Treatment from those in your old country.

[Missa 0]

like the OP, my family thinks I'm nuts for moving there. my mom couldn't really grasp the concept of the fact that i will not be able to use Canadian health care anymore. my friends, who incidentally have never been south of the border and I'm not talking taco bell, have horrible negative thoughts about Americans in general and have outright told me i'm stupid for moving there and i should make him move here instead.

but c'est la vie i suppose

[Nik+Heather 121]

This is a good question for me to ask Nik! He's already passed on some things, like what his best man said: "Well, that's one way to get on the housing ladder!" (since I recently purchased a house -- and it's prohibitively expensive in London, ya know)

His mother has assured me that since I make him happy, that's all she wants. Nik's father is RAF, so moving (to different countries as well) is nothing new.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

Even though I know it is a genarization, the reality of the matter is that the culture in south america is like that, at least the majority. I know, i'm from Venezuela. It is very sad that men still act this way but they do because is what they were taught. Of course there are amazing men in South America, specially the well educated one, that reject this behavior, but sadly it is the exeption, not the rule. Obviously, the women are part responsible because they accept this behavior and most ironically the mom's teach it to their sons. So its a hard cycle to break.

But we can't disregard the fact that not all men are the same and there are vast individual differences. Plus culture varies a little from country to country.

I completely disagree with your assessment. In fact, I am quite offended by it.

You cannot provide a blanket statement saying that the culture in South America is such. Your Venezuelan roots do not give any more validity to your words. What happened in your close environment does not reflect the reality of an entire country or continent. What you wrote above is hearsay.

The South American culture is no worse or better than the American, Asian, Russian, or (think of any culture) other cultures in the area of relationships. In fact, I would tend to speculate that the divorce rate in Venezuela is lower than in the USA. Does that mean that men (or women) from one country are better (or more stupid) than another? It does not!

People need to get in their heads that "people are people" no matter where they come from. One bad apple does not make all others rotten. One Russian scammer does not make all Russian women scammer. One latin cheating man does not make all Latin men cheaters. By your own assessment, YOU are a cheater, machista, controlling South American man.

How do you like to be told that?

I am so sad to read that your mother taught you this way. Fortunately, all my Venezuelan friends were taught by good mothers. Mothers who made sure that these men know exactly how to NOT treat a woman. Mothers who are very proud of their sons, and their sons' strong families.

I know an enormous amount of Latin American families with Latin American men, including a great amount of Venezuelans, and the truth is that the MAJORITY (95% or more) are an exception to your (and the other guy's) generalizations. Stop spreading negative myths and partial truths.

[jundp 191]

My husband's family and friends were all very happy for him. But then, most of them have visited many places, including America, and don't find any problem with him living and working in America or having an American wife.

[Frenchwife 1]

US is not the best place to live

but probably the best place for my american husband.

I am old enough and have worked enough in France so that

it is a big financial loss for me to leave France.

US is nice

but I will not drop ties with France

will try to make the best of both!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Let's tone down the racial comments - both the pros and cons and keep the reactions civil. If you want to discuss stereotyping ethnicities then start a topic about that in Off Topic and don't hijack the OPs thread.

To the OP, I too got a lot of comments about why would I want to move 'there' and why doesn't he move to Canada. It just comes with the territory. One reassurance you can give them, though . . . the US can't do a darn thing about your Canadian citizenship. Only Canada has the right to revoke your citizenship so even if the US wanted to, it can't. The US may not recognize it when you become a US citizen but it can't take it away from you - you will always be a Canadian to Canada and can go back any time you wish, regardless of what the US may want.

Edited August 3, 2009 by Kathryn41

[TBoneTX 46,173]

Even though I know it is a genarization, the reality of the matter is that the culture in south america is like that, at least the majority. I know, i'm from Venezuela. It is very sad that men still act this way but they do because is what they were taught. Of course there are amazing men in South America, specially the well educated one, that reject this behavior, but sadly it is the exeption, not the rule. Obviously, the women are part responsible because they accept this behavior and most ironically the mom's teach it to their sons. So its a hard cycle to break.

I completely disagree with your assessment. In fact, I am quite offended by it.

Clueless, please read again what vip1 wrote, and carefully. It is an accurate and well-reasoned response.

Your Venezuelan roots do not give any more validity to your words. ...What you wrote above is hearsay.

What vip1 wrote is from personal experience and observation. If you have not spent as much time in South America, how can you gainsay with any believability the words of those who have been there and grown up there?

By your own assessment, YOU are a cheater, machista, controlling South American man.

Now who's being judgmental and inaccurate?

I am so sad to read that your mother taught you this way.

I am sad to read your saying this, because vip1 said absolutely nothing of the sort.

Stop spreading negative myths and partial truths.

Please read vip1's post accurately and interpret it literally. My first post was a truthful account of my wife's countrywomen's reactions to her having come to the U.S. If you wish to claim that their reactions and statements are unworthy of being stated, then your reaction speaks for itself. Read the OP's subject line for this thread, and tell us all here that my first post was an effort to "offend" anyone rather than to add to the intended topic.

Oh, and where's your VJ timeline, please?

Edited August 3, 2009 by TBoneTX

[Azzudiin 26]

You cannot provide a blanket statement saying that the culture in South America is such. Your Venezuelan roots do not give any more validity to your words. What happened in your close environment does not reflect the reality of an entire country or continent. What you wrote above is hearsay.

Yet that is exactly what you do below

The South American culture is no worse or better than the American, Asian, Russian, or (think of any culture) other cultures in the area of relationships. In fact, I would tend to speculate that the divorce rate in Venezuela is lower than in the USA. Does that mean that men (or women) from one country are better (or more stupid) than another? It does not!

Speculate? How are you any different then original poster

I know an enormous amount of Latin American families with Latin American men, including a great amount of Venezuelans, and the truth is that the MAJORITY (95% or more) are an exception to your (and the other guy's) generalizations. Stop spreading negative myths and partial truths.

You bash OP based on their association with a small group reflecting on a entire country, yet you just did the same thing

Original poster expressed opinion, You Clueless expressed opinon. Stop making up your speculations and assumptions. Being a hippocrite no better then being cultural insensitive

[Gemmie 142]

The American family love me being here.

My British family do not. They offered a lot of criticism about my move, including telling me about the financial crisis over here (even though the UK is in worse hands at the moment), that I won't get to see my nephew grow, that I've not thought it through enough and made an impulsive decision; that I won't ever contact them... I've heard it all. Of course, the "why can't he move here" line, several times.

I don't enjoy talking to my British family too much as it feels they're constantly either resenting my move or waiting for me to fail. They even said that there's a couch there "if.. sorry I mean when" we don't work out.

[MissusM09 1]

The American family love me being here.

My British family do not. They offered a lot of criticism about my move, including telling me about the financial crisis over here (even though the UK is in worse hands at the moment), that I won't get to see my nephew grow, that I've not thought it through enough and made an impulsive decision; that I won't ever contact them... I've heard it all. Of course, the "why can't he move here" line, several times.

I don't enjoy talking to my British family too much as it feels they're constantly either resenting my move or waiting for me to fail. They even said that there's a couch there "if.. sorry I mean when" we don't work out.

gemmie i totally feel you on that one. i was told by my mum that I had "burn't my bridges " on saturday of this week and that " the move wasnt a wise one but i did it and now you have to make it work" to be honest burnt bridges means you cant go back and I can. I just dont want to! most of my family and friends acted like it was such a surprise when I got the visa, ( i think they didnt think i was gonna get it, or didnt want me to get it: even though every time i met them or talked to them i told them i'm moving to America, and they were offended by the date i chose to leave, even though i had told them that i was leaving a good year in advance.

i'm gonna say like 'Rihanna ( though she could take a lesson or two ) " live your life..........! "

Edited August 3, 2009 by primahen

[clueless_in_usa 8]

What vip1 wrote is from personal experience and observation. If you have not spent as much time in South America, how can you gainsay with any believability the words of those who have been there and grown up there

I am just going to say one more thing:

My personal opinion (and the reason I got offended) stems from my extensive experience in South America, and not from anything I read or heard anywhere. I have lived in South America many more years than you (and probably the others who generalized too).

That also tells you why I know so many South American (successful) couples. Do you need proof of what I just wrote here?

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Any further off topic discussion here will warrant a 4 hour suspension of account. Please keep this thread on the posted topic.

[Brian&Naty 0]

Yes, another soul-bearing, experience-sharing bonding activity!

While everyone here in the US has been nothing but happy to have me over, I cannot say that the news of my Big Move is received unanimously well by those back home.

Canadians that I know tend to have a more condescending attitude towards the States, and there were too many times where the response was "Ugh. Why can't he move up here? Typical American, doesn't realize that there are better places to live in than the US."

They like my husband himself, but they hate that he is American. And of course, they are concerned about the current work situation. The most unique response came from my older sister, who warned me that the US may just revoke my citizenship (by means of treatment if not officially) if they ever have a conflict with Canada, as was done with peoples of the past.

I know there are more interesting stories out there than this, so let's here some noteworthy responses of people back in your home country when they heard you were moving to the States.

The US in a conflict with Canada? Over what? ..............I suppose if the Letters E & H were in short supply, we may have a reason to attack.

[Chaz and Riggs 0]

I'm the USC, Chaz... and I have heard EVERYTHING from my family against Riggs.

"He's rude", (he's English, and honest, what do you expect?!?)

"He's unemployed, and making your life difficult" (You know... If I wasn't with anyone, it doesn't matter that I'm not getting a second income, and my life would be SOO much worse without him in it)

"It would be so much nicer if you just went and found a rich American. Things would be so much easier for you."

I don't want easy! lol... I want Riggs!

His family understands why he wants to go. He has many more opportunities in America with me, than he does in England. I would love to get rich some day, and own a home in both countries... someday, we could get there.

But this choice of ours, this long hard road we have to walk... its not because we want the easy way, Its because we're in love! Nothing will stand in our way!.... well.... maybe the government could.... but we won't talk about that...

[jundp 191]

Maybe some of the comments from family back home stems from sadness at "losing" their child? I don't know. We are in Germany now visiting my husband's family and friends and it's such the opposite of anything negative. They are so loving and supportive. And they LOVE that they have a reason to come to America! Of course, my MIL and FIL lived in America for a few years (my FIL's company transferred him there) and thus they and my BIL and SIL love America. And we love coming to visit them in Germany.

It seems that if your family truly wants what is best for you, they will be supportive of this decision...

As for stereotypes, well they exist for a reason. Some people *are* like the stereotype, but many are not.

It's funny though because we all joke that my American friends and I are the 'uncultured American swine' which is totally a joke because we're all pretty well educated and knowledgeable about world politics, culture, etc. It's just a joke - one which might offend some people, but I absolutely know my German family loves me and say this in absolute jest.