WORRIED ABOUT GETTING THE BOOT ONCE HE GET INTO THE US!

[STEPHANI Y ANGELO 0]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??
OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

[raymaga 25]

Your relationship could be simply suffering from the stresses of the immigration process.

Hopefully, you are wrong about your feelings and all will go well once your husband arrives in the U.S. and starts his new life with you.

Best wishes.

[mlybrand 0]

Yeah. Looking at your profile, I would put the feelings to the stresses of the process. My wife and I have a strong, STRONG relationship and we can feel the stress. In our case, we are extremely lucky that we talk and discuss everything (maybe that's not luck and just the way things should be). Y'all have been married for quite some time and have a child together; it would definitely appear that there is much more to your marriage than simply a visa opportunity. But I know nothing about the two of you really, so I am probably not the best judge. If this were my situation, though, I would find a way to talk to my wife about my feelings... of course this is an extremely delicate issue as gets right to the heart of your relationship: lack of trust. How and when you choose to approach your husband about this will make all the difference, but you two need to talk about how you are feeling. If you don't talk about it, the two of you will just continue to drift apart (this was theme of my failed 13 year first marriage, so I can at least talk about how lack of communication and sharing just perpetuates lack of trust and alienation).

Good luck and let us know how you're doing. We are there for you.

Mark

[FinnLove 0]

Yeah. Looking at your profile, I would put the feelings to the stresses of the process. My wife and I have a strong, STRONG relationship and we can feel the stress. In our case, we are extremely lucky that we talk and discuss everything (maybe that's not luck and just the way things should be). Y'all have been married for quite some time and have a child together; it would definitely appear that there is much more to your marriage than simply a visa opportunity. But I know nothing about the two of you really, so I am probably not the best judge. If this were my situation, though, I would find a way to talk to my wife about my feelings... of course this is an extremely delicate issue as gets right to the heart of your relationship: lack of trust. How and when you choose to approach your husband about this will make all the difference, but you two need to talk about how you are feeling. If you don't talk about it, the two of you will just continue to drift apart (this was theme of my failed 13 year first marriage, so I can at least talk about how lack of communication and sharing just perpetuates lack of trust and alienation).

Good luck and let us know how you're doing. We are there for you.

Mark

I agree with Mark. This is a very stressful time in all of our relationships. My husband and I also have a very strong relationship, and we talk about everything. Of course, we also laugh...a lot! I'd rather just find humor in things than cry over them! I've also had a failed marriage before, and a lack of communication can screw it all up. Talk to your husband about your thoughts and feelings, but definitely don't accuse him of using you for a green card! Be loving-you know him, we don't-so you should know what goes over well and what doesn't. You've had a history with him, a child, and you have been married for awhile. Don't give up! Good luck! VJ is a wonderful support group.

PS Mark, where's your timeline???!!!!

[mlybrand 0]

PS Mark, where's your timeline???!!!!

Click on the Timeline link over on the left.

Mark

[FinnLove 0]

PS Mark, where's your timeline???!!!!

Click on the Timeline link over on the left.

Mark

Well, I'm a dork! So I could have done it that way instead of writing a romance novel in my signature block, or whatever this is called! Hey, you got married only two weeks after me!

[sherpa 0]

Don't worry! Everything will be fine. It is definitely the stress of the process.

[crazytown4u 0]

[

Could be stress but u know your mate more then we do Im kinda in your shoes but im the one who cant wait for the visa its all i talk about and he is like what ever about it but he is just scared its a new country for him leaving behind what he knows but he is moving to u.s.a more for me and are son so we can be 2gether So could luck to u

[scottydaniza 0]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??

OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

The visa process is absolutely stressful, but you need to know where your spouses heart is at. My wife and I have an awesome relationship, but are still newly weds and so this is all new. The visa process does push us a lot and we have problems in our marriage due to it, but I know at the end of the day we are married and are committed to the rest of our lives together. I think the best thing to do is to see what your husband says when he is most rational.

God Bless!!

Scott<><

[R de la R 2]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??

OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

Do you have a daughter with him and you have doubts about him? Why you didn't wait for having a baby when there is a kid involved everything is difficult. If you are thinking this way, I don't think your relationship is not going to survive.

I am very sorry to hear that you are not sure about him. Good luck!!

[ANODES09 0]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??

OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

Hi Stephani-

Yes, it is true that some foreigners want a visa. I can say beacause I see it on a daily basis that there are many many Dominican people looking for a visa and will do just about anything to get out of the country. I would say that you need to look at your circumstances very carefully. Stress? It could be, but stress shouldn't make you feel like this. How long did you know him before you were married? Who is giving you the warning? Friends? Family? What are his living conditions? You also stated that your relationship has had lots of problems.....This (in my opinion) is a red flag. What are these problems? Have the two of you addressed these problems and do you feel comfortable and at ease moving forward. All relationships have obstacles to overcome, but it should not be to the point that you feel he's not going to stick around.

One test that I always use is what I call the "GUT CHECK". I use it if I ever have a question about what I am doing or about to do.

1. Look at the ENTIRE situation and be honest with yourself (which can be very hard to do due to many factors).

2. Ask yourself "Is there anything wrong with what I'm doing or about to do?"

3. If you can honestly answer yourself "NO" then by all means proceed.

4. If your answer is "YES" then 9 times out of 10 you've got a problem somewhere and only "you" know what made you answer "YES".

5. Don't do what you're about to do and rectify the problem!!

We all as humans have put ourselves in situations when we know honestly that it could have been prevented with a little extra thought.

Just to clarify things so I don't appear to be bad mouthing anyone - not all Dominicans are bad. There are many good Dominicans that live there as well.

If it helps, I know what you're going through because I've been there. I'm sure many others on this board feel the same way you do, but being honest enough to admit it is a different story.

All the best to you..............

[Got Charmed 0]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??

OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

The writing is on the wall and you see it, no its not stress of going through the process, if he leaves you which it looks like he will, you will have yourself to blame, if your not sure then explain it to him and watch his reaction it will tell you if your gut feeling was right.

[STEPHANI Y ANGELO 0]

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND ADVISE. THIS PROCESS IS VERY HARD. I HAVE NO REAL REASON TO DOUBT HIM. I GUESS I JUST LET ALL THE WARNINGS GET TO MY HEAD. IM GOING TO KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND FOCUS ON GETTING THIS OVER WITH AND STARTING OUR LIVES TOGETHER. IF I FOCUS ON ALL THE POSITIVES INSTEAD OF THAT 1 NEGATIVE MY OUTLOOK MIGHT BE MUCH BETTER. THNX ALL FOR HELPING ME!! IM GLAD IM NOT ALONE!

[STEPHANI Y ANGELO 0]

ITS BEEN KNOWN THAT SOME FOREIGNERS JUST WANT A VISA, SO IM A BIT WORRIED. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM THATS ALL I WOULD HERE. EVERONE WAS WARNING ME THAT HE WOULD JUST USE ME. I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WANTED TO SEE FOR MYSELF BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE OUR APPT. IM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.MY RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD LOTS OF PROBLEM AND IM SO WORRIED THAT ONCE HE GETS HERE HES NOT GONNA STICK AROUND.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IM FEELING??

OR DOES ANYONE HAVE ADVICE??

Hi Stephani-

Yes, it is true that some foreigners want a visa. I can say beacause I see it on a daily basis that there are many many Dominican people looking for a visa and will do just about anything to get out of the country. I would say that you need to look at your circumstances very carefully. Stress? It could be, but stress shouldn't make you feel like this. How long did you know him before you were married? Who is giving you the warning? Friends? Family? What are his living conditions? You also stated that your relationship has had lots of problems.....This (in my opinion) is a red flag. What are these problems? Have the two of you addressed these problems and do you feel comfortable and at ease moving forward. All relationships have obstacles to overcome, but it should not be to the point that you feel he's not going to stick around.

One test that I always use is what I call the "GUT CHECK". I use it if I ever have a question about what I am doing or about to do.

1. Look at the ENTIRE situation and be honest with yourself (which can be very hard to do due to many factors).

2. Ask yourself "Is there anything wrong with what I'm doing or about to do?"

3. If you can honestly answer yourself "NO" then by all means proceed.

4. If your answer is "YES" then 9 times out of 10 you've got a problem somewhere and only "you" know what made you answer "YES".

5. Don't do what you're about to do and rectify the problem!!

We all as humans have put ourselves in situations when we know honestly that it could have been prevented with a little extra thought.

Just to clarify things so I don't appear to be bad mouthing anyone - not all Dominicans are bad. There are many good Dominicans that live there as well.

If it helps, I know what you're going through because I've been there. I'm sure many others on this board feel the same way you do, but being honest enough to admit it is a different story.

All the best to you..............

THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!! YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL!!!

[Malrothien 6]

By the way - turn off your caps lock.