straight talk about sex

[macutelit 0]

Talk to her, I think that is the best thing to do.

[Tito Jorge 0]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

I wont go into any detail ...

I'll just say that what you describe about your wedding night and about your sex life in general ... are the exact opposite of my personal experience ...

Your problems DONT have anything to do with culture ... they are specific to your wife ...

Good luck ...

-- George

[Wyld Blu 35]

Op,

I don't mean to sound insensitive here. But from my own perspective, if my spouse. from another country, was not interested in any sexuality with me outside of "doing the act", I would suspect that he came here with an ulterior motive. I am not saying this is true for your wife, but it would raise a red flag for me. I would wonder if my SO was here just for his green card, thus not really interested in a "real" marriage with me,

-Blu-(JMO)

[T_and_A 3]

Tito Jorge... hehehehe...

Seriously, to OP maybe it has deeper reason that you may have to find out (perhaps traumatic experience?) by talking it out with her or whatever good means... I'm sure there's good reason behind it.

maybe, you can try to make love at day time so you dont have to turn the lights off.. don't take me wrong... just a thought.

I agree, it's not a cultural thing... can be personal for your wife.

[bhajishah 4]

They wouldn let her have a few days off for her marriage celebration and even a mini honey moon. Or did she choose to work??

Working in healthcare the phillipino wives and mexican wives etc were very modest always covering up. even when being checked out by female health provder

i wouldn know in a marriage relationship. some things you do with wife and some things you do with ####### eh??

[Wyld Blu 35]

i wouldn know in a marriage relationship. some things you do with wife and some things you do with ####### eh??

Sorry, what does that even mean?

-Blu-(#######)

[rheanick 42]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

My first opinion:

I would suggest that you discuss with her regarding your concerns and get also her perception of sex between husband and wife. Ask about her past. Anything wrong there?

My second opinion:

The woman does not love the man enough to do it willingly. This is harsh. Woman in general (unless a prostitute) would do sex or make love to show there love to a man.

[DEDixon 39]

Hopefully you didn't know this before you got married, because if you did and it bothers you now... hmmmm. Of course, it isn't normal, even shyness doesn't explain being this secluded.

[alienlovechild 75]

I think you should have talked about this thing before you got married or on your dating period so that it would lessen the surprises and disappointments. The best thing you can do for now is to talk to her about it; know her perception about making love, the reason why she's not comfortable of doing it and her preferences of doing it. You need to be kind and understanding when you'll talk to her and not to judge her right away. It's hard to make assumptions of what is really the reason behind of that problem. That would be very unfair to her part.

I know personally of some couples who are of the same cultures/race and loved each other but could not have sex after years of living together. Their wives have anxieties every time they have sex. They had to consult therapists/professionals to manage that problem. So if ever your wife has the same problem you might as well be doing the same process to resolve that issue.

[liraC 2]

no its not a cultural thing, my wife and i have no problem being seen or being naked together be it in the shower,as we sleep or when making love. its natural for a husband and a wife to be naked in front of each other and no feel shy or indifferent being seen that way.also touching each other should be natural and each be allowed to feel, kiss or touch everywhere and any where on each others body is natural and part of being married.. no matter if either one has a birth defect or feels bad about thier body it should not matter, by being married it means you accept the others body for what is is and how it looks, you married each other for whatrs inside thier heart not on how there body looks wether in be in the bed making love or in public shopping.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Why does everyone insist is not a culture thing....

Is she was brought up in a Muslim or Jewish orthodox or many others to mention....that is exactly how female act.

Before you trough out the culture towel out the window, i suggest that you may want learn a little more about her family and her up bringing...especially if she comes from a remote area.

Wishing the best...and both of you give yourself time to adjust...

[Richard90027 1]

i wouldn know in a marriage relationship. some things you do with wife and some things you do with ####### eh??

What a Fruit Cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[venus644 0]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

Where did you meet your fiancee? Some women from provinces or small town are conservative type. Knowing teacher in rural areas , they are very conservative. They are timid and shy it is not easy for them to be naked , especially when it is their first time to explore sex in bed. She is uncomfortable... just be patience.... educate her until shyness over come.

[muñequita linda 0]

The OP should have not used this forum to air his dirty laundry. I imagine this matter to be subject for discussion with Dr. Phil or maybe even with Dr. Ruth!

Anyway, Brian, I believe your wife might not care much for you, unless some traumatic experience befell her in the past. For instance, as you have posted in a previous thread, your wife's parents died in a ferry boat accident when she was very young and this event could have given her a devastating blow in the noggin.

At any rate, you can always file for divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment and indignities that make your life intolerable.

[jamrok 0]

At any rate, you can always file for divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment and indignities that make your life intolerable. whistling.gif

You are so correct that the gentleman should not air such personal matters in public. Do you think your comment could be anymore insensitive?