Trash in Morocco

[allousa 1]

Certainly you can find transatlantic love and it CAN happen via online relationships. BUT I liken it to this: If someone is walking around in a pit of snakes KNOWING the possible dangers and they get bit....you gonna blame the snake?

I get what you're saying, and I do think that people need to take responsibility for their bad choices, but I also absolutely think that at the end of the day you do have to blame the snake. I think that scammers use that exact type of analogy to justify what they are doing. People who exploit weakness and desperation must be held accountable.

As a separate comment (don't want to imply that you've suggested otherwise), I know that all of us here don't believe that all Moroccan men are scammers, and many people in that group will admit the same. But I also don't think that being Moroccan is irrelevant to the discussion. This type of relationship fraud really does seem to be rampant in Morocco, moreso than other countries. And I don't believe it is entirely due to economics. There are other poor countries where it doesn't seem to be quite the phenomenon it is in Morocco.

Jenn, I absolute agree with you that these scammers exploit weaknesses. Never suggested that they weren't responsible for their actions and shouldn't be held accountable. I also completely agree that Morocco is one of the highest fraud countries there are. I've never said otherwise.

[Jenn! 918]

Certainly you can find transatlantic love and it CAN happen via online relationships. BUT I liken it to this: If someone is walking around in a pit of snakes KNOWING the possible dangers and they get bit....you gonna blame the snake?

I get what you're saying, and I do think that people need to take responsibility for their bad choices, but I also absolutely think that at the end of the day you do have to blame the snake. I think that scammers use that exact type of analogy to justify what they are doing. People who exploit weakness and desperation must be held accountable.

As a separate comment (don't want to imply that you've suggested otherwise), I know that all of us here don't believe that all Moroccan men are scammers, and many people in that group will admit the same. But I also don't think that being Moroccan is irrelevant to the discussion. This type of relationship fraud really does seem to be rampant in Morocco, moreso than other countries. And I don't believe it is entirely due to economics. There are other poor countries where it doesn't seem to be quite the phenomenon it is in Morocco.

Jenn, I absolute agree with you that these scammers exploit weaknesses. Never suggested that they weren't responsible for their actions and shouldn't be held accountable. I also completely agree that Morocco is one of the highest fraud countries there are. I've never said otherwise.

I tried to make it clear that you hadn't suggested Morocco was not a high fraud country. But the analogy with the snakes really does suggest to me that somehow the scammers are less responsible. Thanks for clarifying.

[allousa 1]

I can see your point Jenn. I certainly don't think the scammers are less responsible and I didn't intend for my analogy to convey that. I'm just saying that some of these ladies make it sound like they have no freewill. I just think you always have a CHOICE. You've been on VJ long enough to actually see some of these red flags present themselves and still people CHOOSE to ignore them.

I completely accept the choices I made to marry a man that is from a different culture and religion than what I know. I accept that the difficulties we face and my sorrows that sometimes come with that are mine to bear BECAUSE I made the choice that I did. But I ALSO have the choice that if at some point the if the relationship is more harmful than nuturing, I can CHOOSE to end it. I would hold my husband responsible for SOME of the blame for not doing more to nuture the relationship, but I would also know that I put myself in a situation that was difficult from the start.

Is there not some personal responsiblity at some point?

[Jenn! 918]

I can see your point Jenn. I certainly don't think the scammers are less responsible and I didn't intend for my analogy to convey that. I'm just saying that some of these ladies make it sound like they have no freewill. I just think you always have a CHOICE. You've been on VJ long enough to actually see some of these red flags present themselves and still people CHOOSE to ignore them.

I completely accept the choices I made to marry a man that is from a different culture and religion than what I know. I accept that the difficulties we face and my sorrows that sometimes come with that are mine to bear BECAUSE I made the choice that I did. But I ALSO have the choice that if at some point the if the relationship is more harmful than nuturing, I can CHOOSE to end it. I would hold my husband responsible for SOME of the blame for not doing more to nuture the relationship, but I would also know that I put myself in a situation that was difficult from the start.

Is there not some personal responsiblity at some point?

Well, you are an intelligent woman and are able to recognize your mistakes, learn from them, and take responsibility for the choices that you've made. This may come across as terribly b!tchy (but I'm allowed to be when my belly is this big, right!?), but from reading the comments in that group, you can tell that many of these women are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I really don't find it surprising that they're unable to see how they contributed to their current situations.

[allousa 1]

Jenn....at this late stage....GIRL you can do ANYTHING you want!!!!!! Just give us advance warning...okay!!!!

It's a provocative issue for sure!!!!

[Staashi 371]

I do think some of the ladies do bear SOME responsiblity for ignoring the red flags that led into these relationships.

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

[Staashi 371]

This may come across as terribly b!tchy (but I'm allowed to be when my belly is this big, right!?), but from reading the comments in that group, you can tell that many of these women are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.

I've seen some not too sharp people on VJ as well. Just sayin'.

Edited August 20, 2009 by Staashi

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

Can I say WORD????

[merijan 0]

It does make me sad to read this. I get tired of defending my husband and his country. Yes there are a lot of scammers there. And we are all taking that risk when we decide to marry one. I am one of the one with all of the blaring red flags, but we are still together. I am so glad that I didn't base my decision on these types of comments.

I guess the key is really inside ourselves. To look as deeply into ourselves and our spouses to see if there is any basis in our own personal relationships. To open our eyes to what is going on around us, then close them when we find that these things don't have any relevance in our own lives. Yes people need to vent. But are they really so blind that they can't admit that they sometimes allow it to happen to themselves? I pity them. Most adults can and will admit their own mistakes when making a bad decision. Perhaps they just need to grow up.

Well,

My daughter is half moroccan and her dad used a woman to come here and its really just common place and knowledge to the point they give us names, BOATS. There are some real love relationships between Moroccans and Americans and sometimes the Moroccans just get so used to life here that they adjust to the way things are. I love my daughter and yes I consider her Moroccan and its hurtful to call all Moroccans trash...there are plenty of other mena countries that have their share of scammers. If I had a dime for every guy I have met who s wife either had a drug or alcohol problem and thats why the poor thing left, I d be rich ( the guy) I have also seen Moroccans get very used to Americans even if they used one, go back and marry another because they want a wife who will work and pay half the bills and cant tow the arabic husband I pay all the bills line

In closing,

Yes alot the mena men are scammers in marriages with us but I really love my daughter and cannot support someone calling Moroccans trash because she is the love of my life (although her Moroccan family had done absolutlely nothing for her her whole life and her dad avoids child support until he is at the brink of arrest. How they couldnt love her and how he couldnt be a kind and decent person is beyond me

He made a moroccan girl abort at 5 months because he strung her along until she was 5 months and wouldnt marry her and she had to have a late term abortion to save her face and another girl he took her virginity and then she almost threw herself in front of a train..so we are not the only ones who get hurt, its their women too

Anyway, I just love my Moroccan daughter and I never want her to grow and up and feel like shes trash because some guys from her country do evil opportunistic stuff to get papers...

Thats my take

It sounds like u had a disgusting excuse for a man,, hes not a man for a husaband and father of ur daughter. BUT .. i can tell u my friends hubby did equally disturbing things. he is white, ,, i know another lady whos husband did some not so nice things, he is Palestinian.. and so on... so race.. ?? religion?? no its just scum of the earth humans... in all races and countrys.. especially our good ole USA....

[Ihavequestions 419]

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

Can I say WORD????

I'll say WORD, too, and a few more words.

The minute she finds herself opening her wallet, writing a check, or transferring funds overseas, bells and whistles should be going off all around her. Pay for the visa. Pay for the visits. Pay for the hotel. Pay for this. Pay for that.

Oh, yeah, and send him money because his country is so poor and he can't find a job.

Well, learn about the culture a little bit. Poverty has nothing to do with ethics. If a dude is going to lay in the bed all day, it's because he wants to lay in the bed all day. He'd rather have NO job than one he believes is below him or doesn't pay the salary he feels he deserves. He's going to lay in that bed until he's 40, reaching over to dad's bed (next to his, where he's slept his entire life) for a few bones to run with his buddies, and he'll do that until his family puts the money together so they can get him married and off their dole. Even then, they'll continue to support him and the children he produces. A no job dude is a no job dude, no matter where he lives. I live in Egypt where little kids, and I mean little kids, are out walking the sidewalks and streets selling packets of tissue to help provide for their families. If a little kid can do it, a grown man can do it. If he doesn't, it's for no other reason than he's lazy. If he's lazy now, he's not going to change no matter what environment he's in.

Broken hearts happen. I get that. What I don't get is paying to get your heart broken.

Edited August 20, 2009 by Ihavequestions

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

Can I say WORD????

I'll say WORD, too, and a few more words.

The minute she finds herself opening her wallet, writing a check, or transferring funds overseas, bells and whistles should be going off all around her. Pay for the visa. Pay for the visits. Pay for the hotel. Pay for this. Pay for that.

Oh, yeah, and send him money because his country is so poor and he can't find a job.

Well, learn about the culture a little bit. Poverty has nothing to do with ethics. If a dude is going to lay in the bed all day, it's because he wants to lay in the bed all day. He'd rather have NO job than one he believes is below him or doesn't pay the salary he feels he deserves. He's going to lay in that bed until he's 40, reaching over to dad's bed (next to his, where he's slept his entire life) for a few bones to run with his buddies, and he'll do that until his family puts the money together so they can get him married and off their dole. Even then, they'll continue to support him and the children he produces. A no job dude is a no job dude, no matter where he lives. I live in Egypt where little kids, and I mean little kids, are out walking the sidewalks and streets selling packets of tissue to help provide for their families. If a little kid can do it, a grown man can do it. If he doesn't, it's for no other reason than he's lazy. If he's lazy now, he's not going to change no matter what environment he's in.

Broken hearts happen. I get that. What I don't get is paying to get your heart broken.

I have no idea why people are so up in arms over the group. Let the women talk if it makes them feel better. As far as discouraging relationships, each one feels that they are unique and it could never happen to them so very few of the fraudulent relationships will be deterred anyway. I think what hurts the women the most is the financial sacrifices and the debt they incurred bringing the guy here coupled with emotional hurt only to see them hook up with some other girl who didnt do a thing for them and the sponsor is left holding the bag or go back and marry a cousin or some girl their family picked out.I have seen a couple guys stay friends with their sponsors actually and talk all the time.It really depends on the woman. I cant really say that I am that open minded.My daughter is a product of a greencard scam because her dad got a greencard from a young shop girl from New York named Lizette and she met him the late 90s on yahoo. He abandoned her without divorcing her as soon as he got his 10 year and if she would not have flown to Morocco,sponsored him, sacrificed her life for that ####, I wouldnt have my daughter.I have been the post greencard chick as well as the abused one. There are just too many fees to pay and papers to sign and heartbreak to go through for their not to be some outlet for screwed women

Hey Jenn, I dont think that Teresa girl is a dim bulb. That guy really really screwed her over...If it makes her feel better, I am all for the group. I just dont like racist stuff but if they just want to complain, let them

[msheesha 548]

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

Can I say WORD????

I'll say WORD, too, and a few more words.

The minute she finds herself opening her wallet, writing a check, or transferring funds overseas, bells and whistles should be going off all around her. Pay for the visa. Pay for the visits. Pay for the hotel. Pay for this. Pay for that.

Oh, yeah, and send him money because his country is so poor and he can't find a job.

Well, learn about the culture a little bit. Poverty has nothing to do with ethics. If a dude is going to lay in the bed all day, it's because he wants to lay in the bed all day. He'd rather have NO job than one he believes is below him or doesn't pay the salary he feels he deserves. He's going to lay in that bed until he's 40, reaching over to dad's bed (next to his, where he's slept his entire life) for a few bones to run with his buddies, and he'll do that until his family puts the money together so they can get him married and off their dole. Even then, they'll continue to support him and the children he produces. A no job dude is a no job dude, no matter where he lives. I live in Egypt where little kids, and I mean little kids, are out walking the sidewalks and streets selling packets of tissue to help provide for their families. If a little kid can do it, a grown man can do it. If he doesn't, it's for no other reason than he's lazy. If he's lazy now, he's not going to change no matter what environment he's in.

Broken hearts happen. I get that. What I don't get is paying to get your heart broken.

I have no idea why people are so up in arms over the group. Let the women talk if it makes them feel better. As far as discouraging relationships, each one feels that they are unique and it could never happen to them so very few of the fraudulent relationships will be deterred anyway. I think what hurts the women the most is the financial sacrifices and the debt they incurred bringing the guy here coupled with emotional hurt only to see them hook up with some other girl who didnt do a thing for them and the sponsor is left holding the bag or go back and marry a cousin or some girl their family picked out.I have seen a couple guys stay friends with their sponsors actually and talk all the time.It really depends on the woman. I cant really say that I am that open minded.My daughter is a product of a greencard scam because her dad got a greencard from a young shop girl from New York named Lizette and she met him the late 90s on yahoo. He abandoned her without divorcing her as soon as he got his 10 year and if she would not have flown to Morocco,sponsored him, sacrificed her life for that ####, I wouldnt have my daughter.I have been the post greencard chick as well as the abused one. There are just too many fees to pay and papers to sign and heartbreak to go through for their not to be some outlet for screwed women

Hey Jenn, I dont think that Teresa girl is a dim bulb. That guy really really screwed her over...If it makes her feel better, I am all for the group. I just dont like racist stuff but if they just want to complain, let them

I'm speaking about the Facebook group, not directing this to anyone on here or anyone's situation on here. With that said, I think the point is that people should not go around making decisions that equal "sacrificing her life" - especially when they involve a man or woman that they don't know well. If the effort - financial and/or emotional, etc - is so uneven and lopsided in any relationship, it's not a great situation.

The issue I have with the group is it perpetuates the victimhood of these women, and allows for them to not look at their own contribution to the situation. Who "MADE" that woman live in the shack in the picture, and who "MADE" her pay for the food for the five other people that lived there? Who MADE her go to Morocco and stay in those conditions? Unless she was kidnapped and physically/violently held against her will, she CHOSE to go there and live in those conditions. Blaming someone else for your choices will perpetuate a constant state of being a victim - it's giving control, blame, and credit for your life and actions to someone else. Life is too short. Who wants to be a perpetual victim for it?

[MouadsWife 161]

I do think some of the ladies do bear SOME responsiblity for ignoring the red flags that led into these relationships.

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

I am going to say upfront that I have hit every ding in your post. Yes we met in an internet chat room, but a bar or singles club is no different. We have a 18 year age difference... neither of us looks our age, he looks older and I look alot younger. With the economy situation nowadays, jobs arent the easiest to find. However, I have a job, albiet not a fantastic one, but I have one. I was christian when I met my fiance, and now I am muslim. I am was also married for many years with a daughter. Now, with these facts, a uscis co may see these as red flags... albiet they are facts, but it does not mean our affection and love for one another is false. My fiance would give his life for me this I know, and I the same. We have been together 1.5 years and everyday we love each other more. Just because there are big giant red flags waving in the air, doesnt mean its not true. The facts have to be weighed on the positive, not the negative. If everything was every weighed on the negative, no one would ever take a chance in life.

[Staashi 371]

I do think some of the ladies do bear SOME responsiblity for ignoring the red flags that led into these relationships.

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

I am going to say upfront that I have hit every ding in your post. Yes we met in an internet chat room, but a bar or singles club is no different. We have a 18 year age difference... neither of us looks our age, he looks older and I look alot younger. With the economy situation nowadays, jobs arent the easiest to find. However, I have a job, albiet not a fantastic one, but I have one. I was christian when I met my fiance, and now I am muslim. I am was also married for many years with a daughter. Now, with these facts, a uscis co may see these as red flags... albiet they are facts, but it does not mean our affection and love for one another is false. My fiance would give his life for me this I know, and I the same. We have been together 1.5 years and everyday we love each other more. Just because there are big giant red flags waving in the air, doesnt mean its not true. The facts have to be weighed on the positive, not the negative. If everything was every weighed on the negative, no one would ever take a chance in life.

As I said, it's your life - God willing, everything will work out and you'll have an easy visajourney.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I do think some of the ladies do bear SOME responsiblity for ignoring the red flags that led into these relationships.

Amen, sister! I think what always seems to amaze me is the amount of red flags waving in one's face about some of these men and the USCs just ignore them. Talk about turning a blind eye...Holy Chalupa! To me there aren't just red flags, but sirens, alarms and all the bells and whistles. They come on to VJ seeking support and advice, blah, blah, blah. Then they do all the visa stuff and come back saying, "Oh I was scammed". Well, b!tch, (and I say that cuz I'm into tough love) your friends warned you that he was a player...and you got played. Big time! But we still love ya even though you didn't listen to us - 'tis ok. We get it.

I realize that not all Moroccans, Egyptians, Chinese, Nigerians, Philipinos might be scammers, but many are. Face those facts and you'll start out on the right foot. If DOS says that they are high fraud consulates, well, they have proof and they aren't lying about this. They can smell the fraud from a mile away - where did the relationship start? Ohhhh internet chat room - ding. How old is your fiance? 15 year difference - ding. Do you have a job? - No, can't find one - ding. Is your spouse of the same religion as you? No - ahhhhh - you're Muslim and she's Catholic - ding. Is your spouse a divorcee? Yes, with 3 kids - ding. Ding! Ding! Ding! The COs see these things every single day. They try to warn USCs of these issues - put someone into AP, deny a petition, even talk to the petitioner, et cetera, just to get the USC to see what they see. But, noooooo, USCs see it as the evil DOS/USCIS and all they want to do is keep "the love of my life" from the USA. Come on!!!

Now, if you want to go through with it after seeing all your red flags...do it. It's your life. But don't say that you weren't warned and that you had no idea...as that has to be the most flat out lie EVER.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Lots of love, Staashi

I am going to say upfront that I have hit every ding in your post. Yes we met in an internet chat room, but a bar or singles club is no different. We have a 18 year age difference... neither of us looks our age, he looks older and I look alot younger. With the economy situation nowadays, jobs arent the easiest to find. However, I have a job, albiet not a fantastic one, but I have one. I was christian when I met my fiance, and now I am muslim. I am was also married for many years with a daughter. Now, with these facts, a uscis co may see these as red flags... albiet they are facts, but it does not mean our affection and love for one another is false. My fiance would give his life for me this I know, and I the same. We have been together 1.5 years and everyday we love each other more. Just because there are big giant red flags waving in the air, doesnt mean its not true. The facts have to be weighed on the positive, not the negative. If everything was every weighed on the negative, no one would ever take a chance in life.

As I said, it's your life - God willing, everything will work out and you'll have an easy visajourney.

Have you actually lived with your spouse yet?

Its very easy to be madly in love with visits and cyber life. Real life dealing with differences is a heck of a lot different. Age, culture all kinds of things are alot different when they are A .here B. after they have made a network of friends here and cultural norms start to play in and they start longing to fit in with their friends that are here and have been here.I dont think alot of things I see are flags, they are FLARES shot off at war time on the front signaliing for an incoming air attack.

Like I said, until you live it, deal with it or experience it firsthand, you cant know whats going to happen when they hit the states. Also if there is a small community its easier, but if they have an instant network of lets say 2000 people from their home country in town, they are going to look at things alot different. I have had to face alot of inconvenient truths but on the other had, I tend to feel very comfortable around mena people as group.

I actually just want to say , dont co sign a car, take out credit lines or put your money at risk until they get the 10 year card and you at least you know they will stay a little while I have seen women lose EVERYTHING including their jobs, apartments, houses , money over some of these relationships and I am so glad some of the stuff is coming out on places like facebook because at least it gives these girls an outlet and also offers some kind of advice and forecast as to what to do if you find yourself in that position

I do get pretty mad at people blaming these women .. Just cause I COULD rob a bank doesnt mean I have to. Just cause THEY CAN screw with these women, doesnt mean they have to. They could find someone more appropriate and marry for love, not marry to victimise then cheat on the westerner