Fiance Received K1 Visa....

[Philosykos 0]

Two weeks? That's really not much to prepare for a move around the world. I agree with everything Gary said (and guess what, Gary and pizzadude -- I'm a western girl! Even they can be mature...).

Edited August 28, 2009 by Philosykos

[Rhiannercakes 14]

I agree.

2 extra weeks isn't much at all.

There are some things you just can't do until you know for a fact you got the visa and are able to move.

As much as I'd like to move right after I get my visa, I know I need to step back and tie up some loose ends, and I'm on the same continent as the USA.

Just give him a bit more time, I'm sure there's some things he needs to do now that he knows he has the visa. He's moving to be with you, it's a huge change, and sometimes reality doesn't strike the people who are moving until they really know they got approved.

[Lisa and Ian 7]

I don't know what else I can add to the many people who've replied already. I understand what you're saying, but 2 weeks is not that much time. It really isn't. You could have waited ages in AP at the consulate, really, so it's good you have time to spare until October. What wedding plans do you think you can't get done in time?

[deer 1]

Wow! Congratulations on your fiance getting his visa! I would give anything to be in your position, having just received the visa and only have a two week wait to be reunited with my fiancee. Chill and be thankful and realize what you two have just accomplished.

[Peachey 10]

Maybe he's shopping for something for you! Did you think about that? It would be something really nice for him to do for you when he gets to the US.

[ZorValachan 0]

my 2 cents

While I don't particularly like his reason 'To max out my credit and shop 'til I drop... off the face of the UK', which I do think is irresponsible. Maybe this isn't the whole story, just what he shows to you.

I mean some men, have a hard time showing emotions, especially if it is a sign of 'weakness'. Perhaps saying, "look woman, I'm going to shop for 2 weeks" is easier than saying, "I'm really frickin' scared right now because after I go to the USA, I will have no independance and will be dependant on you for everything. All what I will be able to do will because you allow. I won't be able to buy anything on my own without asking you for money, or a ride to the store" etc. etc. And it doesn't matter if you would give him everything he wanted. The fact he will have to ask, even in the slightest sould have his feet a little cold right now.

Even if it is the UK and not his home country of India. He left India (his family), it might have been the first time he could truly be 'independant', and even with a ####### illegal job and a poor college, he was still independant. And he is going to drop that freedom, forever. unless he plans to illegally work in the USA too, that would mean you will be his financial support and his spending spree/max credit mode might be compensation from this.

I won't judge, but I assume you looked at his working illegal history, and the fact he wishes to do credit fraud by maxing out credit buying stuff which he has no intention to repay. If so and you are ok with it, then give him his last 2 weeks to be independant.

Edited August 28, 2009 by ZorValachan

[Starlight95 1]

Congratulations on your fiance getting his visa!

I understand what your going through, as I know how stressful and indian wedding can be. But, I do think the whole process is getting to you and being away for him so long your losing you patience. I could understand, but just put yourself in his shoes. I think two weeks is a reasonable amount of time. I would even be willing to give my fiance 1 month or so because he is going to be leaving behind his family and friends to come here. Just for a minute put yourself in his shoes and just think about it. I do agree it is not ethical for him to go on a crazy spending spree, but maybe that is just a way for him to say goodbye to the country where he spend a great deal of time. Let him have his space, and if he still keeps buying more time than I would start to wonder. Right now be happy and thankful that the process is finished and you are guys are going to have a beautiful wedding.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Starlight95

[MouadsWife 161]

I don't know what else I can add to the many people who've replied already. I understand what you're saying, but 2 weeks is not that much time. It really isn't. You could have waited ages in AP at the consulate, really, so it's good you have time to spare until October. What wedding plans do you think you can't get done in time?

I'm not sure what I could add either. Not to be mean but it seems sort if insensitive and selfish myself. I have not seen my fiance since 7:00am on March 14th, 2009. I count the months and the days since we have left leach other and I dont know when we will be together again. Everyday I wake alone, go to bed alone, eat alone, watch tv alone, all the time pretending in my mind he is here right beside me. I cant imagine how I would feel inside knowing the news of him coming in just as little as 2 weeks. Even though his family will be here with him as you say, imagine the anxiety of moving to another country, living in a different culture. Im sure he has many anxieties he has not shared with you fully. If my fiance received his visa, and told me he would not be coming for 2 weeks bc he had to do 'things'... it wouldnt bother me a bit. Because I will know in my mind that in two weeks I would have my hbibi by my side... 'finally!" Knowing a date of arival is priceless! I would give 'anything' to be in your shoes. Your the luckiest person I know. Take this time to savor, enjoy and to prepare things for him to make his adjustment a little easier.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Two weeks? That's really not much to prepare for a move around the world. I agree with everything Gary said (and guess what, Gary and pizzadude -- I'm a western girl! Even they can be mature...).

I'll take your word for it, no need for me to test the theory. Every day I am thankful I married a Ukrainian.

[M_n_M 1]

I understand your frustration, but I also agree with a lot of what some of the posters here have said. It is a really difficult move--despite him having lived in the UK for 7 years. (and someone mentioned he could be shopping for you!... I know with Iranians, its customary to buy gifts for family members when you're visiting them, or if you just got back from a vacation, or what not... maybe he's buying things for you and your family.) I'm in a similar situation, but I'm trying to reason with myself, and be understanding of my husband. I would be ecstatic if my husband were coming 2 weeks after he got his visa---but my husband got his visa back in May, and he's still not here yet. In fact, he's not going to be here until sometime near the end of September, and only because he left things until last minute. And since he has his own business, he needs to wait until the end of the clothing season for summer before he can come. But I say to myself, I have the rest of my life with him...why should I stir up arguments, or stress him out more than he is already stressed out, just because of a few extra weeks he wants to be with his family or I don't know, go on vacation, or deal with crazies at work.

My suggestion is, work on wedding planning, do your own thing, and he'll be with you before you know it...and if there's something you need or want from the UK, ask him to buy it for you! I know there are a lot of Indians living in the UK, I'm sure the stores and stuff out there might have something that would add cute details to your wedding... anything! Make his next two weeks as relaxing as possible so that he'll miss you more and be happy when he comes--being mad at him, and arguing with him, is only going to stress him out more and start his journey to the US and into your life start out on the wrong foot.

Good luck! And congrats!

[Starlight95 1]

That could possibly explain the reason why he does not want your family to know. He may be getting gifts for all of you, and does not want your family to know the details. Yes, I do agree with the last post UK has a lot of beautiful indian outfits, and they have the latest and the greatest. If he is going to go shopping why not let him know what you want. I have friends in UK and everytime they come here for a wedding. I just get amazed at all the fashionable clothes they wear to the wedding.

[Elham 1]

Come on! Take it easy girl! ain't it too soon to start fighting? May be he is doing shopping for you! He thinks he would make you happy! Relax... you will be together soon - Actually it's a good sign! It shows you love him so much and you are impatient to be with him soon and CONGRATULATIONS!

Edited August 28, 2009 by Elham

[MARM 7]

Kam,

As you know, my fiance is in the UK, has been there for ~5 years now on a UK student visa but he is a citizen of Pakistan. In contrast to what most people have said, I understand exactly where you are coming from...

First of all, UK creditors cannot follow your fiance into the US,

"Your credit record can't actually be transferred between the United States and the United Kingdom, or vice versa," Jones says. "Nor can it be done between the United Kingdom and Europe or the United States and Europe. There is just no facility to do so at the moment." (quote from the following link)

See this link: http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-new...ore-foreign.php

But this does not mean in anyway that you should encourage him maxing out his credit cards or that he should do such a thing, which is not morally, ethically or financially correct. Of course you are going to be frustrated due to him making such a decision...

Also, as you mentioned, the life experiences of South Asian citizens who come to the UK to study such as my fiance and your fiance are quite tough. Not only does one have to maintain good standing as a student, but one also has to support himself/herself and usually a family back home or save up enough for themselves...this is not the case with every single foreign student in the UK, but it is quite common. Also, countries like India and Pakistan put strong values on family and extended family...my fiance has not been back home to see his family for a while now, and we are planning a trip there before his POE in the USA after he gets his visa...and as you mention, your fiance has not seen his parents for the past 4 years...it must be extremely hard on them as well as him, and so you are wondering why on earth he would want to spend two weeks in the UK to max out his credit and do shopping when he and you have been waiting for this day for a long time-- the day that you two will be together forever, the day that he will leave the UK towards a brighter future with loved ones near, the day he will see his parents, all of that. So it is very unsettling for you that he is creating a delay such as the one he is...it doesn't make sense to you, which is totally understandable to me.

my thoughts to you is to let him know that it is not a good idea to max out his credit score even though the UK creditors can't collect from him in the USA, if he ever has to go back to the UK, he may have to deal with skeletons in the closet so to speak, such as pending CCJ's (County Court Judgments) and the like. And also let him know how you feel about him taking these two weeks FOR THE PURPOSE he is...taking two weeks to say goodbye to the UK is not the issue here as many are misunderstanding, it is the reason for this two week delay that is rightly upsetting you. Remind him of everything you both have been waiting for for so long...a heart to heart will clear up the frustrations and anxiety and you both should be able to come to an agreement on whether he will take the two week stay for his said purpose or not...

You know your fiance better than anyone else on VJ or anyone else for that matter in the real world, so take everything into perspective. If it was just the two week time period that he needs to say good-bye and share some time with his UK friends, that would be just fine, in my opinion, two weeks is nothing compared to the long time you both have waited to see each other, but I can see that this is not what is bothering you, so it's not like you are being unreasonable or selfish.

Just talk everything out with your fiance, I am sure after the excitement of getting the visa emotions were running like a roller coaster on both ends, so take a deep breath and talk it out, I am sure everything will work out!

-MARM

Edited August 28, 2009 by MARM

[D&R 0]

Hey there VJ world...

My fiance got his K1 today. This process has been painful enough, and we haven't seen each other since March 3rd. Originally the plan was that he would pack up and be here within a few days. I mean cmon, he has had the past 6 months to prepare for this move, and it's not even like he is leaving a good job, or a good apartment, or anything that would require a lot of effort. His reason for taking two weeks is shopping. Seriously?! I am devastated and pissed. After 6 months, he wants to shop? Material things mean more to him that being with me... ? (at least thats how i feel right now...) I can't do anything. I don't even want to talk to him. Not to mention that my family doesn't understand why he wants this time, and he wants me to "cover" for him. He's an idiot!

Any advice? Comment?

Serious? you're having THIS much of a stress over TWO WEEKS! You've just managed to turn what should be one of the happiest days in your life, after a long hard struggle with paperwork... into a argument.

He's giving up his everything for you, and you don't even sound in the least bit grateful for that. Yeah, maybe he wants to go shopping... so what? There's probably things he wants to buy that remind him of home, perhaps leaving presents for his parents and friends he'll be leaving behind. Perhaps even a present for YOU for when he gets there. Go easy on him... this is the guy that in 3 months (or so) you'll be marrying and he'll be spending the "rest of his life" with you. Two weeks is NOTHING! Maybe in that time he might want to go out with friends and family and have some proper goodbyes with them too.

And by the way... it's just as easy to leave a good apartment and a good job than it is, bad ones. Try to look at the positive side of things. In a very short time he'll be getting of that plane and running into your arms.

My advice is that I just think you need to calm down a little, take two steps back and realise what this guy is doing for you and give him his 2 weeks shopping (or whatever else he wants to do). He's chosen to marry you and give up his life as he knows it JUST FOR YOU!! You couldn't sound any less grateful for that if you tried.

Sorry to be harsh, but I also had to be honest so I hope you'll appreciate my reply. It might not be what you wanted to hear, but that's my opinion.

In two weeks... it'll all be over and he'll be with you!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

first alot on here would trade places with you, turn the tables, how quick could or would you leave. You will have him for a long while, let him enjoy his family and friends.....