Wedding?

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

Wow. Just a lot stressing me out with this whole visa thing, work, and family. HA. So, I think about marriage all the time. How great things will be once Ryan and I are together. That was one of my "big dreams", to have a big, nice wedding. But now, I dunno. I have taken all things you all have mentioned into concideration. Even before you brought it up. And for now, I'm still undecided. I want him to be happy. When he's not happy, I'm not happy. I'm not trying to sound selfish, but what about what I want? Is there a way to compromise it to where we are both happy? Because from the way I took it, he wants NO WEDDING, have one later, and his parents and friends be there. I want a wedding, with the whole ordeal, you all know what goes into it. And yes, I do want his parents there. I just DON'T KNOW! The most important thing is, we're getting married, and we will be happy, big wedding or no wedding.

[JanaknJanet 0]

HMMM ... a thought..

get a person to perform a wedding.. in a nice spot.. with you your friends... as simple as you wish...

you will be married... but.. for Ryan.. it sounds like it is . a big deal to have the wedding.. with his parents... realistically... the time frame and possiblities for them to come for the wedding would be slim.... .. .. think of how it is in India...? ... such a long wait for visas.. as of today the date for Tourist visa interviews. is close to Jan 07. .. and then there is still the processing.. Jan was told it would take 120 days minim, for a simple tourist visa.. and that is after the interview... augh.. .. . Might talk to your honey.. get him here do the K-1.. file documetns..... save your pennies... and make a trip to India... and have a India wedding toodooo as well... .. Personally I think that would be fantastic to do.. I am looking forward to going back with Jan.. and having a ceremony with the family and all ... .. I think it would be a blast....

[JanaknJanet 0]

sorry double post.. oopssss

Edited July 11, 2006 by JanaknJanet

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

It's kewl. I got him to at least agree on exchanging rings at the first "wedding", so I can go without the other stuff. Maybe we can just do the vows, and exchange the rings, but then I'm starting to rethink this whole "second wedding". So, that will make him mad. Either way, it's a loss for me. So, whatever he wants to do, we will do.

[CarolineM 0]

So, that will make him mad. Either way, it's a loss for me. So, whatever he wants to do, we will do.

Umm...the first thing he needs to learn is that marriage is about COMPRIMISe. He can't have it all his way...

[CarolineM 0]

i'm just wondering MAndi...you want to live in India, he doesn't, so you arent.

You want a big wedding, he doesn't, so you aren't...

where are YOU in this relationship?

[rebeccajo 14]

i'm just wondering MAndi...you want to live in India, he doesn't, so you arent.

You want a big wedding, he doesn't, so you aren't...

where are YOU in this relationship?

I missed the part where she says she wants to live in India - is it in this thread or has she stated that before?

That aside, there's thousands of divorces every year between couples who got caught up in the romance of planning a wedding and somehow along the way forgot to think about what it would really be like to be married - for life - to each other.

Take that thought and multiply it by the power of ten when it comes to the romance and longing that go along with a long distance relationship.

[CarolineM 0]

Would this count as homesick? I came home, to the US after spending 2 months with my fiancé in India, and I want to go back. I loved it there. I didn't want to come home. Not only because of my fiancé, but because I wanted to be there instead of in the states.

Maybe I read this wrong?

here

[chri'stina 190]

Sujeet knew little about American weddings, and he didn't want to have a big thing for several reasons. But we compromised. I didn't want to get married in a courthouse, but we know a lot of pastors so I never planned to go to a courthouse, but to be married by a pastor we knew. Sujeet and I discussed it a lot and we did compromise, it couldn't only be one person's desire. He knew how much my heart wanted something more at the wedding, so he couldn't resist letting me invite more people. I knew he didn't want a big thing, so I didn't invite the 200 I would have wanted to.

He wanted a tiny wedding, I wanted a bigger wedding(not expensive though, we didn't have much money) so we had a medium/small sized wedding with 80 guests. I planned it all in under 3 months(while he was still in India) and only spent $1000 or so by doing a lot of the stuff ourselves. It was great! You have to be happy on your wedding day. You maybe both need to discuss this more to come to a compromise so both of you are happy, not just one of you. Sujeet's parents could not be here for the wedding for many reasons, but still I didn't want to have nothing. And I didn't feel like having to plan a second wedding.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope it's something that both of you will be happy about!

[CarolineM 0]

Sujeet knew little about American weddings, and he didn't want to have a big thing for several reasons. But we compromised. I didn't want to get married in a courthouse, but we know a lot of pastors so I never planned to go to a courthouse, but to be married by a pastor we knew. Sujeet and I discussed it a lot and we did compromise, it couldn't only be one person's desire. He knew how much my heart wanted something more at the wedding, so he couldn't resist letting me invite more people. I knew he didn't want a big thing, so I didn't invite the 200 I would have wanted to.

He wanted a tiny wedding, I wanted a bigger wedding(not expensive though, we didn't have much money) so we had a medium/small sized wedding with 80 guests. I planned it all in under 3 months(while he was still in India) and only spent $1000 or so by doing a lot of the stuff ourselves. It was great! You have to be happy on your wedding day. You maybe both need to discuss this more to come to a compromise so both of you are happy, not just one of you. Sujeet's parents could not be here for the wedding for many reasons, but still I didn't want to have nothing. And I didn't feel like having to plan a second wedding.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope it's something that both of you will be happy about!

THat was really my point...it shouldn't be all or nothing...COMPROMISE is the key word here.

[Mand 1]

We got married in a courthouse and my parents flew over from Ireland to be there also. Two of our closest friends in Columbus also attended and I have to say...it was perfect. You make what you want out of your wedding, whether you get married in a courthouse, a barn-yard shed, a church or a hotel. Isn't it really about the commitment you are making to each other? I wore an ivory empire line long dress and made my own bouquet of ivory roses (of which I still have some petals and used in our wedding album, which I also put together) with a mixture of dyed navy flowers to match Rob's shirt. It was all very personal and very special. The Judge who married us was an absolute pet and took lots of pics for us, we also got pics with her in the Group too...and she even let my Dad sit in her chair and use the gavel!

We then had a huge party in our apartment at the weekend with all our friends, my parents and Rob's family from PA. It was an absolute ball and everyone had a brilliant time. It was casual and relaxed and just great craic! At the end of the day, our wedding was discussed between us both and we were...and still are...totally happy with the day we became Mr. and Mrs. That's what it's really all about.

We had talked about a full church wedding in Ireland, but to be honest that idea just wore off us and we'll probably have a large party for the baby's christening.

[CarolineM 0]

Mand you looked gorgeous in your dress

Edited July 11, 2006 by karo112

[Mand 1]

Thanks, right back atcha girl!

[Joel Halfwassen 0]

You know I really think a ceremony for both of the families is important. I know that the focus is on you guys for the most part, but any human partnership is really a joining of families. And with an international partnership espically it is important for both families to be able to be a part of the joining. I know for me that there was a lot of apprehention from my in-laws until the wedding. Once they saw the whole event I felt like I was FINALLY fully accepted in as one of the family. It was like a final 'sinking in' for them that this was for real. Plus with international relationships one (or sometimes both) individuals will be leaving their families and moving to someplace far away. It gives the family an opportunity to see a part of where it is this person will be going and (hopfully) adds a sense of reassurance to the group. It doesn't have to be big and grand, but anything that welcomes the family as part of YOUR new family is SO important in my opinion.

Joel

PS Yeah Mand! That dress is...WOW!

[chri'stina 190]

You know I really think a ceremony for both of the families is important. I know that the focus is on you guys for the most part, but any human partnership is really a joining of families. And with an international partnership espically it is important for both families to be able to be a part of the joining. I know for me that there was a lot of apprehention from my in-laws until the wedding. Once they saw the whole event I felt like I was FINALLY fully accepted in as one of the family. It was like a final 'sinking in' for them that this was for real. Plus with international relationships one (or sometimes both) individuals will be leaving their families and moving to someplace far away. It gives the family an opportunity to see a part of where it is this person will be going and (hopfully) adds a sense of reassurance to the group. It doesn't have to be big and grand, but anything that welcomes the family as part of YOUR new family is SO important in my opinion.

Joel

PS Yeah Mand! That dress is...WOW!

I agree, but that is not always possible. Our marriage was not supported by my inlaws (now things are fine though) so we had to do it without them. Also, it would be very expensive to get all the family together in one place...my family couldn't afford to all go to India to have a ceremony there even if that's what we woud have wanted, and Sujeet's family would first have a problem even getting visas to come to the US, along with the expense of several of them flying over here. It was not an option for us to have something with both families. I wish it could have happened, but it was kind of impossible.