away to another country.

I agree. Be happy that he's got his visa and is on his way to you, 2 days or two weeks, shopping or no shopping. Just be happy and continue to love each other. There's so many of us here who pray every single day to be in your shoes.

Edited August 28, 2009 by hkgaur

[sara..... 371]

maybe he is one of those stress shoppers? i have no idea what to say other than is this the first time in ur relationship that you have noticed this? could become an issue after ur marraige so is prolly something u should work out before getting married.

as far as him waiting the two weeks before coming if perviz wanted two weeks or a month i would just be yippee Skippy that he got his visa

just my opinion

sara

[PanamaJack 1]

You are still at a point when you can move on. Just because he has his visa does not mean you have to go through with marriage.

You also have 90 days in the US to decide whether you want to marry him. Once you do marry, you have to accept his behavior on a permanent basis pretty much. Your getting mad is not going to change much. You both have to talk it out on the issues. Tell him that his getting into debt upsets you, see what he says.

I agree with this answer completely. You do have 90 days. In 90 days alot of information about a person can be obtained when you live together.

I think the requirement should be changed to 180 days as 90 is not really long enough for a test of living together..Then deciding to Marry. But it has been this way for a very long time now. It really should be changed to more than 90 days.............But....This is just my personal opinion..........