What would you think?

[sweetnsour 0]

Hello, I hope you can help me understand something that has been bothering me for awhile now. I will not give too much information due to me feeling like such a fool already. I have been married to my spouse for sometime now over two years. I have suggested that me and my kids go live for that country, but my spouse has said that it will be very difficult for us. My spouse has tried so very hard to make me stay in America, but I'm tired of living apart. I just want to live together no matter where. I don't think it will be that difficult because I have said that I will help with money. It wont be that much but I'm sure that it will help. He tells me that the reason for wanting me to stay is because he loves me and my kids so much that he don't want them to live a difficult life. I have told him that it wont be for that long just until he gets his visa then we can move back. I feel very hurt with this and really don' t know what to think. I feel like he's trying to hide soemthing from me. I feel that if two people love each other they will live where ever no matter where or how difficult as long as being there for each other. Ok Thnx

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

What would you think?, Does he really love me?

No

Edited July 26, 2009 by Mr. Big Dog

[jamrok 0]

Seems like a green card seeker to me

[Niels Bohr 72]

Well, if the country is deplorable in terms of living standards...Your husband is probably right. And, the education is probably is better here in the US compared to some countries. Your kids probably would be safer in the US.

[Welshcookie 17]

Seems like a green card seeker to me

That's a big assumption to make from such a small paragraph.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Where is he from? What were the circumstances behind your getting married? Have you been to his home country? Have you met his family, seen where he lives, know his friends? What do you know about his life?

It can be either way honestly:

Either he's seeking a green card and hiding stuff from you, or:

He is genuinely concerned for your family's welfare and doesn't want you to go through culture shock, uprooting yourselves, going through difficult times there, etc.

You're not giving enough info honestly to say for sure.

[Ban Hammer 13,637]

Well, if the country is deplorable in terms of living standards...Your husband is probably right. And, the education is probably is better here in the US compared to some countries. Your kids probably would be safer in the US.

[reeses16 8]

Depends. The two of you need to have a very direct conversation about the matter. "Life is difficult" is not enough....you should discuss specific difficulties so that you can decide together about them. Short of a country being involved in war, even "deplorable" countries have areas that are safe, with higher living conditions and good schools- be it local or run by another nationality. Is your hubby willing to relocate to another city in his country?

If you are not getting anywhere with rational discussion, odds are he is hiding something.

Edited July 26, 2009 by reeses16

[bhajishah 4]

Yah his country could be one big prison for those American raised kids!! black outs of electricity and yah oh maybe village life. 9 yrs of school everday all yr long..LOL Go visit him instead.

[GaryC 7]

It's hard to say. Maybe he is telling the truth about not wanting to take you to a place you wouldn't like or not safe in. We would need to know what country you are talking about first. Only you can answer that one. As for being apart when you desperately want to live with your SO? Luz and I waited 3 years for the process to work through. If you really love the other person a delay shouldn't make you call into question the relationship. The two are not dependent on each other. Think of it as your marriage's first test, if it can survive the visa process then it can withstand a great deal indeed.

[sweetnsour 0]

Thnx for all your replies. He is from Morocco and it's getting harder and harder to go see him.

[NickD 203]

Thnx for all your replies. He is from Morocco and it's getting harder and harder to go see him.

USCIS doesn't seem to mind if they keep you waiting, is it possible, they are the problem?

[thongd4me 69]

Hello, I hope you can help me understand something that has been bothering me for awhile now. I will not give too much information due to me feeling like such a fool already.

You're anonymous here, using a screen name so you don't have to be embarrassed giving more information.

I can't understand your language at all and I'm not even sure if you are the USC or the foreign spouse.

I don't know where you're talking about (here, there, anywhere?) or what you hope to accomplish.

You may have trust issues or you may have immigration issues (how do you separate them or don't you?).

That is going to result in exactly what you got, people passing judgement on your situation when in

fact your situation is not very clear. If you want advice you have to give a LOT more detail, because

after all, you're anonymous and the people here actually do want to help.

Immigration status? Timeframe? Age difference? - all these things might be helpful.

"He is from Morocco and it is getting harder for me to see him."

- because of him? Morocco? the US?

It seems you have a very uneasy status quo, but what that status quo is is not entirely clear.

[GabiandVi 34]

Have you been to his country? I've been to my husband's country and when he fleetingly suggested that we come there between China and moving to the US, I completely ignored him. He knew, too, that it would be a very bad idea, and only mentioned it the once.

First of all, I couldn't make any sort of living while there, so we would have to live on his income, which is a still a third-world income even if it is far and above the average person in his country. That means we would have no medical insurance, so no medical care outside of what is available in his country. The conditions are pretty challenging, but we could have handled that. We do when we visit, anyway.

But the real issue is that by having an American wife, my husband is elevated to a chief/king like status, and as such is expected to provide for the entire community. When we visit and we are in the same car with him, if there is any excuse for a policeman to stop him, they will and they will demand a large bribe to get him out of the situation. When we go shopping at the market, we have to pay three or four times as much as we would if my husband went alone. We have absolutely no privacy. The last time we visited, my husband didn't even tell his family we were there until the last week of our stay, and he rented an apartment on the outskirts of the city so that if they learned of our presence, they would find it very hard to visit us. Even so, after a day of them learning we were there and where we were staying, we had a house full and had people sitting court in our living room every morning waiting for us to wake up. (Don't get me wrong. I love visiting with his family and I want our daughter to know them, but I feel like a guest in my own home and I can only escape to my unairconditioned bedroom if I want to be alone for a few seconds.)

I don't know what your husband is thinking. Maybe he is motivated by a green card. Maybe he thinks you are being unrealistic or he doesn't want you to really understand his existance because he fears you will become ashamed of him. Maybe his family doesn't like you and he is trying to spare you. It is hard to say. But do you think it will work out? That's what is important. I've known girls in China who have married men they weren't head-over-heels in love with but whom they respected. They did it to get a new life in a new country, but they went into the deal with committment in mind and they've made it work. It's sort of like the arranged marriages in India. The partners go into the marriage planning to make the best of it and they end up living very happily.

In the end, only you can know if you trust him enough to make it work. Good luck to you.

[sweetnsour 0]

I think I am just so tired of waiting and I have come to realize Im making too much of this. I know he loves me as much as I love him. He is just looking out for my kids cuz he doesnt want them to loose all the great things they have here. They have a great education and a pretty good life. I know he is trying and Its me thinking crazy. Thank You all so much for the wake up call.