Fighting with your spouse

[gwenneh 7]

So...how often do arguements happen to most people here.

Infrequently, bordering on never. Usually over money, and usually instigated by my insistance that somehow, somewhere, it's being managed wrong! He's much more laid-back about his approach, whereas I have the constant need to plan plan plan. This is just one of those areas wherein we mirror our parents so blatantly: his dad was always in charge of the money in their household, and in mine, my mom was always the one too concerned with managing finances! The clash of wills doesn't happen often, but it can be pretty epic. Both of us are on the same page, though, when it comes to resolving conflict-it can't be solved if we don't talk about it honestly.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

I think I'm a bit like Aussie - I;m not confrontational when it comes to personal relationships and I have a tendency to withdraw - but I also understand that other people can't read my mind, and they may have said 'A' but I HEARD 'B' - I think most of you know what I mean there. I put an interpretation on a comment that wasn't meant or intended by the person saying it. I have an idea that a lot of women do this - and thats why we say 'you should KNOW what's wrong!'

But that isn't logical - especially when the guy has said 'comment A' and our lady-brains have twisted it into 'comment B, about something that happened years ago, and affected me deeply, and is actually in no way linked to the current disagreement apart from the way I feel about myself generally'

I find it annoying - about myself - that I'm not shy or non-assertive in other situations, but I CAN be in personal ones. What's with that? A lot of times I see it as a personal weakness - standing up for yourself (assertively not agressively) is a GOOD thing and I often have to metaphorically give myself a kick up the a$$ to say what's bothering me. But I *do* get there most of the time now - I try (note TRY, lol) to make myself say 'I didn't like that comment because...'

And also to use 'I feel..' sentences and not ones beginning with 'You always..'

Ah life is such a damn learning curve

BTW - ####### is 'CDL?'

[*Robert* 2]

BTW - ####### is 'CDL?'

You Brits!!!

CDL = California Drivers License!

Hey Jay... wanna fight?!!!

[*Robert* 2]

BTW - ####### is 'CDL?'

You Brits!!!

I'm guessing CDL = California Drivers License!

Hey Jay... wanna fight?!!!

[Jaylen Brit 0]

fight ya twice eh? Cunning plan!!

And stop stalking me Robert

[Sharon 1]

BTW - ####### is 'CDL?'

You Brits!!!

I'm guessing CDL = California Drivers License!

Hey Jay... wanna fight?!!!

CDL = Commercial Driver's License

Hubby works for the Dept. of Transportation (VDOT). Drives tractors/backhoes/snowblowers/dump trucks etc. for a living. And has done so for over 20 years, thus the reason he is so adamant that he knows how to drive well! hahaha

We live in Virginia, not California...lol.

<-- Look under my avatar.

Edited July 12, 2006 by Sharon

[one...two...tree 2,762]

In fact, it's the quiet types who never show that powerful emotion (anger) that scare the bejesus out of me. There the ones who end up killing the whole family with a hatchet.

tell that to those been killed in a fit of passion

and I'm very passionate....just not in the volatile way.

You're right - that statement of mine was a bit hasty. However, there is truth that people who don't express their anger appropriately tend to let it out in ways that can be dangerous to themselves and others.

I had this idea a few years ago of running a business where people would pay to come in and throw dishes inside a mock up home setting! hehehe... I still think it'd be a hit.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

LMFAO...i threw a plate once at my ex hubby because he told me that he cheated on me with his ex...the KIN PLATE BOUNCED OFF THE WALL AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD INSTEAD!!! KIN EL...I am not one to throw things or get violent, in fact it scares me to no end. But I will have to say, standing there having your then husband admit to you that he slept with his ex then asking for forgiveness all in the same breath..OOOOOOOO WATCH OUT MAN...I was seeing red and then some!!! Now I look back at it and I wonder if it was more the fact that I had an idea he was sleeping with her but chose to ignore it or the ignorance of him to have the nerve to ask for forgiveness...??? Hmmm one will never know ....

LJ

[ChristinaM 0]

My hubby is very passive-aggressive and non-confrontational. I, on the other hand, would rather have a blazing row and get it dealt with. He tends to walk away from a situation he's not comfortable in, which drives me mad when we argue because I feel it's incredibly disrespectful.

We're learning the rules as we go along!

[*Robert* 2]

BTW - ####### is 'CDL?'

You Brits!!!

I'm guessing CDL = California Drivers License!

Hey Jay... wanna fight?!!!

CDL = Commercial Driver's License

Hubby works for the Dept. of Transportation (VDOT). Drives tractors/backhoes/snowblowers/dump trucks etc. for a living. And has done so for over 20 years, thus the reason he is so adamant that he knows how to drive well! hahaha

We live in Virginia, not California...lol.

<-- Look under my avatar.

heheheh

Sorry Sharon, I was trying to go back and look at your profile before I posted, but the system hung up last night... thus the double post! I gave up waiting and went to bed, so I wasn't able to fix it... oh well!

My next guess was going to be Canadian Drivers License!!! But "Commercial" explains his boast!!!

Hey Jay quit posting in front of me all the time!!!

[gimygirl 0]

robert!!! *giggles* CDL = commercial driver's license it's the big trucks (aka lorry)!!

*walks away ... still giggling to myself *

and since you have a sense of humor ... i can use this little pic now!!

[anya-D 8]

If i'm angry i'd be quiet and need time to cool.. but he needs to talk it out right then... but then he would make me laught so i cant stay angry for long and it's so frustrating!!

[ssalburo 0]

i believe that having a relationship without a fight or arguement is not normal. Fighting makes your relationship and love more stronger but not going beyond the limits...

[nayalamb 0]

our fighting style varies, depending on what the issue is. if its just about something minor then its more of a joking comment followed by "you suck". if its more serious then we go to our mutual corners to sulk a bit, then talk about it when cooler heads prevail. we try to work it out before bed because i hate going to sleep with tension. we don't slam doors, throw things or anything like that because all it will do is damage the apartment and then we don't get the security deposit back. sometimes we walk or drive it off, together or seperately. fresh air does wonders. jigga rarely stays mad for very long anyway which is good because it takes all the steam out of me. i dunno if he's just that good-natured or if he just forgets to stay mad... maybe a little of both

[MrMrsKnight 0]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh having one of those bad times right now actually!!!!!

He's quiet when he's mad. Doesn't like to talk right away, only when he's cooled down. Which I think is a good thing but it does drive me insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know he just doesn't want to make it worse...... but man I hate it when it happens.

I'm not like that at all..... I like to say everything I'm feeling even if I know I'm just feeling that way because I'm mad at the moment. I like to talk it out even if I'm still mad..... I hate waiting to talk when the mad me is gone. LOL

I feel like crying right now..... I just want him to come back and talk. About good things that is.... and forget about the bad ones. I hate being apart!!!