Lonely in Seattle, Missing the UK

[catfrances 3]

Hi everyone,

So a quick background, met my now husband in Seattle, travel back and forth for a year for 3 months each time, went back to the UK while our visa went through, he moved to Colorado, I went to live and get married to him there, we ended up moving from Co to New Hampshire (so it was nearer to the UK) and also my brother happens to live in Mass!

Anyway, husband did not like NH so we moved to Seattle where he feels more at home and although Seattle is a great city, I am having grounhog day everyday!

His sister used to live here and we became best friends, but she is now in school in NH for the next 2 years.

I work full time and do talk to people at work but it is a very quiet office and most people have kids and do not go out, most are a lot older too. I am 33 and have no kids and am very young at heart and miss having anyone to socialise with. I have tried meetup but there was no one new that could relate.

The only people I talk to all day are people on the phone at work (I work a helpdesk, so a lot of moaning people) then when I get home, the husband does not really talk much, he has always been that way, he doesn't really show emotion too much (although he is caring) but I have no one to have a good chit chat with or just gossip about day to day stuff over a cuppa or glass of vino!

I miss that.

I feel very lonely and tend to cry most days. I get fed up having no one to share things with and have a laugh.

Don't get me wrong, I do socialise whenever I can, if I am invited somewhere from work, I go, but it is very, very rare.

Its hard getting home at 5pm and it is already 1am in the UK, so I can't even call my mum or friends. I try and talk to my husband about how I feel but he just says he doesn't know what to say to me and that's it.

When he goes out, it is usually to his friends house to bbq hot dogs and drink beer, not really my kind of fun and no-one else ever goes. We do do things together, like walk the dogs or go to town, but it is hard having a conversation, sometimes you just want you mates, your best buds, you know?

Anyway sorry to sound like a moaner, just wondered if anyone else is new to the Seattle area from the UK and if anyone had the same experience and what they did.

Thanks all,

Big Hugs and keep smiling!

Emma

[Krikit 1,164]

Big hugs, Emma. ((((((((((Emma))))))))))))

Did you check this thread to see if there's anyone close to you? Brits in the USA

I know exactly how you feel. It's so hard adjusting to this new life. I'm fine with it, now, but I went through some terrible times those first two years.

Take a trip up to BC! There's a little bit of "home" there. In fact, you should check out some online sites for Brits in BC. They're in the same timezone and there are LOTS of them there. In fact..... call my family! I just left there! We're all from England!

Edited August 20, 2009 by Krikit

[stlouis 3]

Hi Emma

I really know how you feel. I moved to US 9 years ago from Ukraine. I had good enough English to find a job and talk about work-related stuff, but I found it hard to maintain conversation with people on some interesting subjects. Not one of those 'where are you from' and 'what do you do' conversations.

I also was much younger than anybody at work (I was only 21 just after graduating college). It was a small startup, with only 12 people. So I do know how you feel.

I first went to a 'russians in America' forum and met some local people. There were not really my kind of people, but we went to many weekend trips and sightseeing, so that was fun. Luckily our company was hiring new people, and I finally found couple of young people at work who would sometimes invite me (after I made very very clear that I really needed some friends hehe) to some parties and itroduced to their friends. They were quite cool people, but I could not enjoy myself because I could not participate much in any conversation. I mean my English was quite OK, but before I could think of something to say and build a sentence the conversation would already move on so far that it was just no point to saying anything anymore. I remember I was forcing myself to go everywhere I was ever invited to, so I could practice talking more and meet new people.

First two years was very hard, but then I was meeting more people and making friends. Going to skiing and hiking trips helped. 5 years later I went to grad school, so then I met lots of people too. Now i think I am enjoying myself even more than in Ukraine. I really like that I can meet people from different countries and cultures and learn something new. I do tend to have mostly european and latin american (because I like dancing) friends,

I hope this helps you somehow, at least knowing that other people had same problems. I think making friends and finding 'your kind of people' takes time, and until you find them, you will meet lots of other people. I know it's hard because in our home country we had friends from high school, college, work, and we built that friendships for a long time. Now we need to start over again. But, good news is that you will find these people, I am sure. I think it's good idea to check out some UK forums and new immigrants who are also keen to find new friends as you are.

I whish you all the luck, and if you are visiting San Francisco Bay Area, let me know

-Anna

[English Muffin 59]

Meetup.com saved my sanity! I know you said you've tried them and it didn't work but have you joined this group http://brit.meetup.com/62/ ?

There's got to be people there who you can relate to. My advice is to go to as many meetups as possible and you'll eventually find yourself some friends. It's difficult, but can be done. I moved to Charlotte and didn't know anyone here at all but thanks to meetup I now have a large group of friends. Good luck with everything.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Hey chica... some of us in Seattle are meeting for coffee next week --- send me a PM and I will give you all the details

[Fandango 1,439]

I will be in Seattle at Christmastime, we can go get blinding drunk

[Mrs.J06 4]

Hugs from me too, Emma. I'm not a Brit and not in Seattle, but I feel for you.

Working full time kills every chance to talk to people back home during the week, and emailing is just not the same. My husband is also not the social type, he has no circle of friends that I could have "inherited", I get lonely too.

I finally have a small group of people I can do things with now (after three years). Came across them by chance doing grocery shopping. But it's nothing like in my old life back home.

I agree with others, try meetup.com and expat meetups. I met a very nice girl doing community education (accupressure class) and we end up going placed together, too. I'm still trying to meet new people, too, but sometimes it's just too much of an efford and I give up in between. Also, winters here are so cold that social life just seems to come to a standstill during those months.

Hang in there, give it some time!

[movingsoon2 0]

Hi Emma,

I feel with you. I am from Vancouver, Bc with all my family there and so wish I could be in Seattle right now, closer to them. I am lonely in Indianapolis, feeling what you describe.

My parents visited me last week and it was amazing, I had someone to talk to to for full 10 days! Now, I am back to being lonely and bored. I was dreading the fact that they eventually had to leave. I'm trying to get a teaching job ...

It's been almost 3 months since I left home and I feel so homesick. It's encouraging to hear others who have made this journey for over 2 years to hear that it does get better.

[Krikit 1,164]

People are so nice here. Hugs to you, movingsoon2.

[catfrances 3]

Awww thanks all, great to hear from you all, thanks so much, I will definetly get on here daily if I can to chat. I am going to check into all the links you sent and see what I find, keep you posted....

[BigBubble 1]

You are very lucky! At least you are in a big city...

Check also meetup.com and your local newspaper, here is a section called "things to do" and its a way to make new friends.

[Aubrey 10]

Hi everyone,

So a quick background, met my now husband in Seattle, travel back and forth for a year for 3 months each time, went back to the UK while our visa went through, he moved to Colorado, I went to live and get married to him there, we ended up moving from Co to New Hampshire (so it was nearer to the UK) and also my brother happens to live in Mass!

Anyway, husband did not like NH so we moved to Seattle where he feels more at home and although Seattle is a great city, I am having grounhog day everyday!

His sister used to live here and we became best friends, but she is now in school in NH for the next 2 years.

I work full time and do talk to people at work but it is a very quiet office and most people have kids and do not go out, most are a lot older too. I am 33 and have no kids and am very young at heart and miss having anyone to socialise with. I have tried meetup but there was no one new that could relate.

The only people I talk to all day are people on the phone at work (I work a helpdesk, so a lot of moaning people) then when I get home, the husband does not really talk much, he has always been that way, he doesn't really show emotion too much (although he is caring) but I have no one to have a good chit chat with or just gossip about day to day stuff over a cuppa or glass of vino!

I miss that.

I feel very lonely and tend to cry most days. I get fed up having no one to share things with and have a laugh.

Don't get me wrong, I do socialise whenever I can, if I am invited somewhere from work, I go, but it is very, very rare.

Its hard getting home at 5pm and it is already 1am in the UK, so I can't even call my mum or friends. I try and talk to my husband about how I feel but he just says he doesn't know what to say to me and that's it.

When he goes out, it is usually to his friends house to bbq hot dogs and drink beer, not really my kind of fun and no-one else ever goes. We do do things together, like walk the dogs or go to town, but it is hard having a conversation, sometimes you just want you mates, your best buds, you know?

Anyway sorry to sound like a moaner, just wondered if anyone else is new to the Seattle area from the UK and if anyone had the same experience and what they did.

Thanks all,

Big Hugs and keep smiling!

Emma

My husband just moved to the states from Germany last month, and we're moving to the Seattle area at month's end. We don't really know people in the area ourselves, either. If you're interested, the four of us (you+spouse and me+spouse) could meet for coffee sometime. Send me a PM if you are and I'll give you our contact info.

[Nik+Heather 121]

This is the first I've heard of this meet up site, so I can't say much about it, but one thing that seems to be missing from your search is what I see a lot of people recommend to others looking for someone to date in the first place. I'm sure it works for finding friends too:

Go out and do something you like to do - there are clubs for all sorts of activities - biking, hiking, playing pool. They'll have events, and trips and drinks at the pub after. You can't just jump into chit-chat about feelings with strangers, but getting into things that you all enjoy, can lead to that eventually. At least for me, socializing JUST for the sake of socializing doesn't work out in the beginning.

Anyway, hope things look up soon. <3

[movingsoon2 0]

Thanks Krikit!

Just reading your posts and the fact that you made it over two years encourages me. I have my good days and my 'homesick' days... I was doing really good the first 2 months, then my parents came to visit, which was a huge high, and I was depressed after they left. Now I am beginning to enjoy life again ...

My neighbours are friendly and often invite me and hubby for a chat. Also I am starting to connect with some ladies in my church. But honestly, spending time on this website with all of you who have left home and understand what it's like, is my favourite pasttime