Is this too much to ask?

[Flames9_RN 358]

wow, thats crazy!! I have no real advice. I just know that if my wifes parents did something like that, (which they wouldn't) I wouldn't be spending xmas with them! Simple as that

[thetreble 19]

I wouldn't even be asking your Mom what Varba's Mom said...I'd just tell your Mom she's going to be with you, phone Varba's Mom and tell her "Christmas" is off, you're spending it with you Mom. End of story, end of compromising, end of your in-laws involvement. This is going to be a problem for the REST OF YOUR LIVES. This is not just a "Christmas" thing at all anymore.

EXACTLY.

I'd have such a major problem with this and as Carla said, this is not just Christmas..this is something you are going to be dealing with for the rest of your lives it looks like.

[Peachey 10]

Well if my mom doesn't help me move, I don't want to have our "quicky" wedding until she can be there. That means getting my own health insurance for over a month AND if we do go to NC to celebrate xmas, Varba's parents won't let us stay in the same room.

It just seems to be getting more complicated. I'm starting to think we should move very far away. Maybe Varba's company can open another office in Hawaii or something.

[thetreble 19]

Varba's parents won't let us stay in the same room.

Some people are traditionalist. My parents didn't let my husband and I sleep in the same bed until we were married in their house. We were okay with that out of respect.

[Peachey 10]

Varba's parents won't let us stay in the same room.

Some people are traditionalist. My parents didn't let my husband and I sleep in the same bed until we were married in their house. We were okay with that out of respect.

Yes, they are very traditional and if we were staying in their house we would not stay in the same room. However we will be staying in a hotel, and we cannot afford to rent 2 hotel rooms.

We'll see what comes out of it. Varba's told me we are not to worry about cmas and if we can't make it, then too bad.

[Krikit 1,163]

I feel terrible for all 3 of you..... your Mom, yourself, and Varba. But, honestly.... your MIL has gone too far. She has now made your Mom feel bad, which is something you were trying to avoid doing. I'm afraid the gloves would be off at this point. Either you or Varba need to ask her what she said to your Mom so you can determine the extent of the damage and what to do about it. This is the type of thing that divorces are made of.

[Peachey 10]

Yeah, Varba can divorce his mom. Do people still do that?

[Flames9_RN 358]

It can draw families apart and it can ruin marriages.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I can understand his family wanting you to be a part of their family celebrations, but at the cost of your relationship with your mother? That is unacceptable, plain and simple. As has been said before, this isn't just going to be about x-mas and will surely persist. I would cut this situation off at the knees and tell his mother "Thank you for the invitation, but I will spend x-mas with my mother". Well, I would probably say something a lot more snide, but thats just me.

[Ontarkie 14,133]

I wanted to say how bad I feel for you.

You barely know them and they already treat you like #######.

You cannot allow them to keep treating you like that. It will get worse much much worse.

Compromising is just showing them they can control you.

[Peachey 10]

Well Christmas is finally over.

The drive down to NC was long, but it was nice there, got up to 65 degrees yesterday.

Anyway, Varba voiced his concerns with his sister before we left and then with his mom after we got back. He suggested that because all of our families are so spread apart, that if someone is down or up to visit around any holiday that they be invited to family events. AKA if they were in Canada for Christmas they would be invited to Christmas with my family, and if my mom was down for the 4th of July, she would be invited to family activities.

Well his sister didn't sound very happy about it but said she would think about it. His mom didn't quite understand because she did invite my mom over after I moved n stuff. His dad understood and then I explained why I was hurt, and how I felt and then she felt really bad. I think mom is on board with our plan.

Anyway, thanks for all your encouragement in the past few months. It's finally over, and I can enjoy my new xmas presents!

[Marilyn. 340]

hopefully everything is worked out..

it just seems weird that it had to be explained...

I know my in-laws would just assume that my family was coming if they were down visiting me around the holidays...

[ZansGirl 0]

Wow

i read through the entire thread...and all I can say is WOW...

Dumb question.....it seems that everyone is now onboard...with the exception of the sister...is she just a spoiled brat who has always gotten her own way??? Seriously....if either my sister or my hubby's sister pulled that, I can guarentee the reply would have been... "well tough Sh*t.. deal with it or guess we will see YOU next Xmas!"

But I am happy that everything worked out and your fiance sounds like one hell of a man!! Good luck and best wishes!!!

[Peachey 10]

I think what happened is MIL doesn't get to see SIL as much as she wants, so she was very concerned about pleasing her.

All weekend it was "SIL what's the plan?", "SIL, what do you want to do?" and things of that nature.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Really happy that you guys were able to air things out through discussion - that is just the best and will bode well for future family situations that everyone knows they can talk openly

So great!