Need advice before trip to Morocco

[SaadBell 0]

Is he buying your ticket? If he wants to use you than let it be on his dime. That is just my personal opinion, you want to see me than you better have some cash for my tickets, cause I am broke, I make sure they know that up front, if you marry me don't think you are living on easy street, you need to move on to someone else. I got screwed once and learned a lesson from that experience. I am lucky to have a husband who can afford the cost of having this kind of relationship, cause if the expensive was on my back nothing would ever happen, I am awful with money. lol I don't want to see your heart break and the man just seems a little shady to me, he told you up front he doesn't want a long term relationship so really find someone else. There are tons of men who are looking for a long term relationship and will treat you right, at least the man is honest with you.

[mandyu1 5]

Well i definately appreciate everyones comments and sugguestions. I actually posted this about a month ago, and just the other day started getting more replies again lol. But anyway, a lot has happened since I posted this, I have been talking with someone else, but I'm not rushing things with that either. But I still remain friends with this man, and to answer your question he was willing to cover some of my travel expenses. I am still thinking about going, but if I go, I will be looking at it as going to see a friend and nothing more. If he decides he wants more one day and I'm still available I will cross that bridge when I get there, but I'm not putting my life on hold or waiting for him. Some may say that I am wrong because I did not tell him or this new man I am talking with, but the way I look at it, I'm not in a relationship with him. He did say he thinks of me as more than a friend, but doesn't want to commit to anything, so he had his chance. I don't owe him anything, or have to explain to him what I do or who I talk to.

[SaadBell 0]

I think you are doing the right thing and you don't have to tell him anything, you don't have a serious relationship with this man. I think talking with other men is a good thing, you might be talking to your future husband. Good luck and have fun while you find your true love.

[ya falaha! 0]

You're coming off as desperate to be honest. You don't build the fantasy of your future with a dude who isn't 100% totally into you. Unless he's paying, don't go to visit "just a friend". What a waste. I mean unless you're totally into Morocco and have always wanted to go and this guy will be a tour guide.

I don't know why he invited me, but regardless if there is no chance of a relationship with him in the future, I still feel we are good friends. I have known him now about 6 months, and he has stated that he considers me to be more than a friend. I do nothing for him, so I know he is not using me, yet he puts for the effort everyday (or practically everyday) to contact me either my phone, email or IM. So to answer your question, I would consider going because I would be able to see a part of the world I may not otherwise see or go to.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I concur. Unless it is a place you have always dreamt of visiting; this sounds like a desperation trip. AND, in the case that he is or could be a scammer... they "smell" desperation.

Up to you, really.

You're coming off as desperate to be honest. You don't build the fantasy of your future with a dude who isn't 100% totally into you. Unless he's paying, don't go to visit "just a friend". What a waste. I mean unless you're totally into Morocco and have always wanted to go and this guy will be a tour guide.

I don't know why he invited me, but regardless if there is no chance of a relationship with him in the future, I still feel we are good friends. I have known him now about 6 months, and he has stated that he considers me to be more than a friend. I do nothing for him, so I know he is not using me, yet he puts for the effort everyday (or practically everyday) to contact me either my phone, email or IM. So to answer your question, I would consider going because I would be able to see a part of the world I may not otherwise see or go to.

[Muh and me 18]

I agree with these other girls. I don't even know if I'd trust this man!

[sandinista! 1,816]

Dont be so harsh on Stephanie, I've known her since before her husband got here (he arrived just 2 weeks after mine) and we have stayed in pretty close touch through these years. Although their marriage wasnt perfect (are any of ours???) it certainly wasnt glaring with signs that she was being used. I personally didnt see it coming, right up until the last few months and then he literally became another person. Not everyone who gets duped is a stupid jackass who deserves what she gets for burying her head in the sand.....

i think this has probably been brought up before, but in that case, how does one even know that it's a greencard/immigration issue? marriages dissolve for plenty of other reasons besides that. there can be plenty of using in a marriage that is completely unrelated to any immigration stuff. users suck, but just because the guy's moroccan doesn't necessarily mean it was a "used for a greencard" deal. i don't know, i'm just rambling here.

amirah's tub pic is killer! i it.

[ya falaha! 0]

Very valid point, che. Another reason to be against these kinds of "warnings".

[morocco4ever 63]

Sometimes the injured party feels there needs to be some sort of justification, and GC fraud is such an easy answer. So I have to agree. Sometimes marriages just don't make it, even with the best of intentions.

As for Mandy, there is nothing wrong with going to Morocco. It is a great place to visit, packed with amazing history. Make sure if you do go that you have a hotel in a nice part of town. It really isn't acceptable to stay in the same house as a male friend in their culture. If he is just a friend you don't owe him an explanation of the other guy. And if it isn't a relationship with the other guy you don't owe him one either. But make sure to keep any hopes for a relationship out of the picture completely.

As for the other guy paying your ticket, I am actually against that. He might figure that you do "owe" him something if ya now what I mean.

[tany1157 161]

AUGUST 28,2009: DIVORCE FINAL. ABDESLAM CHAHIR GOT WHAT HE WANTED, A FRIGGIN GREEN CARD! ME,NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE. I PRAY THAT SOMETIME BEFORE I DIE, THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO FORGIVE THE A$$HOLE AND HIS WHOLE FU**ING FAMILY, BUT NOT SURE IF THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN. HIS FAMILY(ESPECIALLY, MY IN-LAWS THAT I NEVER EVEN MET) SHOULD BE ASHAMED AND SO SHOULD HE! THE PAIN HE BROUGHT TO MY FAMILY,TO MY DAUGHTER WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DO NOT BELIEVE MY STORY, I AM SORRY. I TELL THE TRUTH.

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but where did that comment from stephanie come from anyways?? Here I am reading about a woman who wants advice on her situation, and there is this random post, that has nothing to do with the topic...Am I making sense, or did I miss something???

[ya falaha! 0]

Just a random warning to stay away from Moroccans.

[childress_london 3]

Hi Mandy. If I can, I would like to offer input, although my husband is not a MENA man. With that being said, I don't think this is a MENA man issue so much as it is a MAN issue...Even so, there are several things in your post that have me concerned about the validity of his feelings for you...and clearly, you might be feeling the same way, or there would be no need for this post. One of the biggest red flags that I see is the excuses your SO has seemed to come up w/ as to why you can't be together. I can understand that he does not want to move here to the states and would possibly like to live in Europe or his home country, but what man, that truly loves you and adores you and your family, would turn down the opportunity for you to join him whereever he is? I know that if I told my husband that I would be willing to move to Jamaica tomorrow he would be grinning like a cheshire cat! And the fact that he is telling you that it's "ok" if you find another man in the states--really? He's virtually giving you permission to do what you want to do? Now I come in the MENA forum from time to time to look around, and I can tell you that this certainly doesn't sound like a man who truly loves you and who is truly committed to you. Hell, any man who says it's ok for his wife or SO to go be with another man is obviously doing his own thing so it doesn't matter to him what you do, and there is no real substance to this relationship. IAnd the fact that noone that he cares about and loves knows about you says to me that he is hiding you from them for whatever reason. IMO, I don't think that he sees this relationship going anywhere. While he may like you, you said so yourself, he has not admitted to loving you--and there is no way your relationship can progress any further if you two are not on the same page. I could be wrong, and I pray to God that I am, so if you do go to Morrocco I think that you two need to have MANY SERIOUS conversations about his true feelings and intent...and where he sees this whole thing going. I would hate for you to put any more time, energy, and emotion into someone who is not willing to do the same for you. You deserve better than that. I am sorry if I sound harsh. I just want you to be careful.

Well, we shouldn't lump all MENA men or even all men together, as each one is different, but my experience was that two weeks after my husband and I met online he was already telling me not to see other men. I told him he was crazy, but I was very flattered. In my experience with men in general, if they are really crazy about you, they will not want to share you with other men, that's for sure.

[morocco4ever 63]

Why on earth would you even consider uprooting those three precous gifts from God to a country that is foreign to you and them for a man who doesn't even seem remotely enthusiastic about being with you? I'm sorry I swore I wouldn't post in these types of threads anymore but all I can think of is the children. I was and am very much in love with my husband and the feeling is mutual between us and still I wouldn't dream of bringing them there to live whether or not I got the ok from the ex. It's just not fair to them, period. It sounds like you have a big crush on the guy and that's cool but why not take the $ and spend it on a trip to Disney since he doesn't have that same crush on you?

Bridget, kindly refrain from lying all over this board. Everything you said about your greedy, ignorant, dumb husband shows that he wasn't remotely interested in being with you... just your cash. He called you fat and told you that you laugh like a nasty #######. Get some self esteem.

Me thinks if you don't have the balls to own up to your own comments (i.e., creating a noob user), then you probably shouldn't be saying it in the first place.

I am sure that he/she/it is banned by now.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Why on earth would you even consider uprooting those three precous gifts from God to a country that is foreign to you and them for a man who doesn't even seem remotely enthusiastic about being with you? I'm sorry I swore I wouldn't post in these types of threads anymore but all I can think of is the children. I was and am very much in love with my husband and the feeling is mutual between us and still I wouldn't dream of bringing them there to live whether or not I got the ok from the ex. It's just not fair to them, period. It sounds like you have a big crush on the guy and that's cool but why not take the $ and spend it on a trip to Disney since he doesn't have that same crush on you?

Bridget, kindly refrain from lying all over this board. Everything you said about your greedy, ignorant, dumb husband shows that he wasn't remotely interested in being with you... just your cash. He called you fat and told you that you laugh like a nasty #######. Get some self esteem.

Me thinks if you don't have the balls to own up to your own comments (i.e., creating a noob user), then you probably shouldn't be saying it in the first place.

I am sure that he/she/it is banned by now.

Fixxxored

[sara..... 371]

Why on earth would you even consider uprooting those three precous gifts from God to a country that is foreign to you and them for a man who doesn't even seem remotely enthusiastic about being with you? I'm sorry I swore I wouldn't post in these types of threads anymore but all I can think of is the children. I was and am very much in love with my husband and the feeling is mutual between us and still I wouldn't dream of bringing them there to live whether or not I got the ok from the ex. It's just not fair to them, period. It sounds like you have a big crush on the guy and that's cool but why not take the $ and spend it on a trip to Disney since he doesn't have that same crush on you?

Bridget, kindly refrain from lying all over this board. Everything you said about your greedy, ignorant, dumb husband shows that he wasn't remotely interested in being with you... just your cash. He called you fat and told you that you laugh like a nasty #######. Get some self esteem.

Me thinks if you don't have the balls to own up to your own comments (i.e., creating a noob user), then you probably shouldn't be saying it in the first place.

I am sure that he/she/it is banned by now.

i normally dont say anything when i see this kind of fighting but i had to pick my jaw back up off the floor when i first seen that post...........looked and at first glance even the name looked like one of our mods.........i was thinking wow she is really have a tuff day today, and in fact had to look a second time to see that it was a new person all i can say is

wow

sara

Edited September 21, 2009 by estadia