Jealousy

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Dude, I'd say it's about time to put your foot down!

[MarieAnastasia 1]

Glad to see you two talked it out. Remember the most important thing in a relationship is COMMUNICATION (do not walk on eggshells....it's a walk to a definite disaster!). That's a promise my fiance and I made to each from the beginning. We're both into second marriages, so we're the typical "Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt to prove it"

But in your defense I do understand how you feel. I wouldn't like it if my fiance was hanging out with one of the girls all the time. And knowing that she might have feelings for him.... My redheaded temper would rise

So always keep the lines of communication open. And you were smart to talk this over here and/or with friends. Because sometimes we need an un-biased opinion. Keep the faith and good luck........................{{{{HUGS}}}}

[Tiksman 1]

Be carefull.. Do not let this get to you. Ask her to see things from how you see them. If you want to ask something, Do not be afraid to ask and if you do not approve of something ask her to stop doing it. If she will not stop she does not understand your feelings and then you may have a problem.

Just my 2 cents.

[Dano 0]

She's made a point a couple of times too saying how happy she is that I am not the jealous type because she thinks that is very stupid hahahahaha.....yikes.

It's your right to know where you stand, independent of what she may think of you...period. Her constantly having meetings with this other guy bothers you. Considering the consistancy of these meetings, I think your concerns are normal and you are entitled to know. I don't see a serious relationship here, more like someone who just wants to have a fun time. Good luck.

[Irisheyes 0]

Every relationship has different dynamics, what's ok for some is not for others. What's important is that each one know's what's ok for the other and what's not!

[KarenCee 3]

Joel and I have a very trusting relationship. We have to, considering the distance. I haven't the desire to go out with friends, whether they be guy or girl. We email or phone each other to let the other know if we're going to be gone...or not online that night...or just to share the day with each other - we always know where the other is. He does have girls that are friends though...and I have one or two guys that are friends. But we make it plain...we are NOT available. I never put myself in the position of being alone with a guy friend...just doesn't look right, nor would it feel right. Joel feels the same way.

I'm glad you two have talked.

[gimygirl 0]

i LOVE threads like this because you always get to see who actually reads threads and who just reads a few and makes their comment!!

mercury, glad you talked to her hun! she sounds like me in a sense that i'm a social butterfly and am always helping the 'new' one ... geoff made his thoughts known early on when we were apart and i respected that intensely. now that he's home and we're together ... there isn't a single issue.

it's like driving ... you may be the safest driver, but you don't know about the rest of the drivers! she sounds like a sweet girl, but boys don't always keep their friendly hands to themselves!!

being in a LDR is a horse of a different color. there are things you do/don't do when you're apart and things you do/don't do when you're together again!!! all comes down to respect and the ability to be able to give and take!!!

[MaryandMian 1]

Glad you talked and feel better. Stress is such a big factor here and I am too kind hearted and caring and can understand her feelings. I distance myself from male persons just so nothing is thought of in a negative way. Like now I have man very young in my subdivision and he was just released out of the hospital with weakened heart. He cannot walk far and care of himself. I send my kids with meals to him in the evening and told my husband. I said I want you to know I am caring and helping someone but I am letting the kids be the go between. So trust is big issue when you have thousands of miles between you. Good luck and hope your separation is short lived.

Mary

[Daisy 0]

Im really glad you guys got to talk. Your girl sounds a sweetheart, no doubt how come you love her!

I would feel exactly as you do, Im almost positive my husband would too in the situation you describe.

In a truly healthy relationship if one feels uneasy about anything... talk. Good old fashioned honest down to earth communication is key. Also set the ground rules, what works for one couple with regard to friends, male or female may not work for another.

with very best wishes,

daisy

[rebeccajo 14]

Well I'm sure it feels better to get that off your chest.

Will be interesting now to see what happens. IE when she backs off from him what he does about it.

He's your biggest fan.....rrrrrrrrrrright. Hopefully he's enough of a man to back off and not take advantage of the fact that you aren't there.

Gimy's got a good point. There is some behavior that is ok when a couple is apart, and some that isn't.

There are a group of parents from my sons school who are together frequently because our kids share an activity. Once, a man from the group approached me in a not-to-subtle manner. I handled it the same way I would have if Wes had not been 5000 miles away. And the guy never approached me again.

So there is this 'other' layer of respect too. Does the guy respect your fiance too? Enough to ratchet down his attention? Of course you have no control over that. And does she realize that a guy SHOULD respect the boundaries she sets?

[Jasman0717 9]

[smoochies 0]

well, I am glad you got it off your chest and worked things out. sometimes being in a long distance relationship is different when it comes to jealousy, etc, because you arent there in person to reassure yourself of their feelings...

glad it all worked out

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I LOVE threads like this because you always get to see who actually reads threads and who just reads a few and makes their comment!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah: Some of us are busy. Bite me!

Edited January 29, 2006 by ET-US2004

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hmm. I'm inclined to disagree here. Love requires trust and respect. Trust in yourself and in the person you have chosen to spend your life with. Respect for each other. A third party cannot test that unless an opportunity is given. It has nothing to do with a third party's motivations, but more to do with how each of you define the rules of engagement with third parties. The respect you have for your fiancée and that she has for you should be sufficient to make sure that any friendship stays within the lines. By feeling jealous and threatened, in my opinion, you're questioning that respect and the trust you should have in her. This is just the beginning of a journey together, and no matter how you try to orchestrate life, there will be times when both of you find yourselves in situations where you might be spending time with people of the opposite sex, be it for professional reasons, social or simply just by happenstance. If you don't harness the fears in the beginning, it could play havoc in the relationship later.

[mercuryroad 0]

Mermaid - I agree with you.

The fact is that my fiancee is the sweetest, most loving person I know. She has never done anything to betray my trust and for that she deserves all of my trust. It was not her as much as it was the situation and I have been really stressed this week with one of my final tests coming in my class. She befriended a person that really needed it and I respect and admire her for that. Just one of the many reasons why I love her so much.

I had a moment of weakness that based on the kind of person Lu is....was totally unjustified and I'm a little disappointed in myself for that. That's not to say my feelings were invalid, because it is like I have told her before....you can't feel wrong for what your feelings are, as long as we can talk about it. I have plenty of friends that are women and granted I would not be spending time alone with them, but if I did it would purely be innocent and nothing would happen....just friends. I asked her to turn the situation around and she said she would understand (although I think it was because we had her situation immediately before us).

As far as putting my foot down, I think that is kind of ridiculous actually. I am not the dictator of her life nor would I want her to be mine. We fell in love with the qualities that each other possess. She is quite capable of making good decisions and ones that I trust. If this guy is indeed a vulture then so what? She's stronger than that and would shoot that vulture down from the sky if it ever became apparent......just as I would.

In the words of Legolas "I was wrong to despair".