Need advice before trip to Morocco

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Sorry, Mandy. I see so many red flags from your story that I don't understand why you're in such a rush to go meet him after just a few months. My husband is Moroccan; my family is Palestinian, but we've been in Morocco since the 1920's, and I know the culture very well. It is a Third World country in many ways, very tribal in many ways, although it's rapidly developing into a European and Middle Eastern playground. It enjoys a very close affilitation with France, warm relations with other European countries, and is quite moderate in it's acceptance of other cultures and religious faiths. Still, I can imagine that an American woman with little experience with non-western, non-Christian cultures would have to make many adjustments to living in Morocco. Living there would not be the same as making a short visit.

Generally, Moroccans are very family oriented, so I understand his need to be close with his family. Also, it is important that his immediate family not only know, but like his intended for harmony to exist between them. That he doesn't want you to meet his immediate family may not mean that he is married, but that he is not ready to present you to them, as it would mean more to them than he wants it to mean, at this time. It may also be a way of preserving your honor; a woman who stays with or travels alone with a man not her husband would not generally be thought of as the best marriage material for a desirable Moroccan man. There are plenty of parents who would not appreciate her. When you marry MENA, you marry the family.

It sounds to me as though he has a pretty level head, knows what he wants, has been pretty honest with you about his limitations, hasn't promised you anything, and said nothing substantively designed to raise your hopes in a way that he cannot meet your romantic expectations. You may be trying to read between the lines to find some way to find a silver lining in his hestiation to reassure you that you are the one for him, but it seems that, at least for now, you are not. Love feels good, but love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Those we may love aren't always the ones we should be with.

IMO, you have not known this man long enough to really know who he is, and that is why you feel confused and insecure. My husband and I didn't meet in real life until after talking for nearly 3 years, then we married 10 days later. I'm not saying you should take that long. Now, even we wish we'd met sooner, but, especially when minor children are involved, it's always best to proceed prudently and with caution before entering into a significant relationship that will not only alter your life, but their's too.

Some of the best love you can find is between people who let their relationship grow and mature as they got to know each other better. Our meeting after patiently developing our emotional closeness as well as our emotional boundaries while apart made us more comfortable together and far more knowlegable of each other because we were not strangers in love, but best friends who became garments to each other.

You say you are a Christian, which means you have faith in the Creator. A true believer in God knows that He is the very best of Planners, and He needs for you to trust that He has a plan for you to follow. If now is not the best time, or this man is not the best man for you, know that when one door closes, He will open another door for you. Consider that by meeting too soon, you may destroy in days what may become ripe and ready for you both at another time, if it is to be.

Don't go with doubt in your heart. Take the time to see if he will move closer to you. No matter what happens, believe that you deserve a mutually satisfying relationship that doesn't make you falter, but gives you the strength to keep moving toward each other. This man you desire to be with has set definite boundaries and made them clear to you. Believe what he says, and don't be so willing to give so much of yourself or your possessions to someone who is holding back, for you are worthy of far more.

MENA men are first and foremost just men, and, for our own good, we should set high expectations for them and for ourselves when considering a marriage partner. The time you spend waiting for what you need from him, is time wasted in getting what you need, perhaps, yes, with someone else. Denying the signs that this is less than what you need also sets you up to be taken advantage of by less scupulous men. If your goal is to marry well, you must focus on men who are desirable marriage material, who are ready to marry, and who also see you as desireable marriage material. In your quest for a husband and stepfather to your children you must demand no less.

I hope that I have said something useful to you and helped you to find some peace. Best wishes!

Edited August 16, 2009 by Sofiyya

[Ihavequestions 419]

You've asked, "Am I being scammed?"

My answer to this is no because he's made it clear there's nothing he will take from you. Residency in the US? He said thanks, but he's already tried that. Money? You've offered and he's refused. There are no scams traits that I can see. That's not to say there's not a wiley game, but I don't think so.

In fact, what I read in what you've written is he's telling you that he doesn't believe it will work. He's given you reason after reason and, I have to agree, those reasons make sense. But you're going to go anyway because you have hope, so go.

While you're there, drink only bottled water. Introduce foods (i.e., fruits, vegetables) that have a high water content to your stomach slowly. Don't eat fresh fruit or uncooked vegetables until you are sure your stomach can handle it. Never drink or eat anything made with tap water that has not been boiled long enough to be sterile.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Morning, i didnt read all of any of the post even all of your original I did read most of Sofias becuse she was my friend thru all this. She knows, first it is to quick for you to make this decision, second he seems to make it clear telling u to maybe look for someone closer. The thing to think on he is not going to change, his family, his religion, all that is him and it doesnt change and many time (even if he wantd to come here) the adjustment is hard. For you to think at this early of a time an not even seeing it that u might want to go live there is unreal. Depending on where he lives some is more modern some not but will even at the best be nothing like you are used to here. He has told you the reality of the life for the kids, believe him. I feel you are living like a fantasy right at this moment not clearly seeing the realities but who knows. Take your time and if you are free and have some time and money (it is very expensive to travel there) go meet him as a friend, see it as a vacation get a feel for things and see the reality. Safety usually isnt a issue if you are aware, alot speak english but again just depending on where you are. The food you will like again just be careful, if he is as good as you say he will see you are taken care of properly. As for the families they are kind, different families will look upon a single woman being around their single son. Some more open to this some not (we were given a whole house for us to use) its just hard to get a feel for all this . Just use caution, and dont expect you will change his mind after there.This process can take 2-3 years and doesnt sound like he is into it.

Edited August 16, 2009 by brnidokiegurl

[nunyab 0]

Ok I didn't read through all the posts sorry running out of time, I am a divorce' with kids and married a morrocan.

Families typically prefer their sons to marry a woman of their own religion (brutelly honest here)

families also prefer the woman to not have children (they consider the finances of it and the ex's involvment with their son)

Morocco is a wonderful place to be, but when i went there for our engagement party the first time (@2 months total) I stayed with the family cause staying at a hotel was considered disgraceful by his family and that I wasn't being "taken care of" i think they couldn't keep an eye on me to make sure I was a "good girl". So not meeting his family concerns me and how he feels you should be respected.

my husband had the hardest time saying "I love you" he had been taught and burned in the past that the man doesn't say it first and when they do it's ment with their whole heart and soul. Now it's different obviously,

multiple wives??? LOL yes Islamically they can however the thought of having to treat each one equally which most morrocans just don't have the income for that my husband and I talked at length about this and ultimately he has only a heart for one.... his mother and father are married for 30+ years his grandparents @50+ yrs sooooo that's where he gets his concept of marriage.

IF you go to morocco where would you stay? While you're there what are you planning to do? Meet his family?????? stay at a hotel???? Please for your own sake ask more questions.

my husband would never move back to morocco but he would live in England I would never live in France (have you heard how they treat muslims there??) I have family in Ireland so he likes that idea as well but England is closer to his family and we already speak english lol. I would move there in a sec... if I had the money, work and life is hard sometimes unless you have $$$$ my husband's family is a very respectable family mashallah and they live well.. but getting and keeping a good paying job almost impossible.

I say take your time maybe plan on a trip in Feb.. it's cheaper (that's when we're going insha'allah) but ask those hard questions today? he can marry a Christian but the bigger issue is will he? I think he likes you truley but be careful is he talking to anyone else? maybe weighing his options? some do that google his email address see if anything pops up and have more conversations

we're here to help and the best to you.

[morocco4ever 63]

I apologize, but I only skimmed through the response here. So forgive me if I repeat anything already said.

First off, he is not promising anything. Good sign. A man that is trying to use you is going to pronounce his undying love for you ASAP to win you over and get you to do the visa. Although that isn't always a true sign, because there are some men that want to marry now. And in their culture they marry first, and love follows.

Second, he is correct that uprooting your child to move to Morocco is a bad idea. And I agree with what someone else here said. Don't uproot your child for anyone. He/she should be your number 1 concern in any decision you make until they are adults.

Third, he expresses jealousy that you are out with other men? How much is it? Many MENA are jealous, but you have to be careful. If his jealousy is extreme you could be in over your head. And this could be true for any man, not just an MENA man. Trust is such a major part of any relationship. No one should live their married lives not being trusted.

Fourth, you are going to visit him after only 4 months of knowing him? I don't see anything wrong with that IF you are going there to meet a friend, and have some fun. But it seems that you and him are not exactly on the same page. You are looking for more than friendship, and he doesn't want to move onto the next step yet. You really need to go there without thoughts of "is he the one?". Just go and enjoy the time together.

Fifth. He hasn't told his family about you yet. That one is kind of sketchy. A man that is looking for the mighty GC will try to hide you from as many of his family and friends as possible. So that as soon as he gets what he is after he dumps you and brings over another woman from his country to marry. But on the other hand, he might not have told them yet because he is not ready for a commitment yet.

Are you being scammed? The signs point to no. He isn't promising anything, and he refused money. I guess there is a possibility that he has learned a new tactic however. By being the "stand up" man, you push your money on him, or insist that you love him and marry him. Anything is possible really, and the important thing is to take your time, don't give him anything, and wait and see how things progress naturally.

And most importantly, don't get married with doubts in your mind. It is apparent that although you are looking for a commitment that you aren't ready for one. There should be no questions in your mind before you make that next step.

Do some of these marriage work? Yes. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years. I have never been happier. He has his 10 year GC, and could have walked out on me a long time ago. It is almost time for him to apply for his citizenship, so it is possible he is waiting it out for that. But to be honest I am not concerned about it. There is no doubt in my mind about his intentions towards me.

But Morocco is well known for being a high fraud country for a reason. So never give your heart away to any man until all of your doubts are gone. Keep your radar on. Don't listen to what they say as much as watching what they do. Most will give you signs that they are just not that into you. And if you voice doubts they will give you extra attention to win you over. So just watch what they do. Do they make time for you, or are you the one that is pushing time together? If you talk online, and you aren't on, does he contact you to get online? Or are you the one that is pushing for his time?

I know of some of my husbands friends that use women for money as well. My husband never asked for money. On one of my visits out there, and after our marriage, I did leave him with a debit card in case of emergencies. We were apart for 2 years after our marriage. In total he probably used less than $100 USD. MENA men are taught that it is their responsibility to take care of his wife financially. A man that is milking his "girlfriend" or wife for money is either using her, or has no moral standards.

My advice? Just take your time and enjoy his friendship. If it is meant to turn into love it will in it's own time.

[Kenza 1]

Ok I didn't read through all the posts sorry running out of time, I am a divorce' with kids and married a morrocan.

Families typically prefer their sons to marry a woman of their own religion (brutelly honest here)

families also prefer the woman to not have children (they consider the finances of it and the ex's involvment with their son)

Morocco is a wonderful place to be, but when i went there for our engagement party the first time (@2 months total) I stayed with the family cause staying at a hotel was considered disgraceful by his family and that I wasn't being "taken care of" i think they couldn't keep an eye on me to make sure I was a "good girl". So not meeting his family concerns me and how he feels you should be respected.

my husband had the hardest time saying "I love you" he had been taught and burned in the past that the man doesn't say it first and when they do it's ment with their whole heart and soul. Now it's different obviously,

multiple wives??? LOL yes Islamically they can however the thought of having to treat each one equally which most morrocans just don't have the income for that my husband and I talked at length about this and ultimately he has only a heart for one.... his mother and father are married for 30+ years his grandparents @50+ yrs sooooo that's where he gets his concept of marriage.

IF you go to morocco where would you stay? While you're there what are you planning to do? Meet his family?????? stay at a hotel???? Please for your own sake ask more questions.

my husband would never move back to morocco but he would live in England I would never live in France (have you heard how they treat muslims there??) I have family in Ireland so he likes that idea as well but England is closer to his family and we already speak english lol. I would move there in a sec... if I had the money, work and life is hard sometimes unless you have $$$$ my husband's family is a very respectable family mashallah and they live well.. but getting and keeping a good paying job almost impossible.

I say take your time maybe plan on a trip in Feb.. it's cheaper (that's when we're going insha'allah) but ask those hard questions today? he can marry a Christian but the bigger issue is will he? I think he likes you truley but be careful is he talking to anyone else? maybe weighing his options? some do that google his email address see if anything pops up and have more conversations

we're here to help and the best to you.

I've never been to England but I love their huge Muslim population! and all the halal restaurants and their own tv station!

[allousa 1]

You've had some really good advice. These ladies have given you alot to think about.

I met my husband while he was going to school here in the States. I started talking to his parents on the phone after we had been dating a few months. We married here in the States, so my situation is different than yours. I will say that your post raises alot of red flags to me as well.

First off, I think in general, and not just towards MENA, women will get a "sense" of a man's "true" feelings and affections. If he is still holding you at arm's length there is a reason for that, in my opinion. I am sure that it can be more difficult to obtain that sense when you aren't in person, but if you have "gut" feelings about it all ready, I think there is reason for that. I am DEFINITELY one who trusts my instincts.

I already had been married once before when I met my husband and just that was a concern to him. He has told me that if I had children from that marriage, he would not have married me or even pursued a relationship with me. I will not say that this is true for all MENA men, but I feel pretty certain that many would say, that children from another marriage do raise some difficulties in a relationship. Heck, they would for ANY relationship no matter the culture.

I can tell you that I wouldn't uproot my child for ANY REASON. Especially if I were no longer married to my son's father, any man would have to become part of our established lives and I would feel that way until my son was grown. That is just how I feel and my opinion.

My husband and I have been married nine years now and it's been a ROUGH ride at times. I am not going to lie to you and say that it's not difficult when you are of two different religions. I am NOT a religious person at all, but I was raised as a Christian. It has caused conflict at times with my family. Also, you MUST know that if you and this man were to ever have children together they will be expected to be raised as Muslim.

I absolutely think that a person can find true love throughout this world and that it isn't always fraud. I think that many of us want you to be aware that entering into a relationship/marriage with someone and going through the whole process of Immigration procedures....it's a NIGHTMARE. And many ladies here will tell you that the adjustment can be even more difficult. And this is even before you add in the cultural differences.

I KNOW when you have those feelings for another person, it can at times cloud your judgment. But I do think you have feelings of concern for a reason and I think you need to trust that. Your choices are your alone to make, but as a mother, I know that whatever choices I make in life, my child is front and center. I think many of these ladies just come from a place of trying to be helpful, myself included and do not want you to take any of our advice as negative judgments against you.

Good luck to you!

[mandyu1 5]

You've had some really good advice. These ladies have given you alot to think about.

I met my husband while he was going to school here in the States. I started talking to his parents on the phone after we had been dating a few months. We married here in the States, so my situation is different than yours. I will say that your post raises alot of red flags to me as well.

First off, I think in general, and not just towards MENA, women will get a "sense" of a man's "true" feelings and affections. If he is still holding you at arm's length there is a reason for that, in my opinion. I am sure that it can be more difficult to obtain that sense when you aren't in person, but if you have "gut" feelings about it all ready, I think there is reason for that. I am DEFINITELY one who trusts my instincts.

I already had been married once before when I met my husband and just that was a concern to him. He has told me that if I had children from that marriage, he would not have married me or even pursued a relationship with me. I will not say that this is true for all MENA men, but I feel pretty certain that many would say, that children from another marriage do raise some difficulties in a relationship. Heck, they would for ANY relationship no matter the culture.

I can tell you that I wouldn't uproot my child for ANY REASON. Especially if I were no longer married to my son's father, any man would have to become part of our established lives and I would feel that way until my son was grown. That is just how I feel and my opinion.

My husband and I have been married nine years now and it's been a ROUGH ride at times. I am not going to lie to you and say that it's not difficult when you are of two different religions. I am NOT a religious person at all, but I was raised as a Christian. It has caused conflict at times with my family. Also, you MUST know that if you and this man were to ever have children together they will be expected to be raised as Muslim.

I absolutely think that a person can find true love throughout this world and that it isn't always fraud. I think that many of us want you to be aware that entering into a relationship/marriage with someone and going through the whole process of Immigration procedures....it's a NIGHTMARE. And many ladies here will tell you that the adjustment can be even more difficult. And this is even before you add in the cultural differences.

I KNOW when you have those feelings for another person, it can at times cloud your judgment. But I do think you have feelings of concern for a reason and I think you need to trust that. Your choices are your alone to make, but as a mother, I know that whatever choices I make in life, my child is front and center. I think many of these ladies just come from a place of trying to be helpful, myself included and do not want you to take any of our advice as negative judgments against you.

Good luck to you!

Thanks for your advice, and I don't take any advice on here as harsh, rude or negative. This man and I spoke about this again last night, and he basically said at this time he is not ready for a serious committed relationship, meaning marriage. He is not financially stable and said it is not the right time for him. I guess I can respect that, but at the same time he doesn't want me to have a relationship with anyone else, and continues to tell me his feelings for me strong, and how much he misses me, wishes I could be there with him, etc... Based on what I initially wrote, I think many are under the impression that I am pushing myself on him. But he is the one who has asked me to come visit, and tells me all of these sweet things, and I'm a bit frustrated because I feel like he's sending me mixed signals. Its like he doesnt want me to be with anyone else, but he's not ready to move to the next level. Some may say he's taking advantage of me, but for what, I'm not giving him anything. So from here I will continue to live my life for me and my kids, and whatever happens, happens...I will not put my life on hold because he can't make up his mind, or get his act together. He told me last night he still wants me to come see him, so I will go, but I don't expect anything from him, and as some have suggested, I will go as a friend. I am looking forward to going somewhere I have not been and experiencing the culture, so if nothing else comes out of the trip, at least I'm sure I'll have an amazing time seeing that part of the world. Thanks everyone for all of your comments and advice, it is appreciated.

[allousa 1]

I think you are absolutely right to not wait on him and he doesn't have a right to be jealous if he isn't going to pursue a relationship with you either.

As far as visiting Morocco...it's a wonderful and magical place...for me. I've been 5 times now and I've been SO fortunate that my husband's family have taken me to so many places to see that I might not have gotten to experience with a regular travel group. They even invited my mother to come last year and we spent a week taking her to many places.

And the food.......... ABSOLUTELY in LOVE with Moroccan food!

Don't know if you like history at all, but there is a place in the northwest, I believe called Volibuilus. If your friend is willing to travel to take you there....definitely a place to see.

Again, be careful and trust your instincts! Good luck to you!

[Sandrila 1]

Welcome and I can tell you certainly have alot going through your mind.

It is exciting that you will be visiting in Morocco and having a chance to meet this person you have grown so close to.

I think you are wise to ask others of their experience and also in questioning his intentions and how all this can affect your life.

First of all Morocco is a nice place to visit, depending on where he lives and how financially secure he and his family are.

I myself could live there but because I also have children, I could never be at peace there without them. I think it is selfless of him to encourage you to do what is right for your children. It is easy to get caught up in love and the exoticness of the culture, however, you need to think rationally not emotionally. You may jump in head first without thinking much about the future and that can be hasty.

I think that fact that he tells you not to limit yourself to him, not to put your wants/needs before the children and that he cannot financially carry the load of a family now says alot. The fact that he doesn't want to live here is going to put a tremendous strain on you to come up with a plan to visit regularly or live there and both of those means may not be feasible.

There are just as many successes and failures on here but in retrospect I would not be willing to go to such lengths or impose some irreversible damage to my relationship with my children unless I was 100% convinced this man was in it for the long haul and could support himself and me. Too many times we women give our all, financially and emotionally.

I think the best test of a man and his character is for him to go the distance. For you to have to sacrifice all for the relationship doesn't seem fair. At least it should be 50/50. Where can he meet you in the middle?

It is alot to take on so early in your relationship and going there will only make you more attached to him.

It may be hard to do but when I read your post I see he is giving alot of signals that it may not be something he wants to commit to and his reasons are clear. I commend him for not wanting to take any money or financial support from you, in the end that could cause resentment and regret on both parts.

Good Luck in your decision.

Have a safe trip.

[morocco4ever 63]

I think you are absolutely right to not wait on him and he doesn't have a right to be jealous if he isn't going to pursue a relationship with you either.

As far as visiting Morocco...it's a wonderful and magical place...for me. I've been 5 times now and I've been SO fortunate that my husband's family have taken me to so many places to see that I might not have gotten to experience with a regular travel group. They even invited my mother to come last year and we spent a week taking her to many places.

And the food.......... ABSOLUTELY in LOVE with Moroccan food!

Don't know if you like history at all, but there is a place in the northwest, I believe called Volibuilus. If your friend is willing to travel to take you there....definitely a place to see.

Again, be careful and trust your instincts! Good luck to you!

Volubus is fantastic! Incredible history. I can't remember the date at the moment, but the time frame this was established was BC. How incredible is that??

To the OP, as for your decision to go as a friend, but move forward with your life rather than wait for him, Bravo. He sounds confused as to what he wants at the moment, and that is not something you can or should change. It is up to him to decide his future. You don't owe it to him to wait. I am glad to see you are making some good choices for your future. And who knows what the future will bring?

[bhajishah 4]

Visit, Travel always yes.. Follow your heart yes!!! Get married first trip over there NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if you get the drama speech I give everything up tp be with you and the children!!

[Ihavequestions 419]

Visit, Travel always yes.. Follow your heart yes!!! Get married first trip over there NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if you get the drama speech I give everything up tp be with you and the children!!

Or the drama speech I could live my broke, problem-filled life in this 3rd world nation forever but, okay fine, if you insist on it I'll give up everything I have and everything I ever could have to come and live with you IN THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY AND BE THE CEO OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY IN SIX MONTHS AND RICHER THAN I COULD IMAGINE IN ONE YEAR and, what's that you say?, you'll pay for it, well, if I have to, I guess I'll force myself.

[Olive♥ 2]

Well I am prejudice a bit but....I say that I met far more really wonderful Moroccan men (marriage material wise) than I ever did american men! I say there is a better chance finding a quality husband taking your chances with a moroccan! But...if any guy says he is not ready for commitment I would know he means it! It is so easy to find a great guy in morocco! There are soooo many handsome, sweet, serious, I have met alot of my husbands friends and family that are honest great single guys.... I say move on girl!!!!!! And take your heart with you LOL

You've had some really good advice. These ladies have given you alot to think about.

I met my husband while he was going to school here in the States. I started talking to his parents on the phone after we had been dating a few months. We married here in the States, so my situation is different than yours. I will say that your post raises alot of red flags to me as well.

First off, I think in general, and not just towards MENA, women will get a "sense" of a man's "true" feelings and affections. If he is still holding you at arm's length there is a reason for that, in my opinion. I am sure that it can be more difficult to obtain that sense when you aren't in person, but if you have "gut" feelings about it all ready, I think there is reason for that. I am DEFINITELY one who trusts my instincts.

I already had been married once before when I met my husband and just that was a concern to him. He has told me that if I had children from that marriage, he would not have married me or even pursued a relationship with me. I will not say that this is true for all MENA men, but I feel pretty certain that many would say, that children from another marriage do raise some difficulties in a relationship. Heck, they would for ANY relationship no matter the culture.

I can tell you that I wouldn't uproot my child for ANY REASON. Especially if I were no longer married to my son's father, any man would have to become part of our established lives and I would feel that way until my son was grown. That is just how I feel and my opinion.

My husband and I have been married nine years now and it's been a ROUGH ride at times. I am not going to lie to you and say that it's not difficult when you are of two different religions. I am NOT a religious person at all, but I was raised as a Christian. It has caused conflict at times with my family. Also, you MUST know that if you and this man were to ever have children together they will be expected to be raised as Muslim.

I absolutely think that a person can find true love throughout this world and that it isn't always fraud. I think that many of us want you to be aware that entering into a relationship/marriage with someone and going through the whole process of Immigration procedures....it's a NIGHTMARE. And many ladies here will tell you that the adjustment can be even more difficult. And this is even before you add in the cultural differences.

I KNOW when you have those feelings for another person, it can at times cloud your judgment. But I do think you have feelings of concern for a reason and I think you need to trust that. Your choices are your alone to make, but as a mother, I know that whatever choices I make in life, my child is front and center. I think many of these ladies just come from a place of trying to be helpful, myself included and do not want you to take any of our advice as negative judgments against you.

Good luck to you!

Thanks for your advice, and I don't take any advice on here as harsh, rude or negative. This man and I spoke about this again last night, and he basically said at this time he is not ready for a serious committed relationship, meaning marriage. He is not financially stable and said it is not the right time for him. I guess I can respect that, but at the same time he doesn't want me to have a relationship with anyone else, and continues to tell me his feelings for me strong, and how much he misses me, wishes I could be there with him, etc... Based on what I initially wrote, I think many are under the impression that I am pushing myself on him. But he is the one who has asked me to come visit, and tells me all of these sweet things, and I'm a bit frustrated because I feel like he's sending me mixed signals. Its like he doesnt want me to be with anyone else, but he's not ready to move to the next level. Some may say he's taking advantage of me, but for what, I'm not giving him anything. So from here I will continue to live my life for me and my kids, and whatever happens, happens...I will not put my life on hold because he can't make up his mind, or get his act together. He told me last night he still wants me to come see him, so I will go, but I don't expect anything from him, and as some have suggested, I will go as a friend. I am looking forward to going somewhere I have not been and experiencing the culture, so if nothing else comes out of the trip, at least I'm sure I'll have an amazing time seeing that part of the world. Thanks everyone for all of your comments and advice, it is appreciated.

[Fahd and Jalilla 0]

Hello, this may not be the right or best place to post this, but I am hoping that both men and women in successful and unsuccessful relationships can help me out. I am American and about 4 months ago I met a Moroccan man. My feelings for this man are growing deeply, and I know I am falling in love with him. I have read many posts on here of successful relationships and that gives me hope, but I also hear a lot of the bad relationships and that worries me. Unlike some on this site, he as been to the US before, and has lived her for years while going to school and also working, but returned to Morocco to be close to his family. From the very beginning this man has told me that he views the distance between us and a barrier, and over time he has expressed he has feelings for me, but does not want to promise me anything that he is not 100% sure he can do or give. He has not come out and told me he loves me, but again, has expressed that he does have deep feelings for me. One of the issues is that he does not want to return to the US, he liked his time here, but he feels he needs to be close to his family. Another issue is that I have children from a prior marriage, which he says isn't an issue personally, and every time we speak he asks about them. Over the past 4 months we have spoken every day, sometimes several times a day, via email, instant message, or phone calls, and I know when we chat online he is at home and not at an internet cafe. I have suggested to him a couple of times that if this between us became serious I would consider moving to Morrocco or to Europe (he is trying to move to France or somewhere in Europe in hopes of finding a better life, and again, he has family in France), but he insists that this cannot happen, my children would not get the education there like they do here in the states, he couldn't support all of us right now, and basically thinks I'm crazy because he says Morocco is a third world country, and people try their whole lives to get out, and I'm doing the opposite...he said he couldn't allow it, especially since I have children to think about, and it would be selfish of me to ruin their lives for my own happiness.

I have plans to visit him shortly and I'm starting to get nervous, I hear of all these horror stories and it honestly scares me. I don't think he's using me because he's not looking for a green card, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to come back here. Also, he is going through some financial hardships over there and I have offered to help him and he has refused, saying that it would be an embarrassement to him, and he would feel awful if he accepted money from me. But on the other hand, he has not told his family or friends about me, and sometimes when we talk he can seem very distant and at others he seems very sweet and loving. Also, he is Muslim and I am Christian, but he has told me this is not an issue, although I have been reading up on Islam on my own and already had some prior knowledge of it. But I have heard some say that Islam does not allow men/women to marry outside of their religion, so this is also a concern for me. I have also heard that Moroccan men believe in having multiple wives, or they are not faithful to their wife, so any claifiication on this would be great.

Also, shortly after we starting talking he told me that if I found someone in the states that I should not wait for him, and although he would be hurt, I should move on. But if I'm not home he wants to know what I'm doing, and if he thinks I'm with other men he gets very jealous (which I'm not), but on the other hand he's not ready to make that committment, I don't understand it. Also, he has told me that he is still a virgin, as he was taught that you wait for marriage before you have sex, and I told him I understand and repect that, so I don't think he's having me come out there just for sex either.

So I have plans to visit him in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what to expect there, from him or the people of Morocco. And I don't know if I'm waisting my time, so I was hoping that some of you could give me some advice and help me understand what is going on here, and what Moroccan men are like, and in your opinion is he trying to gain my trust only to use and hurt me down the road. If you guys think he is being honest and sincere, what do you suggest I do to prove to him that this can work (like I said, after reading all the success stories it give me real hope)...do I tell him that I love him, or will that push him away, or do I take a step back and let him come to me?

Also, if I decide to go forth with the trip, what suggestions do you have as far as keeping myself from getting sick (i.e drinking the water, eating certain foods), immunizations the US requires for travel there, can I exchange US money for Moroccan money at a bank, do people in the airport speak english, and what is appropriate clothing and behavior for women there (I'm guessing shorts is not a good idea)?

Sorry for such a long and lengthy post, but this culture is new to me, and I know that Moroccan men are different from US men, so I know I cannot compare his behavior to American men. But I feel like I have met my soul mate, he makes me feel complete, but love is blind, and sometimes we overlook the red flags because we want something so desperately. Your feedback, advice and suggestions are appreciated. Thank you

I have been to Morocco 4 times since December to see my fiance. You can email me at jillanderson65@yahoo.com

It's too much information to write on here.....good luck

Jalilla