USC has abusive wife

[D&R 0]

Quote:

"she said she doesn't care if he sends her back to her country, but we're not sure she really means it, and anyway, he doesn't have the money right now to pay for her and her daughter's tickets, so what other legal means is available to him?"

Not many..If he doesn't have the money for airline tickets he certainly doesn't have the money for a competant attorney or any attorney for that matter.

Yes...you right and that is unfortunate....

maybe they should give K1 filers 180 days (6 months) instead of 90 days to get married....

Usually a person cannot hide a "messed_up personality" for that long....

but the K1 visa is not for trial purposes, its not a visitor visa with the option to marry.

Im sorry the OP's friend is going through this.... good luck

Yes and no.....It not for trial purpose (for culture difference)...agree there...but since you have on K1 90 days what is the difference making to 180?

there is also the distance issue and most relationships has not a chance to mature.....it is not like being in same country or city and can visit often..

Not all K1 have a happy ending...as much as everyone wish it to be....

I fell sorry for the OP too....and I think most VJ do too...

honestly? I think it would open the flood gates even more for fraud, and my personal opinion of extending a period of "getting to know you" shouldnt be necessary. If you apply for the K1 visa, you should be 150% sure that this is the person for you and that you have already covered all aspects of compatibility, expectations in a marriage and future plans, ect. I understand that some people can "con" their way from a distance and that one would think that having 90-180 days to "figure it out" would help in those situations...but quite frankly, one should have everything sorted out with their SO before making that sort of commitment to marry and apply for a visa.

Thats just my personal opinion. I get where you're coming from with the logic of why not double the time, its already there. I just dont agree

I totally agree with you! If people want it extended to 180 days, then why not a year, 2 years, 3 years, just to make REALLY sure that they're the person you want to be with. That should all be sorted out before proposing. It's fairly obvious to every half educated adult that talking online IS NOT the same as being with someone in person, it's it's very easy to say anything you like and have it believed. My advice is spend AS MUCH time together as humanly possible before rushing into anything and look at their family and friends, I find they give you a good idea about a person.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

[Zen Den 18]

hello everyone. i would to help a friend who's been having trouble with his wife. here is their background: since she came here in october 2008 she's been trouble to him, -unecessarily jealous about USC's female friends, demanding about money (usc is an average-salary guy), and physically abusive (have thrown things at him whenever they have arguments). because of then fiancee's attitude, USC waited till last minute to marry fiance, once married, USC decided to wait till wife changes attitude before deciding whether to file for AOS. Unfortunately, wife has the same attitude, doesn't want to attend marriage counseling, has gone from bad to worse towards usc and usc's son.

we're all worried she came here for the wrong reasons and doesn't really love her husband, he's decided now to divorce her but he has to wait til he has enough money.

questions are:

1. can usc file for abuse? with which agency?

2. if divorce is filed, will usc still be financially responsible for wife? up to when?

3. she said she doesn't care if he sends her back to her country, but we're not sure she really means it, and anyway, he doesn't have the money right now to pay for her and her daughter's tickets, so what other legal means is available to him?

will appreciate all ANSWERS

thank you

Gosh....another happy ending.....I am afraid to ask the age difference?

1. Call the Police each time there is abuse that will create a police record....there will Jail time too..

2. usually not unless there are children involved....(natural or otherwise)... Get a competent lawyer..

3. Get a lawyer.....Get a competent lawyer..

erosandsally,not much age difference, it's really more of an attitude problem she has

[Zen Den 18]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

ellieanddavid, he really loves her and talked about this problem before they got married, hoping things would get better. unfortunately, she doesn't love him as much and it's now becoming clearer that she just wants a GC which is unfair to him. so we advised him to wait a while before doing the next step till they sort out their problems until the last straw, -she was treating hsi son badly and threatened to hit the boy.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

ellieanddavid, he really loves her and talked about this problem before they got married, hoping things would get better. unfortunately, she doesn't love him as much and it's now becoming clearer that she just wants a GC which is unfair to him. so we advised him to wait a while before doing the next step till they sort out their problems until the last straw, -she was treating hsi son badly and threatened to hit the boy.

Child in danger - get the heck outta the relationship!!

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

ellieanddavid, he really loves her and talked about this problem before they got married, hoping things would get better. unfortunately, she doesn't love him as much and it's now becoming clearer that she just wants a GC which is unfair to him. so we advised him to wait a while before doing the next step till they sort out their problems until the last straw, -she was treating hsi son badly and threatened to hit the boy.

I'm sorry for your friend, I really am. If she just wants a GC and he TRULY believes this is her only motive then I dont know what you else you want to hear. He should start proceedings to divorce her immediately.

To go along with the AOS knowing it will result in a fraudulently obtained GC is...well....fraudulent.

AND I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who I believed to pose a threat to my own flesh and blood.

That said... manipulating her into behaving differently by dangling her lack of status in front of her eyes is also an abuse of power. I am very happily married to my husband, but being out of status is very scary for me...especially as I have given my whole life up to be here. If my husband threatened me like that, I would be furious. And I might throw something at him during an argument too.

I gave my advice regarding what I believe his next steps should be.

My best to your friend. I hope resolution can be found.

[Zen Den 18]

just read all responses.

Len, i agree with your advice. however it was not him who suggested/decided that she should go home, it was her who threatened (maybe a bluff) to go home herself, and he was just thinking that if he had the money right now he'd let her. problem is she can always take back what she said and then he'd have trouble refunding etc...

NArocks, i told the USC that he should have and should now start documenting each abuse, because his wife could easily turn things around and then it would just be a matter of who has the evidence to each's claim and whose evidence is merely a delayed reaction to the other's...

Bobbyumit, AOS has not yet been filed, he was ready to do but we told him to wait awhile til they solved their problems. unfortuntely, the problems only got worse...

dave, re your last post, when you're in love, no matter if the other person is really not, you believe that the love is mutual and will last forever and you're 200% sure. it took 5 years before they got married, who knew....

to everyone, i think the problem with their relationship is that it looks like she didn't really love him in the first place:

1. physically hurting him

2. nagging and suspicious about every person who calls him

3. disrespects his privacy by demanding all his account passwords and going through them

and the other side of the problem is him letting her do whatever she wants.

i'm not being onesided because the usc is a friend. i have talked to his wife too, to weigh things out, and she has been consistent with her stories.

anyway, thanks to everyone for your response. hopefully my friend will follow through on what he needs to do before he melts again and decides to give her another chance for the nth time.

just read all responses.

Len, i agree with your advice. however it was not him who suggested/decided that she should go home, it was her who threatened (maybe a bluff) to go home herself, and he was just thinking that if he had the money right now he'd let her. problem is she can always take back what she said and then he'd have trouble refunding etc...

NArocks, i told the USC that he should have and should now start documenting each abuse, because his wife could easily turn things around and then it would just be a matter of who has the evidence to each's claim and whose evidence is merely a delayed reaction to the other's...

Bobbyumit, AOS has not yet been filed, he was ready to do but we told him to wait awhile til they solved their problems. unfortuntely, the problems only got worse...

dave, re your last post, when you're in love, no matter if the other person is really not, you believe that the love is mutual and will last forever and you're 200% sure. it took 5 years before they got married, who knew....

to everyone, i think the problem with their relationship is that it looks like she didn't really love him in the first place:

1. physically hurting him

2. nagging and suspicious about every person who calls him

3. disrespects his privacy by demanding all his account passwords and going through them

and the other side of the problem is him letting her do whatever she wants.

i'm not being onesided because the usc is a friend. i have talked to his wife too, to weigh things out, and she has been consistent with her stories.

anyway, thanks to everyone for your response. hopefully my friend will follow through on what he needs to do before he melts again and decides to give her another chance for the nth time.

i meant inconsistent

[Zen Den 18]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

ellieanddavid, he really loves her and talked about this problem before they got married, hoping things would get better. unfortunately, she doesn't love him as much and it's now becoming clearer that she just wants a GC which is unfair to him. so we advised him to wait a while before doing the next step till they sort out their problems until the last straw, -she was treating hsi son badly and threatened to hit the boy.

Child in danger - get the heck outta the relationship!!

whudbegirl, that's exactly what i told him! told him you might be luckier to meet somebody better, but you have only one son

[Zen Den 18]

I'm just surprised that he married her in the first place, especially as at that point it seems that she was already displaying particular personality traits.

I think to go ahead with the wedding but purposefully with hold someone's status is an abuse of power all of it's own. That seems to be a theme seen over and over on this website and as an immigrant myself, it makes me angry.

To the OP -

Advise your friend to start reporting instances of abuse to the police. If your friend is now sure that he no longer wishes to remain married to this woman, he should set in motion divorce proceedings. His wife is currently without status. A divorce will ensure that she will not be able to adjust status based upon this marriage. Your friend needs to protect himself from counter abuse claims by reporting each occurance to the police. This will build a picture of the cycle of abuse he is currently subject to.

ellieanddavid, he really loves her and talked about this problem before they got married, hoping things would get better. unfortunately, she doesn't love him as much and it's now becoming clearer that she just wants a GC which is unfair to him. so we advised him to wait a while before doing the next step till they sort out their problems until the last straw, -she was treating hsi son badly and threatened to hit the boy.

I'm sorry for your friend, I really am. If she just wants a GC and he TRULY believes this is her only motive then I dont know what you else you want to hear. He should start proceedings to divorce her immediately.

To go along with the AOS knowing it will result in a fraudulently obtained GC is...well....fraudulent.

AND I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who I believed to pose a threat to my own flesh and blood.

That said... manipulating her into behaving differently by dangling her lack of status in front of her eyes is also an abuse of power. I am very happily married to my husband, but being out of status is very scary for me...especially as I have given my whole life up to be here. If my husband threatened me like that, I would be furious. And I might throw something at him during an argument too.

I gave my advice regarding what I believe his next steps should be.

My best to your friend. I hope resolution can be found.

ellieanddavid, your advice is good. i believe he now has the will to resolve his problem. and i agree with you, if he does the AOS just to make her happy and even knowing she'd leave him after, it really is a fraudulent act and he's part of it.

but don't worry, he's not the kind to abuse his "power" of being a USC.he never threatened/told her directly that he doesn't want to do AOS, because then it would have given her a chance to change her ways until after she gets what she wants, he was hoping she'd sincerely change