straight talk about sex

[JoBri 548]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

[GuardianOne 0]

It depends on her background, etc. Some Filipinas can be shy but not all of them are. Have you talked to your wife about this? Have you asked her why she is not comfortable with you seeing her naked?

[SomedaySomehow 1]

To be honest to the OP I would say there is a far deeper issue here than it being a cultural issue.

I can't really give any advice to be honest because my only experience is with one woman from the Philippines, my fiance. I will phrase it like this, my fiance is very presentable and very mannerly in public, very lady like, but with me on a personal level she is comfortable and so am I.

But from what I have gathered and seen in the Philippines yes some of the woman tend to be shy, how they interact with their partners I do not know.

I would try to find a way to talk to her about this, you may need to be extremely cautious, because like I said before, I think there could be a much much bigger underlying issue she has that you might not be aware of.

Good luck and God Bless!

[sasha414 0]

maybe she has some physical defects on her body thats causing her to feel very insecure. i once had a friend who never allowed her husband to see her naked and it really destroyed her marriage. you might need to have a talk with her and assure her you think she is the sexiest woman in the world.

[chinese_mutt 11]

hummm... there may be deeper psychological issues here.

And No I don't think, it's a cultural thing.

I suggest you both go to a therapist, if talking between the two of you fails.

She may feel insecure about her body, or may have suffered abuse before.

Don't give up though, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[cEzYcHiC 0]

I agree that there may be a huge underlying issues about it.

It could be insecurities about her body.

It could be that she was abused before.

It could be that she is still adjusting to the marriage itself. It takes a lot of getting used to especially sleeping with your husband.

It could be partly cultural thing since there are Filipinas that are shy.

Having the lights turned out upon making love could be a preference of her's.

Try talking to her about it.

Good Luck!

[j_e_w_e_l_l_y_n 0]

Has she been sexually molested when she was younger? That's all I can think about. You should talk to your wife about the issue.

[marklovetina 52]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

[bulaklak 0]

Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

NO, you're not an idiot, INTIMATE is normal and very IMPORTANT in marriage. it is one of the thing to express your love to her and to be more close emotionally. without it you are living with your sister or relative.

[Passing.star 0]

Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

NO, you're not an idiot, INTIMATE is normal and very IMPORTANT in marriage. it is one of the thing to express your love to her and to be more close emotionally. without it you are living with your sister or relative.

Yes I agree with lotus. It's really a very serious thing and being intimate to a partner is important to a relationship especially to a husband and wife, I don't want to to be mean but if she doens' want to be touched by you unless your having sex don't you think her feelings towards you isn't that strong?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

Two possibilities:

1) She is inexperienced, and you need to be patient, or

2) She is repelled by you, and married you for a reason other than finding you sexually attractive.

Either way, I don't think either of you were ready to get married yet. Tough situation, with a lot of tough choices ahead for you. It is definitely not cultural. A third possibility exists she may have deep psychologiical issues, and needs professional help.

[Merlion@ 0]

No matter what you do is important HOW you do things, so if you were to bring up the possibility of abuse, you need to frame it/say it in a way she'll be able to take it.

I know in the Phillipines most people are Catholic and get raise very conservative. One of the things being taught..and this I know since I'm Christian myself is that you are not allowed to have sex until you get married..but even if she's married now the belief that was ingrained in her about sex whatver that belief may be perhaps is sticking with her even now after marriage. I think it's best to talk about these things outside of the bedroom and calm. Does she enjoy sex? That's another thing you need to consider when addressing the topic. Because if she isn't some communication about that is also needed.

[Merlion@ 0]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

Two possibilities:

1) She is inexperienced, and you need to be patient, or

2) She is repelled by you, and married you for a reason other than finding you sexually attractive.

Either way, I don't think either of you were ready to get married yet. Tough situation, with a lot of tough choices ahead for you. It is definitely not cultural. A third possibility exists she may have deep psychologiical issues, and needs professional help.

I think it can be cultural and just because a handful of people from the same country say it is not, may not necessarily be the case. There are cultures within cultures and since I don't know her background and experiences I cannot comment more than I already said.

[sweetpink 1]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

you're not an idiot and it's fine to ask questions like this atleast you have had outpoured your emotional baggages. You might get some harsh comments from some moron people here though. Anyways, like most of them said, your problem doesn't rooted from cultural thing instead this could be more of personal and psychological issue. Have you asked your wife yet? asking her might not be the easiest way to do either but be persistent and patient and give an assurance that no matter what you're there for her and to understand. I may not have the same problem as you do but for a couple of months of my marriage I had a hard time to be emotionally open to my hubby too and talk things over. I assumed that he could "read my mind" but I learned later on that the only time that I could be heard of is for me to communicate.

Good luck! Hope all things work well on your other end.

Edited July 26, 2009 by sweetpink

[chinese_mutt 11]

I hope this isnt too forward a subject, but frankly I dont know where else to talk about this at.

Me and my wife got married in January 2008. The day of our marriage, she was going to go "home" which was 45 minutes away, so she could teach at her school the next day. The only reason she didnt do that is because it affected me so much, on our wedding day, that I cried.

We are together now. To this day I have not seen her naked. When we make love, the lights all have to be out. She wont let me touch her sexually unless we make love, and then only on her breasts. It really affects me....... We go round and round about this.

Is it cultural? Am I an idiot to be so affected? It is affecting our relationship.

Am very serious with this topic.

Thanks

Two possibilities:

1) She is inexperienced, and you need to be patient, or

2) She is repelled by you, and married you for a reason other than finding you sexually attractive.

Either way, I don't think either of you were ready to get married yet. Tough situation, with a lot of tough choices ahead for you. It is definitely not cultural. A third possibility exists she may have deep psychologiical issues, and needs professional help.

I think it can be cultural and just because a handful of people from the same country say it is not, may not necessarily be the case. There are cultures within cultures and since I don't know her background and experiences I cannot comment more than I already said.

Uh, have you been to the Philippines lately? Didn't you know that the latest study even shows that Filipinas are gettig younger and younger when they start having sex? Haven't you seen any Filipino movies lately? There was like a sexplosion here dating a couple of years (or a decade) ago. Just because you don't want to believe it does not mean it is not true. Just because Filipinos are still not open to talking about their active sexual life does not mean they are not doing it. I mean no offense, but you need only to walk all over Manila to know that sex is happening with all them 'short-term motel rooms' being rented out and all the sex toys being sold in the streets. I seriously doubt that the rest of the Philippines hasn't caught with the sexual liberation movement yet.

And no, Filipinos are not repressed sexually nor have they ever been. I'm not saying that Filipinos are promiscuous or sex addicts, but they're not so innocent or repressed anymore when it comes to sex either.

Just my opinion and I don't mean to be argumentative. You are entitled to your opinions too, of course.