Need advice before trip to Morocco

[mandyu1 5]

Hello, this may not be the right or best place to post this, but I am hoping that both men and women in successful and unsuccessful relationships can help me out. I am American and about 4 months ago I met a Moroccan man. My feelings for this man are growing deeply, and I know I am falling in love with him. I have read many posts on here of successful relationships and that gives me hope, but I also hear a lot of the bad relationships and that worries me. Unlike some on this site, he as been to the US before, and has lived her for years while going to school and also working, but returned to Morocco to be close to his family. From the very beginning this man has told me that he views the distance between us and a barrier, and over time he has expressed he has feelings for me, but does not want to promise me anything that he is not 100% sure he can do or give. He has not come out and told me he loves me, but again, has expressed that he does have deep feelings for me. One of the issues is that he does not want to return to the US, he liked his time here, but he feels he needs to be close to his family. Another issue is that I have children from a prior marriage, which he says isn't an issue personally, and every time we speak he asks about them. Over the past 4 months we have spoken every day, sometimes several times a day, via email, instant message, or phone calls, and I know when we chat online he is at home and not at an internet cafe. I have suggested to him a couple of times that if this between us became serious I would consider moving to Morrocco or to Europe (he is trying to move to France or somewhere in Europe in hopes of finding a better life, and again, he has family in France), but he insists that this cannot happen, my children would not get the education there like they do here in the states, he couldn't support all of us right now, and basically thinks I'm crazy because he says Morocco is a third world country, and people try their whole lives to get out, and I'm doing the opposite...he said he couldn't allow it, especially since I have children to think about, and it would be selfish of me to ruin their lives for my own happiness.

I have plans to visit him shortly and I'm starting to get nervous, I hear of all these horror stories and it honestly scares me. I don't think he's using me because he's not looking for a green card, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to come back here. Also, he is going through some financial hardships over there and I have offered to help him and he has refused, saying that it would be an embarrassement to him, and he would feel awful if he accepted money from me. But on the other hand, he has not told his family or friends about me, and sometimes when we talk he can seem very distant and at others he seems very sweet and loving. Also, he is Muslim and I am Christian, but he has told me this is not an issue, although I have been reading up on Islam on my own and already had some prior knowledge of it. But I have heard some say that Islam does not allow men/women to marry outside of their religion, so this is also a concern for me. I have also heard that Moroccan men believe in having multiple wives, or they are not faithful to their wife, so any claifiication on this would be great.

Also, shortly after we starting talking he told me that if I found someone in the states that I should not wait for him, and although he would be hurt, I should move on. But if I'm not home he wants to know what I'm doing, and if he thinks I'm with other men he gets very jealous (which I'm not), but on the other hand he's not ready to make that committment, I don't understand it. Also, he has told me that he is still a virgin, as he was taught that you wait for marriage before you have sex, and I told him I understand and repect that, so I don't think he's having me come out there just for sex either.

So I have plans to visit him in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what to expect there, from him or the people of Morocco. And I don't know if I'm waisting my time, so I was hoping that some of you could give me some advice and help me understand what is going on here, and what Moroccan men are like, and in your opinion is he trying to gain my trust only to use and hurt me down the road. If you guys think he is being honest and sincere, what do you suggest I do to prove to him that this can work (like I said, after reading all the success stories it give me real hope)...do I tell him that I love him, or will that push him away, or do I take a step back and let him come to me?

Also, if I decide to go forth with the trip, what suggestions do you have as far as keeping myself from getting sick (i.e drinking the water, eating certain foods), immunizations the US requires for travel there, can I exchange US money for Moroccan money at a bank, do people in the airport speak english, and what is appropriate clothing and behavior for women there (I'm guessing shorts is not a good idea)?

Sorry for such a long and lengthy post, but this culture is new to me, and I know that Moroccan men are different from US men, so I know I cannot compare his behavior to American men. But I feel like I have met my soul mate, he makes me feel complete, but love is blind, and sometimes we overlook the red flags because we want something so desperately. Your feedback, advice and suggestions are appreciated. Thank you

[nothingsimo 0]

Hello, this may not be the right or best place to post this, but I am hoping that both men and women in successful and unsuccessful relationships can help me out. I am American and about 4 months ago I met a Moroccan man. My feelings for this man are growing deeply, and I know I am falling in love with him. I have read many posts on here of successful relationships and that gives me hope, but I also hear a lot of the bad relationships and that worries me. Unlike some on this site, he as been to the US before, and has lived her for years while going to school and also working, but returned to Morocco to be close to his family. From the very beginning this man has told me that he views the distance between us and a barrier, and over time he has expressed he has feelings for me, but does not want to promise me anything that he is not 100% sure he can do or give. He has not come out and told me he loves me, but again, has expressed that he does have deep feelings for me. One of the issues is that he does not want to return to the US, he liked his time here, but he feels he needs to be close to his family. Another issue is that I have children from a prior marriage, which he says isn't an issue personally, and every time we speak he asks about them. Over the past 4 months we have spoken every day, sometimes several times a day, via email, instant message, or phone calls, and I know when we chat online he is at home and not at an internet cafe. I have suggested to him a couple of times that if this between us became serious I would consider moving to Morrocco or to Europe (he is trying to move to France or somewhere in Europe in hopes of finding a better life, and again, he has family in France), but he insists that this cannot happen, my children would not get the education there like they do here in the states, he couldn't support all of us right now, and basically thinks I'm crazy because he says Morocco is a third world country, and people try their whole lives to get out, and I'm doing the opposite...he said he couldn't allow it, especially since I have children to think about, and it would be selfish of me to ruin their lives for my own happiness.

I have plans to visit him shortly and I'm starting to get nervous, I hear of all these horror stories and it honestly scares me. I don't think he's using me because he's not looking for a green card, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to come back here. Also, he is going through some financial hardships over there and I have offered to help him and he has refused, saying that it would be an embarrassement to him, and he would feel awful if he accepted money from me. But on the other hand, he has not told his family or friends about me, and sometimes when we talk he can seem very distant and at others he seems very sweet and loving. Also, he is Muslim and I am Christian, but he has told me this is not an issue, although I have been reading up on Islam on my own and already had some prior knowledge of it. But I have heard some say that Islam does not allow men/women to marry outside of their religion, so this is also a concern for me. I have also heard that Moroccan men believe in having multiple wives, or they are not faithful to their wife, so any claifiication on this would be great.

Also, shortly after we starting talking he told me that if I found someone in the states that I should not wait for him, and although he would be hurt, I should move on. But if I'm not home he wants to know what I'm doing, and if he thinks I'm with other men he gets very jealous (which I'm not), but on the other hand he's not ready to make that committment, I don't understand it. Also, he has told me that he is still a virgin, as he was taught that you wait for marriage before you have sex, and I told him I understand and repect that, so I don't think he's having me come out there just for sex either.

So I have plans to visit him in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what to expect there, from him or the people of Morocco. And I don't know if I'm waisting my time, so I was hoping that some of you could give me some advice and help me understand what is going on here, and what Moroccan men are like, and in your opinion is he trying to gain my trust only to use and hurt me down the road. If you guys think he is being honest and sincere, what do you suggest I do to prove to him that this can work (like I said, after reading all the success stories it give me real hope)...do I tell him that I love him, or will that push him away, or do I take a step back and let him come to me?

Also, if I decide to go forth with the trip, what suggestions do you have as far as keeping myself from getting sick (i.e drinking the water, eating certain foods), immunizations the US requires for travel there, can I exchange US money for Moroccan money at a bank, do people in the airport speak english, and what is appropriate clothing and behavior for women there (I'm guessing shorts is not a good idea)?

Sorry for such a long and lengthy post, but this culture is new to me, and I know that Moroccan men are different from US men, so I know I cannot compare his behavior to American men. But I feel like I have met my soul mate, he makes me feel complete, but love is blind, and sometimes we overlook the red flags because we want something so desperately. Your feedback, advice and suggestions are appreciated. Thank you

Hi.

What a story. First let me say morocco is a beautiful place with wonderful people. third world , no it is not, I will disagree with this.

I have been there for a total of 7 1/2 months, I went three different times. It is different there yes. First they have toilets like us, but

many of them have what is called a traditional toilet. please google this. it is clean , but different. Always carry klenix with you . but they

eat good, clean food. i mean fresh here.

Their homes are so clean, they are not into worldly things. and I will agree, yes they are a poorer society by far. But many life well and I have been

to places there that are very american in decor and stuff. Many do not have washing machines, you do it by hand, or air conditioner, but their heat you do get use to it.

To dress. I believe in respecting different cultures, but still being yourself. Just don't expose alot of the chest and legs and you will be fine. Take comfortable shoes. sandals , sneakers. sunglass for sure

Go on the CDC goverment site , it has all you need to know for world travel. go to the morocco section. tells you how to eat safely to avoid problems.

drink ONLY bottled water, to be safe. I followed the information here and never had a problem.

They DO NOT speak english at the airport. When you get there you man should be there. I hope, you can change your money at the airport for

the durham, or at a bank.

I would say, do your homework on the country and always be with someone, and you will be fine.

Muslim and Christian. That is me and my husband. First I took the time to read the quran myself. A muslim man is allowed to marry a woman, not muslim as long as she believes in GOD. YEs they are allowed more than one wife. but the quran states, only if they can love and take care of each wife properly and the same. Truth fully, have you spoken with your man about this. My Simo and I , we talked so much about this stuff. I wanted to know it all and how he felt and believed. Cause remember you can't change someone. They are who they are. And one thing , A muslim man , a true one, is that way and belives that way and stays that way. With me, we are happy and content. When they love you , it is real and forever, They can not cheat, they can not go to heaven if they do.

From what you said. I feel as if he cares for you. But sorry. deeply in love. I wouldn't know that is for you to find out. He seems to keep you at bay with using the children as, they won't be raised right. and stuff. Financially, taking care of a family in morocco is hard hard. this part is true.

Please listen to any nagging or feelings you have. Remember one thing our insticts usually are right. You love him??? But you are not getting this in return. But maybe going and being with each other is what you both need to find out the truth in the relationship. Explore those feeling inside you ok. Before truely moving to another place. there is alot to it. and when he says family to be close to them. how close can he be to them in france???

I can understand him not liking america, he does seem to want to leave morocco. but does he include you and the children in this views and dreams and ideas??? If not then you need to think about this. I don't want to be harsh. but you wanted help. I don't want to see you or anyone hurt. Love is great when it is love. I hope for you it is good and what you want and need. And you are doing right by asking advice and stuff.

And if you go. you will enjoy the place. Me, I would live there in a heart beat, if we could figure out how to make a living there. that is where we would be. Tell him you love him and see what he says, do you see each other on cam?? and you are going there. why would he not let his friends and family know. this are important things to consider ok. No secrets, no lies, relationships are on trust, love and honestly. I wish you great luck, and please forgive me if I came across rough or anything. that is not my intention. I for one meet my love on line, and after 2 years back and forth. it was worth it. We know more of each other from talking on here than most know when they live in the same town.

Good luck.

Shellie

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

Hi Mandy. If I can, I would like to offer input, although my husband is not a MENA man. With that being said, I don't think this is a MENA man issue so much as it is a MAN issue...Even so, there are several things in your post that have me concerned about the validity of his feelings for you...and clearly, you might be feeling the same way, or there would be no need for this post. One of the biggest red flags that I see is the excuses your SO has seemed to come up w/ as to why you can't be together. I can understand that he does not want to move here to the states and would possibly like to live in Europe or his home country, but what man, that truly loves you and adores you and your family, would turn down the opportunity for you to join him whereever he is? I know that if I told my husband that I would be willing to move to Jamaica tomorrow he would be grinning like a cheshire cat! And the fact that he is telling you that it's "ok" if you find another man in the states--really? He's virtually giving you permission to do what you want to do? Now I come in the MENA forum from time to time to look around, and I can tell you that this certainly doesn't sound like a man who truly loves you and who is truly committed to you. Hell, any man who says it's ok for his wife or SO to go be with another man is obviously doing his own thing so it doesn't matter to him what you do, and there is no real substance to this relationship. IAnd the fact that noone that he cares about and loves knows about you says to me that he is hiding you from them for whatever reason. IMO, I don't think that he sees this relationship going anywhere. While he may like you, you said so yourself, he has not admitted to loving you--and there is no way your relationship can progress any further if you two are not on the same page. I could be wrong, and I pray to God that I am, so if you do go to Morrocco I think that you two need to have MANY SERIOUS conversations about his true feelings and intent...and where he sees this whole thing going. I would hate for you to put any more time, energy, and emotion into someone who is not willing to do the same for you. You deserve better than that. I am sorry if I sound harsh. I just want you to be careful.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

That is wrong about a Muslim man not being allowed to marry a non-Muslim, they can marry a "pious" Christian or Jewish woman if they wanted to.

Well, honestly...I say go for it but be realistic about it not working out. There seems to be a lot of barriers in your way and if he is going to move to France, how would that work out for you? Or anywhere? He does have a point about your children being uprooted, and it would be tough for them to get adjusted to another culture/area (not sure how old they are). He seems to be thinking way ahead which is great.

I don't doubt you guys love each other, but love is not enough to build a relationship. There should be respect, trust, mutual plans for the future, etc etc....how can you guys mesh your lives together, is the key here.

Morocco, I've never been but I'm sure it's like any Arab country and if he is like most Moroccans I've met, they are nice, polite, welcoming people. A bit conservative...or extremely liberal. There are few that go in the middle and I like these people because they're either people who come from really good families or reformed people aka people who've been there done that and have changed for the better. And I'm just generalizing here, so hope no one takes offense.

Another question is: do you know what Morocco is like? Or France? Would you know what you're about to get into? I am sorry to say but it seems that you'll be enduring a lot of hardships and if this relationship isn't 100% tight then it will be very hard to get out of later. Just make sure you guys have the same goals for the future, how he is in regards to saving/making money, his living habits, his commitment towards his faith, does he value his culture a great deal, etc etc.

Also, when you go, how would you guys meet? How will you spend time together? I'm sure that some cities are more liberal than others, but this is something to consider as well. Just wondering....

I don't know, perhaps for your own peace of mind you should make the effort to go, but you should really sit down and ask yourself all these hard questions and ask yourself whether you are strong enough to go through this process to be with this man. If he is without a doubt your soulmate go for it. But I see that you two haven't known each other very long...so you don't know that for sure either, I am sure. Either way, at the very least you'll have gotten a nice trip to Morocco...

Good luck....write more if you can.

[Kenza 1]

I would take this slowly as you have many things to think about-leaving your culture to live in Morocco and what is best for your child. You also didn't state how old your child is because that will also have a huge effect.

Morocco is a lovely country and the people are welcoming. Life there is slow paced compared to the US. I am from the capital city Rabat and probably would be the best city for you. Depending on how old your child is, there is the Rabat American School which is pricey but a very good school and you wouldn't be robbing him of his opportunities if you moved there. I would take the visit a couple times with your child to really see if you want to make the move.

Don't move to France! My husband has been there for almost 4 years for school and although he has lots of opportunities (he's a computer science engineer), they are racist to practically all foreigners-mainly the North Africans and blacks. So I say that because your boyfriend will not have it easy there-unless you have contacts, you will not find a worthy job that will bring home a sufficient amount of money. I have been to France 3 times for 2 month intervals to visit my husband and have seen it all-except southern France but I doubt that is any different if not worse.

Him not mentioning you to his family is a red flag-you need to visit his family on your trip to Morocco to know that he is serious about you and so there is no secrets. Being a Christian is not a problem (my dad and my mom). In Islam, men are allowed to marry "people of the book" who are Christians and Jews. Yes they are also allowed to marry up to 4 women but if that is an issue with you, on the marriage contract you can specify that he can only marry you

You don't need any visas or immunizations or anything to go to Morocco. Just drink bottled water (Sidi Ali). You can take out money from the atm machines but make sure you tell your bank that your going on vacation because sometimes they block your card for security reasons. The weather is like California so depending on when you are going...

If you have any other questions you can PM me or ask here, we are more than happy to help you!

BTW. My dad is Moroccan, my husband is Moroccan and I have Moroccan family in Rabat. another thing lol, I plan on moving to Morocco down the road-when I finish college

[MrsAmera 41]

Hmm....well just reading what you wrote I would say yes you are wasting your time. It sounds to me like he is not interested in having a relationship with you. If he were then his family would know about you. He wouldn’t keep it hidden. Also him telling you that he doesn’t want you to come live in Morocco, and he doesn’t want to come live in the US. Well that’s between a rock and a hard place. The odds of him and you getting a visa to Europe is slim.

Where would you be staying if you went? Knowing that you’ve never been to Morocco I can’t imagine you’d be comfortable staying in a hotel yourself – and a respectful man would not share a room with you (nor would be legally be allowed to). Do you know for sure that he’s not already married? You’ve only been talking to him online for four months – I think it’s very premature to be heading over there. You mentioned that you had already offered to help him financially, why? This is a huge flag in my opinion, although he refused it this time it could have just been a bait to see if you would offer. I didn’t meet my husband online so I’m not really sure how that angle works but I don’t think I would have ever offered him money even after we had a relationship. There are men there, and all over the world for that matter that make their living scamming women online, they are professionals, they know what they are doing. I’m not saying that this is definitely what he is doing but it sounds like it might be. Again I’m not trying to be mean just trying to give you some honest advice. He seems to be scaring you away from Morocco . Do you know the reasons why he left the states? Was it really just to be closer to family or were there other reasons?

[meowmeowmeow 1]

by the way, about the polygamy thing:

that was put into place at a time when there was a number of wars and men were often getting killed in the battlefield. this left a big surplus of marriageable women who couldn't find proper spouses. in this case, what they did was allow a man to take more than one wife to even things out. BUT it does mention in the quran that IF a man can EQUALLY treat all these women the same, then he can marry...and i think he needs to ask permission from his first wife before he does so as well. however, this is the catch: how many men, honestly, can really do that? i mean, treat all these women the same? if you think about it, it's pretty damn hard if not impossible, so this is used as a deterrent to keep men from doing this. however, you do see this being abused in many parts of the MENA world, and that is unfortunate. just keep that in mind. i would NEVER be cool with my hubby marrying another woman and he is not the type to do that anyways, in his words "one nutty wife is enough for me!"

[mandyu1 5]

Hi.

What a story. First let me say morocco is a beautiful place with wonderful people. third world , no it is not, I will disagree with this.

I have been there for a total of 7 1/2 months, I went three different times. It is different there yes. First they have toilets like us, but

many of them have what is called a traditional toilet. please google this. it is clean , but different. Always carry klenix with you . but they

eat good, clean food. i mean fresh here.

Their homes are so clean, they are not into worldly things. and I will agree, yes they are a poorer society by far. But many life well and I have been

to places there that are very american in decor and stuff. Many do not have washing machines, you do it by hand, or air conditioner, but their heat you do get use to it.

To dress. I believe in respecting different cultures, but still being yourself. Just don't expose alot of the chest and legs and you will be fine. Take comfortable shoes. sandals , sneakers. sunglass for sure

Go on the CDC goverment site , it has all you need to know for world travel. go to the morocco section. tells you how to eat safely to avoid problems.

drink ONLY bottled water, to be safe. I followed the information here and never had a problem.

They DO NOT speak english at the airport. When you get there you man should be there. I hope, you can change your money at the airport for

the durham, or at a bank.

I would say, do your homework on the country and always be with someone, and you will be fine.

Muslim and Christian. That is me and my husband. First I took the time to read the quran myself. A muslim man is allowed to marry a woman, not muslim as long as she believes in GOD. YEs they are allowed more than one wife. but the quran states, only if they can love and take care of each wife properly and the same. Truth fully, have you spoken with your man about this. My Simo and I , we talked so much about this stuff. I wanted to know it all and how he felt and believed. Cause remember you can't change someone. They are who they are. And one thing , A muslim man , a true one, is that way and belives that way and stays that way. With me, we are happy and content. When they love you , it is real and forever, They can not cheat, they can not go to heaven if they do.

From what you said. I feel as if he cares for you. But sorry. deeply in love. I wouldn't know that is for you to find out. He seems to keep you at bay with using the children as, they won't be raised right. and stuff. Financially, taking care of a family in morocco is hard hard. this part is true.

Please listen to any nagging or feelings you have. Remember one thing our insticts usually are right. You love him??? But you are not getting this in return. But maybe going and being with each other is what you both need to find out the truth in the relationship. Explore those feeling inside you ok. Before truely moving to another place. there is alot to it. and when he says family to be close to them. how close can he be to them in france???

I can understand him not liking america, he does seem to want to leave morocco. but does he include you and the children in this views and dreams and ideas??? If not then you need to think about this. I don't want to be harsh. but you wanted help. I don't want to see you or anyone hurt. Love is great when it is love. I hope for you it is good and what you want and need. And you are doing right by asking advice and stuff.

And if you go. you will enjoy the place. Me, I would live there in a heart beat, if we could figure out how to make a living there. that is where we would be. Tell him you love him and see what he says, do you see each other on cam?? and you are going there. why would he not let his friends and family know. this are important things to consider ok. No secrets, no lies, relationships are on trust, love and honestly. I wish you great luck, and please forgive me if I came across rough or anything. that is not my intention. I for one meet my love on line, and after 2 years back and forth. it was worth it. We know more of each other from talking on here than most know when they live in the same town.

Good luck.

Shellie

Hi Shellie

Thanks for the advice, and no I don't think you are being harsh, I appreciate the honesty. To answer some of your questions, he wanting to move to France, he has family in France as well (sister, cousins, aunts, uncles in Paris) and he went there last month in hopes of staying for a few months and getting a job, but they only approved his visa for 10 days. And about the children, he makes a good point, they are 12, 9 and & 3, and they only speak English, and there the kids would speak Arabic or French, most do not know any english at all. He did say that if it was only me, maybe things would be different, and that if he was able to move to Europe then it would be something he could see happening because it would be more of what they are accustomed to. As for his dreams, we both like to travel, and he talks of traveling together, even if its just to meet up there and experience our travels together. And I am planning to visit, but he is in Northern Morocco now, and I'm flying into Casa, and he will come there and meet me there, and stay there, so I will not meet his family when I go, maybe a friend of cousin but thats it. I know I love him, and my gut tells me that he cares and has deep feelings for me too, but I know he doesn't feel that this relationship will ever come together, due to the distance and other circumstances, and maybe for that reason he is holding back to avoid being hurt. And I was shocked to hear how much he earned at his job compared to the states, and I offered to work, but realistically I could't, I only speak english, not to say I can't learn another language, but it would take time.

Now a question about marriage and multiple wives...they cannot cheat, but they can have another wife. So anytime during your marriage, if he felt he could take care of her, he could get married again? I know this is something I would have to talk with him about, but I just want to be clear on that.

Thanks again for the advice

[Kenza 1]

Religiously I am not sure, but he would have to get your consent before marrying another woman. You can also state in your marriage contract that he can't get married with another woman. With the amount of kids you have and the ages...sorry but your kids lives are way more important than you running off with a man. If he cared enough, he would sacrifice his living for the sake of your children. My husband has no interest in moving to the US, but he is sacrificing it for me.

Edited August 16, 2009 by Kenza

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Now a question about marriage and multiple wives...they cannot cheat, but they can have another wife. So anytime during your marriage, if he felt he could take care of her, he could get married again? I know this is something I would have to talk with him about, but I just want to be clear on that.

Thanks again for the advice

polygamy is not common among muslims in general. not sure about the middle east, but for muslims in general it's not. FYI.

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

I must say I agree with Mrs.Palmer and Mrs.Amera. I read a lot of red-flags while reading this post, imho.

I know if a man wants you, he will tell you straight out. He will want you to be with him with no hesitation. Personally as a mother, and I don't say this to be cruel or mean but I wouldn't uproot my child for ANYONE knowing that there is even a possibility that it may not be in his best interest. Actually, my husband and I were planning on us (my son and I) moving to Cairo this year. We decided after checking many schools there, that it just wasn't what was best (financially and academically). So we BOTH decided that it would be best to stay here and wait until he can come. So for the sake of my son we didn't move there, even though I feel like a peice of me is missing without my husband. I know we made the right decision for all of us.

Since I am on the outside looking in, I suppose there is more to this story then we know. Although, I know if it was me....well, I would just ask him straight out. Do you love me? Do you want to be with me? Are you willing to move to the U.S. to be a husband to me and a father to my children? Or can we make it work in France or somewhere else with the best interest of the children first?

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck. Keep in touch.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Hi Mandy,

If you do decide to go meet him just be careful. I myself see red flags popping out everywhere but in the end this decision is up to you. We can offer you advice, but it's kinda apparent that you have a gut "feeling" already about should you or should you not go to meet him.

Here is a site to register your trip with the Embassy. Each of the 4 times I traveled to Egypt I registered with Cairo.

If something doesn't "feel right" then it isn't. Be aware and above all be careful.

Best of luck.

https://travelregistration.state.gov/ibrs/ui/

[mandyu1 5]

Thanks for all of the replys and the advice. My children and their best interest is whats most important to me, and when I made the comment to him that I would move there, he said, do you really understand what your saying. And at the time I guess I wasn't giving it real thought, but the more I think about it, yes it would not be in their best interest to live in Morocco. He said if he was able to move somewhere in Europe, it would be a different story, it would probably be more of what they are accustomed to, and better education. I know he came to school here, and I know he worked for a university in CA like he told me, I was able to google his name and found him under staff with photos and everything. The school stopped offering the program he was teaching, and he decided instead of looking for another job to return to Morocco.

I asked him shortly after we met if things got serious if he would make the sacrifice to move back to the states, and at the time he said he didn't know for sure, we would have to see what happens between us down the road before he could give me an absolute yes. So I guess I can't be upset about that, I certainly wouldn't move my children to Morocco or anywhere else unless I knew w/o a doubt he loved me and had asked to marry me, so to be fair I can't request for him to move to the US or vow to leave his country just to see if works out.

And there were a few comments about not meeting his family, and how do I know he is not already married. Well I guess I'm not 100% sure he's not married, but that goes for American guys as well. I mean, we talk throughout the day, and almost every evening for a few hours until its about 3-4am his time. I also see him at home on the webcam, a laptop in the room and no sign or evidence of a woman there, or we'll talk during the day or late on the phone and I never hear another woman. And I have not told my family or friends of him either, mainly because I know they will be upset and I don't feel the need to start an argument when I don't know what direction this is going. If it gets to that point, then I will tell them, but until then it's my business and not theirs. And although he has not told his friends and family about our relationship, he does talk on the phone to me in front of them, and use their computer if he's over there, so its not like he's hiding me from them. Although I may meet a cousin or friend when I visit. I am flying into Casa and he will meet me there, and I'm already aware that we need to stay in two different hotel rooms.

I plan on going to see how things go and talk more in person. I guess I'm just hoping that when he sees me there, he will know I'm serious about him, and he will consider coming back to the US. We'll see what happens, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again

[sara..... 371]

First i want to say to every women on here i so envy you having the courage to take off to an unknown country alone to meet you s/o, even if it was allowed for me to travel alone i dont think i could do that.

to the poster, please take care, i read what u wrote and there are somethings that would make me feel uncomfortable, first of all he does not want you to move to where he is because of ur child, and he does not want to move where u you.

i would have to ask you what is the point of meeting him if he has closed off the relationship from moving forward?

maybe i read it wrong but that is what i got out of it.

also his family has to know about you if there is any relationship and u for sure want to know and visit his family if you have a relationship with him if for no other reason so try to satisfy urself that there is not a wife in the home already.

I dont know if your hoping that after meeting you in person his position on you or him moving will change but i do beg you to take care and have someone that you check in with daily in the states by net so that someone has some idea of where u are and what ur doing maybe even have a code words that you can work into a sentence when talking to that person that lets them know that your ok.

the net is a scary place, yep met my s/so intentionally on the net but i didnt travel alone and we still had that system of a code word put into place with my elder sister just for her to feel better or for us i guess.

this is just my opinion

sara

[CasandraYounes 0]

Hello, this may not be the right or best place to post this, but I am hoping that both men and women in successful and unsuccessful relationships can help me out. I am American and about 4 months ago I met a Moroccan man. My feelings for this man are growing deeply, and I know I am falling in love with him. I have read many posts on here of successful relationships and that gives me hope, but I also hear a lot of the bad relationships and that worries me. Unlike some on this site, he as been to the US before, and has lived her for years while going to school and also working, but returned to Morocco to be close to his family. From the very beginning this man has told me that he views the distance between us and a barrier, and over time he has expressed he has feelings for me, but does not want to promise me anything that he is not 100% sure he can do or give. He has not come out and told me he loves me, but again, has expressed that he does have deep feelings for me. One of the issues is that he does not want to return to the US, he liked his time here, but he feels he needs to be close to his family. Another issue is that I have children from a prior marriage, which he says isn't an issue personally, and every time we speak he asks about them. Over the past 4 months we have spoken every day, sometimes several times a day, via email, instant message, or phone calls, and I know when we chat online he is at home and not at an internet cafe. I have suggested to him a couple of times that if this between us became serious I would consider moving to Morrocco or to Europe (he is trying to move to France or somewhere in Europe in hopes of finding a better life, and again, he has family in France), but he insists that this cannot happen, my children would not get the education there like they do here in the states, he couldn't support all of us right now, and basically thinks I'm crazy because he says Morocco is a third world country, and people try their whole lives to get out, and I'm doing the opposite...he said he couldn't allow it, especially since I have children to think about, and it would be selfish of me to ruin their lives for my own happiness.

I have plans to visit him shortly and I'm starting to get nervous, I hear of all these horror stories and it honestly scares me. I don't think he's using me because he's not looking for a green card, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to come back here. Also, he is going through some financial hardships over there and I have offered to help him and he has refused, saying that it would be an embarrassement to him, and he would feel awful if he accepted money from me. But on the other hand, he has not told his family or friends about me, and sometimes when we talk he can seem very distant and at others he seems very sweet and loving. Also, he is Muslim and I am Christian, but he has told me this is not an issue, although I have been reading up on Islam on my own and already had some prior knowledge of it. But I have heard some say that Islam does not allow men/women to marry outside of their religion, so this is also a concern for me. I have also heard that Moroccan men believe in having multiple wives, or they are not faithful to their wife, so any claifiication on this would be great.

Also, shortly after we starting talking he told me that if I found someone in the states that I should not wait for him, and although he would be hurt, I should move on. But if I'm not home he wants to know what I'm doing, and if he thinks I'm with other men he gets very jealous (which I'm not), but on the other hand he's not ready to make that committment, I don't understand it. Also, he has told me that he is still a virgin, as he was taught that you wait for marriage before you have sex, and I told him I understand and repect that, so I don't think he's having me come out there just for sex either.

So I have plans to visit him in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what to expect there, from him or the people of Morocco. And I don't know if I'm waisting my time, so I was hoping that some of you could give me some advice and help me understand what is going on here, and what Moroccan men are like, and in your opinion is he trying to gain my trust only to use and hurt me down the road. If you guys think he is being honest and sincere, what do you suggest I do to prove to him that this can work (like I said, after reading all the success stories it give me real hope)...do I tell him that I love him, or will that push him away, or do I take a step back and let him come to me?

Also, if I decide to go forth with the trip, what suggestions do you have as far as keeping myself from getting sick (i.e drinking the water, eating certain foods), immunizations the US requires for travel there, can I exchange US money for Moroccan money at a bank, do people in the airport speak english, and what is appropriate clothing and behavior for women there (I'm guessing shorts is not a good idea)?

Sorry for such a long and lengthy post, but this culture is new to me, and I know that Moroccan men are different from US men, so I know I cannot compare his behavior to American men. But I feel like I have met my soul mate, he makes me feel complete, but love is blind, and sometimes we overlook the red flags because we want something so desperately. Your feedback, advice and suggestions are appreciated. Thank you

First of all,

I wanted to say that it takes a lot for anyone to post what you did about the difficulties and possibably reality of your relationship. What we see in front of us is not always what is best for us. This man seems like he is very smart and at least he is thinking about your children, but one thing I must say is that the basis of your relationship should be based on love and two agreeing people of that love. I don't doubt that you both share deep feelings for each other, but if he wanted to continue something serious with you, why would he want to stay with you away from his family and not inform them of who you are and what you mean to him. Perhaps he is scared to get his family involved if he is not sure how far this relationship will go so he doesn't want to get them emotionally involved. I'm not sure, but if you feel in your heart that this will work out, then go for it. Woman have a strong gut feeling that tells us what we want to hear and sometimes we ignore it, but whatever decision you make, please think about your children and how it will affect them as well. Based on this man's past experiences and what he is saying to you, he does not want to go to America so could you see yourself living overseas and how would the situation work out with your children. Morocco does have some good schools, but financially it is hard. I know that some can live well, but from what I see it is hard.

As a country, Morocco is a very beautiful country that I have had the pleasure of visiting 4 times. Have I seen poor families? Yes, but I don't know about third world. I see many sides of development and growth. It has a rich culture as well and a booming tourist economy for that matter, its even being considered as a spot for the Olympics (sidenote). Food is great, just please drink BOTTLED water. Believe me, you will know why if you don't. Some places have regular American toilets but carry your own klenex, because that they don't and not everyone keeps ini their homes. You will also see the traditional toilet, I don't know how good you are with squatting to use the rest room, but I did not become a pro, lets just keep it at that. Clothes, ummm......I dressed however I wanted, but I did respect my husband and kept the culture in mind. You can see my pics and maybe that will give you an idea. As far as immunizations go, I never had to take any or get any special documents. If you have your passport, then you should be fine. In regards to the money, you have several options. I informed my bank that I would be making international transactions and withdrew money using my ATM and was given dirham. In Tangier's airport, I was also able to exchange American dollars, but they were being pretty careful because sometimes they are given fake ones so you have to watch out. You can also go to a bank that accepts Moroccan currency and do an exchange. Bank of America doesn't.

As far as Muslim men not being able to marry Non-Muslims. That is incorrect, I have read in the Quaran where it says that a Muslim man can marry a Non-Muslim as long as she is pious women that believes in God and is either Christian or Jewish. My husband and I are in a very loving and caring relationship and though some things seem difficult at first and the distance is hard, things always work out somehow and if they are meant to be, they will. Things always have a way of working themselves out. With that beig said, please keep in mind all that others have said concerning your relationship and follow your heart as well. you never know, things could always turn out different than they might seem. I hope things work out for you and I wish you the best of luck.

Edited August 16, 2009 by CasandraYounes