Need advice before trip to Morocco

[tany1157 161]

Just a random warning to stay away from Moroccans.

gotcha

[tany1157 161]

Why on earth would you even consider uprooting those three precous gifts from God to a country that is foreign to you and them for a man who doesn't even seem remotely enthusiastic about being with you? I'm sorry I swore I wouldn't post in these types of threads anymore but all I can think of is the children. I was and am very much in love with my husband and the feeling is mutual between us and still I wouldn't dream of bringing them there to live whether or not I got the ok from the ex. It's just not fair to them, period. It sounds like you have a big crush on the guy and that's cool but why not take the $ and spend it on a trip to Disney since he doesn't have that same crush on you?

Bridget, kindly refrain from lying all over this board. Everything you said about your greedy, ignorant, dumb husband shows that he wasn't remotely interested in being with you... just your cash. He called you fat and told you that you laugh like a nasty #######. Get some self esteem.

Me thinks if you don't have the balls to own up to your own comments (i.e., creating a noob user), then you probably shouldn't be saying it in the first place.

AGREED! I was thinking the same thing!!!

[doodlebugg 10]

um, could we stop quoting it since it's been deleted?

even after spending all day at the ER and having this whack job show up like clockwork i'm still in a good mood 'cause Heroe's and House are back tonight with 2 hour specials!

[venusfire503 54]

I wasn't able to read all of the posts, so sorry if my post seems out of place with the others.

One thing that I was thinking is that maybe he's just worried about being able to support you and your children. It's my understanding that Moroccan men feel very strongly that it's their duty to be the provider (and usually the ONLY provider). Now that he's been in this country, he might realize how difficult it is for people from other countries to get jobs - and even more difficult to get jobs that will support a whole family (it's hard enough now for Americans to do it). Another thing is that maybe he's just worried that things might not 'click' in person. Hard to say. I also heard that some American women use Moroccan men to have a free place to stay when traveling there, and maybe he's worried about that.

It is possible that he's saying no to money and things now in order to get more from you later (get you to put down your guard), but it's also very possible that he just doesn't want to use you. His pride will likely not allow him to take money from you. Don't offer any more. If you really want to be a giving person, then just take gifts for him and the family when you visit, and leave it at that.

It's possible that he won't allow himself to fall in love if he feels unable to provide for you. Or maybe he's just waiting to see how it works out before he says anything - doesn't want to disappoint you if there are no feelings in person?

My advice, since you're looking for advice, is to go if you want, enjoy his (friendly) company, but don't have any expectations. If the two of you hit it off, then wonderful! Work out the details. If you don't hit it off, then appreciate the opportunity to meet a new person, see a new country, and have an amazing experience.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!

venusfire

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I apologize, but I only skimmed through the response here. So forgive me if I repeat anything already said.

First off, he is not promising anything. Good sign. A man that is trying to use you is going to pronounce his undying love for you ASAP to win you over and get you to do the visa. Although that isn't always a true sign, because there are some men that want to marry now. And in their culture they marry first, and love follows.

Second, he is correct that uprooting your child to move to Morocco is a bad idea. And I agree with what someone else here said. Don't uproot your child for anyone. He/she should be your number 1 concern in any decision you make until they are adults.

Third, he expresses jealousy that you are out with other men? How much is it? Many MENA are jealous, but you have to be careful. If his jealousy is extreme you could be in over your head. And this could be true for any man, not just an MENA man. Trust is such a major part of any relationship. No one should live their married lives not being trusted.

Fourth, you are going to visit him after only 4 months of knowing him? I don't see anything wrong with that IF you are going there to meet a friend, and have some fun. But it seems that you and him are not exactly on the same page. You are looking for more than friendship, and he doesn't want to move onto the next step yet. You really need to go there without thoughts of "is he the one?". Just go and enjoy the time together.

Fifth. He hasn't told his family about you yet. That one is kind of sketchy. A man that is looking for the mighty GC will try to hide you from as many of his family and friends as possible. So that as soon as he gets what he is after he dumps you and brings over another woman from his country to marry. But on the other hand, he might not have told them yet because he is not ready for a commitment yet.

Are you being scammed? The signs point to no. He isn't promising anything, and he refused money. I guess there is a possibility that he has learned a new tactic however. By being the "stand up" man, you push your money on him, or insist that you love him and marry him. Anything is possible really, and the important thing is to take your time, don't give him anything, and wait and see how things progress naturally.

And most importantly, don't get married with doubts in your mind. It is apparent that although you are looking for a commitment that you aren't ready for one. There should be no questions in your mind before you make that next step.

Do some of these marriage work? Yes. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I have never been happier. He has his 10 year GC, and could have walked out on me a long time ago. It is almost time for him to apply for his citizenship, so it is possible he is waiting it out for that. But to be honest I am not concerned about it. There is no doubt in my mind about his intentions towards me.

But Morocco is well known for being a high fraud country for a reason. So never give your heart away to any man until all of your doubts are gone. Keep your radar on. Don't listen to what they say as much as watching what they do. Most will give you signs that they are just not that into you. And if you voice doubts they will give you extra attention to win you over. So just watch what they do. Do they make time for you, or are you the one that is pushing time together? If you talk online, and you aren't on, does he contact you to get online? Or are you the one that is pushing for his time?

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards.

My advice? Just take your time and enjoy his friendship. If it is meant to turn into love it will in it's own time.

Excellent honest advice Morocco forever.....

"

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards."

I wish I would have read this post 3 years ago.. My life would have been different

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wasn't able to read all of the posts, so sorry if my post seems out of place with the others.

One thing that I was thinking is that maybe he's just worried about being able to support you and your children. It's my understanding that Moroccan men feel very strongly that it's their duty to be the provider (and usually the ONLY provider). Now that he's been in this country, he might realize how difficult it is for people from other countries to get jobs - and even more difficult to get jobs that will support a whole family (it's hard enough now for Americans to do it). Another thing is that maybe he's just worried that things might not 'click' in person. Hard to say. I also heard that some American women use Moroccan men to have a free place to stay when traveling there, and maybe he's worried about that.

It is possible that he's saying no to money and things now in order to get more from you later (get you to put down your guard), but it's also very possible that he just doesn't want to use you. His pride will likely not allow him to take money from you. Don't offer any more. If you really want to be a giving person, then just take gifts for him and the family when you visit, and leave it at that.

It's possible that he won't allow himself to fall in love if he feels unable to provide for you. Or maybe he's just waiting to see how it works out before he says anything - doesn't want to disappoint you if there are no feelings in person?

My advice, since you're looking for advice, is to go if you want, enjoy his (friendly) company, but don't have any expectations. If the two of you hit it off, then wonderful! Work out the details. If you don't hit it off, then appreciate the opportunity to meet a new person, see a new country, and have an amazing experience.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!

venusfire

I think not having expectations would be smart. But why spend all this money to go see someone who clearly isnt really interested in you or building something with you? Why not bank the money and look for greener pastures? If he wont introduce you to his family that means he is not proud to be with you or has another agenda or hell maybe even engaged there..

I wouldnt bank on this thing , even a little

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wasn't able to read all of the posts, so sorry if my post seems out of place with the others.

One thing that I was thinking is that maybe he's just worried about being able to support you and your children. It's my understanding that Moroccan men feel very strongly that it's their duty to be the provider (and usually the ONLY provider). Now that he's been in this country, he might realize how difficult it is for people from other countries to get jobs - and even more difficult to get jobs that will support a whole family (it's hard enough now for Americans to do it). Another thing is that maybe he's just worried that things might not 'click' in person. Hard to say. I also heard that some American women use Moroccan men to have a free place to stay when traveling there, and maybe he's worried about that.

It is possible that he's saying no to money and things now in order to get more from you later (get you to put down your guard), but it's also very possible that he just doesn't want to use you. His pride will likely not allow him to take money from you. Don't offer any more. If you really want to be a giving person, then just take gifts for him and the family when you visit, and leave it at that.

It's possible that he won't allow himself to fall in love if he feels unable to provide for you. Or maybe he's just waiting to see how it works out before he says anything - doesn't want to disappoint you if there are no feelings in person?

My advice, since you're looking for advice, is to go if you want, enjoy his (friendly) company, but don't have any expectations. If the two of you hit it off, then wonderful! Work out the details. If you don't hit it off, then appreciate the opportunity to meet a new person, see a new country, and have an amazing experience.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!

venusfire

Or she could say

Hey am I a boat?

Wrikat?

Passe le service du militaire with me

la3wriat?

and then watch his face.. hahahahah

Then sing am I a boat? boat? boat? I cannot remember how to say boat in French.. I know wrikat means the papers.. its like slang for paper marriage.. oh marriage blanche ... thats it

Dont worry too much.. You ll find out soon enough whats up .. Meanwhile , enjoy your vacation and dont worry too much

[ya falaha! 0]

Are you fockin' serious?

Not a single woman on this forum would take such advice to heart. Not even yours truly. Not a one would consider they made a bad choice simply based on a post, no matter how excellent. We all have to live and learn. Shitt back in the day you claimed no one understood what you were going through. Maybe we didn't but we saw the failure of your marriage coming long before you did based upon the awful things you claimed your husband did BEFORE coming here.

I apologize, but I only skimmed through the response here. So forgive me if I repeat anything already said.

First off, he is not promising anything. Good sign. A man that is trying to use you is going to pronounce his undying love for you ASAP to win you over and get you to do the visa. Although that isn't always a true sign, because there are some men that want to marry now. And in their culture they marry first, and love follows.

Second, he is correct that uprooting your child to move to Morocco is a bad idea. And I agree with what someone else here said. Don't uproot your child for anyone. He/she should be your number 1 concern in any decision you make until they are adults.

Third, he expresses jealousy that you are out with other men? How much is it? Many MENA are jealous, but you have to be careful. If his jealousy is extreme you could be in over your head. And this could be true for any man, not just an MENA man. Trust is such a major part of any relationship. No one should live their married lives not being trusted.

Fourth, you are going to visit him after only 4 months of knowing him? I don't see anything wrong with that IF you are going there to meet a friend, and have some fun. But it seems that you and him are not exactly on the same page. You are looking for more than friendship, and he doesn't want to move onto the next step yet. You really need to go there without thoughts of "is he the one?". Just go and enjoy the time together.

Fifth. He hasn't told his family about you yet. That one is kind of sketchy. A man that is looking for the mighty GC will try to hide you from as many of his family and friends as possible. So that as soon as he gets what he is after he dumps you and brings over another woman from his country to marry. But on the other hand, he might not have told them yet because he is not ready for a commitment yet.

Are you being scammed? The signs point to no. He isn't promising anything, and he refused money. I guess there is a possibility that he has learned a new tactic however. By being the "stand up" man, you push your money on him, or insist that you love him and marry him. Anything is possible really, and the important thing is to take your time, don't give him anything, and wait and see how things progress naturally.

And most importantly, don't get married with doubts in your mind. It is apparent that although you are looking for a commitment that you aren't ready for one. There should be no questions in your mind before you make that next step.

Do some of these marriage work? Yes. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I have never been happier. He has his 10 year GC, and could have walked out on me a long time ago. It is almost time for him to apply for his citizenship, so it is possible he is waiting it out for that. But to be honest I am not concerned about it. There is no doubt in my mind about his intentions towards me.

But Morocco is well known for being a high fraud country for a reason. So never give your heart away to any man until all of your doubts are gone. Keep your radar on. Don't listen to what they say as much as watching what they do. Most will give you signs that they are just not that into you. And if you voice doubts they will give you extra attention to win you over. So just watch what they do. Do they make time for you, or are you the one that is pushing time together? If you talk online, and you aren't on, does he contact you to get online? Or are you the one that is pushing for his time?

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards.

My advice? Just take your time and enjoy his friendship. If it is meant to turn into love it will in it's own time.

Excellent honest advice Morocco forever.....

"

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards."

I wish I would have read this post 3 years ago.. My life would have been different

[Ihavequestions 419]

Well, FYI, I figured out a long time ago your marriage is headed for the sh!tter. Wanna know how I know? I read "Kat's Guide to Sham Marriages" and did a case study. Yours fits the ambiguous definition of "Red Flag" (a/k/a boat, papers, get out of the military, etc.) marriage.

Combine that with being genuninely Bad Wife and, well, we know how your story's going to end.

Don't get all heartbroken about it, though, because we're all DOOMED.

Kat says so and Kat knows. Right, Kat?

Are you fockin' serious?

Not a single woman on this forum would take such advice to heart. Not even yours truly. Not a one would consider they made a bad choice simply based on a post, no matter how excellent. We all have to live and learn. Shitt back in the day you claimed no one understood what you were going through. Maybe we didn't but we saw the failure of your marriage coming long before you did based upon the awful things you claimed your husband did BEFORE coming here.

I apologize, but I only skimmed through the response here. So forgive me if I repeat anything already said.

First off, he is not promising anything. Good sign. A man that is trying to use you is going to pronounce his undying love for you ASAP to win you over and get you to do the visa. Although that isn't always a true sign, because there are some men that want to marry now. And in their culture they marry first, and love follows.

Second, he is correct that uprooting your child to move to Morocco is a bad idea. And I agree with what someone else here said. Don't uproot your child for anyone. He/she should be your number 1 concern in any decision you make until they are adults.

Third, he expresses jealousy that you are out with other men? How much is it? Many MENA are jealous, but you have to be careful. If his jealousy is extreme you could be in over your head. And this could be true for any man, not just an MENA man. Trust is such a major part of any relationship. No one should live their married lives not being trusted.

Fourth, you are going to visit him after only 4 months of knowing him? I don't see anything wrong with that IF you are going there to meet a friend, and have some fun. But it seems that you and him are not exactly on the same page. You are looking for more than friendship, and he doesn't want to move onto the next step yet. You really need to go there without thoughts of "is he the one?". Just go and enjoy the time together.

Fifth. He hasn't told his family about you yet. That one is kind of sketchy. A man that is looking for the mighty GC will try to hide you from as many of his family and friends as possible. So that as soon as he gets what he is after he dumps you and brings over another woman from his country to marry. But on the other hand, he might not have told them yet because he is not ready for a commitment yet.

Are you being scammed? The signs point to no. He isn't promising anything, and he refused money. I guess there is a possibility that he has learned a new tactic however. By being the "stand up" man, you push your money on him, or insist that you love him and marry him. Anything is possible really, and the important thing is to take your time, don't give him anything, and wait and see how things progress naturally.

And most importantly, don't get married with doubts in your mind. It is apparent that although you are looking for a commitment that you aren't ready for one. There should be no questions in your mind before you make that next step.

Do some of these marriage work? Yes. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I have never been happier. He has his 10 year GC, and could have walked out on me a long time ago. It is almost time for him to apply for his citizenship, so it is possible he is waiting it out for that. But to be honest I am not concerned about it. There is no doubt in my mind about his intentions towards me.

But Morocco is well known for being a high fraud country for a reason. So never give your heart away to any man until all of your doubts are gone. Keep your radar on. Don't listen to what they say as much as watching what they do. Most will give you signs that they are just not that into you. And if you voice doubts they will give you extra attention to win you over. So just watch what they do. Do they make time for you, or are you the one that is pushing time together? If you talk online, and you aren't on, does he contact you to get online? Or are you the one that is pushing for his time?

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards.

My advice? Just take your time and enjoy his friendship. If it is meant to turn into love it will in it's own time.

Excellent honest advice Morocco forever.....

"

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards."

I wish I would have read this post 3 years ago.. My life would have been different

[angie & abed 1]

I know this is going to put me on a sh!t list, and I'm not intending to be a b!tch, but I don't really care right now. Why don't we just leave Kat be...there's no reason to be nasty to her as some of you ladies have been in this post. If you don't want to read her posts, there are ignore buttons you can use....I know I do.

To the OP....sounds like you already made up your mind about this situation, so good luck to you!

Have a great day everyone!

[morocco4ever 63]

I know this is going to put me on a sh!t list, and I'm not intending to be a b!tch, but I don't really care right now. Why don't we just leave Kat be...there's no reason to be nasty to her as some of you ladies have been in this post. If you don't want to read her posts, there are ignore buttons you can use....I know I do.

To the OP....sounds like you already made up your mind about this situation, so good luck to you!

Have a great day everyone!

I am sure that you mean well. The problem is that Kat is creating a scare to some of the posters that are new here, and don't know any better than to let her advice go in one ear and out the other. Sure she needs to be able to vent, but she is so busy generalizing that it makes me wonder if there are people that have had a really great relationship ruined due to her stories of gloom and doom.

If someone was posting racist remarks would you speak up? Basically she is stating racist remarks towards Arab men, and everyone is tiptoeing around so as not to upset her because she has been through a lot. She has....I give you that. But the fact is that her remarks are racist when she states that a man from the MENA is after nothing but a visa. Kat needs to learn to channel her anger towards the ones that have hurt her, not towards people she has never met. In fact, she needs to control the anger and start to love herself enough to not allow anyone else to abuse her like she has allowed in the past.

[Nothing1234 2]

@ Angie.

I can't put you on my sh~t list...your kids are way to cute! Joking!!

I wanted to say that I understand your points...I think that most reply negatively to Kat’s comments that truly are out to "scare" others. They want others to know she's not a subject matter expert, ya know? Perhaps at times there are better ways to communicate that but we are human and emotion or exhaustion can take over with some of these repetitive negative responses that Kat posts.

There are newbie’s on here that do not know history or haven't figured out how to "go back" and view old posts yet. So they take people's advice at times or get scared based on one persons experience only. Plus many of the posters here took a lot a ####### at one time or another and perhaps no one stood up for them back then, as you are now....

I'm not justifying all responses but some of them have a right to say "that does not hold true for all of us".

[angie & abed 1]

I agree with both of you guys about newer folks needing to understand that Kat is not an expert and perhaps her remarks are racist against Arabs, I honestly never thought of it that way, but I can see it now. I just think there are better ways to say some things then the way (off the top of my head) two particular people are saying them. Kat has been through a lot, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, and every time I see a post from her I say a prayer that one day God will heal her heart. I guess having a new baby, my hormones are a little outta whack and it really rubbed me the wrong way. But, quite frankly, Kat isn't the first person of late that they, in particular, have ganged up on and rallied against.

Anyway, thanks for not reaming me a new one, I just wish everyone could be happy and get along with one another! Amen!

BTW...Nawal, your twins are too adorable, I thank God everyday I didn't have twins. I don't know how you guys do it!

[tany1157 161]

I know this is going to put me on a sh!t list, and I'm not intending to be a b!tch, but I don't really care right now. Why don't we just leave Kat be...there's no reason to be nasty to her as some of you ladies have been in this post. If you don't want to read her posts, there are ignore buttons you can use....I know I do.

To the OP....sounds like you already made up your mind about this situation, so good luck to you!

Have a great day everyone!

I am sure that you mean well. The problem is that Kat is creating a scare to some of the posters that are new here, and don't know any better than to let her advice go in one ear and out the other. Sure she needs to be able to vent, but she is so busy generalizing that it makes me wonder if there are people that have had a really great relationship ruined due to her stories of gloom and doom.

If someone was posting racist remarks would you speak up? Basically she is stating racist remarks towards Arab men, and everyone is tiptoeing around so as not to upset her because she has been through a lot. She has....I give you that. But the fact is that her remarks are racist when she states that a man from the MENA is after nothing but a visa. Kat needs to learn to channel her anger towards the ones that have hurt her, not towards people she has never met. In fact, she needs to control the anger and start to love herself enough to not allow anyone else to abuse her like she has allowed in the past.

Please, please, PLEASE forgive me, as I have been up since 4 am, and just got home from a very busy day, but which one is Kat?? I'm confused...and please, I am not usually this stupid if the answer is obvious....

[morocco4ever 63]

I know this is going to put me on a sh!t list, and I'm not intending to be a b!tch, but I don't really care right now. Why don't we just leave Kat be...there's no reason to be nasty to her as some of you ladies have been in this post. If you don't want to read her posts, there are ignore buttons you can use....I know I do.

To the OP....sounds like you already made up your mind about this situation, so good luck to you!

Have a great day everyone!

I am sure that you mean well. The problem is that Kat is creating a scare to some of the posters that are new here, and don't know any better than to let her advice go in one ear and out the other. Sure she needs to be able to vent, but she is so busy generalizing that it makes me wonder if there are people that have had a really great relationship ruined due to her stories of gloom and doom.

If someone was posting racist remarks would you speak up? Basically she is stating racist remarks towards Arab men, and everyone is tiptoeing around so as not to upset her because she has been through a lot. She has....I give you that. But the fact is that her remarks are racist when she states that a man from the MENA is after nothing but a visa. Kat needs to learn to channel her anger towards the ones that have hurt her, not towards people she has never met. In fact, she needs to control the anger and start to love herself enough to not allow anyone else to abuse her like she has allowed in the past.

Please, please, PLEASE forgive me, as I have been up since 4 am, and just got home from a very busy day, but which one is Kat?? I'm confused...and please, I am not usually this stupid if the answer is obvious....

See that is what I mean by Noobs not knowing who and what to listen too. Hanging in there is Kat. Of course if you hadn't been here long you wouldn't know that. So not a stupid question at all.