Cheating Husband

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I will re-iterate the point that Len made so well - if you have nothing useful to add to this thread then please do not add anything. The OP is here for advice, not off topic type commentary.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Thank you all for your inputs. They are email exchanges from his account and a credit card bill of subscription service to personals service with his personal ad.

i'd say that's pretty compelling evidence that he placed the ads.

Yeah, I agree...I just felt really bad once when I agreed with the OP and piled on the other party and then it came out later that the person we were all hating on wasn't so bad in the first place. Since it's pretty clear there's no misunderstanding or nefarious 3rd party...

The OP has been given good advice for the immigration side, and I'm very sorry for the entire situation. I hope that her knowing about his tendencies before marriage don't give her trouble later. Does "I thought he would change" hold up?

[Arabella 4]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

I didn't read all of the replies but I have had experience with this. My EX husband denied cheating for years. I found an online profile where he was asking women to meet him for sex. He denied it and told me it was just "for attention" but that he wasn't going to follow through with it. I stupidly believed him.

Well I stayed with him and after 8 years of marriage (10 years together total) one baby girl and one on the way, he finally admitted that he had been cheating on me for 7 years!!!!! We have been divorced now for almost 5 years, and I have been raising our two daughters by myself with sole custody. He does pay child support (he is in the Army), but he got a new family just 3 months after our divorce (it was a quickie 2 month divorce that was final when our baby girl was 3 weeks old). He now has two sons with his new wife, lives in Texas, and is on his second tour in Iraq.

Except for having my daughters, I often wish that I would have left him when I first suspected the cheating. He ended up leaving me when I was 7 months pregnant and I can tell you that was the most devastating time of my life.

So my advice is to leave him. You can find someone wonderful who will love you and not cheat on you.

[Arabella 4]

Thank you all for your inputs. They are email exchanges from his account and a credit card bill of subscription service to personals service with his personal ad.

That seems like solid proof. My ex even went so far as to file a flase police report claiming that someone else was using our credit card (so that I would belive his story). Years later he confessed that he had signed up for the adult websites himself.

[morocco4ever 63]

Not only do you need to save the evidence, but you need to make sure that you have collected all of the necessary proof that you can find that proves that you went into this with good intentions. Don't approach him with your findings until after you are set up. God only knows what he will do once he knows you are on to him.

I honestly don't know why you would have agreed to marrying him if you knew he was doing it. You must be young and impressionable. To bad you had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Best wishes.

[youtube 0]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

find a good divorce lawyer and move out ASAP.

[And_Sam 44]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma. I think that it would be wise to gather up all the evidence that you can as far as the "encounters" are involved. You should think how your husband may react to you if you should try to "catch" him in the act. I had an ex who became very physical with me when I put him in a position of where he couldn't deny his cheating. No matter how much you think you know about someone, when they feel cornered, they may react in a way you would never expect. Please keep yourself safe in this regard.

[Joseph and Tsion 0]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

Eeww thats ugly. I would kick him in the balls and spit on his face. What an idoit!

[thongd4me 69]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

If he's involved in anything less than an authenticated sting operation in concert with the local DA

to entrap internet predators (which I'm guessing he isn't).....

cut your losses & get out of there. I can't see how your level of intolerance was low enough to be

able to increase, when just the mention of soliciting for any kind of recreational sex without your consent

should be a major deal-breaking issue.

If you consent to that or want equal time, well then that's your choice.

[thongd4me 69]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma. I think that it would be wise to gather up all the evidence that you can as far as the "encounters" are involved. You should think how your husband may react to you if you should try to "catch" him in the act. I had an ex who became very physical with me when I put him in a position of where he couldn't deny his cheating. No matter how much you think you know about someone, when they feel cornered, they may react in a way you would never expect. Please keep yourself safe in this regard.

In many states the "adversarial" aspect of divorce is very much alive and well. That means you have to make

a "verified complaint" against him and for that you will need evidence, such as screen shots, etc. of the offending

material.

Good luck.

PS - this could be the tip of the iceberg. Surprise! He's bisexual. You also don't know if he has or plans to

solicit underage partners (of one or both sex). Don't wait to find out, just get out.

Edited August 14, 2009 by thongd4me

[Lenie7 0]

Yes, we did enter the marriage in good faith. We dated for 4 years before getting married. We married last December and I received my green card this June. I was told not to forget to remove conditions in two years...

Sorry to hear about your situation, but just be careful with the green card issue. According to USCIS, even if you entered the marriage in good faith, you can only apply for a waiver to jointly remove conditions if you are divorced, but not in the middle of a divorce. In other words, if the divorce is not final, you would need still need him to remove conditions and would be unable to do it alone. So, just keep in mind the timing so you don't run into problems. I wish you luck.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/men...00045f3d6a1RCRD

[Michy 0]

Hope everyone is having a smooth journey.

My husband posted an ad on craigslist for sexual encounters with men and another personal ad to look for women (where he put his relationship status as "divorced"). He is not aware of I saw the ads and denied all of these. This is not the first incident that has ever happened in our relationship/ marriage. And I found myself becoming increasing intolerant towards this particular behavior. I do not know what to do anymore

What would you do if you were me?

My husband had a singles ad up on a matrimonial website before he even arrived in the USA! I found it on his computer one day while on it. Even worse I have caught him giving his phone numbers out to females.

If you are strong enough, then leave him, if you are weak like me, it will be hard to conquer.

[chiffoncupcake 1]

All of your advice make sense. I truly appreciate it.

Regarding my tolerance, I believe in second chances and I was willing to give the marriage a chance although I apparently have proved myself wrong (bad influence from those politicians' wives who stood behind their husbands at all times?) *joke of course*

Does it matter if I or my husband file the divorce and on what ground? My husband has a professional life and I would consider a peaceful separation/ divorce. I love him and I will not go out there to destroy anyone even the marriage is not working out the way I/ we wanted it to. However, would immigration consider the ground for divorce in their decision of whether to approve a self-petitioned removal of conditions or not? Or proof of the marriage was entered into in good faith would suffice?

I understand I should speak to an attorney but I am curious if anyone out there has gone through similar events.

[chiffoncupcake 1]

All of your advice make sense. I truly appreciate it.

Regarding my tolerance, I believe in second chances and I was willing to give the marriage a chance although I apparently have proved myself wrong (bad influence from those politicians' wives who stood behind their husbands at all times?) *joke of course*

Does it matter if I or my husband file the divorce and on what ground? My husband has a professional life and I would consider a peaceful separation/ divorce. I love him and I will not go out there to destroy anyone even the marriage is not working out the way I/ we wanted it to. However, would immigration consider the ground for divorce in their decision of whether to approve a self-petitioned removal of conditions or not? Or proof of the marriage was entered into in good faith would suffice?

I understand I should speak to an attorney but I am curious if anyone out there has gone through similar events.

On "verified complaints", I saved some email exchanges (with some details that would not be mistaken as just a friendly email) and the subscription history (with credit card information) from the personals site. Technically, there is no "direct" evidence as an ad and a phone call only prove intentions but no actual wrongdoings. I do not know anymore... I really hope he was safe.

[Old Dominion 26]

Yes, it's nice to be able to work out an amicable divorce, but in your case it's best to sue for divorce on the grounds you are able to prove. The proven allegations in your divorce petition is part of what will help you with USCIS. Once he is served notice of your petition, maybe he will want to settle quietly and be done with it -- to protect his reputation, among other things.

Given your immigration situation, I think this is not a good time to be so kind. His behavior is what has put you in a potential bind with USCIS.

Edited August 15, 2009 by Old Dominion