Mixed Religions

[venusfire503 54]

aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww, shucks....

venusfire

[bhajishah 4]

Im telling you, IMO and travels etc. take it leave it or shun it I DONT CARE. Howeever ther is no such thing as "mixed religions" to an immigrant coming from a religious based country. Its a way of life, its thier culture. They may act the oh it ok part and so on, but the boys will always turn back to home for soalce, and if your not fitting this need, then bad is you. in his eyes. And that sad day of realization will happen for both of you. Now case in point, you need to convert to his way to have that peaceful life. On the other hand , do not hand over feet to meet him and baby him, because these mommas boys will take full advantage. Now if it was say second or third generation, then no problem.!! westernized and more understanding. Here you are dealing with A Immigrants, B Male immigrants, and C male immigrants from a religion based society. "mixed religion" what is this??

[nurse1967 287]

Im telling you, IMO and travels etc. take it leave it or shun it I DONT CARE. Howeever ther is no such thing as "mixed religions" to an immigrant coming from a religious based country. Its a way of life, its thier culture. They may act the oh it ok part and so on, but the boys will always turn back to home for soalce, and if your not fitting this need, then bad is you. in his eyes. And that sad day of realization will happen for both of you. Now case in point, you need to convert to his way to have that peaceful life. On the other hand , do not hand over feet to meet him and baby him, because these mommas boys will take full advantage. Now if it was say second or third generation, then no problem.!! westernized and more understanding. Here you are dealing with A Immigrants, B Male immigrants, and C male immigrants from a religion based society. "mixed religion" what is this??

What??? This post makes no sense whatsoever.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think she is saying that its basically "my way or the highway" for MENA men, and if it hasnt happened yet, it will. Thats what I got out of it.

In a way i have to agree, a person that has grown up emmerced in a certain culture is not likely to change their views and beliefs just because they move to another country. There should be alot of common ground to begin with,regardless. If you dont share the same ideals in ANY relationship, there will be problems. Some people are more resilient and pliable than others, but imagine trying to live in a culture that is practically the exact opposite of what you grew up with and think about how hard it would be to "change your attitude". Some people think they can handle the differences and do try because they love their spouse, but in the end.. its too much. Too many times when we read these stories of divorce from an immigrant, the first thought is..."he used him/her" when in fact it might be that they genuinly tried but in the end, it was more than they could handle.

[venusfire503 54]

I think she is saying that its basically "my way or the highway" for MENA men, and if it hasnt happened yet, it will. Thats what I got out of it.

In a way i have to agree, a person that has grown up emmerced in a certain culture is not likely to change their views and beliefs just because they move to another country. There should be alot of common ground to begin with,regardless. If you dont share the same ideals in ANY relationship, there will be problems. Some people are more resilient and pliable than others, but imagine trying to live in a culture that is practically the exact opposite of what you grew up with and think about how hard it would be to "change your attitude". Some people think they can handle the differences and do try because they love their spouse, but in the end.. its too much. Too many times when we read these stories of divorce from an immigrant, the first thought is..."he used him/her" when in fact it might be that they genuinly tried but in the end, it was more than they could handle.

I agree with alot of what you said.

I think it really depends partly on how close each person's individual personality matches his or her native culture. We all know that each MENA country is a little different than the others - some are more 'strict', and some more lenient. Each person from a MENA country might be similar, but not exactly the same. For example, my SO never even tried cigarettes, but some members of his family smoke or smoked. He's more strict than even his father or brothers in that sense. If I smoked, I imagine that would really cause a problem (and it would actually be the same if he smoked, since I can't deal with cigarette smoke). Even before I met him, I didn't really drink or eat pork, and wasn't a going out kind of person. So even though we came from different cultures, our personalities/lifestyles were actually kind of close. Also, we're both fairly flexible/tolerant anyway. The few times I've eaten sausage or ribs, he didn't care. Just some examples. I can see if I was kind of wild, and/or he was intolerant, there would definitely be problems. Also, neither of us are 'super-religious'. I haven't attended religious services much since high school, and he doesn't either. I observe Ramadan with him, and he observes Lent with me. So it's also that we're both more laid back and accommodating together. Everyone has things they won't compromise on, and for us, we're in agreement with them, so they're not issues.

Some people change/adjust to the new culture more than others, too. I think it depends on many variables.

I'm sure there are other aspects, such as how difficult it is for him to adjust to being here in general, how he's treated by others, if he finds a job or not, if you have kids/how they get along with him, if he's able to find friends, etc. I don't care what anyone says, if things are going well in my life, I can be more pleasant, and am able to cope with things as they come up. If there's something stressing me, I'm just not the same.

And I definitely agree with what you said in the end. I'm sure that people aren't actually used as often as is suspected. It does happen, though.

venusfire

[Sandrila 1]

"Most American women (who meet up with Arabs/Muslims for the first time) have nothing to use as a barometer or gauge when trying to figure out what category of moral character or level of religious practice their man falls into... They have nothing to compare them to except men they know in their own culture."

I think that is a fair assumption

[Ihavequestions 419]

"Most American women (who meet up with Arabs/Muslims for the first time) have nothing to use as a barometer or gauge when trying to figure out what category of moral character or level of religious practice their man falls into... They have nothing to compare them to except men they know in their own culture."

I think that is a fair assumption

I wholeheartedly agree and I would add that they (we) have no compass with which to guage the class system to which they belong or the value of their education.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

very true ladies, thats why people should study heavily(not just take the dude's word on) about the culture they are thinking of marrying into.

[Nothing1234 2]

very true ladies, thats why people should study heavily(not just take the dude's word on) about the culture they are thinking of marrying into.

LOL @ dude! B)

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think she is saying that its basically "my way or the highway" for MENA men, and if it hasnt happened yet, it will. Thats what I got out of it.

In a way i have to agree, a person that has grown up emmerced in a certain culture is not likely to change their views and beliefs just because they move to another country. There should be alot of common ground to begin with,regardless. If you dont share the same ideals in ANY relationship, there will be problems. Some people are more resilient and pliable than others, but imagine trying to live in a culture that is practically the exact opposite of what you grew up with and think about how hard it would be to "change your attitude". Some people think they can handle the differences and do try because they love their spouse, but in the end.. its too much. Too many times when we read these stories of divorce from an immigrant, the first thought is..."he used him/her" when in fact it might be that they genuinly tried but in the end, it was more than they could handle.

I agree with alot of what you said.

I think it really depends partly on how close each person's individual personality matches his or her native culture. We all know that each MENA country is a little different than the others - some are more 'strict', and some more lenient. Each person from a MENA country might be similar, but not exactly the same. For example, my SO never even tried cigarettes, but some members of his family smoke or smoked. He's more strict than even his father or brothers in that sense. If I smoked, I imagine that would really cause a problem (and it would actually be the same if he smoked, since I can't deal with cigarette smoke). Even before I met him, I didn't really drink or eat pork, and wasn't a going out kind of person. So even though we came from different cultures, our personalities/lifestyles were actually kind of close. Also, we're both fairly flexible/tolerant anyway. The few times I've eaten sausage or ribs, he didn't care. Just some examples. I can see if I was kind of wild, and/or he was intolerant, there would definitely be problems. Also, neither of us are 'super-religious'. I haven't attended religious services much since high school, and he doesn't either. I observe Ramadan with him, and he observes Lent with me. So it's also that we're both more laid back and accommodating together. Everyone has things they won't compromise on, and for us, we're in agreement with them, so they're not issues.

Some people change/adjust to the new culture more than others, too. I think it depends on many variables.

I'm sure there are other aspects, such as how difficult it is for him to adjust to being here in general, how he's treated by others, if he finds a job or not, if you have kids/how they get along with him, if he's able to find friends, etc. I don't care what anyone says, if things are going well in my life, I can be more pleasant, and am able to cope with things as they come up. If there's something stressing me, I'm just not the same.

And I definitely agree with what you said in the end. I'm sure that people aren't actually used as often as is suspected. It does happen, though.

venusfire