Fighting with your spouse

[gimygirl 0]

[Alex+R 0]

I have to agree with the hating of the silent treatment. TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG!!! PLEASE!!! If women who do the silent treatment are reading this. For the love of GOD! PLEASE STOP!!! Just spit out what the issue is and then we can move on.

Joel

What about male silent treatment? Y'all do it too!! I've had some boyfriends who became silent when you bring up an issue. Do they think like bunnies? If they sit very still I cannot see them?

One reason I knew it was the real thing with Rey is because he can argue back. No passive aggression there. Therefore, we get our issues out there, resolve them as best we can, and move on.

[gimygirl 0]

i'm with bethany (spark) on this subject. no surprise here, but geoff and i prefer to keep our relationship honest .. so there's no: nothing's wrong, silent treatment, etc ...

not sure who has children, but parently unity is a must! fighting in front of a child is so detrimental to their emotional health, something that you may not see the effect of for many years. always makes me sad to see parents argue/fight in front their children.

of course everyone has disagreements, but it's HOW you handle them which dictates whether your marriage will likely survive. most couples (50%) divorce within the first 8 yrs of marriage ... one predictor is your style; those who tackle differences with defensiveness, anger, and stubbornness end up divorced.

always exceptions to the rule but ... *shrugs*

[*Robert* 2]

[...]of course everyone has disagreements, but it's HOW you handle them which dictates whether your marriage will likely survive. [...]

I'm glad you mentioned disagreements. Anyone who tries to say their life together is "perfect", without any problems whatsoever... I don't believe them for a second!

P.S. Mon.. that gif is cold!!! errr, I mean damn hot!!!

Edited July 12, 2006 by roi_aggie

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

I have to agree with the hating of the silent treatment. TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG!!! PLEASE!!! If women who do the silent treatment are reading this. For the love of GOD! PLEASE STOP!!! Just spit out what the issue is and then we can move on.

Joel

What about male silent treatment? Y'all do it too!! I've had some boyfriends who became silent when you bring up an issue. Do they think like bunnies? If they sit very still I cannot see them?

LMAO! SO TRUE! I have seen some of my male friends do this when they fight with their sig other.

[*Robert* 2]

I have to agree with the hating of the silent treatment. TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG!!! PLEASE!!! If women who do the silent treatment are reading this. For the love of GOD! PLEASE STOP!!! Just spit out what the issue is and then we can move on.

Joel

What about male silent treatment? Y'all do it too!! I've had some boyfriends who became silent when you bring up an issue. Do they think like bunnies? If they sit very still I cannot see them?

LMAO! SO TRUE! I have seen some of my male friends do this when they fight with their sig other.

Yeah... its called "getting busted"!!!

[aussiewench 9]

We have disagreements, not massive door slamming arguements....neither of us is that type. I get real quiet when my feelings are hurt in any way but he has learnt that one. I rarely retaliate....Im non confrontational but if he really pissed me off then he would know about it. I almost mutinied and threw him overboard once but as I cant row I had second thoughts.

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

What are the rules? Do you each have your own style (silent treatment, yelling, door slamming, name-calling)?

How do you make-up?

We do have rules to the discussions we have:

No silent treatment. Nothing gets solved that way.

No screaming. I tend to get heated very easily and raise my voice.

No walking away. Even if we sit in the same room on opposite sides, walking away from the discussion is not allowed.

No going to bed angry!

OMG! That's sooo how I feel, but sometimes that doesn't get through to either of us when the argument occurs. Though lately things have been GREAT for us.

Name calling is bad because once said, you can never take it back...

Ryan has learned about the name calling, let me tell ya.

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

So...how often do arguements happen to most people here. For me it really isn't too often, but it is probably more then 'normal'. This visa thing and being apart is really rather stressful and adds to it I think. Plus for me there is a 14 hour time difference. So it is late at night when I call her (her morning) and she is rushing off to work and in my morning I am normally rushing off to work when she calls me. So our quality time is on the weekends...which kind of sucks too, because it means that one of us is staying in on a Friday or Saturday night and we are both rather social people. So the timing of our talks adds a bit of stress. All minor things I know, but I figure of all people y'all would understand.

Joel

Edited July 12, 2006 by Joel Halfwassen

[*Robert* 2]

We have disagreements, not massive door slamming arguements....neither of us is that type. I get real quiet when my feelings are hurt in any way but he has learnt that one. I rarely retaliate....Im non confrontational but if he really pissed me off then he would know about it. I almost mutinied and threw him overboard once but as I cant row I had second thoughts.

Lorelle, you are too funny! For hubbies sake, I hope you never learn how to row!!

Your behavior you described sounds just like my SO! She gets her feelings hurt, and when she does, it takes some work on my part to get her past it. Sometimes its harder than others. As for making her mad... never a good thing! We don't yell, and certainly NO name calling. That is just degrading IMO. If I even raise my voice I get a "yellow card"!

Edited July 12, 2006 by roi_aggie

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

She gets her feelings hurt, and when she does, it takes some work on my part to get her past it. Sometimes its hard than others. As for making her mad... never a good thing! We don't yell, and certainly NO name calling. That is just degrading IMO. If I even raise my voice I get a "yellow card"!

That is SO my wife. I had never been with a woman before who was so quick to have her feelings hurt. In the past the woman would put her boot in my ### and it would be done. Now I actually have to WORK at arguing with her and learn the rules as I go. No name calling, no yelling (hard for me), no leaving in a huff. My normal bag of tricks just gets me in more and more trouble...not burning itself (and the argument) out like it used to.

Joel

[aussiewench 9]

She gets her feelings hurt, and when she does, it takes some work on my part to get her past it. Sometimes its hard than others. As for making her mad... never a good thing! We don't yell, and certainly NO name calling. That is just degrading IMO. If I even raise my voice I get a "yellow card"!

That is SO my wife. I had never been with a woman before who was so quick to have her feelings hurt. In the past the woman would put her boot in my ### and it would be done. Now I actually have to WORK at arguing with her and learn the rules as I go. No name calling, no yelling (hard for me), no leaving in a huff. My normal bag of tricks just gets me in more and more trouble...not burning itself (and the argument) out like it used to.

Joel

Us softies are cool aye

Edited July 12, 2006 by aussiewench

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It is called PASSION. And makes for some REALLY hot sex.

It's called "acting like a kindergartener," actually. It was unacceptable and childish to do it when I fought with my sister when I was 10, why is it an acceptable way for two allegedly mature adults to communicate with each other?

And our sex life is just fine. I'm sorry that some people's apparently aren't, if they need to act like horrid children in order to approve it.

I agree that some behavior like name calling is totally inappropriate, however, some people's personalities are such that they tend to be more expressive with their anger (yelling, slamming doors/dishes). I think it's healthy to express anger as long as you're not destroying property or causing any physical harm to yourself or others. In fact, it's the quiet types who never show that powerful emotion (anger) that scare the bejesus out of me. There the ones who end up killing the whole family with a hatchet.

As Joel mentioned - it's passion. Some people are just very passionate in the way they express themselves.

It's destructive only when it deliberately hurts the other person physically and/or emotionally.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

I am very sensitive...When Ian says something that hurts me, he knows it because I can't hide it at all. For the most part, yeah we argue, but it usually only lasts for a few minutes then we say ok lets talk reasonably here which we do. We tend to talk things out no matter how long it takes. Although last week we had an agruement and he was getting really hungry as it was dinner time, he was like right we need to stop...would you please get dinner started? I was so upset, that the thought of not finishing our "discussion" really upset me, so I said right...like I am going to be able to cook dinner now. He said ok then, lets go out for dinner. I said ok have a good time pmsl..He then went into his car expecting me to give in to him and go with. He ended up falling asleep in the car and got a stiff neck!!! I then ended up cooking dinner and when it was ready, went out to his car and woke him up...he was surprised that I didn't give in then was mad for falling asleep like that in the car!!! IN the end we ended up talking about it and when we cooled off, realised that we were both in the wrong. Ian tends to say things without thinking and gets himself into trouble. But I agree that the key is to talk.

As far as couples who say that they have a perfect marriage...and never argue!! Yeah right...they are ALWAYS the ones who I see getting a divorce. Happened to my aunt and uncle who were married for 25 years. They were the last couple you would imagine getting a divorce. They were highschool sweethearts. Had two beautiful children, nice jobs, the whole nine yards...Never heard them argue..not once! As a child I spent a lot of time with them..they were like my second parents...Boy was that a surprise to see them getting divorced. HOw does it happen I wonder?! You think that a couple who seem very stable in their relationship, and in life...would be the strongest..but yet end up being the weakest. Why is that??? Just food for thought I guess.

LJ

[aussiewench 9]

In fact, it's the quiet types who never show that powerful emotion (anger) that scare the bejesus out of me. There the ones who end up killing the whole family with a hatchet.

tell that to those been killed in a fit of passion

and I'm very passionate....just not in the volatile way.