meeting her family for the first TIME!!!

[charlie&pam 1]

Hello all, I love this sight so I finally set up an account. Well I am meeting my girls family next week for the first time and have some questions that I am hoping you fellow vjr's to help me with. her and her parents will pick me up at the airport do I do mano po when i meet them or is that old school? also I am paying for a party the next day for all her family to meet me ....i don't mind but is there a limit on how much i should spend or get? .....also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!

[HappyDancer 7]

GOsh! You will have a full load of luggage... Be careful will the excess luggage charges.

I suppose your SO is from the province, more of a rural setting then? This "mano"/ kissing of the hands is really big in the provincial areas.

Go ahead and "kiss" the hands of her parents when you get to meet them for the first time. My hubby had to do that as a form of respect to my parents. Also, here in the Philippines, you would have to call your SOs parents "mom and dad" after you are married.

With regards to the party for her family the next day, it doesn't really matter. It's a big complicated social issue in the Philippines and a common misnomer that when a Pinay marries a caucasian man - to most means an American right away- that the guy is well off and independently wealthy. Sad to say, that mindset has not been fully eradicated yet. But do not despair, just let your lady know that you have a set budget for economics' sake. Say about $100 worth of food to feed most of the visitors. Don't worry, food is not all that expensive in the Philippines, and I would guess your SOs relatives are more curious to meet you more than anything - the party is just an excuse. And, you better remember - kissing of the hands might have to be the case for every uncle, aunt, grannies, etc! You'd be dizzy before you know it especially if your lady has TONS of relatives as we are big in extended families.

The giving of the gifts should not be a big deal - but my concern is your luggage. But soaps, perfumes (ot necessarily high end ones), chocolates, disposable watches, purses (again, not necessarily high end), fashion jewelry... anything as a form of a gift will be appreciated in the Philippines... And yes, used clothing will even do. =)

Relax... you will be just fine!

[charlie&pam 1]

GOsh! You will have a full load of luggage... Be careful will the excess luggage charges.

I suppose your SO is from the province, more of a rural setting then? This "mano"/ kissing of the hands is really big in the provincial areas.

Go ahead and "kiss" the hands of her parents when you get to meet them for the first time. My hubby had to do that as a form of respect to my parents. Also, here in the Philippines, you would have to call your SOs parents "mom and dad" after you are married.

With regards to the party for her family the next day, it doesn't really matter. It's a big complicated social issue in the Philippines and a common misnomer that when a Pinay marries a caucasian man - to most means an American right away- that the guy is well off and independently wealthy. Sad to say, that mindset has not been fully eradicated yet. But do not despair, just let your lady know that you have a set budget for economics' sake. Say about $100 worth of food to feed most of the visitors. Don't worry, food is not all that expensive in the Philippines, and I would guess your SOs relatives are more curious to meet you more than anything - the party is just an excuse. And, you better remember - kissing of the hands might have to be the case for every uncle, aunt, grannies, etc! You'd be dizzy before you know it especially if your lady has TONS of relatives as we are big in extended families.

The giving of the gifts should not be a big deal - but my concern is your luggage. But soaps, perfumes (ot necessarily high end ones), chocolates, disposable watches, purses (again, not necessarily high end), fashion jewelry... anything as a form of a gift will be appreciated in the Philippines... And yes, used clothing will even do. =)

Relax... you will be just fine!

Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

[HappyDancer 7]

Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

Kissing the hand is the exact same way you put their hand on your forehead. We just call it that so you are on the right track.

I think $250.00 is too much, but if you can afford it, then that shouldn't be a problem. And where she is from - gosh that's too much! But if they are talking $10/person, that probably mean,s they are hiring a caterer. That's just the way it is. Whne you marry a Filipina, the guy spends for everything from the engagement party to the wedding details, everything! I just wish they wouldn't bleed you to death, though.

I have nothing against your lady's family, but don't you think if you are spending for a party you have full control as to how much you are willing to spend?

The mano of the aunts and uncles will only be when they are older than you - yes.

Hope this helps. Good luck! With the economic recession, I sure hope you're not ripped off when you come back.

[bulaklak 0]

In My personal opinion, kissing hand is more approriate for something romantic.

mano po, or shake hands is fine. you can do that everytime you see them if that what you like to do. just be yourself.

[charlie&pam 1]

Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

Kissing the hand is the exact same way you put their hand on your forehead. We just call it that so you are on the right track.

I think $250.00 is too much, but if you can afford it, then that shouldn't be a problem. And where she is from - gosh that's too much! But if they are talking $10/person, that probably mean,s they are hiring a caterer. That's just the way it is. Whne you marry a Filipina, the guy spends for everything from the engagement party to the wedding details, everything! I just wish they wouldn't bleed you to death, though.

I have nothing against your lady's family, but don't you think if you are spending for a party you have full control as to how much you are willing to spend?

The mano of the aunts and uncles will only be when they are older than you - yes.

Hope this helps. Good luck! With the economic recession, I sure hope you're not ripped off when you come back.

thank you .....I told her that seemed a little to high i was thinking in the range of what you said in your first comment 100-150 ....i told her that last night and she was very apologetic about it i don't think they are trying to rip me off since she has never asked for a penny from me before and i have been trough a relationship before where she bleed me dry and I found out the ex was doing it on purpose......So If aunts are 17-18 years old I still do it? I did tell her I have a budget so lets see what she says tonight .........So how is that province I am going to? I have been to the Phils numerous times in the past but all my business is done in makati and clark where the offices are at her father said that he doesn't really want me to go out to the local places so we were thinking for going to Bugio for a couple of days.

[HappyDancer 7]

Charlie,

I know what you mean and that does seem to cause some apprehensions on my end. I know it's risky and you really have to practice good judgement. Great that you are asking for input and that should not be taken the wrong way. That place where she is coming from is a rural area. They do have some exposure to city life but not that much which may be both good and bad. Morally speaking, they are conscious of reputation and come from a town where there will be no secrets - everybody knows everybody - which may be the reason why they want to "show off". They are very Catholic. I know this for sure as my mom graduated from a neighboring town where her university is at. You'll be just fine. But again, practice good judgement and do not hesitate to say no - in a nice way as they are sensitive too.

If aunts are 17-18 year olds, just shake their hands! LOL

[charlie&pam 1]

Charlie,

I know what you mean and that does seem to cause some apprehensions on my end. I know it's risky and you really have to practice good judgement. Great that you are asking for input and that should not be taken the wrong way. That place where she is coming from is a rural area. They do have some exposure to city life but not that much which may be both good and bad. Morally speaking, they are conscious of reputation and come from a town where there will be no secrets - everybody knows everybody - which may be the reason why they want to "show off". They are very Catholic. I know this for sure as my mom graduated from a neighboring town where her university is at. You'll be just fine. But again, practice good judgement and do not hesitate to say no - in a nice way as they are sensitive too.

If aunts are 17-18 year olds, just shake their hands! LOL

ok thank you ......she said that her father is a councilman for something like that? what is that ????? Is that why they want it to be a big thing?

[bulaklak 0]

Well, everyone is different, when My bf (now is my hubby) visited Me first time He asked me what kind of a gift He will bring for me and to My Family, I told him it doesn't really a big deal, just let see if We click in person cause it's different when We are communicating in the phone or in the internet. and if We click in person, maybe in your 2 or 3 visits you can bring me or send Me a gift, as long as that is what you like to do,but the most important thing is, just be yourself. What I'm trying to say here is, some women are not comfortable to accept a gift from a stranger. don't get Me wrong I never said accepting a gift from a stranger is wrong. however, if I have to request a gift from My fiance, I'm sure is not toys,soaps,or an old clothes. it should be flowers or a yummy good chocolate.

anyway, o.p. go ahead and give them gifts.

also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!

[Brian&Naty 0]

Hello all, I love this sight so I finally set up an account. Well I am meeting my girls family next week for the first time and have some questions that I am hoping you fellow vjr's to help me with. her and her parents will pick me up at the airport do I do mano po when i meet them or is that old school? also I am paying for a party the next day for all her family to meet me ....i don't mind but is there a limit on how much i should spend or get? .....also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!

Hi,

Naty is just in from the Philippines and she said this:

Mano Po - Shake the hand or touch the hand to the head is fine. I shook hands and this was fine. NO HUGGING

if you wish to ask for the blessing, it is fine to say like this

Sir, I love your daughter very much and I would like to ask you and your wife for your blessing if you will accept me as your son in law.

As far as toys and gifts. Man, don't kill yourself with trying to buy everyone everything. That can be counter-productive. You can buy some things for the family there much cheaper then here.

Naty is saying 4 or 5 pigs is fine, depending on the nuimber of people. They will prepare the food ahead for you, believe me, with no problem. I guess you can get fish and other things. soda, san miguel beer, etc.

Do not try to impress everyone by throwing money down. Come across as a conservative American, generous, but show wisdom in your spending.

if you have old clothes, sure you can bring them, thats your call.

Good Luck on your journey there.

Brian & Naty

[Robert E Lee 0]

Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

Hey bud, $250 for the party ain't enough. The whole barangay should be at hand and you have to butcher a couple of big pigs and two goats the minimum. And the San Miguel, of course. I should know, my wife is from Moncada, Tarlac and that's in the same neck of the woods as your honey.

[charlie&pam 1]

Well, everyone is different, when My bf (now is my hubby) visited Me first time He asked me what kind of a gift He will bring for me and to My Family, I told him it doesn't really a big deal, just let see if We click in person cause it's different when We are communicating in the phone or in the internet. and if We click in person, maybe in your 2 or 3 visits you can bring me or send Me a gift, as long as that is what you like to do,but the most important thing is, just be yourself. What I'm trying to say here is, some women are not comfortable to accept a gift from a stranger. don't get Me wrong I never said accepting a gift from a stranger is wrong. however, if I have to request a gift from My fiance, I'm sure is not toys,soaps,or an old clothes. it should be flowers or a yummy good chocolate.

anyway, o.p. go ahead and give them gifts.

also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!

thank you .....she has alot of nieces and nephews so I was going to go to the dollar store to pick things up there...lol

[charlie&pam 1]

Hello all, I love this sight so I finally set up an account. Well I am meeting my girls family next week for the first time and have some questions that I am hoping you fellow vjr's to help me with. her and her parents will pick me up at the airport do I do mano po when i meet them or is that old school? also I am paying for a party the next day for all her family to meet me ....i don't mind but is there a limit on how much i should spend or get? .....also what about the gift giving process she is telling me soaps & perfumes for the girls and toys and candy for the kids but what i don't understand she told me to bring my old clothes for the men????? is that really ok? ......and my last question is when would me a good time to formally ask her dad for his daughters hand? Do I do it at the party? Thank you all!!!!!

Hi,

Naty is just in from the Philippines and she said this:

Mano Po - Shake the hand or touch the hand to the head is fine. I shook hands and this was fine. NO HUGGING

if you wish to ask for the blessing, it is fine to say like this

Sir, I love your daughter very much and I would like to ask you and your wife for your blessing if you will accept me as your son in law.

As far as toys and gifts. Man, don't kill yourself with trying to buy everyone everything. That can be counter-productive. You can buy some things for the family there much cheaper then here.

Naty is saying 4 or 5 pigs is fine, depending on the nuimber of people. They will prepare the food ahead for you, believe me, with no problem. I guess you can get fish and other things. soda, san miguel beer, etc.

Do not try to impress everyone by throwing money down. Come across as a conservative American, generous, but show wisdom in your spending.

if you have old clothes, sure you can bring them, thats your call.

Good Luck on your journey there.

Brian & Naty

thank you that is very very helpful.....4 or 5 pigs?????

[bulaklak 0]

ok thank you ......she said that her father is a councilman for something like that? what is that ????? Is that why they want it to be a big thing?

Probably because they want to invite the whole barrio, they're going to invite plenty of people; and that is including the father friends and co-workers etc. Her father is a COUNCELOR work in the barangay,a job something related for the goverment.

[charlie&pam 1]

Yes she is from URBIZTONDO PANGASINAN now I have read that you kiss the and and also that you just put the hand to your forehead which one is it? Also she said that she talk to her father on how much they will need for the party and he said $250.00 american is $10 a head is that about right? and do i do mano to the aunts and uncles only if they are older than me or all the time ? and do you only do it the first time you meet or always?

Hey bud, $250 for the party ain't enough. The whole barangay should be at hand and you have to butcher a couple of big pigs and two goats the minimum. And the San Miguel, of course. I should know, my wife is from Moncada, Tarlac and that's in the same neck of the woods as your honey.

so how much are the pigs and goats.......so would they want me butcher them because I would have no problem with it..... i just want to knew what will be expected of me.