Is this too much to ask?

[Arabella 4]

Hi All!

Something I need objective opinions about here.

If everything goes to plan and I get my visa by December, I am planning on moving down to the US on December 26-27. My mom being the nice person she is (and being my mother) wants to help me move and stay for a week to help get me settled.

Here's the problem. Christmas with my in-laws is scheduled for Jan 1 (These people like to schedule so much it scares me). My mother will still be in town for the Christmas celebration. My fiance's mother and sister are insisting that my mom not be invited to Christmas. This completely baffles my mind because if his family was up here for Christmas they would be invited to everything.

The MIL and SIL have started to compromise by saying that she can hang out with us all day but has to leave when it's time to eat dinner and open presents... which I find extremely rude.

I just don't understand, what's the big deal? The SIL is saying it's because she doesn't get to see us too often so just wants it to be us.

My mom is very important to me and I won't get to see her until I get my AP at least, which can be like 3 months.

My fiance is on my side here, but can't seem to get through to his mom or sister. His dad just kinda sits there until something blows up then he takes charge.

Am I asking too much to have my mom included in the Christmas festivities?

Keep in mind my fiance's family are VERY Christian people.

/boggle. This is just strange. They don't want your own mother with you for Christmas celebrations? Are they nuts? And the part about them being "very Christian" huh? is that supposed to explain their reasoning? My dad is a minister and the most Christian person I know and I can't imagine him agreeing with your in-laws here . . .

My "former" in-laws were wacko and very Christian as well and they used to always exclude my family to the point of planning a surprise wedding reception after our court house wedding to their son when I was a teenager. My parents lived 10 miles from their house and their reason for not inviting my family . . . "Not enough cake."

I'd stick up for your family NOW before this becomes a tradition. I spent all of my Christmas's with my former in-laws and my family was left out . . . Big mistake!

[Tinh ve noi dau 0]

Hi All!

Something I need objective opinions about here.

If everything goes to plan and I get my visa by December, I am planning on moving down to the US on December 26-27. My mom being the nice person she is (and being my mother) wants to help me move and stay for a week to help get me settled.

Here's the problem. Christmas with my in-laws is scheduled for Jan 1 (These people like to schedule so much it scares me). My mother will still be in town for the Christmas celebration. My fiance's mother and sister are insisting that my mom not be invited to Christmas. This completely baffles my mind because if his family was up here for Christmas they would be invited to everything.

The MIL and SIL have started to compromise by saying that she can hang out with us all day but has to leave when it's time to eat dinner and open presents... which I find extremely rude.

I just don't understand, what's the big deal? The SIL is saying it's because she doesn't get to see us too often so just wants it to be us.

My mom is very important to me and I won't get to see her until I get my AP at least, which can be like 3 months.

My fiance is on my side here, but can't seem to get through to his mom or sister. His dad just kinda sits there until something blows up then he takes charge.

Am I asking too much to have my mom included in the Christmas festivities?

Keep in mind my fiance's family are VERY Christian people.

If that was me i would pretend i am sick or some thing or have a reasonable excuse not to attend that way u aren't putting yr fiance' between u and his family since u r a new member in the family give it some time allow them to get to know u then earn yr respect slowly and hope for the best. most of the relationships when the in-laws involve that means trouble.

[sophannaven 0]

Hi All!

Something I need objective opinions about here.

If everything goes to plan and I get my visa by December, I am planning on moving down to the US on December 26-27. My mom being the nice person she is (and being my mother) wants to help me move and stay for a week to help get me settled.

Here's the problem. Christmas with my in-laws is scheduled for Jan 1 (These people like to schedule so much it scares me). My mother will still be in town for the Christmas celebration. My fiance's mother and sister are insisting that my mom not be invited to Christmas. This completely baffles my mind because if his family was up here for Christmas they would be invited to everything.

The MIL and SIL have started to compromise by saying that she can hang out with us all day but has to leave when it's time to eat dinner and open presents... which I find extremely rude.

I just don't understand, what's the big deal? The SIL is saying it's because she doesn't get to see us too often so just wants it to be us.

My mom is very important to me and I won't get to see her until I get my AP at least, which can be like 3 months.

My fiance is on my side here, but can't seem to get through to his mom or sister. His dad just kinda sits there until something blows up then he takes charge.

Am I asking too much to have my mom included in the Christmas festivities?

Keep in mind my fiance's family are VERY Christian people.

NOTHING CHRISTIAN ABOUT EXCLUDING YOUR MOTHER FROM CHRISTMAS DINNER...I HATE FAKE CHRISTIANS AND SEEMS LIKE YOU GOT THEM AS INLAWS...

Hi All!

Something I need objective opinions about here.

If everything goes to plan and I get my visa by December, I am planning on moving down to the US on December 26-27. My mom being the nice person she is (and being my mother) wants to help me move and stay for a week to help get me settled.

Here's the problem. Christmas with my in-laws is scheduled for Jan 1 (These people like to schedule so much it scares me). My mother will still be in town for the Christmas celebration. My fiance's mother and sister are insisting that my mom not be invited to Christmas. This completely baffles my mind because if his family was up here for Christmas they would be invited to everything.

The MIL and SIL have started to compromise by saying that she can hang out with us all day but has to leave when it's time to eat dinner and open presents... which I find extremely rude.

I just don't understand, what's the big deal? The SIL is saying it's because she doesn't get to see us too often so just wants it to be us.

My mom is very important to me and I won't get to see her until I get my AP at least, which can be like 3 months.

My fiance is on my side here, but can't seem to get through to his mom or sister. His dad just kinda sits there until something blows up then he takes charge.

Am I asking too much to have my mom included in the Christmas festivities?

Keep in mind my fiance's family are VERY Christian people.

/boggle. This is just strange. They don't want your own mother with you for Christmas celebrations? Are they nuts? And the part about them being "very Christian" huh? is that supposed to explain their reasoning? My dad is a minister and the most Christian person I know and I can't imagine him agreeing with your in-laws here . . .

My "former" in-laws were wacko and very Christian as well and they used to always exclude my family to the point of planning a surprise wedding reception after our court house wedding to their son when I was a teenager. My parents lived 10 miles from their house and their reason for not inviting my family . . . "Not enough cake."

I'd stick up for your family NOW before this becomes a tradition. I spent all of my Christmas's with my former in-laws and my family was left out . . . Big mistake!

LISTEN TO THIS PERSON! HIT THE NAIL ON HEAD.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

If that was me i would pretend i am sick or some thing or have a reasonable excuse not to attend that way u aren't putting yr fiance' between u and his family since u r a new member in the family give it some time allow them to get to know u then earn yr respect slowly and hope for the best. most of the relationships when the in-laws involve that means trouble.

Why would she have to pretend anything??? These people are behaving like complete dickwads. IT is called basic etiquette for heaven's sake. Her fiance better take a stand on his future bride's side, otherwise things are pretty fvcked up.

[Carlawarla 1]

I think you know by now how everyone here feels about the situation! My word...their behaviour is deplorable! I would stop this nonsense right now, and plan to spend it with your Mom and fiance. I hope you tell your in-laws why as well. Compromising by letting her hang out for the day but not eat or open presents??? Ghastly! Your fiance needs to know how upset you are about this (hopefully he is JUST as upset as you are), and tell them right now you won't be attending their festivities at all. How hypocritical they call themselves Christians, which means Christ-like. There is nothing Christian about any of their behaviour.

[NArocks 13]

Nip this ####### in the bud NOW, My hubby would say ok we just won't go then. See ya, No way would they exclude my MOM from anything..........

[Krikit 1,163]

Are you KIDDING me??? :o

That is absolutely mind-boggling. Do NOT..... under any circumstances..... hesitate in telling them how you feel. How utterly disgusting and..... as Carla says.... GHASTLY behaviour. I have never heard of something so selfish in all my life. There is not a chance in hell I would attend their "festivities". Unbelievable.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Ghastly. I like that. Ghastly.

[BermyCat 1]

I would have your fiancé find out exactly why they don't want your mother there. If it is about food and presents you can probably handle that offering to bring another dish or assuring them that your mom won't be upset in any way about not getting a gift. If they can't give you a good reason then it's time to have your fiancé put his foot down. Both of your families are important to you and your in-laws need to understand that.

If worse comes to worst, you can always offer to have a Christmas party for everyone at your place and have that be the only one you attend.

Good luck.

~ Catherine

[SapphireDreams 71]

I'm seriously shocked and appalled by this behaviour.

I'm utterly speechless on how horrible that is.

[NArocks 13]

Ghastly ( nice word Krikit ) is the least of it, I want so bad for you to give me their phone nuber to give them a piece of my mind ARRGGGG

[CBR 0]

I completely agree with everything already said. Do they not realize everything you're giving up to be with their son/brother? It's amazing how self-centered people can be. This is a really awkward way to start your life here with them. I really think your hubby needs to step up to the plate here and explain to them that HE thinks their plan is insensitive to both your and your mom's feelings. HE needs to tell them that you've waited a long time to be together, you're giving up basically everything in your life that is familiar to you...the least they could do is make your mom feel welcome. I really firmly believe this is HIS responsibility. It shouldn't be on you to have to say ANYTHING. Men are kinda weird with stuff like this, maybe you can gently suggest how he could approach this tactfully with his family? good luck!

[missmissy 38]

I'll add my two cents worth as well - someone very wise told me a long time ago - when conflicts arise, you handle YOUR family and let him handle HIS family. Of course, I never took that advice, but I wish that I had. It would have saved me tons of heartache and hurt feelings.

If it were me, I'd tell him how it makes you feel, tell him you don't want him to be in the middle of this but his family has put him there so he will need to address it.

Both of you need to agree, either he goes and you stay with your mom, all of you go, including your mom, or none of you go and the three of you spend Christmas together, or everyone comes to you (your house, your rules!).

If you start pretending now, if you start making excuses now, this will grow into something unmanageable, very fast. Boundaries need to be established and maintained.

Good luck to you on this, I hope you get it worked out and everyone is happy. Maybe this is all a misunderstanding and miscommunication between all parties and it's not exactly what it appears.

[trailmix 77]

I haven't read all the responses, but personally, there is no way I would be going to dinner anywhere my Mother was not welcome. They are beyond rude, I have never heard of anyone behaving like this.

[Peachey 10]

Well my fiance's sister does live out of state. But to alleviate the "Not seeing you much" excuse I'm trying to plan family trips n stuff for the year.

That's her excuse. His mom's excuse is "Gift giving is a private matter". Even tho she knows my mom won't care if she doesn't get presents, she just wants to spend time with me .

The to be SIL does not know I know about this. My fiance told me because he has a "no secrets" policy when it comes to our relationship. I told him we have NO compromise on this situation.

He said today that if we get his mom and sister to concede that they will be passive aggressive with us and my mom the whole day. Which I guess would be worse.

His sister is now telling my fiance to tell her when they can celebrate xmas when my mom won't be there so she can search for a good deal on plane tickets (meaning, she'll move the date just so my mom won't be there). They don't live that far away btw, maybe an 8 hour drive, but I guess they prefer to fly.

I told my fiance to tell his family to cancel Christmas today because we won't have any money (moving, AOS...) because apparently gifts are important.

My fiance's next step is to get mean with his mom and sister and tell them we won't be attending any christmas festivities if they continue to be selfish. But I have this feeling they will just turn around and call me and Mike selfish.