Getting out of a bad relationship

[infinity02 0]

Hello,

I used to post here (under a different name) around 2006 when my husband (moroccan) was applying for a K1 visa. He now has his Green card - no conditions. Since he has gotten his conditions removed, he has become more and more abusive towards me- physically and sexually. He also controls me through sleep deprivation. I don't know what to do and I don't want to raise my daughter in this environment, and am afraid that one day he may hurt her too.

He stated to me that he only married me for the greencard, and now that he has it, he doesn't need me. Is there any way I can report him for immigration fraud? I am seriously afraid for my safety and he said he would kidnap our daughter if the courts gave me custody of her. I like my job and my house and I don't want to move, and can't afford to anyway because this relationship has put me over 20,000 in debt.

The only way I can guarantee that he won't hurt me or her is if somehow I can get his legal status removed and he gets sent back home. If he remains here, I feel he can find me anywhere I go, unless I drop everything and move to an entirely different city. (but I do have a house, a good job, and am in debt)

Also he doesn't work, and hasn't worked much in the three years he has been here, so if I kicked him out of the h ouse he would have no way to support himself, which even though he has hurt me tremendously, I still care about his health and safety.

I am desperate for any advice. I don't know what to do I feel so alone. Please help. I'm sure someone has been in a similiar situation.

[johnj 0]

First, I would separate your feelings of guilt and attachment from your feelings of fear. If you truly fear he will hurt your family or yourself; he must go immediately. Change the locks on your doors, get an alarm system and protect your family. When you stop supporting and enabling him he will either get a job, live on the street or return home.

Edited July 31, 2009 by johnj

[NArocks 13]

WOW, Get out of there PLEASE, as far as his immigration status if he already has his 10 GC not much you can do there. But please contact a shelter, the police something to get this man out of your life, and especially that of your daughters life .

Edited July 31, 2009 by NArocks

[Sandrila 1]

I pray you have someone who can listen to you, help you and take you in.

Although I do not feel I have been used for a green card I understand what you are going through.

I hope GOD gives you the strength you need to follow through with what you know is best.

Do not feel guilty about asking for help. You may have a hard time at first, when you finally decide you are ready to leave, but it will get better.

It may take a while for you to get him out of the country. At this point I don't believe he can actually be "forced" to leave, even if he is abusive.

I know you have a good heart and worry about what will happen to him if you send him packing however, you have done enough, it is time for him to KNOW you are serious about removing yourself from this very dangerous and unhappy relationship. Protection from Abuse is a good start or simply leave your home for a period of time and talk to police to see what you can do to get him out and you in.

[Joe_&_Nadiya 1]

When you stop supporting and enabling him he will either get a job, live on the street or return home.

But she probably signed the I-864 - Affidavit of Support, other words, if she separate from him he can still ask for alimony...correct?

[infinity02 0]

When you stop supporting and enabling him he will either get a job, live on the street or return home.

But she probably signed the I-864 - Affidavit of Support, other words, if she separate from him he can still ask for alimony...correct?

Yes I signed the Affidavit of Support. Does anyone know off-hand for how long that is good? Also the house is in both of our names and since I've never reported anything to the police, I know for a fact that in my city at least, unless I have a restraining order, he has a right to go to his property.

[infinity02 0]

When you stop supporting and enabling him he will either get a job, live on the street or return home.

But she probably signed the I-864 - Affidavit of Support, other words, if she separate from him he can still ask for alimony...correct?

Yes I signed the Affidavit of Support. Does anyone know off-hand for how long that is good? Also the house is in both of our names and since I've never reported anything to the police, I know for a fact that in my city at least, unless I have a restraining order, he has a right to go to his property.

I just keep thinking it's immaturaty and that he'll change with age. Has any of the ME/NA folks ever been in a similiar situation? I know my MIL said that her husband (to whom she has been married for 40+ years) hit her early in their marriage, but stopped a long time ago.

[Ban Hammer 13,508]

When you stop supporting and enabling him he will either get a job, live on the street or return home.

But she probably signed the I-864 - Affidavit of Support, other words, if she separate from him he can still ask for alimony...correct?

the i-864 and alimony are not related.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Why wait for him to change, when he can do real damage to you in the here and now?

Re: I-864, according to the form itself, page 3:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work

The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigratn ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and deprats the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

At this point, focus on getting yourself and your daughter out of the abusive situation. Are there women's groups locally? They would know how to best approach it in your area. After that, worry about the immigration related issues. I'd say he most likely can't be deported at this point.

I'm unsure about what you can do immigration wise. Try asking on this forum. I'd say at least write a letter to USCIS detailing the problems, and if you get police reports, restraining orders, whatever, send that along too. Maybe they would stick it in his file and when the time came for him to apply for citizenship, that would red flag his case.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

You cant get him deported if he has an unconditional greencard, but you can get yourself out of the situation. A restraining order will help keep you guys safe and keep him away from you and your daughter. Even when he comes o get his stuff, just have a male family memebr there and you and your daughter can go somewhere else for the afternoon.

Im sorry that you are going through this. When you have those feelings of guilt about getting him out of the house, think of your daughter and the current environment that she is being raised in, that is FAR more important than your guilty feelings. you'll get over those with time.

Good luck

[bhajishah 4]

Only Allah can change this young azzhole into a gentle brother. He obviously has no respect for women , ALLAH , Islam . Has no morality. He is just going to grow up to be a lonely mean old azzhole!! We are suppose to keep ourselves and children away from evil people like this. Shame on him and his family!!!!!

[johnj 0]

When you appear in front of the judge, be honest but tell the threats he has said. Remove an compassion for your husband; protect your family and yourself. Others are correct, in most states, unless you have restraining order, he has rights to live in home even if you do not want him there.

[msheesha 548]

Hello,

I used to post here (under a different name) around 2006 when my husband (moroccan) was applying for a K1 visa. He now has his Green card - no conditions. Since he has gotten his conditions removed, he has become more and more abusive towards me- physically and sexually. He also controls me through sleep deprivation. I don't know what to do and I don't want to raise my daughter in this environment, and am afraid that one day he may hurt her too.

He stated to me that he only married me for the greencard, and now that he has it, he doesn't need me. Is there any way I can report him for immigration fraud? I am seriously afraid for my safety and he said he would kidnap our daughter if the courts gave me custody of her. I like my job and my house and I don't want to move, and can't afford to anyway because this relationship has put me over 20,000 in debt.

The only way I can guarantee that he won't hurt me or her is if somehow I can get his legal status removed and he gets sent back home. If he remains here, I feel he can find me anywhere I go, unless I drop everything and move to an entirely different city. (but I do have a house, a good job, and am in debt)

Also he doesn't work, and hasn't worked much in the three years he has been here, so if I kicked him out of the h ouse he would have no way to support himself, which even though he has hurt me tremendously, I still care about his health and safety.

I am desperate for any advice. I don't know what to do I feel so alone. Please help. I'm sure someone has been in a similiar situation.

You said that you are worried that one day he might hurt your daughter...as in the future. But, please realize he's already hurting your daughter. Little girls learn how they should be treated in relationships by the way they see their mothers being treated in relationships. So, she is already being hurt just by being around this; he doesn't have to be hitting her to be hurting her.

Why are you caring about his health and well being if he is harming you? Self preservation, and preservation of the health and happiness of your child need to win out over worrying about him. If what you're saying is true, he'll survive just fine. He's managed so far to get out of his country, get to the US, (I'm guessing) have a woman spend thousands of dollars on him (hence, the debt), etc. He'll survive. If your description is accurate, he sounds like a sociopath. He'll do just fine and will figure out how to get someone else to take care of him. Don't worry about him. Worry about yourself and your daughter. Stop being a victim. You can get back in control of your body and your life. You have that inside of you and are capable of it. You should NOT allow anyone to hurt you or your child because you're worried about his well being.

As far as future safety, you can get a restrainging order, go to a support group for abused women; learn from there how others keep themselves safe; and others on here might know more about this - is there a kidnapping watch list? Someone on here was just talking about it - her ex husband had put their child on it so the child couldn't be taken out of the country. ALSO, this morning on Good Morning America, they showed several gadgets, including a GPS tracker thing, that parents can utilize if their child gets lost/kidnapped. The most expensive one was a couple of hundred dollars, but there were others that were more low tech. There are things you can do to protect yourself and your daughter. I firmly agree with the others who say GET OUT!

[allousa 1]

First and foremost, PLEASE get you and your daughter out of danger NOW! An abusive man will almost certainly not change with maturity. Most men have learned these behaviors thoroughout their lives and without serious, long-term counseling, it's highly doubtful that they ever change.

If you live in a big city, hopefully they have a Domestic Violence hotline or assistance program. These groups can help get you the resources you need to protect yourself. I would be willing to bet that they have contacts with immigration attorneys that would know the specifics of what you can do.

Please know that no matter how much these men PROMISE to NEVER abuse again...they almost ALWAYS DO! If the abuse has already become physical and highly manipulative, you AND your daughter are in very possibly in grave danger.

I would also be VERY careful if he has made threats towards your daughter. Many times abusive men will abuse/harm the children because they know they can control the woman.

Please feel free to send me a message if you need.

[morocco4ever 63]

Hello,

I used to post here (under a different name) around 2006 when my husband (moroccan) was applying for a K1 visa. He now has his Green card - no conditions. Since he has gotten his conditions removed, he has become more and more abusive towards me- physically and sexually. He also controls me through sleep deprivation. I don't know what to do and I don't want to raise my daughter in this environment, and am afraid that one day he may hurt her too.

He stated to me that he only married me for the greencard, and now that he has it, he doesn't need me. Is there any way I can report him for immigration fraud? I am seriously afraid for my safety and he said he would kidnap our daughter if the courts gave me custody of her. I like my job and my house and I don't want to move, and can't afford to anyway because this relationship has put me over 20,000 in debt.

The only way I can guarantee that he won't hurt me or her is if somehow I can get his legal status removed and he gets sent back home. If he remains here, I feel he can find me anywhere I go, unless I drop everything and move to an entirely different city. (but I do have a house, a good job, and am in debt)

Also he doesn't work, and hasn't worked much in the three years he has been here, so if I kicked him out of the h ouse he would have no way to support himself, which even though he has hurt me tremendously, I still care about his health and safety.

I am desperate for any advice. I don't know what to do I feel so alone. Please help. I'm sure someone has been in a similiar situation.

Reading the bolded parts above I don't see why in the world you care about his health and safety. Obviously he doesn't care about yours. The first step to fixing this is to realize this.

Get some counseling so that you can come to terms with what you must do. And deep down you know what you need to do.