Been exactly a year since I saw my family

[thetreble 19]

Ah, it's tough.

I'm only 25 and meeting new friends has been pretty hard for me. I now have a few from work but we don't go out on a regular basis. (To be honest, hanging out with people after you've been with them from 8 hours, 5 days a week can be kinda nutty)

I have a couple of friends, most of them are Jared's guy friends though. I tried to break through two separate friends cycles but both of them weren't for me. One of them is woman who work in the fashion industry and are nice buy a little uppity, and the others are more my style but have their own worlds already. It's SUPER tough to break through social cycles.

However, I was just home last weekend and I go home every 6 to 8 weeks because I get the feeling to go. I never plan it. The day before I just decide to do it, I get in my car, and I drive the 7 or 8 hours. As soon as I cross the border there is a huge feeling of relief to know I'm home.

Canada has become sort of like a shelter to me. I was writing about this on Sunday after I got home. Whenever I get uptight, tired, frustrated, I tend to go home because it settles me. Plus, my best friends in life are there...well..some of them are now way out west and I can't see them but some of them are still kickin around. And we chat like old times and I feel like a real, whole, entire person. I pass Doon, Eastwood or I go to St.Jacobs and I feel better.

I guess I've just come to expect this is the way my life will be, probably like most here.

I do hope you get to go home soon not because you want to but because you NEED to. It will give you peace of mind, I assure you of that.

As for the daughter, don't worry about it. I know parents worrya bout EVERYTHING but...let her do what she wants to do and see where it goes. You can't control her and she will make her own bed. You have to live your life too.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I'm gonna be forced to learn to drive, aren't I?Just so I can take off to Canada...oh poop

[Krikit 1,164]

I'm like TheTreble. And, by the sounds of it..... Jill too. LOL. When I feel the need to visit I do. Sometimes I drive, because I like to. But when Southwest has a sale I find it a little hard to justify driving. LOL

I, too, feel a sense of peace when I go home. And the interaction with my friends and family is as if I had never left, so I don't have any sense of loss in that respect. Except I wish they all lived here so it'd be easier to go for coffee.

[JillA 2]

I'm like TheTreble. And, by the sounds of it..... Jill too. LOL. When I feel the need to visit I do. Sometimes I drive, because I like to. But when Southwest has a sale I find it a little hard to justify driving. LOL

I, too, feel a sense of peace when I go home. And the interaction with my friends and family is as if I had never left, so I don't have any sense of loss in that respect. Except I wish they all lived here so it'd be easier to go for coffee.

Me too I got that feeling that Treble did when I crossed the border... it's like you see the signs, get closer to home, and a weight comes off, a smile crosses my face, and it feels so good! Who knew going to Canada could be such great medicine for the heart

And I was thinking today, on the ride home, I love the drive to and from Canada! It takes me 8ish hours, the scenery is lovely and it relaxes me. I'm back now and feel good.

Edited August 25, 2009 by JillA

[Marilyn. 340]

my whole life I have had difficulty making friends... so I don't really have any friends back in Canada either but I do miss my family specially my little 14 year old sister.. I feel like I missed a lot of her growing up she was only 9/10 when I left.. we were pretty close when I was living there but now I feel like we are more like strangers ...

Edited August 25, 2009 by Marilyn.

[BH45 0]

I'm in a different boat than you Della....my daughter still lives in Canada. Believe me I have some terrible days but we have set up Skype and we usually talk every day using it. I can see her and talk with her, as well as my sister and her hubby and anyone else that is there. The only drawback is I can't touch her. She was just here at the beginning of August for a 2 week visit and then we drove her home. Crossing the border and telling the border guard that "I'm going home to visit family" sure lifts my spirits. We won't be making a trip to see her until Christmas now and she won't be able to come here cause of school. I suppose if I really need a family fix, I could drive the 8 - 10 hours to southern Ontario to see family there, but it's my daugther I really want to see when I know we are going to Ontario.

So I don't know if you talk online with your family, but using Skype is a great way to feel a little closer to home.

((((( hugs )))))

[Mephys 2]

I'm like TheTreble. And, by the sounds of it..... Jill too. LOL. When I feel the need to visit I do. Sometimes I drive, because I like to. But when Southwest has a sale I find it a little hard to justify driving. LOL

I, too, feel a sense of peace when I go home. And the interaction with my friends and family is as if I had never left, so I don't have any sense of loss in that respect. Except I wish they all lived here so it'd be easier to go for coffee.

I am sorry to say that, but not everybody has that chance....

Honestly, I went back to Montreal only once since I moved in April 07. It's expensive and we just don't have that mouch money laying around just to buy tickets whenever I feel like it. And it's a 16 hour drive, not really easy to do without having some vacation time laying around. Some of you might not be working, and some of you might be close enough just to head out for a week-end. Not me.

I feel for you udella. I had my mom visiting me for 4 days in May for the first time since I moved, and I just had my best friend and her BF visiting me with their new baby. They were here since saturday and left yesterday morning. They were doing a road trip visiting Niagara Falls and some stuff in Michigan on the way.

So here I am since yesterday, homesick, crying every now and then, wondering when I will see them again. Missing them. She was crying too when they left. She lives only 4 hours away from her family in Quebec, but she still feels lonely. We both wished we still lived closer to hang out.

The worst part is I was so consumed by all this immigration process and missing my husband that I feel like I've neglected my family and my friends before I left. Now I regret it.

How many times have I wished to be 4-6 hours away from Montreal to be able to drive there every 4-6 weeks. I dont' have the money or the time from work. I don't even have 2 days off in a row duw to my schedule, and I cannot afford to miss days from work.

All that and I still don't have any close friend here either. I don't have any close bound with anyone. I'm too different, or my situation is too different, etc. Or my schedule is different. I am just all by myself with my husband, and unfortunately he has to bear with me when I feel lonely and homesick. It just makes him feel bad because he feels responsible for me being in that situation, even though it was my decision to come here.

Anyways I could go on and on for hours. I'm just depressed right now. And all of you just live way too damn far.

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm like TheTreble. And, by the sounds of it..... Jill too. LOL. When I feel the need to visit I do. Sometimes I drive, because I like to. But when Southwest has a sale I find it a little hard to justify driving. LOL

I, too, feel a sense of peace when I go home. And the interaction with my friends and family is as if I had never left, so I don't have any sense of loss in that respect. Except I wish they all lived here so it'd be easier to go for coffee.

I am sorry to say that, but not everybody has that chance....

Honestly, I went back to Montreal only once since I moved in April 07. It's expensive and we just don't have that mouch money laying around just to buy tickets whenever I feel like it. And it's a 16 hour drive, not really easy to do without having some vacation time laying around. Some of you might not be working, and some of you might be close enough just to head out for a week-end. Not me.

I feel for you udella. I had my mom visiting me for 4 days in May for the first time since I moved, and I just had my best friend and her BF visiting me with their new baby. They were here since saturday and left yesterday morning. They were doing a road trip visiting Niagara Falls and some stuff in Michigan on the way.

So here I am since yesterday, homesick, crying every now and then, wondering when I will see them again. Missing them. She was crying too when they left. She lives only 4 hours away from her family in Quebec, but she still feels lonely. We both wished we still lived closer to hang out.

The worst part is I was so consumed by all this immigration process and missing my husband that I feel like I've neglected my family and my friends before I left. Now I regret it.

How many times have I wished to be 4-6 hours away from Montreal to be able to drive there every 4-6 weeks. I dont' have the money or the time from work. I don't even have 2 days off in a row duw to my schedule, and I cannot afford to miss days from work.

All that and I still don't have any close friend here either. I don't have any close bound with anyone. I'm too different, or my situation is too different, etc. Or my schedule is different. I am just all by myself with my husband, and unfortunately he has to bear with me when I feel lonely and homesick. It just makes him feel bad because he feels responsible for me being in that situation, even though it was my decision to come here.

Anyways I could go on and on for hours. I'm just depressed right now. And all of you just live way too damn far.

Hugs Mephys. Whether we work or not, whether we have the money or time to travel....we DO empathize with you. No one is making light of the fact that not everyone can visit back home when they want. It's okay to cry. And oft times we get depressed and homesick. We even feel a little guilty that we're with the love of our lives and sometimes that just isn't enough! To top it off, we don't want to bring down our loved ones here, and have them think we don't appreciate all the love and support they give us. It's a horrible situation and way of feeling.

I remember the first time I moved thousands of miles from my folks, and friends, and within a year had my children. This was in Canada! I couldn't afford to visit, not really...but sometimes we ate Kraft dinner and tuna for a week or so, just to afford tickets, or didn't have a haircut or bought a new pair of shoes just to be able to scrimp and save to get a ticket to go "home". When my parents couldn't get out, they sometimes bought me a ticket, and that was a lifesaver. It took almost three years before I was feeling more like where I was living was "home". It doesn't mean I never got homesick, the stretches however between those times lessened.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Sigh - I guess we all have our moments and are repressing some of the feelings in order to get by. Because I don't have female friends really here, I can really only let it out at home. I wouldn't want to burden anyone at work.

There are a couple women on my team who are from India so they defniitely have the same types of experiences...and they get a kick out of the 'homey way' I spell neighbourhood, organization, labour... etc. The one lady says it makes her feel quite at home. I don't have as much to whine about, at least it's only a 9 hr drive home instead of an 18 hr flight

[Krikit 1,164]

Hugs to you, Mephys.

I am sorry to say that, but not everybody has that chance....

Honestly, I went back to Montreal only once since I moved in April 07. It's expensive and we just don't have that mouch money laying around just to buy tickets whenever I feel like it. And it's a 16 hour drive, not really easy to do without having some vacation time laying around. Some of you might not be working, and some of you might be close enough just to head out for a week-end. Not me.

I just wanted to address this text. I understand where Carla's coming from in her post, above. We are at different stages in our lives than you. I, too, lived thousands of kilometers away from my family when I was a young bride with my first husband. I did not have the means nor the vacation time to run back home whenever I felt the urge. I had horrible bouts of homesickness and there was nothing I could do about it. Many years have passed since then. I have paid my dues and am fortunate enough to enjoy the fruit of my labours. I am not devaluing those who are not yet at a point where they can do the same. I am also not flaunting my ability to do so, so I apologize if it appears that way. I do understand where you are coming from as I have been through it myself, and I feel for everyone that has to go through this. It is not an easy road.

But! Speaking of scrimping and saving on a very tight budget, Carla! (LOL) ...... there was a group of us who hung out when I was first married and living in another province. We were so poor that we would pool our money on a Saturday to buy a 6-pack of beer and some potato chips, and then we would sit around and play cards all night. We had so much fun! I didn't, however, enjoy the entire month of Kraft dinner we had to eat because we were broke and it was on sale at 10 for a dollar. I couldn't eat KD for years after that. In fact, I've probably had it maybe 3 times since then. And we're talking over 30 years ago.

[thetreble 19]

I'm like TheTreble. And, by the sounds of it..... Jill too. LOL. When I feel the need to visit I do. Sometimes I drive, because I like to. But when Southwest has a sale I find it a little hard to justify driving. LOL

I, too, feel a sense of peace when I go home. And the interaction with my friends and family is as if I had never left, so I don't have any sense of loss in that respect. Except I wish they all lived here so it'd be easier to go for coffee.

I am sorry to say that, but not everybody has that chance....

Honestly, I went back to Montreal only once since I moved in April 07. It's expensive and we just don't have that mouch money laying around just to buy tickets whenever I feel like it. And it's a 16 hour drive, not really easy to do without having some vacation time laying around. Some of you might not be working, and some of you might be close enough just to head out for a week-end. Not me.

Sorry to hear you can't go home. But I do want to point out that I work full time. Also, there are times where it has taken me 10 hours to get home because of traffic or accidents, weather, etc. but I'm the kind of person who will drive through the night or drive all day, even if it's just for two days.

I also don't have much money so I save up every penny I can and then away I go.

I could never move farther south for this reason, though. I would have never moved here if my husband lived farther west or farther south than an 8 to 10 hour drive because I need to go home. Every body needs to go home.

So, I'm sorry you don't have the resources or time to go home, Mephys. That's very unfortunate. I certainly couldn't do that.

[CanAmCharlotte 0]

Udella,

Way back in 1992-'93, I went to Japan on a teacher exchange program for thirteen months. It's funny, the only time I ever cried due to homesickness was when the Blue Jays won the World Series! It wasn't that I'm not close with my family; I most definitely am. The thing is, I had followed the Jays since inception and they wait until I'm half a world away to win. I knew a year (give or take) was a short period of time in the whole scheme of things and my family would be waiting with open arms upon my triumphant return and I'd pick up with my friends where we left off. But this is different. Now I live in the US and know I will likely never live in Canada again. I think for many of us, it takes a few years for that reality to hit home. We may go home frequently at first but eventually one's life in the States will feel more comfortable and the visits will tail off a bit. Friends will visit less often. It's only natural to want to hold on to what's familiar. Most people fight change. I think the way to look at living here is like one big, positive adventure. It gets me through the day.......just saying.

[trailmix 77]

Now I live in the US and know I will likely never live in Canada again. I think for many of us, it takes a few years for that reality to hit home. .

People mention this sometimes and it always makes me wonder - just because I don't think like that I guess. I wonder if, before you moved to the U.S. if you had ever thought - there is no way I would move to the U.S. to live - but you did (I don't mean you specifically CanAm - just in general).

Is it easy starting over in another country? No. I've done it several times. You will have to find a new job, maybe leave friends and other things you love about the country you are currently living in, but if you make the decision to move (to Canada or wherever) - you can do it, most of you have already moved to a new country, so you know what i'm talking about.

My ex Husband immigrated to Canada (with me of course) from New Zealand. Long story but he had to go back to NZ and sort something out and it was necessary to re-apply for Canadian PR. So my Son and I (he was 4 at the time) got on a plane a few months later and moved to NZ too. I had $200 in my pocket. We lived with my inlaws of the time for a month or so, I immediately went out and got a job, stayed at that job for 8 years and made many friends.

My point is, it can be done - moving between countries and getting set up, it's not always fun (living with your inlaws is generally not fun) - but I guess I don't understand why a lot of people think that the move back to Canada would be .... kind of a negative.

[thetreble 19]

We may go home frequently at first but eventually one's life in the States will feel more comfortable and the visits will tail off a bit.

So, eventually I won't see my parents as much? Whether I'm 25 or 40 or 55, I will see my parents as many times a year as I possibly can, children in womb or not!

And trailmix, I don't think it's negative at all what you are doing. In fact, maybe it will happen to me one day..who knows!

[CanAmCharlotte 0]

Now I live in the US and know I will likely never live in Canada again. I think for many of us, it takes a few years for that reality to hit home. .

People mention this sometimes and it always makes me wonder - just because I don't think like that I guess. I wonder if, before you moved to the U.S. if you had ever thought - there is no way I would move to the U.S. to live - but you did (I don't mean you specifically CanAm - just in general).

Is it easy starting over in another country? No. I've done it several times. You will have to find a new job, maybe leave friends and other things you love about the country you are currently living in, but if you make the decision to move (to Canada or wherever) - you can do it, most of you have already moved to a new country, so you know what i'm talking about.

My ex Husband immigrated to Canada (with me of course) from New Zealand. Long story but he had to go back to NZ and sort something out and it was necessary to re-apply for Canadian PR. So my Son and I (he was 4 at the time) got on a plane a few months later and moved to NZ too. I had $200 in my pocket. We lived with my inlaws of the time for a month or so, I immediately went out and got a job, stayed at that job for 8 years and made many friends.

My point is, it can be done - moving between countries and getting set up, it's not always fun (living with your inlaws is generally not fun) - but I guess I don't understand why a lot of people think that the move back to Canada would be .... kind of a negative.

Good points Trailmix. I guess the reason I specifically say I would probably not move back to Canada is mostly because of my husband. He was born and raised in this city (Charlotte) and owns his own successful business here. I swear, he is close with every school mate, fraternity brother, room mate, colleague he ever had. No matter where we go, people know him. All of his family lives here as well. I, on the other hand, have lived in seventeen places, have family scattered everywhere and because of that, am probably a lot more adaptable than he is. Once he retires, I really can't picture us pulling up stakes and moving somewhere that has a harsh winter. (Talk to me about AZ/New Mexico though!) I love Canada with all my heart but I cannot and will not deal with -25C weather any more! For me, that is really the only negative thing about Canada. I did my absolute best to embrace winter all of those years I lived there but it always felt like I was marking time until spring. Seems inconsequential on the surface but let's face it, in a place like Ontario, winter can easily last five months of the year. Ugh.